And Then There Was One…

 

A Daria Fan Fiction

Written By RedlegRick

 

                                       

                                                   DariaÓ MTV/Viacom 1997-2001

All characters, situations, and product representations are a work of fiction. All resemblances to persons living, dead, or animated strictly coincidental, this piece is made for entertainment purposes only. No compensation sought or inferred. RPH 7/14/03

 

 

Chapter One

 

 

 

   “…So now what’d we do?” Jane asked, setting down her drink. Daria shrugged,

 

 

 “Beats me. I’m probably gonna watch TV for a while…”

 

 

 “No, no, not tonight, smartass. I mean for the summer. I take it for granted you’re to be forced into some kind of a job until you leave, right?”

 

  “Don’t remind me! Just as long as it doesn’t deal with O’Neill, nuts, or actual labor it’s fine with me. I’m so looking forward to the clippings from the want ads mom leaves me. Another slice?” she asked.

 

     “Naww, I was thinking about heading home myself. Have a few odds and ends to wrap up before tonight,” Jane replied, “Did I tell you Steve Taylor hired the band to play Brittany’s graduation party?”

 

 “No, and as much as I’d like to see them play, I don’t think I could handle another visit to that chamber of horrors. I take it you’re the “road manager” tonight?”

 

     “Actually, I’m more the head roadie for those bozos tonight, since Max and Nick are gonna be late, and we both know how ‘with it’ my brother and Jesse are, I plan on making sure they make some money tonight.” Jane replied lazily.

 

   “Mighty considerate of you,” Daria scoffed. “I take it there’s more to your altruism than mere sisterly concern, right?”

 

 “Nailed it on the head. He still owes me a bunch from before, and he promised me his cut for the next gig, and let me tell you, it wasn’t easy finding one for him.” Jane smiled wickedly at Daria’s raised eyebrow.

 

 “I didn’t know you did that for them? I thought they worked through the guy at the Zon?”

 

  “I don’t, normally, but I need the cash. The guys are never sure who actually books them, so once in a while I set up gigs for them,” she shrugged. “Anyway, I talked Steve Taylor into booking them for this gig, and we better get going if we’re gonna have them set up.”

  “Whoa, nice sideline, Jane. Too bad I can’t do that Quinn without being arrested for pandering. And what’s this ‘we’ crap? You, of all people should know I don’t do physical labor.” Daria admonished calmly.

 

 “Daria, did you think that this may be the perfect way to avoid doing any real work this summer? Trent and the guys have been avoiding honest employment this way since they graduated, and amazingly, have even made a little money at it. With the assistance of yours truly, of course.” Jane beamed.

 

   “Somehow, I think my mom would like to see me earn an actual paycheck this time. And, if I did agree to help, technically you’d be my boss, and with all we’ve been through together, that’s a position I’d rather not be in. Thanks, though.”

 

 Jane replied, smirking, “Well, you could always claim it for the ‘life experience’, or something. That should appeal to her inner hippie,” as she gave an exaggerated wink.

  

   “Nice try, but her ‘inner hippie’ tends to be overruled by her ‘outer anal retentive lawyer’. Distracted as she is, she’d see through that in a heartbeat.  I guess it’s Nutty World, or O’Neill’s PC gulag until September.” Daria sighed as she made to leave.

 

  “Well, what if I said this time it was an actual, paycheck-type of job, taxes and everything? The guy that books the band said he needed a bookkeeper type for the summer, and I may have mentioned that I knew somebody interested.” Jane replied breezily.

 

     Daria frowned. “I think I’ll take my chances with the kind of nuts that don’t talk back, thanks. I’ll call you later.”

 

    “O.K. But if you change your mind, let me know soon. You know how fickle the entertainment industry is.” Jane added wryly.

 

   “Later.” Daria grunted as she walked out of the pizzeria.

       As she walked home, she pondered Jane’s offer. “It did sound more interesting than dealing with idiots at the mall or those poor kids at O’Neill’s esteem bath, but it could turn out to be actual work. And that’s the last thing I want to do this summer.” 

 

      Upon arriving, Jane’s offer became very tempting. Affixed to the fridge was a long, detailed note from her mom to be prepared for another foray into Family Court that evening, and to cancel any plans she might have.

   “And it looks like Quinn isn’t getting out of it, either. God, I hope O’Neill didn’t call her again,” she groaned. Picking up the phone, she heard her sister whining to one of her insipid friends already.

 

 “…I know! It’s like she doesn’t realize I have enough to do as it is! Daria? Is that you?” she demanded, hearing the click on her line. “You better not be listening to this!” she snapped.

 

   “Don’t worry. The last thing I want to do is have to listen to you babble anymore than I have to. I need the phone, so could you hurry up? Thanks,” she sighed, thumbing the phone off.

 

    As usual, the dreaded affair occurred late, as Helen had to stay over to make up for the time she’d ‘wasted’ in attending the graduation ceremony. Jake was already snoozing as she blew in, a foul look on her face.

 

  “Jake! Wake up! Some example you’re setting for this meeting! Girls, sorry I’m late for this, but I wanted to get this out of the way as soon as possible. I take it for granted that you both have seen my note, yes?” she announced, before even setting down her briefcase.

   Neither of the siblings uttered a sound, but from Quinn’s glare, and Daria’s rolled eyes, she could tell. “Good! Then we won’t have any problems THIS summer about you two finding yourself something to keep you out of trouble, right?” Her tone indicated that no arguments were expected.

  

“Mu-om! You can’t expect me to just drop all of my extremely important plans for some stupid *job*, do you? I mean…” Quinn began to whine, before Helen cut her off sharply.

 

   “Enough, Quinn! You are finding a job this summer, and that’s that! May I remind you, young lady, you’re still in the doghouse from your last little shopping spree, dammit! We expect that all to be paid off before you go back to school next year, isn’t that right, Jake?” as she stared directly at him with a savage glare.

 

     Jake, still confused from being awakened, could only stammer out, “But, Helen, shouldn’t I make my bench again? I mean, if this is Family Court, aren’t I supposed to be th…”

 

  “Jake! This isn’t that kind of Family Court! We talked about this last night, remember?”

 

  “Oh! Right, honey! Uhhh, what exactly did we decide to do, uh, about ‘this’, honey?” Jake went fishing, making it painfully apparent he had no idea what was going on.

 

   Before her parents could begin yet another mindless discussion about memory and responsibility, Daria sighed and interrupted with, “You can save it. I’ve already got a job lined up.” Helen regarded her with a disapproving look.

