Meet Reverend MEAT –OR-  MEAT and greet.

 Johnny started his way back to consciousness when the door slammed. He tried to open his eyes but found he didn't want to just yet.

"Mmmph... 'lo?"

 "Hello..."

 Johnny's eyes shot open. Devi was standing there, naked, and looking, to put it bluntly...evil as hell.

 "Devi? What are..." he stopped when he realized the obvious answer himself. "Why? I thought you hated me..."

 Devi gave an odd little smile. She walked up to the bathtub, reached down and ruffled his hair. Johnny moved to cover himself, some buried sense of modesty emerging.

 "Silly boy..." Devi murmured, still smiling.

 Her hand gripped his hair painfully.

"I do."

With that, she forced his head under the water.

It took Johnny a few seconds to get him to remember he had to start struggling. He scratched fiercely at Devi's wrists, desperatly trying to cause pain. He felt a sharp pain in his scalp as Devi dragged him, sputtering, to the surface.

He didn't get much time to breathe as Devi then slammed her lips against his, and slid her tongue into his mouth, wriggling it around like some sort of drunken eel.

After a few minutes of tongue wrestling, Devi pulled back and shoved Johnny back under the water, holding him there while her other hand reached into the water, gripped his balls, and started rubbing them.

He allowed himself to enjoy it for a few seconds, before forcing himself to the surface and slamming Devi into the sil of the tub. "Dammit! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he asked.

"What do you mean?..." Devi asked. Johnny looked closer, and was disturbed to see her eyes, starting to ...glaze over. "I am doing what I came here to do... I... I must kill you.."

Devi quickly got ahold of his wrists and sharply twisted them. As Johnny tried to fight her, she rose up and slammed him into the faucet head.  "OW” he yelped in pain.

"Shut up." Devi said, climbing into the tub. She slammed him into the head again... and again... her gaze slowly driving to the tile directly in front of her nose... Johnny looked up just before she drove him against the metal fixture again, and kicked her as hard as he could in her groin.

"AHH!" Devi cried out in pain. She slid back and hit the end of the tub.

"Sorry.." Johnny said with a wince as he frantically tried to climb out of the tub.

"I am too..." Devi said, as she kicked his knees on the wrong side, sending him back into the tub.

"A... talk?" Sickness asked suspiciously.

MEAT's grin grew wider. "Yes, about just what you think you are doing, my dear little figment."

"I'm defending my turf... If Devi stops breathing, I do too... unless I can take over another host. I should ask you what YOU are doing. You know I got here first."

 "Oh, are we going to start staking claims?" MEAT said a trace of boredom in his speech. "You aren't doing too well with the girl, are you?"

 "I'm... doing well enough." Sickness said, nervously, "And on my own... no one telling me what to do, or who my host has to fuck."

 "Blind as a bat and occasionally being beaten into submission by your host. The other figments must be SOOOO impressed." MEAT replied.

 "Well, maybe not... but how would I know? You took out the other two, didn't you? Afraid of the competition?" Sickness snarled.

 "I did no such thing. The fool tried to kill himself and succeeded. Surely you must have noticed the little glitch from your plane of existence.

 "And when heaven and hell were done with him and he woke up... there you were. Convenient, wouldn't you say? So, which one of your 'Lords' did you piss off to get THIS assignment?"

"HA! You know NOTHING!" MEAT snarled. "In fact, I really must thank you. Between you and the Doughboys, you opened the way for us to finally enact our ultimate goal!"

"Oh, wait.. let me guess! The CHILD! Geez, it's like a broken record with you... Things. It's not like you've ever been successful..."

"Yes, but this time we have a distinct advantage."

 "And may I ask what the fuck that is?" Sickness asked.

 MEAT grinned again. "There's no figments in their heads to stop us this time...and that girl has enough hate for BOTH of them."

 "First off, and you would know this if you DID spend some time in the girls head, Devi DOES like Johnny. True, she's scared shitless of him, and sometimes just wants to open his skull with a meat cleaver, but she DOES like the boy. You had this problem with Keena and Noob, remember?"

"Barely enough affection to pull them together... and overwhelming hate to tear them apart. It's all in the manipulation.” MEAT said dismissively. “And I'm very good at that, aren't I little figment? I got her here, just in time..."

"Well... well second… ly..." Sickness said, her voice shaking.

