Misery Chick: Wrestling with Fashion By Chris Smith (c)1999


Daria and other characters are trademarks of MTV Networks. All other

characters are courtesy of the Lawndale High Wrestling Federation and



This story is strongly based on the still-hot documentry "Hitman Hart:

Wrestling with Shadows", available on home video in PG-13 and R-rated



Ed. Note: An asterisk * next to a name means they're narrating. A pound

sign # next to a name means they're talking to the guy next to the





(Daria, seen in her usual garments is walking to the ring, and a montage of

bodyslams, submission holds and high risk maneuvers follows with daria

ending up on top of her opponents)


Daria*: It's hard to find a hero, anywhere.


(Slow-mo of Daria being choked against the ropes by a big guy in black)


Daria*: At fiirst, I was just joking around with the idea of wrestling.

(Pause) A bunch of steroid-clod guys in tights beating the crap out of each



(Slow-mo of Daria kicking Upchuck in the gut)


Daria*: After awhile, I began to respect professional wrestling and what

these people do every night.


(Slow-mo of Quinn delivering an enziguri to Daria's head)


Daria*: I was proud of that Misery Chick character.


(Slow-mo of Quinn picking Daria up by the head and tossing her out of the



Daria*: She never gave up, never sold out, never stopped fighting for

what's right, and spoke up when something needed to be said.


(Daria is shown walking into an elementry school auditorium, kids are

cheering and chanting "Misery Chick! Misery Chick!")


Daria*: It's great to be a hero all over the country. I think about schools

like Oakwood where hundreds of kids have been waiting for hours, just to

see me. It was like God was coming to their school. They .... really loved

me. (Pause) This is real. It's something that you can never buy. You can't

fake this kind of attention.


(Daria is seen walking with luggage up to a hotel room)


Daria*: Tomorrow's the big showdown in Lawndale. It's probably the biggest

fight in my whole life. It's a great story I've been living for the past

five years, about to come to an end. (Pause) I spoke to Chris. He said "You

have to lose to Sandi in Lawndale."


Daria#: I can't do it. I described to him "I may as well just blow my

brains out. What you're asking me to do, it's pretty much the exact same

thing, from a character standpoint. I would just be taking the Misery Chick

and pretty much her pointing a gun between her eyes and shooting her at

point-blank." People talk about how fake wrestling is. It's far more real

than most people think.


(Cut-to: a segment of a recent on-air interview)


Chris: I have no sympathy whatsoever for Daria Morgan. I have no sympathy

for someone, not doing the right thing for the business that made her. Not

doing the right thing for the fans, the performers and the promoters that

made her. She made a rather selfish decision, and she'll have to live with

that for the rest of her life. Daria screwed Daria, I have no sympathy for





(Cut to: A baseball stadium, the site of an autograph signing for several

LHWF superstars.)


Michael Pfeffer (pumping up the crowd): Do you want to see her?! (Crowd

cheers) I said, (Emphasizes) do you want to see her?! (Crowd roars) The

legendary leader of the Lawndale Posse. Lawndale, give it up for your own,

Daria "Misery Chick" Morgan!!!


(Daria walks out into the field, and the crowd goes nuts. Cut to: a table

where kids and adults alike are waiting in line for autographs from Daria.)


Teen-girl: Me and my friends, we're all going to hold up this big sign that

says "We love you, Misery Chick!".


Daria (Smiling): Thanks.


(Daria is walking with a little boy, carrying bags into a stadium. One of

the ring crew is in the ring testing the mic.)


Daria*: I've been a professional wrestler for the past five years. I've

mainly been working for Chris Smith and his Lawndale High Wrestling

Federation. It's gotten really big. So big that it's gone national, more

than half a million people tune in every Wednesday Night.


(Daria hoists up the little kid onto her shoulder)


Kid: Shall we? (The two walk off)


Daria#: I always have this dream, and I can't stop it once it starts. I get

this dream where it's like they're playing your music for the second time,

you know? The last match of the night, and I'm always stark-naked. And my

brain's always telling me "You dumbass, get ready. Get ready!", and I never

listen. It's like ..... (Looks down, then back to the camera) .. you know.



(The kid is in the locker room with Daria while she's lacing up her boots

after putting on some kneepads.)


Daria#: That's David. (Pauses while smiling at him) Mom and Dad wanted to

have another kid, and this is what I end up with. They felt that it's best

that he get to see the country and get along with his big sisters. He looks

a lot like Mom and acts like me and Quinn put together. That's .... that's

a deadly combination. "Hell on Wheels". He's ... got the personality of a

rattlesnake (Laughs).


(Daria is chatting with one of the ring crew while everyone else is setting



Guy: You never thought of having children yourself?


Daria: I have thought of it. I just don't have the time right now to pursue

a relationship, get married, and have a kid. I'm only 20. I just turned 20

a few days ago.


Guy: Really? You don't look as old as 20.


Daria: Yeah, well, I'll feel a lot older than that after tonight.


(The camera shows a few of Daria's best friends)


Daria*: These days, I'm usually with the Lawndale Posse.


(A skinny girl with a mushroom bob haircut is doing tai-chi in the hallway,

warming up)


Daria*: That's my best friend Jane. She's probably the most technical

high-flyer in the world.


(A tall skinny guy is sleeping on a couch in the dressing room)


Daria*: And there's Trent, sleeping, as always. But don't be fooled, he can

be quite a hellraiser when he wants to be.


(A redhead is stretching her legs on one of the many tables in the



Daria*: And that's my little sister Quinn. She's been well-known for her

looks and her martial-arts. And like sisters the world-over, we have our

fights. Lately, she's been mellowing out, and getting along. That's always

a good sign.


(Michael Pfeffer is at a corner with a cameraman)


Michael Pfeffer: ...and now I want to bring in none other than Daria Morgan

and the Lawndale Posse! (The four come in, along with Jesse, and wave to

the camera like little kids.)


Daria: All that I've got to say is that we've got the baddest bunch of

people in the LHWF, right here! And it's take-no-prisoners when it comes to

Posse business.


Jesse: (making a gun with his hand and shooting the camera) Bang.


Jane: To sum it up tonight, we're gonna get HUNGRY, and we're going to

forget our manners! (Laughs maniacally)


(Pfeffer is now interviewing an opposing team for a match tonight)


Daria*: Wrestling has and will always be filled with some of the most

bizarre characters.


(Upchuck is entering the ring in a robe)


Daria*: Upchuck pushes the indecent exposure and perverted button. And

pushes it really hard.


(Upchuck takes off the robe showing a black pair of underwear, and a

strap-on dildo. Upchuck is making several sexual gestures to the dildo

while in the ring)


Daria*: Women and men alike took great offense to him.


(Upchuck is with a few buddies backstage, mocking his own character.)