 

 “Oh, really? And just what would that be?”

 

“Working with Trent’s band. Or, more precisely, the agent who books his band,” she replied, sitting back on the couch.

 

 “And just when did you *get* this job, Daria?” her mother asked condescendingly. “It seems awfully coincidental that you just *happened* to find a job on the day we were scheduled to have a family meeting about it.”

 

   “I got it about the time I saw your ‘choices’ taped to the fridge. I’d sooner go to charm school than work with, and/or see Timothy O’Neill for the rest of my life. That man’s so…creepy.” Daria chose her words carefully, and from her mother’s expression, chose well.

    Taking advantage of the lull, she continued calmly, “ I have absolutely no interest in anything as mindless or denigrating as working with O’Neill and those poor kids trapped in his version of day camp,” she added, before explaining, “Jane said she was going to be working with the talent agent that books Trent’s band, and they need office help. I accepted,” she lied. .

 

 “All right, but I received a call from Ms. Li about an intriguing opportunity for you.” Helen replied, still unconvinced.

 

  “Which was?”

 

  “She brought up the time you substituted during the teacher’s strike, and was wondering if you might be interested in a tutoring job this summer,” her mother replied, in her smoothest courtroom purr, her feline gaze directly on her eldest child.

 

 

  Daria grimaced, remembering what a colossal pain in the ass that experience had been. For weeks afterward, students who never paid the slightest attention to her previously had suddenly found themselves asking her for excuses and extensions on homework, while failing to realize she was no longer a substitute anymore.

 

    “A tutoring job. Hmmm. Since me trying to avoid hearing about it is pointless anyway, go ahead.” Daria said noncommittally.

 

    “Well! You remember Kevin Thompson, right?” Helen asked, rather unnecessarily.

 

  “Barring traumatic head injury or the premature onset of Alzheimer’s disease, he’ll remain seared in my psyche until death, Mom. Don’t tell me, let me guess, she wants someone to compress four years of education he’s successfully ignored in less than three months, right?” Daria sighed.

 

 Quinn perked up at the word “tutor”, and listened intently, her eyes moving from Daria to her mother.

 

    “Well, she didn’t put it *that* way, honey, but she said he could use some talented help in order to get into college, yes.” Helen replied sweetly.

 

    “Mom, while that sounds fascinating, and I’m sure she dangled some kind of bribe to you in the form of retroactive credits, I’ll have to pass on this one. I’m averse to attempting the impossible. You do remember the science project he ‘helped’ me with? You know, the one were he spent all the time on his ass watching TV, or being fed by Quinn? That he can even spell his name is a miracle in itself, but what he needs is a complete brain transplant, not a tutor.” Daria concluded soberly, eliciting a sigh from Helen.

 

    Quinn had been watching the exchange, and it always fascinated her when they sparred like this. She sighed inwardly, thinking, “I wasn’t even really trying! I was just making sure you didn’t end up dating the quarterback! As if! What would a brain be doing with a quarterback, anyway? Besides, who but an airhead but Brittany ever want a dope like him?”

 

She stifled a superior chuckle at the though of Kevin’s first day back, when he had to face all the returning students. “Hah! He’s too dumb to care, anyway. He’ll probably bug the incoming senior cheerleaders, anyway. Or us.”

 

  Shuddering, she could already hear him with his idiotic, “Hey Babe!”, to every girl in school. “He’s as bad as Upchuck, and, isn’t there like, a rule or something that says he can’t? I don’t think I could take another year of him, come to think of it. And I don’t blame her for not wanting to, but who else can? Heck, I’ve seen that GED test, it’s easy! I could probably teach him…” she had a brainstorm, and thought back to when David had tutored her. It hadn’t been all that hard, once he made her think a little. Most of the stuff she actually knew already, and he’d more shown her how to use what she had, rather than teach anything new.

  “Maybe that’s all Kevin really would need! Make him remember what he almost learned, help him pass, and I’ll bet I can score some major points with Mom! And the mileage I could get out of that at school next year…”

 

    “I’ll do it!” Quinn chirped excitedly. “If Daria doesn’t want to, I’d like to do that, Mom.”  Helen, Jake, and Daria gave her a strange look.

 

   “Honey, I know you’d like to help, but don’t you think that’s a little bit too much for you? I thought you were going back to that restaurant for the summer, dear.” Helen replied soothingly.

 

    “Hey! I’m smart now! Why can’t I tutor him? I’m sure I can do just as much as Daria can!” Quinn whined.

 

     “Honey, I know you want to help, but Ms. Li specifically asked for Daria. I don’t know if she’ll, uh, accept a substitute. You understand, don’t you?” Helen answered, after an uncomfortable pause.

 

    “You think I’m stupid, don’t you!” Quinn exclaimed petulantly. “Sure, Daria’s the brain, and Quinn’s the dummy, right? Well, I’ll bet I could teach him just as much as Daria could! If it’s any of your business, he’d probably prefer to be tutored by one of the popular people than a brain, anyway!” She crossed her arms, a determined look on her face.

 

     “She’s got a point there, Mom.” Daria asserted, “Just as long as the ‘Pigskin Channel’ isn’t on, she actually might be able to teach him how to spell his last name before September. It’ll come in handy when he applies for his dishwashing job after he blows it next year.”

 

  “Daria’s right, Helen. I think Quinn could do a great job!” Jake exclaimed earnestly, earning him another dirty look from his wife. He muttered despondently as he returned to his newspaper. “Try to be a little supportive around here…”

 

    Helen thought it over, then sighed and said, cautiously, “All right, Quinn. I’ll call her back and ask if she’d be willing to let you try, but I can’t make any promises beyond that, honey.”

 

   “Yeah, this I’d like to see myself.” Daria said, smugly. Quinn glared and was about to respond when Helen snapped,

 

  “Hey, missy! At least she chose to take a challenge. I’m looking forward to seeing just what this so-called ‘job’ of yours really turns out to be. Until then, I expect you to keep your opinions to yourself about Quinn being able to do this. I mean, have we ever told you that you weren’t able to do anything you set your mind to?”

 

    “No. But then again, you and Dad haven’t been all that, shall we say, ‘involved’ with the things that I do attempt?” Daria replied blandly, waiting for a reply as her parents exchanged guilty looks as Quinn stared daggers.

 

   “Didn’t think so. And Quinn, good luck with the tutoring gig. I really mean it, too. If you can get anything past that lunkhead’s ingrained resistance to using his brain for more than keeping his skull from collapsing in, you will have my sincerest apologies and admiration.”

