VICTORY LANE
A Fan Fiction
by
Brother Grimace
(NOTE: This fanfic was written for CINCGREEN’S ‘Fanfic Throwdown’,
which asked for a differing take on the events of the ‘Daria’ episode
‘Esteemsters’.)
Push one step further. Do it again. If you can take
those two steps, you can take a third. Feed the dragon and eat the
pain. Today, the only person you're running against is yourself. Forget
Coach Morris - it's just another win for her.
You're doing this for you.
Her slender form casting a sharply defined shadow against rain-starved
shoots of grass as the fiery noon sun glowered torment down on her and
the other runners, Jane Lane ran through the marked paths within High
Hills Park. She wiped thin blades of her jet-black hair away from the
constant sheen of sweat on her forehead, and blinked gleaming, salty
beads from her lashes as she continued to run.
This was the Texas High School Association's final in the
fifteen-kilometer run - the toughest run in high-school track. It was
almost an honor she was allowed to run for LHS, despite the fact that
she was as talented, and as fast, as any of the other runners were.
Coach Morris wanted her to do only sprints at first - Jane's second run
in the 100-yard dash obliterated the LHS school girls' record and was
only two-tenths of a second less than the state high-school record -
and Ms. Li agreed.
You should be focused on those events that you obviously excel in, so
that you can win grand victory after victory! That way, you will
immerse yourself in the laurels of success, and bring honor, and glory,
to you, and your family, and to - LAWNDALE HIGH…
Jane, however, wasn't about to be told what to do. Not with this part
of herself.
Nobody controls this. I’ll play your game to the point that I want –
and if you don’t like it, then check this out. I’m holding up three
fingers – now before you start having fantasies, Coach, read between
the lines.
Always remember, Jane – you’re doing this for you. I run
cross-country. I run alone, because that’s how I like it.
Running cleared out all of the cobwebs. It was her way of feeling
alive, of knowing her place in the world. So what if everybody bitched
about you not really being a team player – that’s not why you’re here!
I’m not running relays, or doing sprints – and as long as I wear a LHS
Track uniform and win, you’ll let me do things the way I want…
Oh, sure, she could be doing something else – but what? Sitting around
on her ass watching crappy TV? Hanging out at the pizza place or out at
Cranberry Commons with the rest or the herd, chewing the cud and
checking out the guys checking you and the other girls out? Gossiping
about next-to-nothing, worthless drivel?
Fuck that noise – already tried that…
And Jane ran. The earth beneath her feet was moist,
somewhat pliant, and it gave ever so gently with each footfall; the
marker that was the three-quarters sign was just ahead. No one was
within sight of her, and as she looked about, she realized that no one
had passed her in the last fifteen minutes.
I’ve wasted so much time… so much, when I could have
been doing this…
Jane thought back, to two years ago. She was so
lost, so aimless, so nothing. She actually had made a habit of going to
Mr. O’Neill’s ‘Self-Esteem’ class, just to have something to do.
Just how lame was that – like something John Bender would do in
‘Breakfast Club’ – only thing is, at least he had the luck to hook up
with Claire and score a diamond earring! No, what’s lame is that you’re
into those lame ‘80’s movies and thinking in popspeak like Kevin Smith -
A gust of wind came up, and Jane was peppered with
pieces of grass clippings; the scent of the newly-mown grass rose
through the air, sending a warm, heady sensation through the young
woman and giving her a little more bounce in her step. I love the smell
of all of this… I love being out here…
And it was all an accident, being here right now.
Jane remembered. She was going to go to the ‘Self-Esteem’ class after
school – but she instead had to run home after lunch to remind Trent
about taking some cube steaks out of the freezer. Oh, hell – more like
running home to take something else out for supper, because he’s always
forgetting to do things… except sleep… and Monique… Well,
Alternapaloosa’s just a few weeks off – if they’re really planning on
going, then he and Jesse need to get the Tank ready to go on the road!
