Anything
A Piece Of Daria Fan Fiction By
Brandon
League
(Brnleague@aol.com)
Legalese-Daria and her pals are
owned by MTV/Viacom and NOT me. There, you happy?
Summary-A sinister
stranger appears one morning and takes a mysterious interest in Tiffany
Blum-Deckler, who is struggling with personal demons. What is his interest in
her, and is the "Sinister Stranger" REALLY that sinister?
(Opening Credits)
(Ends On The Usual Daria Logo, With "Anything" In Black
Letters)
Scene One
(Background music-"Love Denied" by
Biohazard)
(Early morning. We are in a typical teenaged girl's bedroom.
You know, makeup mirror, stuffed animals, packed closet, you know the whole nine
yards. We focus on a bed, lavishly decorated, and it's obvious from first glance
that it contains a sleeping figure. It's an eerily peaceful and typical scene.
Then the peace is shattered....)
Man's Voice (V-O)-Goddammit, Tiffany!
How many times do I have to tell you! When you borrow my car, you give the keys
BACK to me! I'm late for work!
(At this, the previously hidden figure
stirs and sits straight up in bed, throwing off the covers. It's revealed to be
none other than Tiffany Blum-Deckler, Coordinating Officer Extraordinaire for
the Lawndale High School Fashion Club. She's wearing an ancient "Ms. Pac Man"
tee shirt and a pair of faded denim shorts. Her eyes look
wild.)
Tiffany-Oh shit! (Spots the keys on her dresser) He's going to
kill me!
(The door opens suddenly and a man in his early forties enters.
He has piercing blue eyes and dirty blonde hair, which is starting to show hints
of gray. He's dressed for work in a gray suit and a red pinstriped tie...and he
looks pissed. He's Calvin Blum-Deckler, Tiffany's father.)
Calvin
(irritated)-Where are they, Tiffany?
Tiffany-On the dresser,
Daddy.
(Calvin takes his keys and pockets them)
Calvin-Why can't
you remember a simple thing like returning something when you borrow it? You're
useless like your mother! Tell me why!
(He crosses the room and starts to
shake Tiffany)
Calvin (still shaking her)-Answer me!
Tiffany
(panicked)-Daddy, I'm sorry! I had to pick Stacy up at Quinn's house
yesterday.
Calvin-That's another thing! You spend too much time with
those girls! You aren't stupid! Yet since you and that damned Sandi Griffin
started that little club, or whatever, you bring home D's. D's! I work too
goddamn hard, kissing a bunch of corporate ass day after day, to watch you waste
the good money I spend to send you TO school! You are an
embarrassment!
Tiffany (weakly)-Daddy, Sandi's my friend. I try, but
school's hard-
(Calvin slaps her)
Calvin (sneers)-You're right.
You TRY. You TRY to spend all my money. You TRY to send me to an early grave.
You TRY my patience. You TRY to (Mocking) make sure your skirt matches your
shoes. You-
Woman's Voice (V-O)-Cal! You're going to be late! You have
that 8 a.m. meeting with 'Jake Morgendorffer Consulting'
remember?
(Calvin gets off the edge of his daughter's bed. Before he
leaves, he turns and points a finger at her.)
Calvin-Now you get ready
for school young lady! And you remember what we talked about. Try harder! You
are not stupid and your mother and I are not going to tolerate more
D's!
(He stalks out leaving Tiffany alone. She sighs and gingerly touches
her face where her father slapped her.)
Tiffany (verge of tears)-I do
try, daddy. I do. It's just that school's so hard and I'm no good in math,
and....
(She breaks down in tears)
Woman's Voice (V-O)-Tiffany?
Are you OK, sweetie?
(Tiffany looks up through her tear stained eyes to
see her mother, Diana Blum-Deckler approaching. She is a striking, exotic
Chinese woman in her late thirties. The resemblance between Tiffany and her
mother is mind-boggling. It's obvious where Tiffany gets her good
looks.)
Tiffany (false cheeriness)-I'm fine Mom!
Diana (knowing
better)-You argued with your father again, didn't you?
Tiffany
(sighs)-Dad was mad at me because I forgot to give back his car keys. Then he
started in on me about my friends and my grades...and he hit me,
Mom!
