(Visible on a sheet of plain white paper)

Tom sat on the park bench awaiting the arrival of his supposed girlfriend. The snotty little bitch had teased him with promises of a night of sex, then refused to show up. To top that off, she had then left a note on his doorstep, offering a simpering apology, and an implied acknowledgement of "the inevitable breakup". Tom had agreed to meet her here, to "talk it over".

He had much more on his mind than talk, however.

Tom seethed with rage. This little middle-class daughter of an ambulance chaser had dared to turn him down? The time had come for her to learn her lesson.

Daria approached on the sidewalk. Tom stood up and offered her his best "little old millionaire me" smile. He knew she was a sucker for that. They all were.

Daria started to greet him, when Tom grabbed her throat. He slammed his hand over her mouth, and drug her off behind the bushes.

Tom sliced her head completely off with one swift stroke of his genuine Bowie knife.
Carrying his still-dripping trophy by the hair, he walked over to his car and placed her head on his hood ornament. He returned to the bushes and proceeded to violate her warm, quivering body in several ways, stopping only long enough to take several pictures with his digital camera. He would post those on the internet later.

Temporarily satisfied, Tom returned to his car and drove back to Sloane Manor, Daria's
blood-stained hair flapping in the breeze. He parked out front, and entered the house only to find his sister and mother watching T.V. Tom grabbed the remote, unzipped his fly, and proceeded to have simultaneous incestuous relations with both.

When he had finished, Tom ambled out to the garage, a huge building that would have dwarfed the Beverly Hillbillies mansion. He entered a secret code, and a side door opened to a private apartment. There he talked with Osama Bin Laden, whom the Sloane family had been hiding in Lawndale. He told Osama of his evening's exploits while the two of them smoked a few pounds of crack. They decided to take a road trip, and stumbled out to Tom's car. Osama admired the new "hood ornament" very much, then asked if she was good at giving head

Tom laughed and said "Yeah! She gave me the whole damned thing!"

The two of them got into the car, and drove to Micheal Jackson's house, where Scott Peterson was staying. The foursome watched kiddie porn until dawn, all the while inserting heroin into each other's rectums.

With the dawning of the sun, Tom and Osama headed out again, this time driving to the White House and spending the day partying with the Bush daughters, who oil wrestled while the men watched and pleasured themselves.

Still looking for excitement, Tom and Osama headed to the Sloane Space Center at area 51, boarded the Sloane Star Cruiser, and sped off at the speed of light to a wormhole, where they warped to the 23rd century. Once there, they proceeded to rape and pillage the entire Star Trek continuim, culminating with the beheadings of Kirk and Picard.

Not yet finished, they sped back to the wormhole, and warped to a galaxy far, far away, where they joined with Emperor Palpatine to kill all the jedi, except for Yoda, whom they sexually assaulted into a state of near catatonia. They abandoned his bleeding body on the planet Dagobah, where he went into a state of prolonged seclusion.

Osama had wanted to call it a day, but Tom had one more surprise. He pressed a green button on the control panel, and a billion dollars was deposited into Jerry Falwell's bank account, thus buying them entrance into Heaven. Once there, they proceded to take over in a horrible revolution, forcing the defeated angels to dance naked on the head of a pin. When they had won, Tom unfurled a banner that read "Hell II" and proclaimed himself ruler.

Satan came up from hell and complained that the two of them had outdone him, and Tom and Osama took turns blowing him until he felt better.

(pull back to reveal Daria reading the paper on which this was written)

"Um, Jane..." she said. "You don't still have....issues...do you?"