The Daria Fanfic Cliche Drinking Game

Compiled by Aaron Solomon "Hiergargo/Nails" (ben Saul Joseph) Adelman from submissions on the Outpost Daria fanfic message board

By Aaron Solomon "Hiergargo/Nails" (ben Saul Joseph) Adelman:

• Take a drink if Daria drinks anything alcoholic at a party and wakes up naked in Trent's bed.  If she's naked, take two drinks.  If Trent's in bed with her, empty the bottle.
• Take a drink if Helen and Jake are negligent parents, outright ignoring Daria and favoring Quinn. Take two drinks if Daria gets fed up with Helen and Jake and moves in with the Lanes.  Empty the bottle if Helen and Jake don't know immediately that Daria has moved out.
• Take a drink if Jane and Jesse are a couple. Take two drinks if Ted and Stacy are a couple.  Empty the bottle if Quinn has a steady boyfriend, no matter who he is.
• Take a drink if a character whose heterosexuality is well-established is revealed to really be bisexual.  Take two drinks if said character is revealed to really be homosexual.  Take four drinks if said newly homosexual character is the victim of prejudice.  Take five drinks if Daria and Jane become lovers.  Empty the bottle if the writing sucks or almost everyone acts severely out of character.
• Take a drink if Daria is depressed or has low self-esteem.  Take two drinks if Daria attempts suicide.  Take three drinks if she succeeds.  Empty the bottle if Trent or Jane saves her life.
• Take a drink if Daria or Trent confess their love for each other.  Take two drinks if they become a couple.  If a guitar is involved in any way, either in getting them together or in keeping them together, take three drinks.  Empty the bottle if they sleep together.
• Take a drink if Mystik Spiral or any member thereof hits it big.  Empty the bottle if Trent alone hits it big.
• Take a drink if Daria joins Mystik Spiral in any capacity at all (roadie, manager, flute player, singer, whatever).  Empty the bottle if she sings.
• Take a drink if Daria or Jane get a makeover.  Take two drinks if the makeover is voluntary.  Take three drinks if Daria is coerced into getting a makeover by Trent (as in "Pierce Me") or she does it to get Trent's attention.  Empty the bottle if Daria or Jane model.
• Take a drink if Daria appears naked or nearly naked on any piece of artwork.
• Take a drink if Beavis and Butt-Head appear.
• Take a drink if Ms. Li is arrested.
• Take a drink if Helen and Jake separate.  Take two drinks if they get a divorce.  Empty the bottle if Helen has an affair with Eric.
• Take a drink if a character everyone thought was of below average intelligence is revealed to be smart.  Empty the bottle if this character is Quinn.
• If Quinn is thrown out of the Fashion Club, take a drink.  If Sandi is thrown out of the Fashion Club, take two drinks.  If Stacy quits the Fashion Club and imitates Daria or Jane or tries to join their "clique", take three drinks.  If Daria and Jane join the Fashion Club, empty the bottle.
• If a new character is introduced which looks like a canonical character, take a drink.  If the new character looks like Daria, empty the bottle.
• If Sandi is a monster, take a drink.  If she uses violence against Daria, empty the bottle.
• If a major canonical character dies, take a drink except if Daria commits suicide. (Remember:  we did cover this one before.)  If a member of the Fashion Club dies, empty the bottle.
• If Daria joins any band besides Mystik Spiral, take a drink.  If Jane also joins said band, take two drinks.  If Andrea is also in this band and plays the drums, empty the bottle.
• If violence is used against any character, take a drink.  If the perpetrator is Andrea, Ms. Barch, or Mr. DiMartino, take two drinks.  If the perpetrator is Daria, take three drinks.  If the victim is Upchuck, empty the bottle.
• If a member of the Fashion Club is raped, take a drink.  If Jane is raped, take two drinks.  If Daria is raped, take three drinks.  If Tom is the perpetrator, empty the bottle.
• If Jane pushes Daria and Trent to get together with reckless abandon (as opposed to nudging), take a drink.  If she enlists anyone else's help, take two drinks.  If any member of Mystik Spiral is also involved, empty the bottle.
• If Jake can't remember Jane's name, take a drink.  If Helen can't remember Jane's name, empty the bottle.
• If Daria is revealed to be Quinn's sister and not her cousin, take a drink.
• If Jake gets a pet, take a drink.  If it's gone by the end of the episode, empty the bottle.
• If Andrea is friendly to Daria and Jane (relatively speaking), take a drink.