Diana (pulling her daughter close)-Oh baby, you know how stressed
your father is. He works hard because he loves us, and it hurts and annoys him
to see us not taking full advantage of everything he's given us. He loves you
and wants what's best for you, Tiffany. (Kisses her forehead) He would never do
anything to really hurt you, you know. Now get ready for school, I'll drive
you.
Tiffany-Thanks, Mom, but I'll walk. Sandi, Quinn and Stacy will be
here any minute.
Diana-OK, sweetie. Have a nice day at
school.
(She hugs Tiffany and leaves.)
(Silently, Tiffany gets up,
crosses to her closet, steps inside and gets dressed in her usual attire of a
baby blue dress and white shoes. She then enters the bathroom and looks at the
mirror, wincing at the purplish bruise already beginning to
appear.)
Tiffany-I should have known Mom would defend him. She always
does. (Imitating Diana) Oh baby, your father's stressed. He works hard to give
us everything, so what if he smacks you? We have to put up with it because I
SURE as hell can't do anything to support us.
(She starts to apply her
makeup)
Tiffany-Good old concealer, perfect to cover a nasty bruise.
(Beat) I should know.
(Tiffany finishes her morning ritual of getting
ready and glances at her "Felix The Cat" clock hanging on her
wall.)
Tiffany-Hmm...7:2O. It'll be another fifteen minutes before the
Fashion Club gets here to pick me up. Just enough time for my medicine. (She
smiles) My medicine will make everything fine.
(Tiffany walks back across
her room, shutting and locking her bedroom door. She pulls a key out of her
purse and opens her closet door, kneeling before a small black lockbox sitting
on the floor. She unlocks it and regards the contents. Eighty-two dollars in
cash, a full box of condoms, and....)
Tiffany-Ah yeah, here you are,
little cutie.
(She pulls out a dimebag and a gold pack of
papers.)
Tiffany (smiling happily)-All aboard the midnight train to
Shangri-La.
(Commercial Break, Calvin slaps Tiffany in black and
white.)
Scene Two
(Background Music-Invisible Wounds (Dark Bodies) by
Fear Factory)
(The sidewalk in front of the Blum-Deckler house. We see
Sandi Griffin, Quinn Morgendorffer and Stacy Rowe, also known as 'The Fashion
Club' approaching the house, happily chattering away.)
Sandi-Come ON,
Stacy, surely you can't expect us to BELIEVE that you saw a picture of Kate Moss
wearing a (shudders) a...purple turtleneck.
Sandi &
Quinn-Ewwwww....
Stacy-I SWEAR you guys! It was on her official website.
I was online last night finishing my paper for Mr. DeMartino, and I took a break
and went to her site. I don't know what on Earth possessed her, but there it
was. Maybe she's rebelling against something.
Sandi-So Stacy, you were,
like ON a computer? What are you saying? That you want to join the COMPUTER club
instead of being in the Fashion Club? Gee Stacy, are you like turning into a
geek all at once?
Stacy-Eep! (She begins to hyperventilate) Sandi, I um,
no, I mean...
Quinn (To the rescue)-Oh, Sandi, Stacy was only ON a
computer because it's easier to type a paper than it is to actually sit and
write it. Besides, if we all do well on that paper, it'll show how smart the
Fashion Club really is. If we look good to the teachers, maybe we can get Li to
increase our funding.
Sandi-Hmmmm...You know, Quinn, that's really NOT
such a bad idea. If we had more money, we could finally get those poster-sized
prints made up of the Fashion Club and hang them in the dressing rooms at
Cashman's.
Stacy (awed)-The ones that say "Best
Customers?"
Sandi-The same.
Quinn (faux adoration)-Oh Sandi,
you're SO smart.
(They reach the door and Quinn knocks. Diana
Blum-Deckler answers the door.)
Diana-Oh hello, girls. Tiffany's running
a little late this morning, she'll be down in a second. (Up the stairs) TIFFANY!
SANDI, QUINN AND STACY ARE HERE. COME ON!