MEAT leaned closer. "The girl already has a figment?"

Sickness's face dropped, but she nodded.

MEAT suddenly... moved. He grinned, and was suddenly NEXT to Sickness, from across the room in an instant. Smiling as he spoke from his big, burger boy mouth.... "Not for long...”

Johnny fought to get his head above the surface of the water again. But no sooner had he done so, than Devi grabbed his head, and pressed his mouth to her nipple.

 "Suck." she commanded. Her voice sounded very empty. Faced with death by downing and rather nice tits, Johnny decided to go with the most sensible decision. Devi made quiet little happy sounds as he went to work on her. He rubbed them as his hands searched for something large and blunt. Unfortunately, most of the ones that usually littered the floor were out of reach. Dammit…

Johnny improvised, working his way up Devi's smooth back, rubbing her tense muscles until he was in just the right position... to flip her over and press her beneath the water.

Devi's breath came up in a series of bubbles, as Johnny held her down near the bottom of the tub. She tried to get a grip on the tub's rim, but her hands were too slick.

Johnny let his hands naturally go to her throat... he was choking her... he knew he should care but for some reason he... just didn't... In fact he was enjoying the whole situation a lot more than he should...

He briefly let Devi come for air. She tried to sit up, choking water. "Why did.." she asked in dull, muted tones. Johnny quickly pushed her under the water again. If he couldn’t reason with her, he could exhaust her..

 Devi's hands flew up out of the water and grabbed Johnny around the throat as well.

 Johnny let go of one hand to fight for air, while Devi mimicked him.

 Devi's left foot managed to press up against the end of the tub. She pushed off, and managed to get into a sitting position, causing Johnny to lose his balance and fall out of the tub.

 "Dammit." Johnny growled. Why the fuck was she trying to save herself? They were supposed to be... supposed to be doing what? Johnny blinked and shook his head, even as Devi calculated how to get her fingers back around his neck. Something wasn’t right…

"You... moved again." Sickness said. She wasn't sure if she should be scared or interested.

"Yes, I did." MEAT said. "And why shouldn't I?"

"I dunno... Just kinda spookie.. What does it mean?"

"Oh, nothing big. My master’s approach, growing powers, telepathy and ability to grill day-old Taco Bell leftovers with my eyes. Nothing you'd take an interest in, I'm sure. But it does have one nice side...."

"W-what?" Sickness asked, unsure.

"It allows me to deal with meddling figments like yourself."

 Sickness blinked. "Fuck."

That was when MEAT hit her with the burger, sending her flying across the room and into the far wall.

"FUCK!" Sickness said, after she pulled her head from the moldy plaster, "You sick FUCK! I'll KILL you!

MEAT laughed. "I highly doubt it. But you're welcome to try."

Sickness rushed him, stuffed arms a flailing. Only to be hit by the wooden chair, MEAT sent sliding across the floor.

Sickness groaned, picked herself up, and grabbed a nearby pencil. She charged across the room and shoved the pencil with all her might at MEAT. The graphite and wood splintered when it encountered MEAT's ceramic finish.

"FUCK!" Sickness squealed as she tried to duck some fancy martial arts moves by MEAT... only to be clobbered by the giant burger again.

"AAAIIGIGGG!!!" Sickness screamed as she staggered off clutching her head

MEAT chuckled. "Ready to surrender yet, figment? Or shall I continue with the righteous ass beating?"

"Go to hell." Sickness chocked out, clutching her bleeding jaw.

"Suit yourself." MEAT shrugged, "I've got time to kill."

Devi had somehow gotten Johnny back into the tub and was trying to choke him by pressing his neck into her left arm.

 Johnny, however, was doing his best to find somewhere, anywhere, that he could inflict pain on Devi.

 He had started scratching and pinching her thighs and hips as hard as he could, and had gotten so far as kicking open the wounds on her feet. She had really howled at that. But now, he would settle for just a good slap in the face. It was hard, though, as Devi kept trying to nail him in the groin.

 Suddenly, his hand slipped between her legs and a couple of fingers slid into her folds.

Ohhh....

 He shifted his fingers around, failing to notice the little moans that were escaping Devi's lips. He found the little nub of flesh that he vaguely remembered drove her nuts...and pinched it as hard as he could.

