"A Night Of Zen"
A Daria Fanfic By
Brandon League
(brnleague@aol.com)

Before I begin, I should make two things abundantly clear. One, this is the very first fanfic that I have ever written for Outpost Daria, or any other site for that matter. Two, I am not a professional writer, which will probably become quite apparent by the end of this tale, at which time you will probably exclaim, "Holy $%^%!, who writes this crap!" No I am not a professional, at best I could be classified as a wannabe hack. I would however like to thank such Outpost Daria institutions (nah...too easy) as Kemical Reaxion and Crazy Nutso without whose excellent stories, I would not have had the balls to even attempt this in the first place. So that being said and that being done, let us begin. Abandon all hope, all ye who enter here, a wise man once said. Aw hell, maybe it was Butt-head.....

Now the formality-
The TV show "Daria" and all characters included within are the property of MTV and not mine, although I kinda wish that Quinn was...... Please don't sue me, shoot me, or threaten me with bodily harm if you don't like my tale, I bruise easily. All songs that are included are the property of those various artists and between you and me, I don't think they'll care. Hmmm.....maybe, I should have been a lawyer.....

Summary- Mystik Spiral learns of a Battle Of The Bands at the Zen where the prize is $1O,OOO dollars and a trophy presented by one of Trent's long time idols....Bruce Dickenson from Iron Maiden, how can they refuse?

(The Opening Credits)
(Comes Up On The Usual Daria logo, with "A Night Of Zen" in black)

(SCENE ONE)

(The scene opens inside of that greater cultural Lawndale Mecca that is the Zen, Trent and Mystik Spiral are on stage playing their guts out as always. Daria and Jane are sitting at a table drinking sodas and watching the band with their usual unconcerned faces.....On stage the Spiral is winding up their set with "Ice Box Woman." The song ends.)

Trent- Thank you and good night, Lawndale. We're Mystik Spiral, but we might be changing our name. Good NIGHT!

Daria- Was it just me or does that song get worse everytime I hear it?

Jane- Oh I don't know.....Jesse only missed ONE chord change that time.

Daria- It doesn't count if it lasts the whole song.

(Trent and Jesse walk over. Trent is wiping his head with a towel, Jesse is carrying a black guitar case)

Trent-Hey Daria. Hey Janey.

BOTH-Hey Trent.

Trent-What'd you guys think of tonight's set?

Jane- Jesse missed a chord change in the last half of "Ice Box Woman" other than that it was great. That cover of Ronnie James Dio's "Rainbows In The Dark" was a nice touch.

Trent (grinning)-Thought you guys might like that. (To Jesse) I told you people would notice.....it's D sharp, not E sharp.

Jesse (crestfallen)-I'm sorry. I thought it would be all right, my pinky finger's been getting these wicked cramps......

Trent (interrupting)- You guys wanna come with us and get a bite to eat. The Spiral's headed over to Pizza King, I'm starved.

Jane- Nah, I've gotta be getting home. I still haven't studied for the test in O'Neill's class (yawns) Daria?

Daria-I have to get home too, make sure Quinn hasn't destroyed the house in a Fashion-induced haze.

Jane-Sorry Trent, we'll pass.

Trent- Your loss....

(Trent and Jesse leave.)

Jane-Ten dollars says he's asleep before they reach the Tank.

Daria- You're on.

(Daria and Jane stand up and walk out the front door where sure enough, they encounter Trent, along with Jesse, Nick and Max, but he's not asleep(!) The Spiral stands in front of a window, crowded around a bright green billboard.)

Max-I don't believe it.

Nick-Me neither, man.

Jesse-Whoa.

Trent (speechless)-This is it.

(Daria and Jane walk up to them, perplexed)

Jane-Trent how many times have I told you guys.....the Brooklyn Bridge isn't really for sale!

Daria-Or if it was, it wouldn't fit in your basement.

(They read the billboard over the spellbound Trent's shoulder.)

NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT
AT THE ZEN
BATTLE OF THE BANDS
GRAND PRIZE $1O,OOO
AND A TROPHY TO BE PRESENTED
BY THAT HEAVY METAL LEGEND....
BRUCE DICKENSON of IRON MAIDEN.
DEADLINE FOR SIGNUP....FEBRUARY 1st

Trent-Omigod, that's today!

(As one collective unit the Spiral dash back inside)

Jane-Something tells me, this is gonna be a hell of a week.