(Almost immediately Tiffany
comes bounding down the stairs with purse and bookbag. She's quite obviously
high, to anyone who knows the visible symptoms. However, Diana, Quinn, Sandi and
Stacy are oblivious, Tiffany is ALWAYS like this. Her usual slow-drawl speech
pattern, which was not present earlier, now surfaces, and you know
why.)
Tiffany-Byeee, Mom.
Diana-Bye, sweetie. (Hugs her
daughter)
(The Fashion Club exits the house and the door closes behind
them.)
Tiffany-Soooo, what's uppp?
Quinn (nervously changing the
subject)-Oh, nothing much, just idle
chitchat.
Tiffany-Ohhhh.
Stacy-Oh Tiffany, now that you're here, I
can get your opinion. What do you think of my new sandals? I got them yesterday
at Cashman's for 3O percent off.
(Despite the fact that she's stoned to
Hell and Back, Tiffany still maintains her flair for shoes and
accessories.)
Tiffany-Ohhh Stacyyy, they're cuuute. Red is sooo your
colorrr.
Sandi-I must agree with you, Tiffany. You chose your shoes
wisely, Stacy.
Quinn-Yeah, Stacy, I want a pair like those. Do you
remember if they had them in blue?
Stacy-I think so.
(Deeply
engrossed in their conversation, neither Sandi, Quinn nor Stacy notices the
figure standing about 5O feet back from the sidewalk. Tiffany, however does, and
stops short. He's dressed all in black, with a trimmed black goatee. He smiles
and winks at Tiffany, then puts one finger up to his lips in a shushing motion
and continues to smile warmly at her. Tiffany stands transfixed. There's
something haunting and darkly hypnotic about the figure, yet
familiar.)
Quinn (V-O)-Tiffany?
(Tiffany stands
spellbound)
Quinn (V-O)-Tiffany?
(Quinn walks over and puts her
hand on Tiffany's arm. She jumps.)
Tiffany (annoyed)-Whattt,
Quinnn?
Quinn-Are you coming?
Tiffany-Yeahhh, of course. I was
just looooking at...
(She indicates toward the clearing where the darkly
attired man was standing, but he's disappeared. No one's
there.)
Quinn-Looking at what, Tiff?
Tiffany
(shocked)-Ummmm...nothing, I guess. That tree is kind of pretty, I
guess...
(Tiffany rejoins the others.)
(As soon as the Fashion
Club is over the hill, the figure reappears. A sinister grin on his face, he
chuckles softly.)
Sinister Figure-Soon, sweet Tiffany, soon you will be
mine.
(Commercial Break, Tiffany running down the stairs in black and
white.)
Scene Three
(Background Music-"Dream Of Mirrors" by Iron
Maiden)
(Lawndale High School, that bastion of higher learning. It has
been a long day for Tiffany Blum-Deckler. She was chided for daydreaming by Mr.
O'Neill, Mrs. Bennett, and Ms. Barch, and she still has this class to get
through. American History with...yep...Anthony DeMartino.)
DeMartino-Now
CLASS, if you can WAKE up long enough to REMEMBER, yesterday we were TALKING
about the Salem WITCH trials of 1692. Now can ANYONE tell me, WHAT was the TOWN
of Salem, MASSACHUSETTS called in 1692? (He scans the room like a vulture) Mr.
White?
(Jamie looks startled)
Jamie (weakly)-Ummmm, what was Salem
called in 1692?
DeMartino-THAT was the QUESTION. Yes, Mr.
WHITE.
Jamie-Boston?
DeMartino-At LEAST you got the STATE right,
Mr. WHITE, but NO. Anyone ELSE wanna miss the QUESTION entirely?
(No
hands are raised)
DeMartino (warning)-Don't TEMPT me class. If I do NOT
get the CORRECT answer, we WILL sit here all NIGHT if
necessary.
(DeMartino scans the room again and sees Tiffany daydreaming
yet again with her head on her hand, staring off into space. DeMartino grins
wide, blood in the water.)
DeMartino-PERHAPS, you would ENLIGHTEN us with
the ANSWER to my question, Miss BLUM-Deckler?
(Tiffany looks up, trapped.
Her eyes have a definite "deer in headlights" motif going. She's not in the mood
to have DeMartino snap or go into a psychotic fit. She's
screwed.)