I’m not giving up a cent to get that fixed out in the middle of nowhere…
Trent had taken the cube steaks out, along with some
of those half-ears of frozen corn-on-the-cob (LOVE ‘EM!) and some of
Mom’s ‘Golden Mushroom and Hot Pepper Gravy’. Mom. Love you to death,
but despite everything that all of the people think, you’re a total
carnivore!
Problem was, Trent had forgotten to close the door to the freezer…
It took her a couple of hours to get up all of the water from the
melted ice (Defrost… must remember to defrost the refrigerator…), clean
up the kitchen and throw away all of the ruined food. It took her
almost as long to calm herself down enough NOT to go trash all of her
brother's guitars except for one - which she'd save for when he came
home… By the time Trent and the three Tone-Deaf Mice puddled into the
kitchen, courtesy of an unexpected thunderstorm, the clock read
two-forty, Jane’s disappearance had been noticed – and Coach Morris was
on the warpath.
It was Evan Butler that had saved her butt that day. Jane wasn’t stupid
– he’d had eyes for her for a while. But, as Coach Morris and Ms. Li
stood and talked off to one side of the gym, looking like hawks for her
appearance, Evan had snagged her arm as she headed towards her doom and
stopped her.
“Morris and Li are on the warpath,” he said, pulling her towards the
door that lead to the football field. “Come on – I’ve got an idea to
save your ass!”
Jane followed, more out of curiosity than worry, and watched as Evan
stripped down to his track uniform as they stepped out upon the track.
“What – I’m joining the track team?” she exclaimed, almost laughing in
the boy’s face. “No…”
“You just have to look like you’re racing against me,” Evan said,
smiling at her. “We’ll run a few laps, and then we’ll say that you’re
thinking about going out for the team. Oh – and that you’re sorry about
being gone for so long, and it’ll never happen again.”
Jane smirked at him. “A knight in Air Jordans, coming to my rescue” she
laughed. “And what do you get out of this?”
Evan smiled at her. “To see you running up close,” he admitted, and
Jane smiled as more than a little ring of truth came through in the
boy's voice. “You’re fast. I’ve seen you out jogging before… you know
that you’re easily as fast as most of the people on the team, don’t
you?”
“Including you?”
“You can wake up now,” he smiled. “That’s some dream you’re having, if
you think that you can beat me.”
“I’m standing here, talking to you and about to run you into the dirt,”
Jane replied, smiling back as she took off her jacket to reveal her LHS
t-shirt – the one she always wore when she ran. “I’d say that this is
your dream, Sorry about how it turns out.”
“Make it dangerous, then,” the boy said. “I win – we’re going out this
weekend, and you pay.”
“And if I win?”
“Then I pay – and I promise not to mumble when you smirk about beating
me.”
Evan kept his promise about not mumbling.
Shame we couldn't still be together, Jane thought, passing through a
thickening grove of trees that gave her some momentary relief from the
sun. Nobody tells me how to run…
It had started simply enough - Evan was sweet, and he was great at
making out, and he was really focused on being a great athlete… well,
on being a great member of the track team. That was where the problem
began.
Not that Jane didn't want to be a part of something, but Evan acted
like being on 'LHS Track' was like being part of an elite clique or
team, like the Green Berets, or 'Mission Omega Matrix'… THAT was a
little secret that she definitely didn't share with any one, especially
Evan - that she was a hardcore fan of the Disney show 'The Famous Jett
Jackson'. She'd watched since the show began, and she'd seen 'Jett
Jackson - The Movie' at least thirty-five times already…
It led to a secret that she REALLY kept to herself - that she wanted to
become a Special Agent with the FBI. She wanted to do something with
her life, and granted, she wasn't the biggest brain on the block - but
she cared about other people, and she had heart, and she was in
excellent shape. Maybe, she thought every now and then, as she looked
at herself in the mirror, if I study a bit more often, and a bit
harder… and if my boobs were just a little bigger. Not knee-knockers…
just a little more upstairs, so that my shirts didn't lay so flat…
Evan, though, was 'All Track Team, all the time'. Everything had to
revolve around the others and Coach Morris. Study Hall was with the
team, although some of the other athletes - that bone-headed
quarterback, Kevin Thomphson, and some of the other pigskin freaks -
were in the special session, too. Nights out at the Multimovieplex were
team events, and 'Pizza King' visits were Track Team Events. Parties
were All Track Team (although cute cheerleaders and the occasional
football player were allowed). Picnics, lunchtime, get-togethers at
this house or that - the 'Track Toads' stuck together.