Upchuck: My name's Tony Canoli, and I just got in town with my twenty

stripper girlfriends. God damn, the moves, the curves, and man, the curves

go very very VERY far, I'll tell you what. Hell, I've been bashed across

the head several times by a few of them on the Springer show as well,

because, well, some can get pretty jealous. R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r, feisty!


Daria*: He's nothing like the character he plays. He's a mellow guy. A

nerd, if that's what you want to call him. He likes reading books, playing

computer games, and simple chess with buddies.


(Upchuck grabs his crotch at the camera and makes a kissy-face)


(Cut to: A group of fans)


Teen: People say that wrestling's a sport, it's not a sport, it's "Sports



(Cut to: A young adult fan)


Adult: It's fun. There's not a whole lot of things in real life that are

fun anymore. You have your favorites, you cheer them. You have the people

you don't like, you boo them. And you don't have to worry about someone

punching you in the face for booing them, because that's their job.


(Sandi is walking to the ring, and the crowd is going wild.)


Daria*: Sandi Griffin's a great athlete. An incredible performer in the

ring. But, there's things about her that really get on my nerves. She's got

this prima-donna personality, 'think's she better than everyone else.

There's something really arrogant and obnoxious about her that I find very



(Shot of Chris Smith in the ring, opening up a Pay-Per-View)


Daria*: The stage we perform on was created by Chris Smith. He's the

driving force and "creative genius" behind the Lawndale High Wrestling



(Shot of Daria about to walk to the ring. A kid yells Daria's name and she

walks up)


Kid: Go get 'em, champ.


(Daria takes off her silver sunglasses and puts them on the little kid)


Daria*: And me, I'm Daria Morgan, "The Misery Chick". Your children are

safe to watch me on Saturday mornings. I send them a pretty wholesome

message. The Misery Chick stands for sticking up for yourself, say what's

on your mind, and to never quit. The one thing I won't do is lie to my



(Daria is seen in the ring with the Lawndale Posse, Helen, Jake, even Kain

& Sally)


Daria*: In my whole career, I've only worked with two people. Chris Smith,

and my trainer, Kain. In all the years I've been looking for a calling in

my life, I can't seem to thank him enough for the opportunities he's given

me. I really look up to him.


(Cut to: Kain's birthday party.)


Daria*: No one can really remember how old he is, so we just put five

candles on the cake and hoped for the best.


(Kain blows out the candles and everybody cheers)


Daria: As long as I can remember, I've always tried to be like ... you.

I've always thought "What would Kain do in this situation?"


Kain: Probably pee my pants and stumble into the ladies room. (Everyone

laughs, and Sally buries her head in Kain's shoulder, unable to keep a

straight face)


Daria*: He told me dozens of stories about his early years, and how tough

it was back in the day. (Pause) Back in 1933, in a dispute over some land

outside of New York City, Kain ended up in jail. It was there that Kain

discovered wrestling. He fell into a club of shooters, real submission

wrestlers. They had a good time stretching Kain, and grinding him up. The

idea of the game is that they would give you so much punishment that you'd

just give up and not come back.


Kain#: They'd put your head in between your knees and pull your neck, knees

up over your head. Your head would be totally blue by the time you got out

of there. They'd crank you up about as tight as it could go, actually

separating life from your body. Every day, I was stretched around pretty



Daria*: Kain never gave up. It wasn't long before he was the one giving out

all the punishment. To dish out that kind of pain and see that kind of

pain, that's what made a man or a woman out of you. I've got a lot of that

in me, too. You survive by getting hit, hitting back, letting out all of

your aggressions. I think you grow up with it. It helped me prepare for

professional wrestling, where you have to be able to take a lot of abuse.


(Daria is shown applying a painful hold on Tiffany in the center of the



Daria*: About a year in, Kain helped me come up with a finishing hold. The

True Misery. It takes a lot of skill to make it all look real..


Daria#: My philosophy on wrestling is that the real art of wrestling is

when doing full-contact, you should never get hurt. If you get hurt, it's

because someone screwed up. And you shouldn't hurt anyone else, I've been

doing wrestling for five years, I have never really hurt anyone. I've done

full-contact before, very physical, but when you come back to the dressing

room after, you should just be able to put on your boots and go home, like

you've had a really long day, like, no more than a football player. But to

intentionally hurt yourself or hurt anyone else ..... there's no art in



(Daria is in the ring, punching Kain several times in the head.)


Daria*: Watch my punches. People go "She connected on all of those". I've

even kicked people full-blast in the face, but did you ever wonder why

there's no big bruise after? There IS an art in wrestling.


(Cut to: A panoramic view of the infamous Kain household.)


Daria*: I never thought of becoming a wrestler. Before, I just wanted to go

to film school. Possibly to start my own production company. "Misery Chick

Pictures". That's ... how I came up with my nickname. Actually that's not

true. Some football star came to school and berated me, ultimately giving

me the nickname. I figured shooting films would be the best way to make a

living, while having fun at the same time. I already have best friends for

actors, friends that could play a wide variety of parts. But then I

realized that was never going to happen. Not to me, anyway.


(Daria's walking around the inside of the Kain household)


Daria: I ended up going to my best friend, Kain, to help train me to be a

wrestler, because I've seen him wrestle in the school on numerous

occasions. I already knew that wrestling was like a play. I just didn't

know how to take serious bumps.


Sally#: Kain can be a fun teacher at times, but sometimes, he can forget

how much pain someone can take. I hear Kain giving lessons to people all

the time since there's a few holes running through the house to make room

for a few pipes here and there.


Tommy Marek#: I remember one time where this one guy was screaming so much,

it was .... Pathetic. I put a tape recorder in the room before he showed up

and the guy was just screaming to be let go. (Plays the screaming sound

which really DOES sound pathetic.) Later, I learned it was Lawndale High

teacher Anthony Demartino. (Chuckles)


Daria*: Kain's been running a small-time wrestling promotion in the

Lawndale High School gymnasium for almost a year, until he sold his

territory to Chris Smith, a disiple of his. Kain decided to stay behind the

scenes and help Chris get the feel of the business. From the very

beginning, I've had to claw my way up to the top, I don't think my success

was ever handed to me.