Tiffany-Whattt was the question, Mr.
DeMartinooo?
DeMartino (murderously calm)-Tiffany, WHAT was the town of
SALEM, Massachusetts CALLED in 1692?
Tiffany-Ummm...
(Just then
Tiffany hears a soft, pleasant voice speak up inside her
head.)
Voice-Danvers, Tiffany. Tell him it was called
Danvers.
(Tiffany looks around the room and sees that no one else heard
the voice, since nothing about the room has changed. She gasps. Meanwhile
DeMartino has walked up to her, bent over, and put both hands on her
desk.)
DeMartino-WELL? Miss Blum-DECKLER?
(Tiffany
jumps)
Tiffany-It was called Danvers.
(DeMartino opens his mouth,
obviously to start a psychotic rant at yet another wrong answer, but, then it
dawns on him that Tiffany's answer was correct. He closes his mouth and looks
flabbergasted.)
DeMartino (brightening)-That's...that's CORRECT, Miss
Blum-DECKLER! Very GOOD.
(Everyone in the room turns and looks at
Tiffany)
Tiffany-Whattt?
(Class continues normally, save for the
fact that Quinn, Stacy, and Sandi are staring at her with their mouths
open.)
Sandi-Gee, Tiffany. I guess it's official. Quinn and Stacy aren't
the ONLY brains in the Fashion Club.
Quinn (rolling her eyes)-Sandi, I
hardly think one right answer makes her a "brain."
Sandi-Well, gee,
Quinn, since you seem to know all the answers, maybe YOU should be President of
the Fashion Club?
Quinn (to herself, V-O)-You're goddamned right I should
be. (Out Loud) Oh no, Sandi, I could never replace you.
(As Quinn and
Sandi start their usual power struggle, Tiffany once again stares off into
space, daydreaming. Stacy notices Tiffany, a look of confusion mixed with
concern on her face.)
Tiffany (V-O, to herself)-Where did that answer
come from? I'm just as bad in History as I am in Math. At least DeMartino
doesn't have a hard on for confusing diagrams like Mrs. Bennett...and who was
that guy that I saw this morning? He was so dark, so mysterious, like someone
out of Vampire Hunter D. He was...
(A hand falls on her shoulder and she
jumps again)
Stacy-Tiffany, are you OK? The, um..bell rang, school's
over.
(Tiffany slowly comes back to reality. Looking around she notices
that the room is empty, except for herself, Stacy, and Mr. DeMartino who is
staring at the both of them with an evil glare.)
Tiffany-I, must have
just zoned out for a minute. I'm OK, Stacyyy.
Stacy (visibly
relieved)-Good, let's go Tiff.
(The two girls exit the room. DeMartino
watches them go, shaking his head and muttering softly.)
DeMartino-KIDS.
I need a CIGARETTE.
(Commercial Break, DeMartino leaning against
Tiffany's desk in B & W.)
Scene Four
(Background Music-"Anything"
by Danzig)
(Later that day, Tiffany's bedroom. She is sitting
cross-legged in the middle of her floor, clad only in a white tee shirt, white
panties and a pair of socks. She is absentmindedly thumbing through a Cashman's
catalog marveling as always over the wide variety of clothes contained within.
She's doing what she loves best and a smile is just starting to form at the edge
of her lips. Then the inevitable happens.)
Calvin (V-O)-TIFFANY! Where
are you?
Tiffany (mortified)-In my bedroom, Daddy!
(She leaps up
and grabs a pair of shorts out of a drawer and quickly puts them on. The idea of
her father yelling at her in her panties is not an appealing one. She then leaps
into a chair and pulls out her Geometry book, burying her face in it just as the
door opens.)
Calvin (holding up a piece of paper)-What's the meaning of
this?
Tiffany-What, Daddy?
Calvin-This letter came in the mail
today. It's from your Geometry teacher, Mrs. Bennett. She SAYS that you are not
applying yourself! That you have gotten a D+ on your past two tests! What did I
tell you this morning!