By Kara Wild:

• Take a drink if some cool new guy comes to Lawndale and instantly recognizes Daria's superiority over everyone else, and they hook up and wreak havoc on Ms. Li's diabolical schemes.
• Take one drink if Jodie blows up.  Take two if she blows up at Michelle and Andrew.  Empty the bottle if she does that and quits all of her activities, paving the way for a carefree existence.

By Milo:

• Take a drink when Aunt Amy enters the script as the loving, supportive older mentor.  Two drinks when it turns out she has a high powered job.  Take crack if she shows up as a scientist.

By Morgan Jenkins:

• Take a drink if any of the cast members get super powers.  Take two drinks if it's Daria.  Drain if her costume resembles a sailor dress in any way, form, or fashion.  Get another bottle and drain it, too, if Trent shows up to help.
• If Daria and Trent get together while on a trip, take three drinks.

By Lurman:

• Take a drink if Jake isn't Daria's real father.
• Take a drink if Daria, Jane, and Andrea come under attack because of Columbine.
• Take a drink if Tom is evil.

By Dexi:

• If Andrea is in the fanfic, and she has five or less lines, take a drink.
• If the fic is a crossover other than Beavis and Butthead/Daria, take a drink. If the crossover is with an anime or cartoon series, take two. If it's with a movie, drain.
• If Upchuck is threatened or beaten up by a female character (canon matters not), take one drink.
• If Upchuck turns out to be nice once he gets past the "James Bond" act, drain the bottle.
• If Upchuck goes on a date with Daria (or Jane, though I don't think I've seen that one yet), drain two bottles.

By Crazy Nutso:

• If Andrea is drinking, drink the whole bottle.
• If they eat lasagna drink, If they complain that they never eat anything but lasagna, take another drink. If Jake cooks something and everyone tries to get out of eating it, finish the bottle.

By Dr. Mike:

If a fanfic has anything to do with Sailor Moon, empty the bottle, swipe another bottle from your roommate, and drain that one also.

• Take a drink if an author writes him/herself into the fic.
• Take a drink if the fic includes the opening credits.  Take two  drinks if you actually change the opening to fit your fic/universe.  Empty the bottle if you actually change the color of the background every fan season you have.
• If Helen actually cooks something for the family from scratch, lay off the bottle 'cause you aren't reading Daria fanfics.
• Take a drink if you work in another relative for Daria.  Take two drinks if this relative hits on or gets hit on my a cast member.  Drain the bottle if the cast member is Jane.

By J:

• If a celebrity comes to Lawndale, take a drink.  If said celebrity asks Daria and/or Jane out, take another drink.  If they accept and the celebrity humiliates the Fashion Club in the process, empty the bottle.

• If Quinn is a slut, take a drink.

By Rancour:

• If Lerman ("I Don't") is present in any way, shape or form, take a drink.  (I'd say take another if he immediately seeks out and starts trading sarcastic remarks with Daria, but that's pretty much a given if he shows up at all).  If people think he's Daria or Quinn's brother, drain the bottle.
• If Daria is in the spotlight for whatever reason (talking at assembly, on stage at a school dance or the Zen, live on television, et al.), take a drink if she manages to humiliate anyone present while up there.  Take two drinks if it's the Fashion Club or Ms Li getting humiliated.  If she's up there of her own free will, drain the bottle.  And if her attempts fail or backfire in any way, put down the bottle and mail me because I want to read this unique piece of fic.
• If Daria (or any character added by the 'fic author) can read/understand any language apart from English and French (including sign language), take a drink.  If she's picked it up simply by reading books in that language, take two drinks.  If that language is Chinese, Japanese, or anything else with a similarly exotic script, take another three drinks on top.  If she can read any European language, including Latin, Basque and Hungarian, drain the bottle, get another, bigger bottle, and drain that one too.
• If Ms Li suspends anyone, take a drink for every school day they miss, another if it's challenged in court, and yet another if it's Helen behind the lawsuit.  If it's Daria in trouble for writing a controversial article of any kind, drain it.  And if anyone gets expelled, find a bottle of something stronger and polish that off as well.
• If Daria is in or is revealed to have been in the care or presence of a psychiatrist or counsellor of any kind, take a drink.  If Ms Li has anything to do with it, take two drinks. If she winds up in a mental hospital, take three.  If that hospital is a hell that in real life would have been shut down years ago, drain the bottle.
• If Ms Li is the victim or the perpetrator of any violence, take three drinks.
• If Ms. Li is a monster, take a drink.  If she uses violence against Daria, empty the bottle.
• If any goth character other than Andrea is added by the fic author, take two drinks.
• Take a drink if you write a fic parodying all these damn cliches polluting the world of Daria fanfic (though there's often a reason they became cliches in the first place...).