(Commercial Break, In Black and White you see The Spiral around the billboard)

(SCENE TWO)

(The scene opens on Timothy O'Neill's first period class in that greater bastion of learning known as Lawndale High School....We see some of usual Lawndale elite present, Daria, Jane, Kevin, Brittany, Andrea, and Mack, the rest are generic faces. O'Neill starts to pass out the test (Jane mentioned it last scene), Daria is her usual unconcerned self, Jane looks a little nervous. Kevin is asleep on his desk and Brittany is painting her fingernails.)

O'Neill-Now class, before we start our test, here's a 5 point bonus question. Who wrote the classic tale of horror, Dr. Jeckyll And Mr. Hyde? Let's see, Kevin?

Kevin (mumbling, still asleep)-C'mon babe, I'm the QB.

(Hearing this, Brittany turns around and slaps Kevin on the side of the head. Kevin jumps awake with a start)

Kevin (loudly): Thomas Jefferson!

(O'Neill sighs)

O'Neill: Daria?

Daria: Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde was written in 1881 by Robert Louis Stevenson.

O'Neill: Very good Daria (puts a mark in his book).

Daria (to Jane): Don't worry Jane, you know as well as I do, that his tests are usually cake. You did get to study last night didn't you?

Jane (obviously pissed): Hell, no. Trent and the Spiral practiced all night long, how does one expect to study, or sleep for that matter when you hear "Ice Box Woman" played 43 times in a row. (Daria opens her mouth) I counted Daria. (She closes her mouth). It's just dandy. I'm gonna fail. My C average is in serious jeopardy.

(Daria opens her mouth to say something comforting, but O'Neill interrupts)

O'Neill: You have 3O minutes to complete this test....Begin!

(A montage of the test takers begins. Over the montage, you hear "Pretty Vacant" by the Sex Pistols play. Daria is shown writing away, Jane is shown tapping her pencil on her cheek and scowling. Andrea is shown chuckling to herself and writing. Brittany is shown, well, looking pretty damn vacant, and Kevin Thompson, QB extraordinaire, is shown chewing his eraser.)

(The hall much later.... Daria and Jane are standing in front of her locker.)

Jane: This is serious Daria. I know ten grand is a lot of money. But if I have to put up with one more sleepless night.....Mr. Trent Lane is gonna take a trip to the bottom of the river.

(As she says this, The Fashion Club, Quinn Morgendorffer, Sandi Griffin, Stacy Rowe, and Tiffany Blum-Deckler, respectively, walk by chattering away.)

Daria: Speaking of depth......

Quinn (oblivious to her "cousin"): No Stacy, that's not what I said at all. You'd look cute in a Forest Green bikini, I SAID LIME Green was a no-no. It's right here, on page 43 of the new Waif magazine. (Reading) Ladies! If you have brown pigtails, Forest Green is in.......

Daria (in perfect rhyme)-Help me before I kill again?

(Commercial break, In Black and White, Brittany slapping Kevin in the head)

(SCENE THREE)

(At Jane's house, Daria is lying on the bed watching TV, Jane is painting what appears to be a basket of fruit covered in blood. The TV is on)

Announcer- SHE was the owner of a multi million dollar cosmetics company, HE was a dirt poor Cattle Rancher from South Carolina....Their forbidden romance. BEAUTY AND THE BEEF! Next, on Sick Sad World!

Daria (to herself)-Why the hell do I watch this show?

Jane-You know, Dar.......

(That's as far as she gets. Suddenly a thundering guitar chord shakes the whole house. A vase of flowers on the desk does a crazy, shaking dance and crashes on the floor.)

Jane-Dammit Trent!

Daria-At least it sounds like Jesse is improved that D sharp significantly.

Jane-And here I was gonna actually give them a compliment, and the Spiral threatens to bring the house down.....literally.

Daria-That Battle Of The Bands is tomorrow night. You think they're ready?

Jane-I don't know. On one hand, I've had about 5 hours sleep all week, which means that they are practicing. But Jesse's D Sharp still leaves a lot to be desired.

Daria-Any idea what their set is gonna be?

Jane-I'm not sure. They'll more than likely do "Ice Box Woman," "Freakin Friends," and that Dio cover again. But knowing Trent they'll probably do a couple more covers.

(Knock at the door.)

Jane-Come in, Trent.

(Trent enters, looking sheepish)

Trent-Janey sorry about that last note, everyone still breathing? (laughs, coughs)

Jane-You owe me five dollars for a new vase (points and holds out her hand).

