If history had gone differently, no one would ever know who Joel Schumacher is. In some circles people might remember St. Elmo’s Fire, but that would be for 1980s nostalgia about the infamous “Brat Pack” rather than any artistic merits of the film, and a few other Grisham fans might remember him as the director of a few movies based on his books. But other than these peeps, his name lost among a crowd of many, many others of a similar level of talent. In fifty years, only a few historians of cinema who have no lives would have ever heard of his name.
Unfortunately, he will be remembered. After Tim Burton declined doing the third installment of the Batman series, Schumacher took over. Many people have not been completely satisfied by Burton’s offerings, but at the worst they were semidecent and getting better with successive installment. Schumacher, however, decided to not follow the pattern. He made it campier, shallower, sillier, stupider, and stuck nipples and a codpiece on the batsuit. By all critical accounts, this movie sucked big time. Serious fans of Batman were offended. And then, to further insult the movie-going public, some idiot asked him back to do the whole thing over AGAIN.
What are film historians to say about Schumacher? Probably that he is, based on his Batman offerings alone, a talentless, nipple-obsessed freak with delusions of grandeur and probably repressing some homoerotic feelings, the only people being stupider are those who asked him back for a second movie. At the same studio with the same idiots in charge, you could see why they might be so dumb to give him another chance to waste a ton of money a second time. But would anyone else?
As everyone knows, Batman & Robin did not do as well as Batman Forever, and this may be reflected in his choices of projects. One of his more recent offerings, 8 mm, was made on a considerably smaller budget that his undynamic duo of travesties but remains in perfect harmony with his focus on sensationalism over substance. The motivation for this choice is obvious as far as the studio is concerned: Let him make a movie for a relatively small sum and maybe the kinky subject matter will draw in enough ticket purchases to make a profit. His star is obviously falling if this is what he’s reduced to after making megabudget blockbusters. So how the hell did he get the job of directing Daria?
No one’s entirely certain about this. One possibility (Jim Grubman’s suggestion) is a clerical error. As everyone knows, MTV finally got off their duffs about making a movie based on their cartoon Aeon Flux. Certainly another movie with a lot of special effects and action in typical Hollywood blah style would be his speed. And with the focus on Demi Moore as the Monican superspy in her tight, revealing outfit made of black leather, it couldn’t get that bad, could it? Actually, it could. Given the significant roles of Pierce Brosnan (as Trevor Goodchild) and Marlon Brando (as Clavius), one could easily see Schumacher trying to imply something going on between them. (To put it quite eloquently, “Ewwwww!”) Besides, Brando has already spoken out on why he declined a role in Daria, and he certainly wouldn’t have taken the role if Schumacher was supposed to direct. So Schumacher getting the job by someone writing down the right names in the wrong places seems unlikely.
More likely, it had to do with two things. One was that the budget of this movie is relatively small given the lack of special effects, the biggest expenses probably being what certain stars are getting paid. Thus, even if the movie fails, the loss will be relative minor compared to another Batman travesty. Another is that the script (probably) isn’t based around relationships between males. In the original cartoon there were not much in such relationships to start with. Given Akiva Goldsman’s writing in the past, it’s more likely that the Daria-Trent relationship will be toyed with (compare what he did with the Don West-Judy Robinson relationship in Lost in Space) rather than fabricating something totally from scratch. Given that Daria, Quinn, and Jane are likely to be the lead figures, there’s less room for Schumacher’s repressed sexual feelings to ooze out inappropriately. (Well, yes, he could try to add some subtext implying something going on between Daria and Jane, but the costuming limitations alone limit his ability to do this. Besides, he’s not repressing LESBIAN feelings, probably.)
Whatever the reason, it isn’t a big mystery how good this film will be. The words on one poster say it all: “Prepare to enter Hell.”