Daria#: I found myself fighting really hard just to survive, and to

actually come out of the wrestling profession as a success rather than a

wrestling tragedy, which is how so many of them turn out. I've been working

with Chris Smith behind the wheel of the LHWF for the last three years, I

always figured I'd end my career there. Until Kain made me an incredible

offer to jump sides and to work for his new promotion, "Lawndale

Championship Wrestling". A lot of money. It's probably the most biggest

decision of my entire life. Eighteen million dollars, in three years. It's

like wrestling, it's nothing I've ever imagined. Chris came up and offered

a lot less money, but he offered me a ten-year contract. It's been really

hard to put my loyalty and everything out in front and the right thing to

do, because money's not always important. Yet, at the same time, I feel

like the prettiest girl at the dance, you, know? Everyone's vying for my

attention, and yet at the same time, there's like this major war between

these two companies. These two huge ...... giants in the world are fighting

over ... me. (Snickers) Quinn would be so jealous right now. Chris Smith

used to be the king of the wrestling community, until Kain took off and

started another nationwide promotion. My contract is up, and I'm free to go

where I want to go. I could just take the money, it's a simple enough

decision. I've always wanted to have some money and to finally go home with

my friends and family and be ... secure.


(Daria is shown holding up a world championship belt, a winner, and is

leaving the ring, high-fiving several fans behind the barricade, eventually

leaving to the locker room.)


Daria*: Chris Smith made me. He gave me the stage to work on, and the

opportunity to show everyone that I was the best. The fact that he gave me

the chance, and made my dream come true is something that weighs heavy and

affects whatever descisions I have to make.


Daria#: Should I stay or should I go? For me, eighteen million dollars is a

lot of money.


(Daria is in the ring with a mic.)


Daria: When you get offered a great offer, you have to decide which one

you're going to take. Nobody knows how much soul-searching I've done over

this. But when it comes right down to it, for everything I've done, and

ever plan on doing, I owe it all to my LHWF fans. I'll be with the LHWF



(Daria is hanging out with her family at home, David's sitting on her lap

while they all watch "Daria" on MTV.)


Daria*: You have to show some common sense sometimes. I mean, you have to

do what's right for your family, but how much money do you really need? I

found myself torn between what's right for my family, and showing my



(Daria is shown doing her laundry)


Daria: The LCW is breathing down Chris's neck. Overtaking him in the

ratings. It's easy to jump sides, you know, just say "Thanks for

everything", and take off. Loyalty's very important.


(Daria is walking into Lawndale High School, the home of the Lawndale High

Wrestling Federation)


Daria*: So now I was back in the LHWF. It wasn't very long before we came

back home to do a show. In front of my family AND Chris. This is going to

one hell of a night. (Daria, David and the Posse are talking with Chris)

Chris has creative control over the direction that the wrestler's

characters will go.


Daria: Hey David? David, Chris and I have to talk alone. Go and ... go and

bother Ms Barch.


Daria*: Once the story is set, it's up to me to work it all out. I figured

that since my family was going to be at the event, we might as well try and

involve them in the storyline. Once I've worked out a general plan with

Chris, I search out Rich Verde and figure out how the match will go.


(Daria, Rich, and Amy are discussing the match for tonight)


Rich: ...and Jane can be, like, trying to get on, and when it's all over

with, she can jump in the ring, and everyone else can jump in the ring. But

THESE TWO should be in the ring the entire time.


Daria*: He's one of those guys that can visualize what can happen in a

wrestling match. I see it all happen before it ever happens, in my head,

kinda like the way a movie director does.


Daria: ...you need to hit her from behind with a big drink. And when you

hit her with the drink....


Amy: On the other side of the rail?


Daria: Yeah, you're going to be on the other side of the rail. Now, you

want to give the impression so that Brittany's going to think that Helen

threw the drink at her.......


(Cut to: The event, later that night. The pyrotechnics go off, lights are

flashing everywhere, and the crowd is going nuts)


Michael Pfeffer: HeeeelllllllloooooOOOOOOOOOO LAWNDAAAAAAALLLLLLLE!!


(Later in the show, the big match comes. The Lawndale Posse is already

introduced, but they wait outside the walkway. Finally, The Misery Chick

entrance theme blasts through the speakers, and the crowd goes wild. Daria

emerges and high-fives her friends/teammates and they finally hit the



(Voiceover between Daria and Rich)


Rich: You could all jump in the ring and get into it right away


Daria: Everyone just goes to their corners.


Rich: Yeah, and when the smoke clears, it's just you and Brittany.


(Daria and Brittany are slugging it out between each other)


Daria: We could settle it down after a few minutes.


Rich: Yeah, you gotta settle it down if you're going to go for thirty



(Some time later in the match, Brittany is tossed outside the ring, where

Amy gets up from her seat and throws a large Coke(c) at her. Brittany turns

around and grabs Helen by the collar.)


Daria: ...and Brittany's going to think that Helen threw the drink at her.


Rich: While Brittany's grabbing Helen, Amy could just kick her behind the

knee. And you could shove her into the apron. Brittany gets back in the

ring, Helen's yelling at you two, causing Brittany to get distracted. Jane

could roll her up for the win.


(While they're talking, this is actualy done in the match. Jane rolls

Brittany up for the three count and gets the win.)


Rich: That's the story.


Daria*: But behind the curtain, it's anything BUT fake, what it takes to

become a professional wrestler. We push ourselves to the limit, and even

the best wrestlers have accidents.


Daria#: Most of the time, I never worried about getting hurt, I just

worried about screwing up. Now I'm more worried about getting hurt than

screwing up.


Daria*: When I was faced with the decision to stay in the LHWF or be lured

into the LCW, I had this loyalty to Chris Smith, but I think there was

something more important than that.


(Clip of Daria walking to the ring for a one-on-one with Brittany)


Daria*: What would happen to the Misery Chick character? What would the LCW

do with that character? I had to reflect back and go "I know one thing, in

the LHWF, I'l always be able to go out .... The hero." The key to being a

great hero is being able to work with a great bad guy. A lot of thought

goes into creating an evil character.


(Andrea walks to the ring, looking really really dead)


Daria*: Zombie's one of my favorites. She's like the Hannibal Lecter of



Andrea#: I just try to use a side of my personality that didn't involve

anything nice. Little comments start coming out, and instead of saying "I'm

really scared of that girl.", people go "I really get a kick out of that

girl." And man, she's suffering for our sake.


(Thomas Maher walks to the ring)


Daria*: Tommy Maher's character is one that's supposed to hit a raw nerve.

He's like a snob. He's a character that fans are never going to love.

They're always going to hate him.


Thomas#: Their boos become my cheers, you know? When I've got my guy down,

the one they want to see beat my ass, and I've got him beat up, I stand

over him, look out to the people and do that pose, I get booed out of the

building. THAT'S the reaction I want. They boo me, and I go "Yeah!", 'cause

I got 'em. (Smiles)


(Brittany walks to the ring, and the crowd is going nuts)


Daria*: Something strange is going on. The guys the fans are supposed to

hate are becoming the heroes. Take Brittany Taylor, for example, the most

evil bitch in the federation. The fans started turning against me and

really got off on her, like she's so sexy and bad, she's cool.