Trent-Ok Janey (reaches for his wallet) Hey wait a minute, that's the vase you made yourself in sixth grade, Nice try, Janey. (Leaves)

Jane-Dammit, he picked a fine time to get perceptive.

Daria-Yeah next thing you know, he'll be using full sentences.

Jane (grinning)-ah.....young love.

(Jane ducks the pillow thrown by Daria)

Jane-Hey!

(Commercial Break, Black and White shot of Trent coming in Jane's room)

(SCENE FOUR, aka THE LAST SCENE)

(The Zen....It's Judgment Day for Mystik Spiral. The Battle Of The Bands Is Here!!!!!!! Trent, Max, Jesse, Nick, Daria, and Jane are backstage in a small room, listening to the last song of the band currently on stage. They're not half bad. The Spiral is next, and Trent is nervous as hell.)

Daria (aside to Jane)- I've seen Mystik Spiral play dozens of times and I've never seen Trent nervous. Will he be ok?

Jane-He's never had ten grand at stake before, he wants that cash so bad he can taste it. He'll be all right. Trust me, once they get on that stage. It'll go just peachy.

(Daria cocks an eyebrow)

Jane: Trust me, I KNOW my brother. Under pressure, he always manages to come through.

Daria-You ARE talking about Trent Lane right? Remember when he was supposed to help us with some music for that school project? Or when he had to get forceful with those workmen during the whole "Naming Gazebo" thing?

Jane-That was different. Trent loves his music more than anything else. It's his baby. He'll come through, Daria.

Announcer (OS)-Wasn't that great? That was "Old Money" and they came all the way from Oklahoma City just to play here tonight. Let's hear it for them.

(Lukewarm applause)

Announcer (OS)-All right folks, we've all had fun here tonight but it's time to say farewell.....The time you have been dreading is here....The last band of the night.

(Thunderous Applause)

(Shot cuts to the stage. The announcer is a man in his late 2O's, he is dressed in a black shirt, black pants, and a top hat. Think Alice Cooper)

Announcer (under his breath)-Smart asses. (Out loud) Here they are folks. If you've ever been here before, chances are you've seen these guys. The hardest working band in Lawndale. I give you....MYSTIK SPIRAL!!!!

(On the side of the stage, a fog machine kicks in, sending fog out over the crowd. That mixed with the alternating green and red house lights mixes for an almost supernatural experience. Trent and company come out onto the stage)

Trent-Hello Lawndale! We're Mystik Spiral, though we might change our name. Are you ready to rock?

Crowd-Yeah!

Trent-I can't hear you. I said, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?

Crowd (louder)-YEAH!

Trent-Well you are in the right damn place! Let's go....

(Mystik Spiral immediately launch into a cover of The Misfits' "Mommy Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight?" It serves its purpose nicely, which is to drive the crowd into a berserk frenzy. Daria and Jane are flabbergasted. They have NEVER heard Mystik Spiral sound so....good!)

Jane (smiling)-See Daria. I told you. Do I know Trent or what?

Daria (Mona Lisa smile)-I guess everyone is entitled to one glimpse of insight.

EPILOGUE-
I think it goes without saying what happened that night. Mystik Spiral blew all the other bands off the stage, and won the Battle Of The Bands. The ten grand went a long way toward the release of Mystik Spiral's first album, which as you all know, was titled "Fog On The Stage" and sold 3 million copies. In a recent interview, Bruce Dickenson told Revolver magazine, "It's been a long time since I have heard a band this hungry, this raw, this experimental. Dickenson even guest starred on the album, doing a cover of the old Iron Maiden song "Sea Of Madness". Currently Mystik Spiral (and Daria and Jane) are on tour in Japan, with supporting acts, Sevendust and P.O.D. I know what you are saying. What about Trent and Daria right? Well that my friends.....is another sordid tale.

End Notes-
Well? What do you think? Any good? People always say I have talent in this department. Writing and all, but I think it's a dirty rotten lie. Hope you liked it. It was fun to write, feel free to send me your thoughts. All hail the lovely and talented Kemical Reaxion!

End Notes (Part Two)-
I would just like to remind everyone that this WAS indeed the first Daria fanfic ever written by yours truly. It was written before "Ear's Looking At You, Kid" which you may or may not have already read. However, due to ahem, technical difficulties (Sorry about the DOC format Martin), it is just now reaching you. Hope you like it, it's been a long time coming. Enjoy.