Of course, everyone understood when the two of them wanted to go off by
themselves to have 'some time alone'. Nothing major happened - Jane
knew that she wasn't ready for THAT - and besides, what would they talk
about afterwards?
And that was the major problem with Evan. Besides track - what else was
there about him? Evan literally lived to run. His life, his days and
nights, everything about him - it was all about the need for speed. His
parents had him in running shoes before he was two years old, and he
really was the best runner on the team. (Well, he was faster than Jane
- but she had the stamina for long-distance, while he was a sprinter,
through and through.)
He was going to try out for the National Track and Field Championships
next year, and that would have been the end of them, anyway.
He took it better than either of them had expected.
They sat out by the abandoned quarry, and talked, and decided that they
could still be friends.
You're still a great girl, and a teammate - and
besides, I can still outrun you!
Only at less than four hundred yards, toad boy.
An explosion of cheers greeted Jane as she rounded a
corner and headed down a marked-off street where the three-quarters
mark was; she glanced over to see a small crowd of Lawndale High
students, with the LHS Cheerleading squad out in front. The eight
girls, led by Brittany Taylor, waved their pom-poms as they broke into
a cheer:
One, three, seven, nine
Be first across the finish line!
Two, four, six, eight
When it comes to running, you're really great!
GoooooOOOO, JANE!
Oh, well, their hearts are in the right place. Well,
maybe not Brittany's. What could she see in that idiot Kevin… oh, well.
She's still a nice girl.
The high from the cheering students began to wear
down, and Jane could feel a touch of strain in her legs. This is where
we get down to what you're made of, she told herself. This is when you
think about why you do it -
And then she saw her.
She had seen Daria Morgendorffer on-and-off over the
past two years, but they weren't friends by any account. They really
never spoke - well, Daria never really spoke to anybody. She walked
around by herself, a put-upon look on her face, and yet, more than a
few people were afraid of her. How could they not? She had that 'you
know, Harris and Klebold had a point…' attitude about her, especially
in her writing.
Jodie Landon once commented on Daria, at a party
over at Brittany's house. She said that she was really smart, but a bit
of a cynic… 'Cynic' being code for 'I'm slightly above it all.' That
was the worst Jane had ever heard Jodie speak of someone.
Jane actually remembered the day that she had first
seen Daria. How could she not? That day was so important to her… it was
the day she had to leave early - the day she met Evan. She -Jane - was
in Mr. DeMartino's class when he asked a question about 'Manifest
Destiny'. He tried to pick on Daria - she was the new kid in school -
and she had smoked him with a smart, and sarcastic, answer that had
caught Jane's attention. She might have spoken to her after class, but
she had to head home, for the cube steaks…
And she had gotten involved in track. She later heard that after an
assignment Daria turned in to Mr. O'Neill in his 'Self-Esteem' class,
Ms. Li had called her parents to talk about 'in the aftermath of the
Columbine incident, the possible mental irregularities and self-esteem
issues that your daughter seems to be having may signal future troubles
for which you may be liable, should they occur…'
Shame I stopped going. I could have helped her get
out of that stupid class for good.
Daria disappeared the next day, and was gone for the
rest of the semester. Everybody was curious - but anybody who asked
Quinn Morgendorffer, her younger sister, received a blistering earful
and NO information at all. It later came out that Daria had been sent
to a 'private care facility' known as Hansen Island. Sandi Griffin, the
perpetually jealous and mean-spirited President of the Fashion Club,
had been over at Quinn's house and listened in on Quinn's mother as she
took a call from one of the resident psycho-analysts… she had wanted to
embarrass Quinn, who she had a unnatural jealousy of.