(Brittany is standing on the turnbuckle, getting a positive reaction from

the crowd)


Daria*: In the end, the fans decide everything. If they cheer you, you're a

good guy. If they boo ya, you're a heel. Smith saw the way the crowd was

reacting to her, and is positioning her to be a fan-favorite. I don't think

there ARE any good guys, anymore. People seem to be sick of good guys.

Smith talked to me about changing my character. He wants me to turn heel,

to become a bad guy. At first, I was lukewarm to the idea, I've always

taken so much pride in being the hero. Finally, he sold me on the idea. I

guess you can only save the trapped child from the burning building so many

times before people start to get bored of it.


(Daria is in the ring, turning Brittany over for the True Misery, making

her submit)


Daria*: The plans for me and Brittany basically change places in one match.

Like a classic good guy, Brittany will never give up.


(Brittany's face is covered in blood, and she's smearing her face into the

ring, while Daria has her in the submission hold, finally, she passes out

from the pain, causing the referee to stop the match.)


Daria*: And like a real villain, I'm gonna kick her while she's down.


(Daria kicks Brittany in the leg {The area of the submission hold a few

minutes ago} several times.)


Daria*: And just like that, I'm a bad guy. I can't think about being a good

guy anymore. I have to find the vain reality of it, and I have. My feelings

towards the fans, you don't have any heroes anymore, you don't know the

difference between good and bad, right and wrong. If you cheer a girl like

Brittany Taylor, then I can't accept you anymore.


(Brittany piledrives a referee into the mat and executes the Liontamer, an

elevated Boston Crab. The fans are all holding up signs saying "Brittany

3:16 says I just whipped your ass!", people are flashing their Brittany

3:16 shirts and some male fans written "Brittany 3:16" on their chests)


Daria*: And the truth is, I DON'T see the fans' side of it. I can take that

thread of reality and just sew it into my storyline, and make it work for

me. I don't have a problem being a heel, just as long as I don't sell out

to my true fans. I don't want to become this slimy bad guy just to appease

Chris Smith or to sell tickets.


(Brittany is beating Daria while she's down, and crushing her knee with a

folding chair)


Daria#: Here I am in the middle of the ring, pleading for my life with this

horrible bad guy who is being cheered by everybody, and she's smashing my

knee to pieces with a chair, and the fans loved every minute of it. When

you put yourself in my shoes, you think "What a bunch of cold-blooded

assholes, and to allow this sub-human to do this to me and my career." And

to me, that's the underline in the premise or theme though my character's



(Shot of Daria being loaded into an ambulance by medical personel and the

Lawndale Posse. Suddenly, Brittany is revealed to be the driver.)


Brittany: I told ya you were going straight to Hell you brain!


(Brittany then proceeds to pound Daria in her weakened state, everyone is

trying in vain to break her away from Daria.)


Daria#: Brittany got rid of the driver, and proceeded to beat me up in the

ambulance. It was one of the best shows they ever did. The next night, I

gave this monologue, explaining my grievances with the wrestling fans

who've turned their backs on me.


(Daria is in the ring with a mic)


Daria: Nobody glorifies criminal conduct and brainlessness like the

pop-culture assholes do. In all of the book clubs, goth clubs, chatrooms,

coffeehouses, even the other COUNTRIES that I go to, they still respect

what's right and what's wrong. You people don't respect me. Well the fact

of the matter is, I don't respect you either. So from here on in,

coast-to-coast, you can't stand people with a brain? Then you can just get

down on your knees, pucker up, and KISS MY ASS!!!


(Huge chorus of boos floods the arena)


Daria*: It's a road that no one's ever traveled on. Try to be a hero in

certain places, while at the same time, making the pop-culture fans look

like idiots. I think the logic here is to make the teeny-bopper fans get to

be the bad guys.


(Cut to: A few months later, Daria is doing an on-location shoot in a book

club back home in Lawndale.)


Daria: I want to thank everyone for their support through this whole

ordeal. I want to thank everyone for believing in me. A week ago, I was

told that if I don't like what the people consider popular, then I don't

love what America stands far. They say "Go back under whatever rock you

crawled out from". If libraries and Universities are considered as rocks,

then I would be more than happy to crawl back under them. (Light applause,

it IS a library-based book club after all.) Over here in Lawndale, we still

take care of the sick and the old, where we have reasonable health-care.

(Applause) We have plausably-strict gun control here, we don't shoot each

other on every street-corner. (Heavier applause) Racial-hatred is

non-existant here, we all love one another. I take one look at you people,

and I take one look at the pop-culture jackasses that think they're number

one in the world, and I can openly say to the world "I am PROUD to be a

Brain.". (Loud Applause)


Librarian: Hey! Keep it down!


(Daria is in the ring, another night, with the Lawndale Posse)


Daria: One thing I've learned is that the pop-culture pansies will do

anything they can to screw you.


(Cut to: The long row of fans waiting to get in the Civic Center in

Middleton, lots of the Pop-Culture fans are screaming obscenties directed

at The Misery Chick.)


Fans: Burn in Hell, brain! Burn .. in ... Hell!!


(Cut to: A fan)


Cameraman: Why do intellectuals suck?


Fan#: Because they said we suck! They started this war!


Fans: (Crowding around the camera) Go back to Hell you brain!!


(Cut to: Another fan)


Cameraman: You, you're wearing a Brittany Spears shirt?


Fan: Yeah


Cameraman: Yet you're wearing a trenchcoat, white makeup and a cross?


Fan: Yup.


Cameraman: Why?


Fan#: Because this whole thing has gone too far. These people are just too

..... (Struggling to find a proper word) religious when it comes to what's

popular and what's "in" these days. People looked at me, and I got called

an asshole, I've been called a moron, I've even been called a brain, and

these people don't even know me. I haven't been going up to them and

telling them that they suck just for what they like, I don't know them. I

haven't been telling them that Brittany Spears is BS. It's .... It's just

gotten too stupid. Daria Morgan's been going everywhere in this country and

wrestling for these fans, given them years and years of service, won

titles, pretty much done it all. And just because she's showing a hint of

intelligence and dignity under that skull of hers, they just ... turned

against her. She never turned against them. That's how it's always been.


(Cut to: Another fan)


Fan#: How can these people say that they're decent when we've got people

like Brittany Taylor and Sandi Griffin, beating people up for no reason,

and getting in Playboy magazine with the big-ass boob-jobs and the

knee-high boots, and not even realize that more women read that magazine

than men?


(Cut to: Another fan)


Fan#: Daria? I think that's one grape that needs to be squashed. And

tonight, Demontino is going to bury her spoiled rich-cunt six-feet under.

(People hoot and hollar, obviously they're friends)


(Cut to: Another fan)


Fan#: Six months ago, these people would have been cheering her on. I don't

think they would have been saying stuff like this, it's really disgusting.

