Cheeseless Surprise

 

By

wyvern337

 

Artie kept looking around apprehensively as he walked up to the door of the house.  He couldn’t be too careful, what with those aliens around.  They were always showing up where and when he least expected it, always…taking him places and…doing things to him…  He rang the doorbell and quickly took a step back from the door.  No, you couldn’t be too careful…

 

The door to the house was answered by a teenage girl in a miniskirt and midriff-baring top, her brown hair worn in a pair of braided pigtails and a vaguely nervous look on her face.

 

Pizza!” called Artie by way of greetings.  The girl flinched at the volume and enthusiasm with which he said it.  “Are you…” Artie looked at the card in his hand.  “Stacy Rowe?”

 

Uhm, yes,” the girl agreed, a little skittishly.  “I’d ordered a low-fat cheeseless deluxe?”

 

“Right here, and with eight minutes to spare!” said Artie.  “I would’ve gotten here a few minutes sooner except for those darn aliens!”

 

Stacy’s already large eyes grew huge.  Aliens?” she squeaked.

 

Artie cast a furtive glance back over his shoulder.  “Yeah, they’re everywhere these days! They keep kidnapping me, and – and experimenting on me! They almost got me again on my way over here!”

 

Stacy gasped and put her hands to her mouth.  Experimenting on you? What do you mean?” she asked in a frightened voice.

 

“Well, there’s the probe, of course,” began Artie.

 

Stacy’s reply to this was a squeak.

 

“But that’s not unusual, they do that to everybody they catch,” he continued.

 

Stacy began gasping, started to hyperventilate.  Artie, seeming not to notice, began warming to his subject.

 

“The worst, though, is when they take your skin,” he continued.

 

“Your…skin?!” echoed Stacy, looking as if she weren’t sure whether to faint or be sick.

“Yeah,” replied Artie.  “They take your real skin, and replace it with a synthetic skin that shrinks around your body – especially your head – when it gets wet.”

 

“Oh God…Oh God,” said Stacy, shaking like a leaf.

 

“And then sometimes they wear your old skin themselves,” said Artie, “so they can infiltrate and move among humans undetected.”

 

“Wearing human skins to pass as human?” said Stacy, in a suddenly – eerily, in light of her reactions up to this point – calm voice.

 

“Yup,” said Artie, apparently so into his narrative that the change didn’t even register.

 

“You mean something like this?” asked Stacy.  She suddenly began to scratch – no, to claw at the underside of her chin with her fingernails.  In a moment the skin beneath her jaw line had torn loose and begun to peel away.  She pulled out and up at it, the skin peeling back…revealing the scaly green skin beneath…

 

Nghyaa-a-aa!” cried Artie, dropping the pizza box on the front porch in front of Stacy. Woowoowoowoowoo!” he added as he fled headlong back down the walkway in front of the Rowe house and into the darkness, towards the dubious safety of his delivery vehicle.

 

When the figure in the doorway managed to stop laughing long enough to do anything else, it bent down and picked up the pizza box, then backed into the house and closed the door.  Stacy, pinky-beige human “skin” dangling loosely around her jaw and chin, the green reptilian skin showing through from underneath, kept alternating between getting a grip on herself and fits of incapacitatingly intense giggles.  She eventually managed to set the pizza box on the kitchen table and retreat to her room, where she sat down in front of her makeup mirror.

 

“Oh Artie, you’re so naïve!” she said to her reflection.  She then went about the business of methodically removing the latex prosthetics from the lower half of her face.  She’d picked up the hobby about six months ago, first drawn to it by the skills she’d learned with more conventional cosmetics in the Fashion Club.  Of course, she hadn’t told any of her friends about her new interest…Sandi would ridicule it, which as someone just starting out Stacy figured she didn’t need.  Tiffany wouldn’t understand…did Tiffany understand anything anymore, Stacy wondered to herself.  What’d happened to Tiffany since sophomore year, anyway? And Quinn…well…as fond as Stacy had always been of the Fashion Club’s Vice-President, she’d finally had to admit to herself that, well, Quinn just never was going to be the friend Stacy had wanted and hoped for earlier-on.

 

So, after this new…hobby…had recommended itself to her, she’d ended up perusing specialty publications and websites, ordering supplies with her babysitting money, and spending long solitary hours practicing in front of her makeup mirror in her room.  Tonight had been the first real test of how her skills were progressing, and she’d been impressed with the results, to say the least.  Of course, the town paranoiac had been almost too easy a target…Stacy realized with a pang of guilt that he’d fled gibbering into the night before she’d had a chance to pay him.  Oh well, she thought, she’d just have to drop the money by the Pizza King tomorrow and hope there’d been no harm done.  Given the reaction she’d been able to elicit tonight, though, maybe that dream she’d recently begun nurturing of a career in film make-up special effects wasn’t so crazy after all…

 

 

La-la-LA-la-la

 

 

Disclaimers:  Daria and all ancillary characters are the property of MTV/Viacom; I just borrow them occasionally, for strictly non-profit purposes.