 

 

  “Thanks!” Quinn gushed, not entirely sure if she’d been complimented or insulted. “You’ll see, I think I know just how to keep the ‘lunkhead’s’ attention.” She had a  predatory gleam in her eyes as she mulled over potential strategies.

 

    Daria rolled her eyes as she remarked,  “I don’t think mom and dad will let you do lapdances in the house, Quinn. Oh. They’re still here.” Daria replied sweetly. Helen scowled as Jake peered over his paper.

 

   “Now girls, there’s no reason to argue about this. Daria, I expect you to at least try to be supportive of Quinn wanting to try doing something beyond what she’s done before,” Helen snapped.

 

  “Yeah!” Quinn snapped triumphantly. “I’ll show you that I can tutor just as well as anyone can. Right, Mom?” she gloated.

 

  “IF Ms. Li approves of you taking this job, that is.” Helen said carefully. “I mean, she did specifically ask for your sister. All I can do is ask.”

 

  Daria stood up and added doubtfully, “And she’ll probably insist on me shadowing her every step of the way. If she gets it, I want nothing to do with that moron. It’s bad enough I’ve had to put up with him for over two years as it is, and there’s no way I’m spending my summer  anywhere near him.”

 

 “Daria, there’s no need to be nasty about it.” Helen said seriously, “I’m sure he’ll be eager to get this out of the way as quickly as possible, so he can move on to college.”

 

   Daria fought the urge to laugh out loud. “Phtttt. Kevin going to college is about as likely as me winning Miss America.”

 

 “I don’t know, Daria,” Quinn remarked, critically, “ I don’t know, maybe new hair, some make-up, a little work on your wardrobe…”

 

 “That’s it. You win. I’m outta here. Just don’t come whining to me when you discover Kevin’s motivation isn’t going to be on actually learning anything more than how to get a ‘by’ on this education as well.”  She turned and left the room, an unreadable expression on her face.

    

 “Okay, Mom! Go and call Ms. Li and let her know she’s got a tutor for Kevin!” Quinn bubbled. Helen sighed, and picked up the phone, as she cautioned, “As I said, Quinn, we can only ASK if she’ll accept a substitute. I don’t want you to get your hopes up too high, dear.”

 

   Angela Li cursed when the phone rang, and hurriedly closed the file on her laptop, making doubly sure the encrypted lock and security features had engaged before picking up the handset. “God only knows what the others would think if they saw THOSE files. Heh,” she thought, as she gave a cheery “Hellooo! This is Principal Li! How can I help you?”

  

Her faux cheeriness evaporated when she heard Helen Morgendorffer’s voice, as she inquired politely, “Hello? Ms. Li? Oh hi, I was just wondering about that ‘extra credit’ tutoring assignment you wanted me to ask Daria about.”

 

   Helen waited for a response, as Li silently gnashed her teeth before replying, tersely, “Yes? I DO hope your daughter has decided to accept the position. I couldn’t think of a more worthy occupation than the enlightenment of a darkened mind.” As she said this, she guiltily swept the portfolio reports from her ‘secret’ accounts into her briefcase, lest someone inadvertenly walk in and see them there.

  

“That’s the reason I’m calling. It seems she’s already found a summer job, and isn’t interested in your offer, at the moment.” Helen replied, trying to keep her own skepticism out of her voice. “However, I may still have a solution for your ‘problem’, if you’re interested,” she teased professionally.

 

 In her office, Li scowled. “Oh, bother! I’m sorry, Mrs. Morgendorffer. I was just hoping that your daughter would acquiesce just this once. Just between you and I, she seems to be the only one who can reach young Mr. Thompson in any meaningful way.”

 

 “Ms. Li, you’re too kind! I know Daria has a lot of potential too, but there IS someone else who may be able to help you with your dilemma. Now, you may not know that our other daughter Quinn has made a lot of progress herself this year, and I was wondering…”

 

  “WHAT? Oh! I’m sorry, Mrs. Morgendorffer, but you can’t seriously be saying that Quinn could serve as a tutor? I’m sorry, but I need someone who has the prerequisite skills Daria has to assist Mr. Thompson in fulfilling his necessary academic requirements in the shortest possible time frame. I agree that your other daughter HAS become much improved this past year, but…” she trailed off, hoping her point had gotten across.

 

     The words of the Superintendent echoed in her mind: “Angela, if that boy isn’t LEGALLY graduated by next September, the Board is threatening to use his case to have you removed. You know they’re never going to take a fall for you, dear. And we both know what happens then. You dodged a bullet when the football coach got nailed taking that bribe, but the flagrant grade changing that occurred prior to the Ultra Cola fiasco is going to land squarely in your lap. Do what you must, but Thompson HAS to be out of Lawndale by September. Yours Truly has a handshake deal with the president of Lawndale State that he’ll be starting next year. Don’t fail me. Again,” he’d added ominously. She shivered at what he alluded to, and what that could mean to her career as an educator.

 

   “Ms. Li? Ms Li? Are you all right? You’ve been quiet for an awfully long time.” Helen’s voice in her ear brought her back to reality.

 

“Oh! I am sorry, Mrs. Morgendorffer. I didn’t mean to discount your other daughter’s accomplishments, but it is imperative that this young man completes his education in the most expedited manner possible. I need someone who has some experience in teaching already.”  And whom I don’t have to pay union scale, she added silently. “I’ll tell you what. If I can’t find anyone else, I’ll let Quinn try. Is that acceptable?”

 

   Helen scowled, more at what Li DIDN’T say than what she did. She looked into the living room, and saw Quinn happily assembling a rather impressive pile of books on the couch.

Her heart ached that the first time that Quinn had actually wanted to do something more cerebral than comparing skirt lengths and eyeliners, she was going to have that rubbed in her face, and it galled her.

  “Ye gods! I know WHY Daria doesn’t want this job, and I really can’t blame her. That boy would need a lot more than a few months of tutoring to even make a dent in his latent stupidity,” she mused as she formulated her next sentence.

 

   Screwing up her resolve, she demanded, “Now, Angela, let’s stop beating around the bush. We both know why you ‘need’ Daria to tutor Kevin, and why there isn’t an approved tutor forthcoming from the school board. That boy couldn’t think his way out of a wet paper bag, and the first time you had a ‘real’ tutor meet him, whatever little scam you have running for him will blow up in your face. What I’m proposing may just keep that from happening.” Helen let the lawyer creep back into her voice.