I like Daria Morgan because she's got family values. She's loyal, she

genuinely likes her fans. Even though she hates the pop-culture fans,

there's a few of them that actually believe in the same things she does.

She really inspired me to do a lot of things with my life. She taught me

that I have a gift, to take it to my fullest extent. So now I'm going to a

school for computer animation, and I owe it all to Daria. Four years ago, I

wouldn't be going to school, and now I'm going to graduate. I just didn't

believe in anything, and when I started liking Daria, everything changed.


(Cut to: A quiet two-lane road in a neighborhood. Daria is driving a rented



Daria: Every once in a while, I come across a kid who's depressed about the

whole thing and asks me to be a hero again, they try to understand it, and

I don't really have any answers for them.


(Cut to: A recent taping of LHWF Manic Monday. Sandi is in the ring being



Sandi: ......Demontino and the Misery Chick for the LHWF championship. And

I will be the special referee!


(Cut to: The ring, hours away from another Pay-Per-View, Daria is

discussing the plan for tonight's match.)


Daria: I'm still worried about this thing tonight with Sandi. I'm not going

to lose all of my heat to her, am I?


Rich: Do you have any idea on what kind of finish you're going to do?


Daria: All I know is that Sandi's going to cost Demon the match. Is Sandi

going to walk in as a heel?


Rich: That's from what I understand.


Daria: It's like she's going to scoop all of my heat.


(Cut to: The broadcast table, just minutes before the main event. At the

table is Chris Smith, Jay Tea, and Dr. Belch)


Chris: What's going to happen in the next matchup? Sandi cares about her

own career, but also cares in a negative way towards Daria Morgan. What

sort of emotion is Sandi feeling as the guest referee?


Dr Belch: Are you kidding me? Sandi Griffin's ego is so big, it's got its

own zipcode. All Sandi cares about is what her hair looks like tonight. And

speaking of Demontino, Sandi's so full of herself that when she goes to a

funeral, she gets upset because she's not the corpse. She wants to be the

center of attention, and somehow, someway, Sandi will manage to become the

center of attention.


(Daria walks to the ring, usual chorus of boos. After she gets in the ring,

the lights go out, and Demontino rises up from a trapdoor in the aisle,

surrounded by flames, giving the illusion that he came straight from Hell.

Usual cheers for Demontino as he enters the ring.)


(As the match starts, Demontino grabs Daria by the neck and thrusts her

into the corner and pounds her with lefts and rights. Later in the match,

Daria superplexes Demontino from the top turnbuckle, and makes a loud

impact as the two hit the mat. Fans are standing, watching in awe. Daria

grabs a steel chair from the outside, brings it back in and hits Demontino

over the head, sending him into the corner. Daria prepares to hit him again

when Sandi grabs the chair. Daria is shouting obsenities to her face while

Demontino is getting up. Sandi prepares to hit Daria with the chair, but

she ducks, and Sandi ends up hitting Demontino by mistake. Daria covers

Demontino for the pin, and Sandi hesitates to count to three. But Demontino

is out cold, so Daria wins the match. Sandi just walks out in frustration,

while Daria holds up her new LHWF World Heavyweight title belt.)


(Later, after the event, Daria is changing her clothes in the locker room,

while David is admiring the 24-karat 20-lb. leather belt that his big

sister won earlier in the night.)


(Musical montage of Daria working out in a weight room, keeping in shape)


Jane (To the camera): I think she's got another five years left in her.


Daria (To the camera and Jane): Five more years of wrestling? It's like

being the only one in a prison that's a lifer. You know? I've got the

sweetest cell, I've got the run of the place, and I've got the Warden in my

back-pocket. That sort of thing, but I can't wait to get out. Then, it'll

be the real test. Kinda like the Shawshank Redemtion. Once I get out, 'see

if I can stay out.


(Daria is home with Jake and Helen, they're discussing the season tickets)


Daria*: I've been gone a lot, which is very unfair to my family, because

they've been left with most of the dirty work. I can't say I've been the

perfect daughter for the past five years. I don't know how Mom ever put up

with it, me being gone all the time. It's been five years of saying that

I'll be home tomorrow.


Cameraman: Are you looking forward to the day when Daria hangs up her



Helen: (Somewhat camera shy) I've been waiting for the past five years. I'm

sure she'll still be involved somehow.


Cameraman: You've had enough?


Helen: (Thinking carefully about her answer) Yeah. I think it's time to be







(Montage of clips from the recent rise of the Fashion Club, consisting of

Sandi, Thomas Maher, Tiffany, and Stacy, committing a lot of disgraceful

lewd sexual acts. Finally, The Fashion Club interupts Daria's in-ring

interview from the LawndaleTron {A giant TV Projection Screen}.)


Sandi: Now before you put the entire crowd in a sleeperhold and put

everyone to sleep, I want you to look at this clip, just to show that no

one knows Lawndale like I nose Lawndale.


(They show a clip of Sandi during one of Daria's recent matches where Sandi

takes the Lawndale Lions school banner and picks her nose with it.)


Thomas-Maher: Trent, I just have to say that I am stronger than you....


Sandi: Ev'rybody's stronger than him.


Thomas: ...I'm quicker than you......


Sandi: Ev'rybody's quicker than him.


Thomas: ...and I'm certainly BIGGER than you, in more ways than one.


Sandi: (Glancing downward) DEAR GOD!! You could poke an eye out with that



Daria*: I can't imagine what they're thinking. I can't imagine Chris and

the writers, sitting around a table, saying "Well, why don't we try this

tonight?". Sandi, pulling down her pants, showing the crack of her ass and

jumping around. I wish I could be there in the room to tell them "Are you

guys nuts?". It's become Smut-TV.








(Daria comes home, and sees only Helen. Jake is obviously out on business.)


Daria: He says he can't afford me anymore. "Financial peril", he called it.

He said that I'd be doing him a favor if I go back to Kain and see if I can

get back on our old deal.


Helen: I don't believe that. Less than a year ago, he came to our house to

ask you to stay with him.


Chris*: I think I was sorry I signed the deal. Daria had leveraged herself

against Kain's operation, and bid herself up so much, and at the time,

everyone was saying "Oh, you can't let Daria go.". I listened to them, and

given the circumstances, I'm sorry I did.


(Daria was just hanging up the phone)


Daria: I just talked to Chris.


Helen: What'd he say?


Daria: No one wants Daria Morgan more than Chris Smith.


Helen: Then why is he letting you go?


Daria: He can't afford to compete with Kain. Kain's hell-bent on putting

him out of business. Maybe I can call Sally and .... (Looks at the camera)

Can we cut this off for a little while?


Cameraman: Sure.