Tiffany-Daddy, I-
(Calvin slaps
her)
Calvin-Don't lie to me, young lady! I'm sick and damned tired of you
making a half-assed effort and bring home these lousy grades, when we BOTH know
you're smarter than that! (He sees the Cashman's catalog on the floor) If you
wouldn't spend all your time at Cranberry Commons or the goddamned Mall Of The
Millennium! (Takes the catalog and rips it in half) Well young lady, you don't
have to worry about that! I've been too lenient on you! But, no MORE! Until you
bring your grades up, you are GROUNDED!
(Calvin storms out. Tiffany sits
there in shock, on the verge of tears. After a moment, she gets up and goes over
to her door, shutting and locking it. She walks over to her
closet.)
Tiffany (sniffling)-I try! I do. But, Geometry is SO hard. I've
never been good at math! He doesn't understand!
(She unlocks the lockbox
and reaches inside. She's about to take a risk, she's never lit up when her
father was home before, but she is confident that her bathroom fan will do its
usual good job. Her fingers close on the plastic baggie and then, a voice speaks
from behind her!)
Voice-You don't HAVE to rely on that
Tiffany.
(Tiffany whirls, a look of pure, unadulterated fear in her eyes.
Standing there is the dark clad figure that she saw that morning...and his
voice, his voice is vaguely familiar.)
Tiffany-Who are you?
(The
figure smiles warmly at her, his bright, blue eyes blazing with
understanding.)
Figure-Does that really matter? What matters is, I'm just
here for you. I'm here to help you, Tiffany. To take away all your pain and
sorrow and give you the life you deserve. (chuckles) But since, you insist on a
name, you may call me Lou.
Tiffany-You...you helped me in History today.
I heard your voice.
Lou-You were struggling, and I didn't want to see you
be hurt. No one likes being embarrassed, so I helped you. It was my
pleasure.
(He starts to walk towards Tiffany and she starts to tremble,
her eyes darting left and right as if to judge the best escape pattern. Suddenly
he's right in front of her.)
Lou (touching her cheek)-You don't have to
be afraid of me, Tiffany. I would never hurt you. (When he takes his hand off
her cheek all signs of bruising have disappeared)
Tiffany (V-O, to
herself)-Those eyes! Oh God! I can't look at them or he'll control me
completely. They're like two crystal pools that threaten to drown
me!
(Chuckling, Lou puts two fingers under her chin and lifts her face to
face him.)
Lou-Sweet girl, I have no desire to "control" you. I only want
to give you everything your heart desires. To show you all the secrets of this
world. Introduce you to so many pleasures. I want you to have it all. (He
extends his hand to her) Take my hand, Tiffany, and I will show you a small
piece of what I can do.
(Tiffany looks at him a moment and then nods
slowly. She reaches out and takes his hand.)
Lou-Now my dear, the trip
begins.
(Commercial Break-Calvin ripping the catalog in black and
white.)
Scene Five
(Background Music-"Be All, End All" by
Anthrax)
(As soon as Tiffany takes Lou's hand they both vanish from the
room. Seconds later, they reappear in a HUGE department store. Three stories of
color and fashion with a beautiful sunroof and immense colored windows. Tiffany
is enthralled. Somehow this place looks really familiar, even though she's never
been here before. Suddenly she realizes she's still in her baggy
nightclothes.)
Tiffany-Lou? Where are we? Why did you bring me here half
dressed?
Lou (notices)-Sorry about that, Tiffany.
(Lou snaps his
fingers and suddenly Tiffany is fully dressed...in a Catholic schoolgirl's
uniform.)
Tiffany-Lou!
Lou (chuckling)-You don't like
it?
(Tiffany pouts and puts her hands on her hips. Considering what she's
wearing, it makes a nice visual.)
Lou-OK, OK, how about this?
(Lou
snaps his fingers again and Tiffany is dressed in her normal outfit, blue dress
and white shoes.)
Lou (winking)-There, you happy.
Tiffany-Now,
maybe you'll tell me where we are? This place looks really familiar, but I've
never been here.
Lou-It SHOULD look familiar, you've always wanted to
come here.
Tiffany (realizing)-Oh shiiiiiit! This is "King Cashman's!"
The largest Cashman's Department Store in the United States! But, it's...