 

On the other end of the line, Li grimaced. “And what do you propose? We have a student that, while much improved, isn’t really prepared to properly instruct an admittedly ‘difficult’ student,” she replied, honestly. “Damn that woman! I forget how much I hate lawyers!” she thought angrily.

 

   Sensing she’d struck a nerve, Helen bore down unrelentingly on the hapless woman.“Oh, come on. We both know how this game works, Angela. And having Quinn take over gives you the perfect out. She can probably get him to at least TRY to get some of the education he’s ignored, and her ‘lack of experience’ wouldn’t be YOUR fault. You were probably instructed to ‘get that Morgendorffer girl to teach him. She’s a troublemaker, and here’s our chance to get in one last lick.’ Am I wrong?” Helen challenged, feeling a flush rise in her cheeks.

 “Give Quinn a chance, is all I’m really saying. Two weeks should be enough time to see if she can get anything through that thick skull of his. Two weeks, and you’ll still have time to either find another tutor, or maybe I can convince Daria to take over. Do we have a deal?” Helen allowed herself a slight smirk as she imagined what Li’s face must look like at the moment.

 

   Li gulped, realizing just how close to the truth Helen had come. She mulled it over for a second, weighing the pros and cons of her offer. Damn lawyers, she thought acidly.

 

    “Very well,” she sighed. “ I will give Quinn two weeks to prove she can teach him something meaningful. Now mind you, Mr. DeMartino is the one applying the summer school program this year, and as we both know, he doesn’t suffer fools gladly, and I’m sure he was looking forward to working with Daria this summer.”

 

  “Oh, really?” Helen asked, concernedly. “Since when does a middle-aged man express interest in a teen age girl to work with him?” she asked, her voice in high umbrage.

 

She heard Li’s suppressed chuckle. “Mrs. Morgendorffer, I’m quite sure it wasn’t anything more than professional interest. For all his foibles, he IS a good teacher, and to be honest, he looks forward to tutoring Mr. Thompson like I do.” Li assured her, still chuckling.

 

   “And that would be akin to dental surgery without anaesthesia?” Helen replied scornfully. “I’m sorry, I’m just being a mother again. If this is settled, I can have Quinn meet Mr. DeMartino tomorrow. Is that all right?”

 

     “I suppose it will have to, for now. Two weeks, Mrs. Morgendorffer, is all we can spare. And, please ask your other daughter to reconsider?” Ms. Li replied, grateful that Helen hadn’t tried to expand on any possible deals that had been made.

 

  “I will, Ms. Li,” Helen replied, silently adding, “When pigs fly!”  Hanging up the phone, she screwed on her most ‘positive’ face as she announced cheerily, “Quinn! Ms. Li said yes, with one condition.”

 

   “Yes!” Quinn chirped joyously, pumping a fist in the air. “I’ll show her! I’ll show you! I’ll show Dar- Uhhh, what’s the ‘one condition’?” she asked, with the beginnings of a frown.

  

   Helen sat next to her daughter and draped a motherly arm over her shoulder. “She only agreed to a two week trial period, just to see if you really CAN help him. It’s nothing about you, but she explained that Kevin has a lot of work to make up, and if you can’t help him, she’ll have to get someone who is more, uh, experienced as a tutor. Do you understand?”  Quinn pouted momentarily at her words, and chewed her lip thoughtfully before replying,

 

    “ I guess so, Mom. I know you all don’t think I can really do this, but you always say I should reach as high as I can, and I KNOW I can do this. I understand everyone still thinks I’m just some fluff headed girl who only cares about clothes and guys, but everyone says I need to challenge myself, and this is a real challenge, right?”

 

     Helen melted at the hopeful look in her eyes, and broke. “Okay, Quinn. You’re right, you DO need a ‘real challenge’, and we’ll support you any way you need to,” though she silently added, “And I can only hope it doesn’t leave you as jaded as Daria,” as she gave her a warm smile

 

  “Yayyy!” Quinn cheered as she jumped up happily.

 

   “HOWEVER!” Helen added sternly, “Remember that neither I nor your father can help you in any way with this. Or Daria. As distastefully as she put it, she is right in saying that if you do this, she won’t help you in any way, and I’ll stand behind her decision.” 

 

    “Dad helping me?” Quinn asked skeptically, as she looked at her father, who’d taken the opportunity of being ignored to dig back into his paper.

 

   Helen sighed knowingly as she looked her in the eye and continued, “Or Daria, either. You know I wouldn’t have the time myself to help, but if you need moral support, well, you know I’ll be there for you, time permitting.” Helen grimaced at her slip, but Quinn missed that as she happily scooped up her books and trotted gaily upstairs.

 

    “Well! That went well, didn’t it?” she muttered to herself. “What’s that hon?” Jake murmured from behind his paper.

 

  “Jake! You didn’t hear a word of what just went on, did you?” she demanded angrily. Sheepishly, he lowered his paper and grinned weakly.

 

   “I DID catch a little,” he replied defensively. “Something about Quinn doing some tutoring? Or was it Daria? Whichever! I’m sure they’ll do a GREAT job, whatever it is!” His grin faded as Helen fixed him with a withering gaze as she stalked away.

 

   “Hrmph. I told you I was no good at this parenting crap, didn’t I?” he grumbled under

 

his breath as he returned to his paper.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Then There Was One…

 

A Daria Fan Fiction

 

                          Written By RedlegRick

 

 

                               CHAPTER TWO

 

 

      

      “C’mon, Daria, get real!” Jane guffawed as she drove along. She horsed the wheel of the Tank with a grunt to avoid a nasty looking pothole.

 

  From her perch on the battered passenger seat, Daria replied ruefully, “Yep. With my mom’s blessing, no less,” she replied, bracing for the impending impact.

 

 “You’re serious, aren’t you? Quinn? Tutoring Kevin? Talk about the blind leading the blind!” Jane laughed as she managed to avoid the crater neatly.

 

 “Hey! Just because she’s led a life spent focusing on all that’s shallow, vain, and brainless doesn’t mean she really is as brain dead as I make it out to be. As strange as it may sound, coming from me, she actually may be able to coerce him into absorbing something remotely approaching knowledge.” Daria replied, with a touch of acid in her tone.

 

 “Sorry. It’s just that I don’t see your sister tutoring Kevin in anything except what goes with football pads at an expensive restaurant. Didn’t mean to offend.” Jane remarked, taken aback by her vehemence.