(Slow-mo of Daria getting pissed in the ring, eventually decking Chris

Smith, causing a deafening chorus of boos from the crowd)


Daria*: The LCW called me, I thought the deal had falled through. They

asked me "What is it going to take to bring you here?" And I answered

"That's pretty much it.", and I hung up with that pit in my stomach,

because now I have every reason to leave. Still giving Chris Smith the

benefit of the doubt, the history and the legacy of my past, I thought

about it all night, and I called him up the following morning. I flat-out

said to him "Talk me into staying, I don't want to talk money. I'll stay

with the deal that we have. I just want you to make some kind of commitment

to me." Finally, he laid it out to me "What do YOU want to do? You make the

call." "I don't any ideas, what would YOU do with Daria Morgan?" And then I

realized what a horrible predictiment I'm in. "I was the number-one good

guy in the world, and I gave that up to become the number-one bad guy in

the world, and now you've given that job up to Sandi Griffin. How could I

become a good guy again? I can't be a good guy and I can't be a bad guy,

I'm stuck in Purgatory. You've actually sabatoged my career."


(Daria is in her old bedroom next to a fax machine)


Daria: I finally ended my career with the LHWF. I can't help but feel

heartbroken and disappointed that I left this company. I punched in the

numbers, and really had to wait and hesitate before pressing the send

button, and then I watched as my career ended in about twenty seconds. Just

"chu-chu-chu-chu" (Fax noises).


(Daria is walking with David to a house show in Jonston.)


Daria*: Four more weeks, and I'm out of the LHWF. We've all agreed to keep

my leaving a secret, but I won't shut up about where wrestling's headed.


TV Announcer: And now, "Off the Record" with Michelle Klein-Hass!


Michelle: A week before the "LHWF Armageddon" in Lawndale, fans are already

buzzing about Daria Morgan and Sandi Griffin for the LHWF World

Championship. But the real fight is between Daria and the king of the LHWF,

Chris Smith. Daria says it's a raunchier, sleazier LHWF, not fit for kids.

Daria fired the first shots, challenging the creative direction that Smith

is taking wrestling.


(Daria is on the couch on the "Off the Record" set, talking to Michelle in

a taped interview.)


Daria: It's gotten a lot more raunchier, a lot more sexual, the show is

VERY sexual, in a bad way. I don't think you watch wrestling for sex. It's

become something that you don't want to present to your children. My family

won't watch the show anymore, not even the teenagers. It's just something I

don't want to be associated with.


(Back to the present)


Michelle: Chris Smith disagrees, and here's his answer.


Chris#: We here at the LHWF feel that you, the fans, are tired of having

your intelligence insulted. We also believe you're tired of the simplistic

theory of "Good guys versus bad guys". Surely, the era of the superhero

urge for you to say your prayers and take your vitamins is definitely



Michelle: He says that there's no good or bad anymore, no black or white.

Just shades of gray, according to Chris. Is there no right or wrong



Martin Pollard: In a way, it's a small piece of hand-trickery he's doing

here. You can have complex stories that won't offend kids. You can have

moral relativism without racist or sexist slurs.


Orcaa: It's a way to justify anything being ok, without anything being

convienent at the time. They want to do racism, they want to do rape, since

there's no good and evil, anything is allowable.


John Berry: This is not a unique offensive by Chris Smith. I mean, we

market Freddy Kruger costumes for nine-year-olds. And quite frankly,

throwing out the rules has made a much more exciting LHWF entertainment. I

mean, I'd be morally, and politically upset by what's going on. But as a

fan, I'm not being treated as a baby in the way that I was when Chris would

have two wrestlers in a diaper match.


Orcaa: Instead of a diaper match, we're doing a stripper match.


Michelle: Isn't that the point that Daria Morgan's been making, that it's

just not appropriate for kids.........?


(Cut to: Another match, The Lawndale Posse against the Fashion Club and

Zombie. Daria and company are walking to the ring.)


Daria*: I went public about my feelings towards the LHWF's creative

direction, and Chris leaked out that I was leaving for the money, that I

sold out.


(During the match, Daria looks at some of the signs people were holding up.

"Why wait? Leave now, Daria!", "Daria "The Has-Been" Morgan", "Why, Daria,

why?", the list goes on and on. Fans are giving her the finger and shouting

"YOU SOLD OUT! YOU SOLD OUT!" After the match, Daria and company are trying

to leave the arena.)


Daria*: This would be my last show before the match in Lawndale. Things

were starting to get really hot, and I was getting as emotional as they



(The Lawndale Posse is travelling in a limo with Helen and Amy.)


TV: Tonight on Sick Sad World, an archeologist conducts his search in a



Archeologist: Hey, I found something!


(Daria mutes the TV)


Amy: Things got really messed up. This whole thing's gotten really messed

up. It's just not.....(Drifts off in hesitation)


Daria: Where I am with Sandi right now, I told Chris that, with where

everything's going, with the fact that he's saying all this stuff in this

interview about Jake being dead.....


Trent: He said Jake's dead? When did he say that?


Daria: Two weeks ago. It's Chris's fault. He told me to really shoot with

him in this interview. He sat me and Sandi down in a room and we went over

all of these things they wanted me to say. Attacking Sandi about being in

the sack with Chris. I'm going "You really want me to say this stuff?", and

he's going "Yeeeeaah, hit me with this." And I feel really uncomfortable,

and I told them that because I'd be doing the same thing to them that I'm

asking them NOT to do to me. This is getting really stupid.


Helen: It's about the same kind of intelligence involved as a bunch of



Daria: It's being built to the level where the hero HAS to prevail. You



(Daria is home with Jake, Helen is out on business, Jane is at the table)


Daria*: Chris insisted that I lose to Sandi in Lawndale. He told me that I

can't go on the LCW TV show wearing his belt. I told him that I'd never do

that. I told him I'd drop the belt, but not in Lawndale. He insisted that I

lose the belt in Lawndale. I asked him "You told me I could leave any way I

wanted, and now you're throwing this at me?" This is really strange. I

never once said no to Chris Smith, ever.


Daria: Haven't I compromised enough? I put that in my contract. For the

last 30 days, I had reasonable creative control. And now I'm in a situation

where ......... thank god I put that in?


Jake: What if something happens, regardless?


Daria: Well, we won't have to worry about the referee, because I talked to

John. He swore on his kids that he wasn't going to let anything happen. And

I can trust John.


(Cut to: The crowd of fans just outside the Lawndale High School Gymnasium,

the original home of the LHWF.)


Fan (With megaphone): No matter what Daria Morgan does, we want him to know

that we're behind him one-hundred percent! We love the Misery Chick, no

matter what she does, we love her!! (Roaring ovation)


(Daria is seen walking with luggage up to a hotel room)


Daria*: Tomorrow's the big showdown in Lawndale. It's probably the biggest

fight in my whole life. It's a great story I've been living for the past

five years, about to come to an end. (Pause) I spoke to Chris. He said "You

have to lose to Sandi in Lawndale."


