"ARTIE DELIVERS A PIZZA TO THE GUPTYS"

After all the weirdos Artie had to deal with that evening, he was finally glad to get to deliver a pizza to the house of some good, wholesome people who were definitely not possessed by aliens or anything else paranormal: the Guptys. Pizza was not their usual fare, but even health-food fanatics indulge themselves occasionally.

Artie rang the doorbell, only to be greeted by a non-Gupty, a teenage girl Tiffany Blum-Deckler. Tiffany was amazingly dull-witted, probably due to aliens having sampled her brain tissue one time too often.

"Yes?" said Tiffany amazingly slowly.

"I have the pizza you ordered," said Artie.

"Oh," said Tiffany. "Um, come in."

Tiffany led Artie into the living room, where the Gupty children Tad and Tricia were fiddling with a remote control.

"Um, kids, uh, where did your parents put the money for the pizza?" asked Tiffany, struggling to assemble the sentence correctly.

"It's on the kitchen table," replied Tricia.

"Oh, yeah," said Tiffany. After a moment she added, "Uh, where's the kitchen?"

"That way," replied Tad, pointing her in the right direction.

"Thanks," said Tiffany, wandering off to find the money.

Artie put the pizza box down on the coffee table and just stood there for a few moments before speaking. "What are two doing?" he asked.

"Just trying to break through parental controls so we can watch our favorite show," replied Tricia.

"I've got it!" cheered Tad. "Now we can watch _Sick, Sad World_!"

The TV went on, showing a gray alien, standing at the door to an ordinary Terran house and holding a pizza box.

"Just who is it delivering your pizza and performing other menial jobs?" said the _Sick, Sad World_ announcer. "Illegal aliens, next on _Sick, Sad World_!"

The screen now showed two silhouetted figures labled "Esmerelda" and "Anne" with captions.

"Hello", said "Esmerelda" in a monotone voice. "We've been asked by _Sick, Sad World_ to tell you about one of the most horrifying experiences anyone has ever undergone."

"A tale that'll give you the heebeejeebees," added "Anne" dramatically.

"One night, not so long ago, we ordered a pizza," continued "Esmerelda". "It was brought to us by this geeky-looking guy. At first he seemed human enough--"

"Or at least as human as anyone in Lawndale appears," interrupted "Anne".

"--but then he started talking to us," continuted "Esmerelda". "He started rattling off these ridiculous conspiracy theories."

"And we thought he was an idiot," commented "Anne".

"Before long, we started feeling sleepy," said "Esmerelda". "And then it hit me: he was hypnotizing us, and we all know that there is only one sort of creature that can hypnotize someone by the power of the voice alone. In short, our pizza delivery boy was a space alien."

The screen then showed a drawing that looked exactly like Artie.

"Yes, this is the space alien that attacked Esmerelda and Anne--" began the announcer, and Artie was not allowed to listen to the end of the sentence.

"Let's get him!" yelled Tricia.

"No one's going to try to suck out _our_ brains!" screamed Tad.

Before Artie could protest, the children seized the nearest sofa cushions and beat him with them mercilessly.

Frightened for his life, Artie rushed out of the house. Obviously this neighborhood, once a bastion of decency, had come under the influence of _the enemy_. Lawndale was coming quickly under alien control. He hoped he would be able to somehow avert this disastrous fate before he was forced to move to a truly horrible place, such as Highland.