 

 “None taken. And yeah, I feel pretty much the same way, but you got to admire the kid’s moxie. I mean, it’s one thing to face down DeMartino in one of his pop quizzes, but to attempt to get Kevin caught up enough to get his sheepskin in three months, that’s blind faith.”

  

 “Not to mention the unintended entertainment it’ll provide to a certain older sister hovering in the wings, hmmm?” Jane added with a smirk.

 

 “I told her when this whole situation arose, that I would have nothing to do with it, and I stand by my decision. Until she offers me three figures, at least.” She frowned at the passing scenery, and asked, “Jane, you said this agent’s office was in Lawndale, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen this part of town before.”

 

  “And well you shouldn’t have, amiga. This side of town is considered a deep, dark secret to all but the damned of Carter County.” Jane chuckled, as they drove past increasingly seedier looking blocks of businesses and taverns, interspersed with a few decrepit houses.

 

   “I thought Degas Street was seedy, but this is just this side of the Apocalypse,” Daria said, as they rode past shuttered businesses and taverns lining the street.

 

    Jane abruptly swerved into a parking lot in front of a nondescript two-story building bearing a faded sign proclaiming “Lawndale Talent Agency”. Grimy windows covered with paper faced the street, framing a cracked glass door opening onto a tiny lobby.

 

  “It looks… promising.” Daria remarked, as they went inside. Decades old paneling framed a grimy display window bearing the names and locations of the agency, as well as a doctor, an insurance agency, and something called Illusions Photography.

 

 

 “Yeah, well, this agency isn’t known for big name acts, and the neighborhood tends to discourage unhappy customers from bothering him. Besides, the rent’s cheap, and his girls don’t have far to go for work.”

 

  “His girls? What, he has daughters that work for him?” Daria asked uncertainly, as Jane gave her a knowing smirk.

“Nooooo, not exactly. Y’see, Rocky, the guy who runs this agency, doesn’t just do bands. He also manages magicians, clowns, those hellish pony rides for the kids, and, uh, what are euphemistically referred to in the biz as ‘adult entertainers’.” Jane grinned guiltily.

 

 “I see. ‘Adult entertainers.’ And just what sort of ‘entertainment’ do these ‘adults’ supply, Jane?” asked Daria, with just a hint of umbrage. Jane blushed as she avoided looking her in the eye. “I thought so. Lead on, and watch for discarded pasties, right?”

 

  “Now, you promised to have an open mind about this, amiga, remember? Yeah, he does have a couple of strippers he manages, but that’s as ‘adult’ as it gets, as far as I know. Anyway, you’re just here to do office work, remember? You have nothing to worry about.”

 

  “And what’s that supposed to mean, Jane? That I’m not lap dance material?” Daria pouted mockingly. “It would validate something I made up at my cousin’s wedding, anyway.” She smirked at the memory of that day.

 

 “Huh? You’re confusing me, Daria. What are you talking about?”

 

“Oh, when Erin got hitched to that lump, I was forced to interact with a gaggle of debutantes and I sort of made up a story that I was an exotic dancer. Just to kill time and amuse myself, you know.” Now it was her turn to blush, and Jane extricated them from the awkward subject.

 

 “I see. Well… Try not to ‘amuse’ yourself like that with Rocky, or else you might end up shaking your money-maker in some dive instead of doing the books, okay?”

 

   “Don’t worry, I have no intentions of doing anything of the sort. Say, what happened to his old bookkeeper, anyway? You never did tell me why he needed one on such short notice.” Daria asked as they made their way up a set of grimy stairs.

 

   Jane hesitated for a moment as she chose her words. “He had a little…disagreement… with one of the performers…and had to leave the job suddenly,” she replied vaguely, as if she didn’t want to expound too much on the subject. “Never mind that! Here we are! Now remember, open mind, right?”

 

    “Hrm. And this…disagreement wouldn’t have anything to do with all the Italian surnames on the business licenses on the wall, now would it? ‘Fess up, Lane. What really happened?” Daria demanded, hands on hips, and a stern look on her face.

 

   “Okay, you win. The last bookkeeper sort of…underpaid the talent, and they, understandably, took offense at that. From what I understand, Rocky made everybody happy again, so you don’t have anything to worry about. Look! Here’s his office! Stay here while I go in and talk to him, okay? And don’t tell ‘Bubbles’ here any stories, okay?” she hissed as they entered an office.

 

   ‘Bubbles’, as Jane named her, fit her nickname to a T. Despite her normal drives and urges, Daria’s gaze kept wandering to the woman’s rather ample endowments, as she slowly typed on an ancient PC in time with the snapping of her gum. She made just the barest of acknowledgements to Jane as she breezed past into another, smaller office behind her before returning to her lethargic routine.

 

    “Yes, this looks REALLY promising, yes indeed. Maybe O’Neill’s summer camp isn’t so bad after all. Or Nutty World, for that matter.” Daria thought as she sat in an ancient chair and searched in vain for some reading material. Finding none, she sighed and resigned herself to avoiding watching Bubbles’ chest when the door opened, and a stout, swarthy man peered out.

 

    “Hey! You Daria? Come on in!” he announced brusquely before retreating inside.

Reluctantly, she got up and followed, exchanging a cursory glance with the vacant-looking blonde as she passed. Inside, Jane lounged on a battered couch, cradling a tiny cup and saucer. The pungent aroma of espresso surrounded her as the stout man indicated a chair in front of a messy desk.

 

 As she sat down, Jane rose and said reassuringly, “I’ll be outside, amiga. Relax, Rocky’s good people. Just be yourself, you’ll do fine.”

 

    Rocky waited until Jane had left before speaking. “So you’re the one Janey told me about, huh? She says you’ve got a head for numbers, and you’re honest. That’s a good thing, in my line of work. She showed me your, whattayacallit, resume’, and since I’m hurting for a bookkeeper at the moment, I’m gonna give ya a chance. When can ya start, honey?”

 

    Daria, bristling, replied, “Excuse me? My name is Daria, not honey. And I’m not sure I want the job if this is the way I’m going to be treated, sir.”

 

 He raised a fleshy eyebrow, but kept his lecherous grin as he replied, “My apologies! You gotta excuse me, sometimes I forget myself when I’m under pressure. I need someone quick, and don’t have the time to do a proper search. Jane told me you got a pretty thick skin, but I guess that was a little rude, huh?” he grinned, though she suspected he really wasn’t all that sorry.