Daria#: I can't do it. I described to him "I may as well just blow my

brains out. What you're asking me to do, it's pretty much the exact same

thing, from a character standpoint. I would just be taking the Misery Chick

and pretty much her pointing a gun between her eyes and shooting her at

point-blank." People talk about how fake wrestling is. It's far more real

than most people think. Really, what they would prefer to do to me

tomorrow, to me I think, is to ... rape me in the middle of the ring. And

it would be really tough for me to get through the next few weeks, if I

even make it that far. I don't even know if I'll even make it that far,

because I won't let them .... rape me. Anyway, it's been hard. The whole

thing's been hard.




(Helen is talking to Ms Barch)


Janet: I didn't hear anything until Friday. When I heard that Daria's going

to LCW, I was like "You're kidding me!".


Helen: Yeah, I think everyone here's in shock.


Janet: It's going to be like a huge void. You know, there was never a time

when she wasn't here.


(Helen is talking to John Jingleheimerschmitt, the official referee for

tonight's match)


John: Yeah, I'm really going to miss Daria.


(The cameraman manages to find David)


Cameraman: Do you have any idea why your Sister's leaving?


David: Nuh-uh.


(Daria, and some relatives are meeting Chris)


Daria: ... and that's Stretch. (Pointing to Amy'a daughter that's a little

tall for her age. Stretch giggles) Umm, ok, (To her nephews and nieces) go

mess around. Chris and I gotta talk.


Chris: Ok, umm, right this way.


(Daria and Chris are talking in Chris's "office", only the doorway is seen)






Daria: I don't want to ever leave here with any kind of bad feelings, but

this has been kind of a bad week for me. I feel kinda betrayed.


Chris: Well, I do too, in a little bit. And again, all that we're really

talking about here is Kain. That's what's come between you and me, and

that's all. I can't really tell you how appriciative I will always be for

all you've done.


Daria: I didn't want to leave with any problems, actually I didn't want to

leave at all, but there doesn't seem to be any other choice. The way this

whole thing has been depicted, it's going to be really hard for me, as a

hero, to come up short this weekend. Ummm, what would you want to do today?


Chris: I'm open to anything.


Daria: I think I just want to get through today. Then tomorrow, I think I

want to just do my speech, and then forefit the title. It'd allow me to

leave with my head up high, in a nice way. I don't have to beat Sandi, we

could just have a big schmoz, whatever you want.


Chris: I'm thinking of a run-in type of thing, but I'm open to anything.


(Daria is talking with Rich)


Rich: Ok, but I want to have the whole thing ironed out before all the guys

start jumping in.


(Rich goes to see Chris, and Daria finds Helen)


Daria: It's ok, I just talked to Chris, it's going to be a



Helen: I don't believe it.


Daria*: So Chris finally agreed that I didn't have to lose the belt, that I

could leave with my head up high.


Jay Tea (Commentating): .......two of the most dominant, two of the most

premier athletes in the LHWF, it's gotten very personal, very physical, this

is going to be stiff........


(Sandi walks to the ring, once more with the Lawndale Lions banner, the

second she gets in the ring, she rubs it "where the sun doesn't shine", and

then humps it. All of this is to get the crowd riled up. Daria then walks

to the ring, same way as always.)


(Sandi attacks Daria before the bell, and backs her into a corner, laying

in a flurry of lefts and rights. Daria then pulls out and forces Sandi in

the same corner and does the same thing. Daria drags Sandi by the hair and

slams her onto the mat.)


(Later in the match, Daria attempts to hit Sandi with a double axhandle

smash from the top turnbuckle, John Jingleheimerschmitt, {The referee} gets

in the way, and all three collide with each other. You can hear a Voiceover

conversation between Daria and Rich, discussing the match)


Rich: Ok, let's run this by again.


Daria: Ok, we bump the referee, he's supposed to stay down, and the Sandi

goes for the True Misery. I reverse it and put it on her. Then all the

other guys jump in the ring, and it all ends in a big schmoz. That's how

it's supposed to end.


(Sandi gets up and puts Daria in the True Misery, the referee gets up

early, and while Daria is attempting to reverse the hold, John signals for

the bell. Both Daria and Sandi look at Chris {Who was at ringside the

entire time} in total disbelief. Daria literally spits on him.)


Daria*: I reached around to grab Sandi's leg, and I could barely hear

someone say "Ring the bell!". That's when I knew it was Chris Smith. I

finally realized that they screwed me. They really screwed me, the lousy



(A few cameras catch the expressions of some of the fans. All are pisseed.

Repeated voiceover of the conversation between Daria and Chris, before the



Daria*: I don't have to beat Sandi, we could just have a big schmoz. It'd

allow me to leave with my head up high, in a nice way.


Chris*: Whatever you want.


(Daria walks with the Lawndale Posse back to the locker room, angry, and

depressed. David's got a look of murder in his eyes. Daria meets up with

Helen, Amy, and the others)


Daria: (Hugging Helen) The piece of shit's locked himself in his office.


(Daria is just sitting there in the locker room while Sandi is changing out

of her outfit)


Daria: ..so you weren't in on that at all?


Sandi: (Somewhat angry) My hands are clean on this one, Chris just told me

to grab the belt and run. I don't want any part of this.


(Daria looks up, and tells the cameraman to turn off the camera for a

moment. Cut to: The hallway outside, where Helen is reading several people,

including Thomas Maher, the Riot Act.)


Helen: Don't give me any of that shit! You knew it from the very beginning!


Thomas: I swear to God we had nothing to do with this.


Helen: Yeah? Well you can swear to God all you want, but someday, God is

going to strike you down.


Thomas: I know you're upset...


Helen: Of course I'm upset, because you knew it all along! You're going to

all go back to the hotel room and have a big laugh about it, a few beers

here and there. Just you remember, Tom, what goes around, comes around.


(Cut back to: The locker room.)


Cameraman: What happened?


Daria#: Somehow, Chris ran into my hand. But I ..... drilled him. 'Knocked

him out.


(Cut to: The drive home)


Daria*: When the smoke cleared, it seemed like the right thing to do. There

just didn't seem to be any other choice but to nail Chris that one time and

then let it go. ...... That's a Kain judgement call.


(Cut-to: a segment of a recent on-air interview)


Jay Tea: If you had the oppurtunity to speak with Daria, because you know

she's watching, what would you say to her now?


Chris: It's too bad that a five-year relationship was destroyed because one

member of that relationship forgot that we're in the Sports Entertainment

business. Forgot where she came from. Daria screwed Daria, and she can look

in the mirror and know that. I have no sympathy whatsoever for Daria

Morgan. I have no sympathy for someone, not doing the right thing for the

business that made her. Not doing the right thing for the fans, the

performers and the promoters that made her. She made a rather selfish

decision, and she'll have to live with that for the rest of her life. Daria

screwed Daria, I have no sympathy for Daria.