(shocked) Lou!
Lou (innocent)-What's the matter?
Tiffany-You know
DAMN well, "what's the matter!" King Cashman's is in New York City!
Lou
(faux shocked)-It IS? Oh gee? How'd we get HERE? (winks at
Tiffany)
Tiffany (uncertain)-Lou, pray tell, how did we get to New York
City from Lawndale, Texas in three seconds?'
Lou (grinning)-Hmmm...a
little birdie?
Tiffany (barely holding back a grin)-Try again,
Lou.
Lou (serious)-Does it matter? (Puts his hands in hers) I told you
that I would give you the world, and I always keep my promises...to those I care
for. Can't you just suspend a little disbelief? Besides, what better place to
start giving you the world than here?
(Lou smiles warmly at Tiffany, his
azure eyes blazing into her soul. Tiffany blushes hard.)
Lou-Just say the
word Tiffany, and everything in this store is yours. For that matter, if you
want, you can OWN King Cashman's itself.
(Tiffany thinks a
minute)
Tiffany-I don't want to own the STORE, I still have to graduate
from high school, but I will take you up on your other offer.
Lou
(grinning ear to ear)-Then voice it and it is so.
Tiffany-I want one of
every item sold in this store!
Lou (snaps his
fingers)-Done!
Tiffany (looking around)-Nothing happened.
Lou
(chuckling)-Tiffany I can't give it all to you NOW. Would you want it to fall
out of the sky and land on you? It'll be there when you return
home.
Tiffany (coy)-You mean, IF I return home.
Lou-That's my
girl! (suddenly serious) But I do have a little something that I'd like you to
have right now. From the bottom of my heart, darling Tiffany, I give this to
you.
(Lou reaches into his pocket and brings out a black jewelry box, the
kind that you would get after making a purchase from an exclusive jewelry store.
He hands it to Tiffany and makes a grand show of kneeling before
her.)
Lou-I present one treasure...to another treasure, my darling
princess. A little something to show you how much I care for
you.
(Tiffany takes the box and opens it, revealing a golden necklace
with a lavish, diamond-encrusted, five-pointed star.)
Tiffany (gushes)-Oh
Lou, it's so pretty.
Lou-If I may?
(Lou takes the necklace from
its box and walks around behind Tiffany, slowly putting the necklace around her
neck. As he does so, he leans close to Tiffany's ear and begins to whisper to
her.)
Lou (whisper)-It's nothing but a cheap bauble compared to you,
Tiffany Blum-Deckler. I have looked for you for a really long time and I swear,
by the Fates, you will never suffer again. You will NEVER struggle in school
again, you will never be looked down upon again, and your father will NEVER lay
his hands on you again. It has already been taken care of.
Tiffany
(whirling)-Taken care of! Lou, what did you do to my Father?
Lou
(soothing)-Don't worry, my darling, just a little mild hypnotic suggestion. He
will NEVER again be tempted to slap you, no matter how mad he gets. You'll never
have to conceal bruises again or cry yourself to sleep at night. (kisses her
hand) Now come my dear, let's go somewhere a little less crowded, there's
something you need to see.
Tiffany-O.k..
(Tiffany takes Lou's hand
again and they vanish from sight.)
(Commercial Break-Lou whispering in
Tiffany's ear in B/W)
Scene Six
(Background Music-"Demon Speeding" by
Rob Zombie)
(Lou and Tiffany reappear in another typical girl's bedroom.
Posters, stuffed Animals, makeup Table, the works. It takes Tiffany a second to
realize where they are, but then she gasps.)
Tiffany (shocked)-Lou! What
are we doing in Sandi's bedroom?
Lou-We're here because you need to see
something. Something that will explain a great deal about your friend Sandi
Griffin.
Sandi (V-O)-Ok, Daddy! I'll come down and eat something later!
I'm uh, doing my English homework.
(Sandi enters the room. Tiffany
panics.)
Tiffany-Um, hey Sandi. I was just in the neighborhood, and
um...
Lou-Don't worry, Tiffany, she can't see or hear us.