 

 “She says you’ve got what it takes to keep a clear head under pressure, and I can see she wasn’t blowing smoke. Sorry if I came on too strong there, but I’ve been up to my elbows in drudge work since Morty left. He was my former bookkeeper, as I’m sure Janey explained. I need someone immediately, and even though you don’t have any experience, it ain’t too hard a job. It’s really more a case of you trying to make some sense out of the mess he left me, keep the talent off my back until I can see who’s owed what, and basically not rob me blind like Morty did. When I asked Jane about any qualifications you had, she told me about one of your teachers, a Mrs. Bennett, and described her economics class, and how you were one of the only ones who could figure it out. Since her and Trent are sorta cousins of mine, I trust her opinions. I’m offering ten an hour, the hours are nine to five, and I don’t mind too much online time, as long as the works done. I don’t have a health plan, or nothing, since you’re only here ‘til September, right? So, are you still interested?” he asked, as he took a sip from his tiny cup.

  

 Slightly overwhelmed by the exchange, Daria sat back and ran it over in her head. “Let’s see, I have a couple of choices here. First, I can take this job in the seediest part of town, for a guy who, for all intents and purposes, strikes me as a minor mobster at the very least, keeping the books for what has to be front for some kind of illegal operation. Second, I can cave in, and attempt to teach Kevin enough to allow him to advance onto some perverse form of higher education, ostensibly for football, but possibly allowing him to proceed to an upper management job, or God forbid, political opportunity, which may result in the end of civilization as we know it, or Third, I can return to a summer with O’Neill and his creepy teachings at that camp for overly sensitive shut-ins. I must decide now.”

 

   She sighed heavily. “Mr. Salvatore? I can start tomorrow,” she said evenly. He grinned as he shook her hand.

 

  “Welcome aboard! Bubbles will give you the crap you need to get started, and I’ll be seeing you here in the morning then. Thanks, kiddo, you won’t regret this! Oh, and tell Jane that after she’s done with the band tonight, I’ve got them a gig in Swedesville next Friday. See you tomorrow!” he said cheerfully.

 

   “Thank you, I think,” she replied. “ There isn’t any, you know, dress code, is there?” she asked, hesitantly. He scrutinized her for a moment, then shook his head.

 

  “Nahhh. You’ll be in the office mostly, and won’t be dealing with anybody but Bubbles and me, so, whatever you want, as long as it ain’t shorter or tighter than hers, okay?” he laughed.

 

   “Don’t worry. That’d be the last thing anyone would have to worry about from me. If

 

that’s all, can I go now? I have some things to do tonight to get ready for tomorrow, sir,”

 

she asked, thinking “Yeah, like sticking my head in a bucket of ice to numb myself for this

 

job.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Then There Was One…

 

A Daria Fan Fiction

Written By RedlegRick

 

 

CHAPTER THREE

 

 

 

      “For the love of GOD, NO!!!!!” wailed DeMartino, as he looked at the roster Li had handed him. “I THOUGHT he was gone forEVER!!! WHY are you DOING this to ME???” he pleaded.

 

     “Oh, Anthony, can you please spare me the theatrics? You knew good and well that Mr. Thompson was going to be attending summer school long ago, when you chose to FAIL him yet again, despite my pointed, and *unofficial* directives NOT to!” Ms. Li calmly intoned, drumming her fingernails on the desktop.

 

   “You TOLD me he wasn’t coming BACK for summer school!!! You SAID he was being TUTORED at HOME!!! You said you’d HIRE the Morgendorffer girl to tutor him FAR, FAR, AWAY from here! WHY do you DO these things to ME???” he raged, eyeball bursting from its orbit, as he barely contained himself.

 

  She counted to five before replying, knowing that the wait for him was sheer agony. “Anthony, everything I said was true. He IS being home tutored, and I did hire a Morgendorffer to do so.” She grinned slyly at her little white lie. “But he still needs to acquire the necessary hours in a classroom setting to make up for his, ahem, “excusable” absences if he is to receive his scholarship at Lawndale State, you understand.”

 

     “SCHOLARSHIP??? That MORON???  IS it TOO LATE to change my MIND about DOING this???” he roared, trembling with rage.

  “So-ory! You may have gotten out of Home Economics when you signed that contract, but I still managed to slip in the non-refusal clause for summer schooling assignments. Or DO you want to go back to teaching these apes how to sew again?” she threatened.

 

    “Well, at least I’ll have DARIA to help me SOMEwhat with him,” he muttered weakly, head still buried in his arms. Ms. Li shifted uncomfortably in her seat and coughed nervously. His head snapped up and he looked at her crazily. “You DID say Daria Morgendorffer WAS going to tutor him, DIDN’T YOU???”

 

   “Well, I DID say I hired a Morgendorffer, didn’t I? It might not *exactly* BE ‘Daria”, as per se, but it IS a Morgendorffer,” she admitted sheepishly. His face began to redden noticeably as he realized what she meant.

 

    “Oh no. No. NOOOOOO!!!!!! Not HER!!!! Ms. LI! There is NO WAY that that girl Quinn is going to be his TUTOR! Think of what you’re DOING!!! It’s bad enough HE confuses important dates in history with Super Bowls, but SHE’LL have him doing it while he’s coordinating his outfits, too!!! NOOOOO!!!!” he sagged back into his arms and resumed weeping.

 

    Shaking her head disgustedly, she replied calmly, “The girl HAS made some rather dramatic improvements in her academic performance this past year, that you can’t deny. And, she does have certain advantages over her sister in the, shall we say, ‘attention-getting’ department, which in Mr. Thompson’s case is half the battle. And lastly, she does have the resources of her sister at her disposal to overcome any shortfalls she may find in imparting some knowledge to him,” she lied smoothly.

   “ As an aside, I am only allowing her a two-week trial period in which to prove she is capable of this task. If she fails, in any way, shape or form, I will replace her with another tutor more suitable to your manner of instruction. Does that sound fair to you, Anthony?”

 

   He raised his head and gave her a bleak look. “Are you SURE you can’t get her SISTER to do this?” At her stern look, he scowled in disgust and straightened up. “Okay. TWO WEEKS! If I DON’T see any improvement in him, besides him putting away that STUPID uniform, you’ll get Daria, right? Or, you just shoot me. Either way works for me,” he concluded, as his color began to return to normal again.

 

 

    She rose and gave him a neutral look as she walked away without a word.

 Sitting there amidst the scattered papers, he wept and roared out a curse. “WOMEN!!!!!”

 

   Before he could elucidate on his woes any further, there was a knock on his door. “WHAT IS IT???” he bellowed.