(Daria is home with Helen, on the couch.)


Daria#: Chris Smith has always had this mentality about treating wrestlers

like circus animals. All of these wrestlers, breaking their backs for this

business for years, wind up with just about nothing when it's over, and

they take you in the back, put a .44 slug in the back of your head, and

then dump you in the river. That's the life of a professional wrestler, and

in my case, and the demands I had put in my contract were to literally put

the power back into the wrestler's hands, somewhat. Maybe that was their

whole plan, maybe I was becoming too powerful, and now it's time for Chris

Smith, the promoter, to tear this one down once and for all, maybe he felt

he had something to prove to himself, but I'll never know. But I do know

one thing, that it was wrong.


(Cut back to the edition of "Off the Record")


Michelle: Is there a right and is there a wrong?


Martin: There's Daria's argument, which may seem a little na´ve, but go

back to a world like Hamlet, where Hamlet finds himself in a world in which

he can find no moral values whatsoever. But he has personal integrity. He

keeps his word. He does what he promises he will do, and that makes him a

good man, even if he's in a bad world.


(Daria and Jane are walking over to the Lane house.)


Daria*: It's almost a fitting end to the Misery Chick character, because

she never sold out, and she never lost her integrity. Daria Morgan came

home, she's fine. What they did is that they murdered this Misery Chick








Bret "The Hitman" Hart (Replaced with Daria in this story) was and always

will be one of my idols (Not just in wrestling). He always stood up for

what was right, and for what he believed in. When he turned heel, I was

still with him, because when he rebelled against the American wrestling

fans (He is from Calgary, Alberta, Canada) I took a lot of pride in

believing, like him, that the American wrestling fans had no morals

whatsoever. And we was right, if the fans were to cheer assholes like

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin (Replaced with Brittany Taylor), and arrogant

self-centered pricks like Shawn Michaels (Replaced with Sandi Griffin),

then I had no reason to care a rat's ass about them. But we sat through the

ordeal, and long after, hoping Vince McMahon (Replaced with myself) would

see the error of his ways and tone down the sex, tone down the excessive

violence. But with the sex, as they so often put it, sells. And with the

recent rise in popularity of Jerry Springer's trash-talk show, the fans

were wanting nothing but blood, and sometimes more. That, and Vince

McMahon, is a deadly, and profitable combination that has made him over a

billion dollars.


Regardless of all the bullshit that went on, Bret never waived his loyalty,

he never backed down, and he never gave up. Regardless of the offer of nine

million dollars from Ted Turner to join World Championship Wrestling, Bret

stayed with Vince McMahon's World Wrestling Federation, as he has done so

for fourteen years. Until October 1997, when Bret decided to take up Ted

Turner's offer and come to WCW. For the last month in the WWF, Bret had

reasonable creative control of his character (As was stated in his

contract), but Vince insisted that he lose the WWF world title in Montreal,

in front of his native Canadian fans. Call it pride, if you will, but Bret

refused to do that. He said he would drop the belt, but not in Canada.


Survivior Series '97, in Montreal, came. Bret had to work one last match.

The plan was for Bret to reverse the Sharpshooter (Replaced with The True

Misery in the story) that Shawn put on him, then people from the back would

all come out and interfere with the match, causing a disqualification. Then

Bret could come on Raw Is War the next night and forefit the title.

But when Bret tried to reverse the Sharpshooter, Vince ordered the

timekeeper to ring the bell. It was a real-life double-cross. Some fans

thought it was a work, some knew better. A year later, everyone would know

better when the documentry was finally pieced together.


Vince was pissed when he found out about the wire, one year later. :)


It took me awhile to finally decide to actually do a fanfic based on the

documentry. I wasn't entirely sure as to how to make the conversion, but

after awhile, it was easy as pie. Believe it or not, I actually enjoyed

playing myself as the somewhat slimy-evil promoter. In the years I've been

writing myself in fanfics, I've always taken great pride in being a normal,

decent good guy.


In closing, Bret Hart will always be "The best there is, the best there

was, and the best that there will ever be". Say what you will about Steve

Asutin, say what you will about The Rock, say what you will about Goldberg,

but Bret Hart's 20 years of service has earned him the right to actually

say that, because when it's all said and done, he really is the best.




Daria Morgan - The Bret Hart of the story. Daria will never give up when it

comes to standing up for what's right.


Quinn Morgan "The Red Queen" - Quinn is basically the narcisis of the



Jane Lane - Kinda like Owen Hart, basic technical high-flyer, but acts like

Jim Neidhart at times..


Trent Lane - Maintains his role of Rip Van Winkle (Snicker), but is

somewhat like the British Bulldog.


Jesse Moreno - The Brian Pillman of the story. Crazy, sadistic, and more



David Morgan - Even though he doesn't really exist, it would have been nice

for Daria and Quinn to have a little brother.


Chris Smith - The sole-owner and operator of the Lawndale High Wrestling



Kain - The former owner of the LHWF, now the owner of Lawndale Championship

Wrestling, and Daria's trainer.


Sally - Kain's loving wife, and Vice-President of the LCW.


Tom Marek - One of Kain's best friends, and one of the creative staff of



Andrea - Known as Zombie in the LHWF, Andrea picks up a little of the

Mankind persona, takes bumps even in her sleep. She seems to LOVE the

hardcore-style matches. Don't even get me started on her match with

Masahiro Chono in Japan in that exploding board barbed-wire match........


Upchuck - Plays himself, and plays with himself (Not literally, of course).

He is even worse than Goldust when it comes right down to it. Even he

wouldn't wear a strap-on dildo to the ring.


The Fashion Club - The biggest group of degenerates in the LHWF, led by

Sandi Griffin. The Fashion Club is the LHWF's version of Degeneration-X.


Sandi Griffin - Vain, obnoxious, self-centered, and cocky, reminds me a lot

of Shawn Michaels.


Thomas Maher - Plays the role of Hunter Hearst Helmsley (Triple H). A snob,

turned fashion-clad degenerate.


Tiffany - Doesn't say much in the Fashion Club, but is quite the technical

brawler in the ring, Tiffany plays the role of Chyna.


Stacy - Stacy has always been known as a tag-along, so she maintains the

role of Miss Kitty. Cute and somewhat harmless.


Brittany Taylor - Brittany maintains her .... "Damaged" cheerleader

persona, yet she acts like Steve Austin and seems to be given a

Goldberg-esque gimmick.


Demontino - It took a lot of doing to control Anthony's bulging eye to

where he could do it whenever he wanted, but when he did, he took up

somewhat of an Undertaker persona.