(Sandi
locks her door and crosses to her bed. She gets down on one knee and reaches
under the bed, searching for something. She pulls out a small picture frame from
under the bed, stands up and lies down on the bed. She strokes the unseen
picture gently with one finger and then kisses it. She looks really
sad.)
Sandi-I love you so much, why don't you feel the same way about me?
I wish that I could just tell you how I feel, but I can't. I'm scared. What if
you laughed at me? I'd kill myself that's what.
Tiffany (confused, to
Lou)-You brought me here because Sandi has a crush on some guy? That's nothing
new, Lou. She has a crush on a different guy every week, whoever is willing to
spend the most money on her. It doesn't explain anything.
Lou
(calmly)-Wait.
Sandi-I've loved you ever since the moment I first laid
eyes on you. I need you so much. I can't help myself. I want
you...Quinn.
(At this, Tiffany's eyes bulge widely, and she visibly
staggers. Lou takes her arm and holds her
steady.)
Tiffany-Wha...wha...What in HELL?! Sandi likes Quinn?! But,
Sandi's straight! Sandi and Quinn are always at one another's throats! What the
hell?!
Lou-Did you ever stop to think, WHY? 'Why is Sandi always jerking
Quinn's chain?'
Tiffany-Yes. I always assumed it was because Sandi was
jealous of Quinn.
Lou-That's a good guess, and it's really easy to just
assume that, but it's deeper than that. That first day that Quinn came to
Lawndale, Sandi fell hard for this cute, new redhead. That's why she told Quinn
that she had a "cool name."
Tiffany-"Cool name?" That was just her way of
one upping Stacy. Stacy told Quinn that she was cool, so Sandi had to
agree.
Lou-You assume too much, Tiffany. You, of all people should know
how hard it is for Sandi to give anyone a true compliment, without any hateful
innuendo. She was sincere, although, she was so shy, that all she could think to
say was, "cool name."
Tiffany-Huh?
Lou-Let me put it this way
Tiffany. Sandi really likes Quinn, she has a REALLY deep crush on her, but she
can't bring herself to tell her. She is fearful for multiple reasons: Quinn's
reaction, the effect it would have on her social standing if people knew, and
also she's not really sure of her sexuality yet. Now, think how Sandi must feel,
having the object of her innermost desire constantly around her, but being
unable to tell her. Are you really surprised that she's so hateful towards
Quinn?
Tiffany-Poor Sandi. She's a bitch to people because she's so
frustrated with herself, and cutting people down helps the aching, empty hole
inside her.
Lou-Well said.
Tiffany-Lou, I feel so bad for Sandi.
What about Quinn? Is she-
Lou-No. Quinn is one hundred percent hetero.
(puts a hand on Tiffany's shoulder) Now do you see why Sandi is so hateful and
malicious? Do you see how helpless she truly is?
(A tear appears on
Tiffany's face)
Tiffany-She's so tragic.
Lou-You didn't hear this
from me, but Sandi won't always be like she is now. Her freshman year of
college, she and her roommate will have an, ahem, eventful night in her dorm
room, and Sandi will come out and be very happy.
Tiffany-That's
wonderful.
Lou (winking)-You didn't hear that from me, remember. Giving
mortals even a glimpse of the future is strictly forbidden.
Tiffany-I
won't tell if you won't.
Lou-That's all I needed to hear.
(They
laugh)
Lou-Well, sweetie, what do you say we make one last stop? The
perfect end to a wonderful time!
Tiffany-Let's go!
(Tiffany takes
Lou's extended hand and they both disappear.)
(Commercial Break-Sandi
strokes Quinn's picture in Black and White)
Scene Seven
(Background
Music-"I'm Alive" by Helloween)
(Tiffany and Lou reappear on a cliff
overlooking a majestic valley of pine trees. It's sunset and the sun setting
over the valley is a magnificent sight to behold.)
Tiffany (awed)-This is
so beautiful, Lou! Where are we?
Lou-In the woods about 75 miles south of
Seattle, Washington.
(Tiffany looks down at the ground. She wants to say
something but she's not really sure if she should. She pumps herself up
and...)
Tiffany (quietly)-I know who you are.
Lou (smiles
softly)-I know.
Tiffany-So it's true? "Lou" is short...for
Lucifer?