 

   The door opened a crack, and Quinn peered in and nervously asked, “Ummm, Mr. DeMartino?  It’s me, Quinn Morgendorffer. Ms. Li told me to talk to you about what I’m supposed to teach Kevin. Did she tell you I was his new tutor?”

 

   Anthony DeMartino looked at her speechlessly, his mouth twisting convulsively as it tried to formulate speech to express his current state of mind. Unable to, he merely pointed to a stack of papers in front of him, and resumed sobbing.

 

 

 

 

A few hours later, in Stacey Rowe’s bedroom, Quinn recounted the tale to her friend.

 

 

   “Gee Quinn, teachers sure can be weird, can’t they?” Stacy intoned breathlessly, after hearing her friend retelling the story. “But, if he didn’t want to let you tutor Kevin, why do you have all those books and stuff?”

 

     “Stacy,” Quinn admonished, “Let’s face it. Once I *convinced* my mom and Ms. Li I could do this, he really didn’t have a choice, right?” she remarked, with a superior tone.

 

  Stacy Rowe took a moment to figure out what she had said, then, still confused, nodded eagerly as she replied, “Yeah! It’s like when you go shopping with a certain outfit in mind, and the salesgirl says it’s like totally wrong, and you know it’s like totally right, and she get’s all hissy, and you get all mad. By you I mean me, not you, like they’d try to tell YOU the outfit’s like totally wrong, and, uh, what were we talking about before?” she asked, as Quinn rolled her eyes. Stacy’s phone rang, and she gratefully snatched it up, exclaiming “Hello!” loudly into the handset.

  

 “Stacy? Jeez, but how many times do I have to tell you that you don’t have to shout when you answer your phone, I can hear you quite satisfactorily, regardless of whatever *type* of phone your parents *decided* to purchase for you.” Sandi’s nasal tones scolded harshly.

  “Quinn’s *father*, or whatever, told me she was with you. Can you out her on, please?” Her tone made it clear it wasn’t a request. Old habits die hard, and Stacy’s were no exception, as she hit the speaker button before it occurred to her to protest.

 

    “*Ahem*,” Sandi announced imperiously, “Since the dissolution of the club, I have noticed just how hard it is to discuss *important* issues that arise,” her nasal voice droned over the tinny speaker.

 

    “And just what ‘issues’ did you want to discuss, Sandi?” Quinn asked icily, as Stacy gulped.  

   

   “We’ve heard a rather disturbing rumor that you will be spending the summer as a *tutor*, Quinn. I assumed that your flirtation with the geeky side of life was over by now, seeing that ‘David’ individual has moved on. Would you please be so kind as to *explain* yourself?” came the equally icy reply. Quinn counted to ten before replying as Stacy went through several shades of crimson.

     Where ice was in her words before, now saccharine oozed with every syllable. “Sandi, it’s true that I’m going to be tutoring Kevin this summer, and I’d have thought that a *friend* would see that it isn’t ‘geeky’ at all to help someone in need. I thought that was what the former Fashion Club was all about? I mean the helping others part, not so much the ‘former’ part, of which you *were* the FORMER president of, right?” She paused for a moment to let her words sink in as Stacy fought to contain her laughter.

 

   Continuing, she let a little more cattiness slip in as she said, “ And since the Fashion Club is but a pleasant memory, doesn’t it seem odd to you that we’re so concerned with *nasty” little rumors anymore? I didn’t think so. So, is there anything else you wished to talk about?”

     

 

     There was an uncomfortable silence coming from the phone, broken only by the crackle and squeal of feedback from Sandi’s open phone line. “Oh, Quinn. As *always*, you are sooooo right. I mean, like, who are we to stoop to something as *petty* as a silly little rumor anymore? Even if it’s true, and the *possible* repercussions are a fatal spiral into unpopularity for whomsoever *might* choose to engage in such *behavior*. Oh, *goodness*! Look at the time! I really must be going, as there are just so many things I need to do tonight. I’ll be calling later, Quinn.”  Sandi hung up just as they heard Tiffany’s drawl come through, “Buuuuuut isn’t sheee the mossst pop-“

 

    Quinn and Stacy looked at each other for a second before bursting into peals of delighted laughter. Since the break up of the club, they had spent more time together, even if Stacy’s sycophancy did occasionally creep Quinn out.

 

   “Do you think Sandi really understood what you said, Quinn?” Stacy finally managed to get out after her laughing jag abated.

 

     Quinn mulled her question over for a moment before replying offhandedly,

  “ Probably not, but what’s the big deal anyway? I mean, it’s just another job, right? It’s not like Kevin is still gonna be the quarterback anymore, right?”  Stacy’s eyes widened in shocked surprise, as she answered,

 

  “Gee, Quinn, I thought he’ll ALWAYS be the ‘QB’. I saw him practicing with the team at their summer camp yesterday.”

 

   “You did? That’s funny, after Mr. DeMartino stopped crying long enough to give me the assignments for him to work on, he said that my job wasn’t going to be that hard since he wasn’t going to have that distraction to deal with,” she frowned, contemplating what that would mean. “Maybe I should call him and find out what’s going on.”

 

    “Oh, Quinn, I guess you’ll be going then, huh?” Stacy asked dejectedly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.” Quinn shook her head as she pressed the speaker phone button, and began to dial a number.   “Oh no, Stacy. I want a witness to this. Hold on a minute while I call him.”

 

  The phone rang several times before Mrs. Thompson answered, “Hello? Oh hi, *Quinn*, I guess you would want to talk to Kevin about this ‘tutoring’ you’re going to do this summer. As long as it’s just ‘tutoring’ you’re planning, missy.” Both Quinn and Stacy were taken aback at the tone of her last sentence.

 

   “Why yes, Mrs. Thompson, I *did* want to talk with him about that, but since you’re there, may I ask a question?”  Quinn said carefully, eyes narrowed.

 

   “Why sure, honey, as long as it isn’t about Kevin’s ‘availability’ for dating this summer, that is. As far as I’m concerned, if it weren’t for that *Brittany*, my son would have graduated on time, AND would have focused enough to lead the team to a State championship! While we’re on this subject, I may as well let you know right now that if you think that you can use this little ‘tutoring’ situation as a way to latch on to my boy, you have another think coming, missy!” she snarled.

 

    Quinn and Stacy exchanged confused looks before Quinn replied carefully, “Uhhh, no, Mrs. Thompson, that wasn’t it at all. I was just wondering if Kevin was still training with the team this summer or if he was just going to work on making up his grades?”