 Devi cried out, half in pain, half in pleasure. The sensations caused her to release her grip on Johnny, giving the lunatic the opportunity he needed to shift position and bite into her neck.

 Devi cried out again, and wrapped her legs around Johnny's back. They were now both sitting in the tub, facing each other; Devi sitting on Johnny's lap, her legs and arms wrapped around him

Johnny began licking Devi's neck. Devi's fingers ran through Johnny's hair in response while her hips began thrusting up against his stomach.

Johnny grabbed Devi's hips, raised her up slightly, then inserted himself into her before bring her down sharply, sending more water splashing into the large puddle coalescing on the bathroom floor.

Devi cried out and began thrusting even faster. Underneath her Johnny followed suit, they two of them making animalistic grunts and howls as they fucked each other's brains out.

"Do you hear that?” MEAT said happily, as Nny and Devi’s screams began to echo through the house. “They are chomping at the bit, already! They will bring about the destruction of this dimension and the rebirth of ours!"

Sickness grimaced, choking for air around a mouthful of blood, "They're doing it because you TELL them too... the child must be conceived under free will...:"

 MEAT laughed and picked Sickness up by her throat. "Foolish little figment. Who do you think TOLD your kind that? We knew you'd try to interfere otherwise." He pulled the doll close. "Here's a little secret I'll share with you. NO ONE has free will when hate runs rampant."

 "They will fight... they've done it before..." Sickness said, weakly.

 "Not anymore. They can't tell the difference anymore, you see." MEAT said, tightening his grip. "Love, hate, sex...it's all the same to them." Devi's voice suddenly rang out calling Johnny a "dirty motherfucker."

"When WHY has it taken you this long, and this many pairings, to find THEM as a suitable couple? Do you still think there's no fraction for error?" Sickness asked angrily, with gritted teeth.

"We made the mistake of trying to start from scratch." MEAT replied, dragging Sickness with him over to the closed door to the basement. He smiled at it. "It wasn't until recently we hit upon the idea of letting YOU do the groundwork. Johnny was easy; he was already 7/8ths of the way there. We watched your progress with the girl. I can't tell you how thrilled we were when she neutralized you." MEAT squeezed hard enough to close Sickness’s windpipe completely. The little dolly fought against his hand as he continued talking, “The boy, of course, won't be needed for long but the girl... well, she'll be around for as long as we need her. In any case, the equation DOESN'T involve YOU. So the best thing you can do right now, little figment, is die. Be a good girl, and let us take care of the details... won't you?"

Sickness lost consciousness and went limp.

MEAT grinned. "Well, she's no fun. She fell right over." he chuckled. "Ah well, 'tis for the best." He reared back and threw Sickness out the open window. Without a host body, she'd start to deteriorate in short order.  "It's almost time to begin things, anyway." he said, happily. "What nice timing..."

If Johnny could have still felt, he would be screaming like a mindless animal. He had somehow gotten Devi flipped over on her back, and he was pounding into her, slamming her against the bottom of the tub. Her mouth was just above water level, and the closeness to the possibility of drowning was making him drive harder.

He could feel nothing, except that he hated her.

And as soon as he finished he would kill her.

Devi knew this and was thrusting as fast as she could. Almost done... Almost time for her to end this once and for all... She would make him weep. SCREAM... She would watch his blood spill down the drain, she would break every bone in his body and laugh, she would see him as frightened as she was for all those months... she would... she would....

Children...

They both heard the voice at the exact same time. Neither once had to ask if they were hearing things. They just knew.

They separated from each other coldly, their bodies still crying out for the other's touch. They dried themselves off and each grabbed a piece of clothing that Johnny had left on the floor a thousand years ago. The bathroom door opened without their help, and they stepped into the living room together.

"Hello you two crazy kids." The Rev. MEAT beamed. "So glad you're just in time..." They stared down at him, eyes glazed. MEAT chuckled again. "Ah yes, don't worry, children, you'll be able to finish each other off soon enough. But shall we retire to more comfortable surroundings?"

The door to the basement opened on it's own, and revealed that there was suddenly just on long staircase, descending until they eye could no longer see it. MEAT turned and started heading down the basement stairs. Behind him, Johnny, clad only in his jeans, and Devi, wearing Johnny's "Z?" shirt followed him down into the darkness.

Outside, Sickness lay on the dead lawn, blood trickling from her face, and her left foot beginning to disintegrate.