Lou-Yes.
Tiffany (starts slow but builds momentum)-When I
was young, I used to attend church with my grandparents every Sunday. From the
time I was old enough to walk, I learned how Satan, you, were the enemy of God
and how you used your evil influence to corrupt the world. I learned that you
were an angel once, and your pride and arrogance led you to declare war against
Heaven, and for that you were thrown down into Hell. That was drilled into me
from an early age, and, I..I..hated you for that, but now, I...see you in a
different light. You're not evil, just misunderstood.
Lou-Tiffany, I'm
25,OOO years old. It's true. I WAS once an angel in His Holy Army, and my
position DID lead me to arrogance and pride. I was young and stupid and I
actually thought I was superior to God. (beat) I paid for it.
(Lou
unbuttons his shirt and shows Tiffany a ghastly 11-inch scar running from his
breastbone to his navel.)
Lou-The Archangel Michael did that to me with
his sword. Right before God cast me out. The wound burned continuously for 8,OOO
years. Then, God showed mercy and allowed the pain to stop, but the scar
remained, and always will as a reminder of my mistake. I had my golden palace,
and I had my kingdom of misery and torture, but I didn't have the beauty and
serenity of Heaven to bask in. I made my bed and now I lie in
it.
Tiffany-Lou...you're not like that anymore. If you pray to Him, he
will let you back in, I'm sure of it. Beg his forgiveness, and show true
repentance.
(Lou leans against a tree and looks thoughtful)
Lou
(voice wavering)-I...could go back? Back home?
Tiffany-Of course,
considering that I'll go with you to put in a good word.
Lou (tears in
his eyes)-I can't allow that Tiffany. I love and adore you too much to ask you
to throw away your life and all the success that you will find in the Fashion
industry...oh crap there I go again with my Future Sight. I'm afraid this is
goodbye, Tiffany Blum-Deckler.
(Tiffany runs up and hugs
him)
Tiffany-No, Lou! Please let me go with you! I have nothing in
Lawndale!
Lou-Sweet girl, from this day forward, your life will improve
every day. Your father will never hit you again and your grades will improve,
you have my word. Goodbye, Tiffany.
(Lou leans over and kisses her
lightly on the lips. As he does so, there is a brilliant flash of light, and,
Tiffany awakes with a start in her own bed.)
Tiffany-LOU!
(Tiffany
slowly realizes where she is and comes back to reality. It's 7:4O a.m. and it's
Saturday. Tiffany smiles and yawns. There is a single tear in her left eye and
she chides herself. IT WAS, after all, only a dream.)
Tiffany-What a
weird dream.
(Tiffany yawns and walks into her bathroom planning to
freshen up a little. She reaches for her toothbrush and stops short as she
notices the gold and diamond five-pointed star around her neck. As she watches
in shock, it slowly changes...into a blue, sapphire crucifix.)
THE
END.
Character Makeovers:
Tiffany as Lady Death
Lou as Vampire
Hunter D
Calvin Blum-Deckler as The Green Goblin
Diana Blum-Deckler as
Zhang Ziyi
Quinn as Lucille Ball
Stacy as Jenny Gump (from Forest
Gump)
Sandi as Neve Campbell
Jamie White as John Rambo
Mr. DeMartino as
Clint Eastwood
End Notes- Well friends and neighbors, there she is. This is the THIRD Daria fan
fiction piece written by yours truly and I must say that I am rather proud of
it. I wrote it in two days, and, according to my computer, it is the longest of
the three. So, as always feel free to send me any kind of input on my writing.
Positive or negative doesn't really matter, but I must insist, NO DEATH THREATS.
Those tend to get old after a while! Thanks again to that wise and venerable
Jedi Master, Martin J. Pollard, who continues to encourage me by posting my
works. BLAME HIM, it's his fault! Just kidding, Martin! Thanks! (Oh yeah, before
I forget. If you really wish to get a feel as to what was in my head when I
wrote this...download these two songs: "N.I.B." by Black Sabbath and "Anything"
by Danzig, hence the title! Enjoy!)
Brandon "The Big B" League
March
22, 2OO2
Somewhere In West Georgia