There was justice in the world, though. The Fashion
Club had banded together and ousted Sandi, and Ms. Li suspended her for
two weeks - for 'flagrant and malicious dissemination of restricted
information which could tarnish the honor, and the glory, of 'LAWN-DALE
HIGH.' Quinn's mother, who was a big-shot lawyer, took the Griffins to
court (for what, who knew?) and broke the family's financial back in
the settlement. The Griffins now lived somewhere in Florida, Jane once
overheard, and Sandi's life had gone into the gutter…
Daria came back to school that January. There was a
change in her, though. She seemed more school-oriented and outgoing -
at least she participated more without being prodded - but she seemed
to have a part of herself hidden away now. The sarcastic part. The part
that had caught Jane’s attention in the beginning. Daria was now one of
the masses, and did what she was supposed to without being told.
Jane had once mentioned to Jodie how Morgendorffer -
she didn't know her well enough to call her 'Daria' - seemed to be
slightly different, ever since she came back to school. "Oh, yes,"
Jodie said, and Jane was surprised at the sharp, sudden wellspring of
grief and anger that spurted outwards. "Like Malcolm McDowell, 'she was
cured, all right."
"I don't get it."
"Pray you never do," Jodie said, starting away - but
Jane grabbed her arm. "What?"
"What happened to Morgendorffer?"
"That's simple," Jodie said, pulling away. "They
fixed her. Don't you know?"
"Know what…?"
"Four words," Jodie said, and Jane felt a chill as,
at that moment, she saw Daria walking down the hall, allowing Jamie
White to carry her books and laughing as Tori Jericho told her a joke.
"Daria loved Big Brother."
Jane looked up the reference.
She had trouble sleeping that night.
And she ran.
Jane watched as Daria, decked out in a fashionable outfit - matching
denim skirt and vest, burnt-orange top, Birkenstock sandals, lots of
ringlet jewelry and stylish prescription sunglasses - cheered and waved
a little Lawndale Lions flag…
She looked into the face of the petite girl, looked closely…
Daria continued to wave the little flag, but her voice suddenly cut
out, and she looked into the eyes of the girl who was now only feet
away from her…
Jane watched the expression on the girl's face change. It fluttered,
her expression: from greeting and admiration, to confusion, to
something else…
Daria saw the girl looking at her - really looking at her! - and she
saw the question that her eyes held and spoke with a tone as loud and
clear as actual speech:
What's wrong with you?
Jane saw through the glamour that Daria wore to hide herself; she saw
behind the glasses, to the girl, to the crouching, hiding person
within:
I can't come out. I can't ever come out…
Daria was only inches away from Jane as she passed the crowd of
students, so close that if she had dared, she could have reached out
and touched her:
Come out of there. Come out of the crowd - you should stand on your
own! You can stand alone…
Jane was in that single, pure moment of clarity and
comprehension with the girl named Daria Morgendorffer, alone, and
reaching out.
I'm not like you.
Daria saw Jane look into her soul.
I don't want you to be like me. I want you to be like you.
Jane passed directly in front of Daria.
I don't know that person anymore.
And Jane ran.
She passed the crowd of cheering students, and as
she continued down the street, empty but for onlookers, she knew.
This is when you think about why you do it.
Jane ran for Daria.
She ran because of her. She ran because this was what she wanted… to be
free. She wanted to be loved, and admired, and held up for praise - and
yet, even if no one did, she would do it for herself. Jane was living
the life she would never know.
As Jane kept moving down the asphalt, step over step, she felt the
pressure of the tiny brunette's chains fly free from her spirit. They
got you, but they'll never get me, Jane thought, and her footsteps
became lighter and easier with each step…
This is what I want. If it helps them - so be it, if it doesn't - I
don't care. I'm in this for me. And now, for you.
And it's not about winning, either. It's about doing. It's about that
next step… and the next… and being brave enough to take the next after
that… and taking the next one after that because there's someone else
out there who can't. Maybe once, but not anymore.
It's not about getting there; it's about going there. I'm not worried
about that flimsy piece of ribbon that they've got tied across the
track a couple of miles away. What matters is the next step. And the
next. And the next… and how I take it.
They don't understand, most of them. Daria does, though. I saw it in
her eyes.
As long as I run - the victory is already mine.
THE END
12 June, 2001