 

   “Well of course he is, silly! Didn’t you know that he’s still got a football scholarship? He can’t just stop playing for the sake of some measly academics now, can he?” she said condescendingly. “And just remember what I said, young lady. He’s off limits to you, and every other girl in that school until he’s graduated and on his way to college!” at that, the line went dead, leaving the two girls staring at each other.

 

   “Uhhh, Quinn? Something tells me that your job isn’t going to be all THAT easy, if you know what I mean.” Stacy said carefully as Quinn sat on the floor with a perplexed look on her face.

 

    “Well, I made a promise that I’d tutor him well enough to pass that damn test, and when I say I’m gonna do something, it’s gonna get done! Stace? I need to do some really hard thinking right now, so can we pick this up later?”

 

  “Sure, Quinn, I understand. Uhhh, I know I’m not like, a brain or anything, but if you need help…”

   

   “You’ll be the first person I call, Stace. Thanks. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

Quinn had a determined look on her face as she gathered her things up to leave, Stacy looking on, concern written all over her face.

 

 

 

And Then There Was One…

 

A Daria Fan Fiction

Written By RedlegRick

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER FOUR

 

When she first told her mom where and what the job was, Helen’s reaction was predictable: She went through the roof.  “Absolutely not! That company, in addition to the bands and clowns, also provides strippers! I refuse to allow any daughter of mine to be even REMOTELY associated with anything like that!” she exclaimed, enraged.

 

   Daria smirked knowingly. “So that means I don’t have to get a job this summer?”

 

   “Yes! I mean no! I mean…Dammit, Daria! You know what I mean! If you can’t find anything else more respectable, you can either take the tutoring job or O’Neill’s summer camp! Or something, ANYTHING, that doesn’t involve that…man’s business! Even if he IS related to Jane! Do I make myself clear?” she commanded imperiously.

 

   “I don’t know, mom. It seems kind of fascinating. At the very least I can get some decent material for my writing. And I do seem to recall more than one conversation where you’ve proclaimed “No matter what you decide, I’ll stand behind you all the way.” Or do I need to get one of those tapes, to refresh your memory?” Daria replied impassively.

 

   Helen glared, and for a long moment, mother and daughter locked eyes. Helen always hated this game, for since Daria was a toddler, she always won.

   “Dammit, Daria! You know I hate when you do that! Honey, I can just imagine the reasons you chose that…job…but you need to think of the future. What if some recruiter took a hard look at your employment history?” she asked, despairingly.

 

  “Let’s see. Three days at Nutty World, and that’s because YOU made me quit, last summer at O’Neill’s chamber of horrors, which, if a recruiter researched a little, who either send them screaming into the night, or have me arrested and shot. It’s either the agency or nothing. I AM eighteen, you know.”

 

   “I am fully aware of that, Daria. You know, I COULD demand that you not, based solely on that fact, dear.” Helen replied stonily, crossing her arms. Daria suppressed a scowl.

 

   “I suppose so. I guess it wouldn’t matter, since you’ve both already signed the promissory note, and the first year’s tuition check just cleared. I’m sure I can find someplace close to work. Maybe I can room with one of the dancers.”

 

    Helen bit her lip, and they resumed the staring game. Finally, “Dammit! All right, you win. I swear, Daria, if you don’t become a writer, you had damn well better get into law! If I could hold a straight face like that, I’d have my own firm by now!” She shook her head and sat down heavily. “Either that, or you could probably become one HELL of a poker player…Dammit! What I mean is…”

 

   “I know what you mean, mom. And…thanks.” Daria replied as she rose, with just the hint of her Mona Lisa smile playing on her lips. “ Besides, if I couldn’t have found a dancer to room with, I’m pretty sure he also manages a stunt driver or two…”   Helen grimaced, but soon a wry little grin appeared as she watched her daughter stride away. “ I had better scour her room for those damn tapes as soon as possible,” she thought, as she contemplated a good, stiff drink.

 

   Daria strolled out of the house contentedly. “That was almost too easy. Good thing I left those tapes at Jane’s. I hope she appreciates the notes I left for her,” she thought, as she mentally added up all the hiding places her mom didn’t know that she knew her mom did. She noticed the garage door open, and her father standing there with a curious look on his face.

 

    “Hey, kiddo! Come here a second!” Jake called out. Shrugging, she thought, “This should only take about two minutes, at the most,” as she changed directions.

 

     “Couldn’t help overhearing you and your mom, uh, discussing your new job,” he ventured carefully.

 

   “Yeah, but I’m going to take it anyway. I’ll be honest with you, if she couldn’t convince me otherwise, you don’t stand a chance, Dad.”

 

   “Heh! Ahh, well, I wouldn’t care to try. To tell you the truth, Daria, I think it’s great you found one on your own! Your mom’s just a bit of a worry-wart, you know. Hell, after military school, I had to find a job to hold me over. It would’ve been NICE if MY old man could’ve at least helped me out after ABANDONING me at that HELL-HOLE…” Daria quickly cut him off as he began another rant.

 

   “Dad! Did you have a point to make, or did you just need to vent again?” she asked calmly, as he stood there with clenched fists. He blushed and relaxed.

 

   “Woo! Sorry about that, kiddo! What I mean is…Aww, hell, it’ll be easier If I just showed you. Come on, let’s go for a ride. I have a little surprise for you.”

 

   “Sorry, Dad, I was going to go over to Jane’s to see when she can pick me up in the morning.” Daria replied, turning away. Jake touched her arm and grinned.

 

   “Tell ya what, hon. I’ll drop you off there AFTER I show you your surprise, OK?” Daria stared at him, unable to figure out the suddenly intelligent look in his eyes, or the mirthful grin on his lips.

 

   “Okay. At least I won’t have to walk, I guess,” she shrugged as she walked over to the Lexus.

 

   “I think you’ll like what I have for you, kiddo. Wait and see!” Jake assured her, his barely contained glee all but annoying to her. He hopped in and started the car with that same dizzy grin.

 

    Ten minutes later, they parked on a side street in downtown Lawndale and got out. “Alright, Dad, Since we’re not at a farm, I can only assume that once again, I’ve been cheated out of that pony. And if you’ve set me up with another job like the last one, I swear I’m walking home right now,” she challenged, slightly miffed that all during the trip she hadn’t been able to badger anything more than a stupid smirk out of him.

 

    “Just a little farther, hon. Its right around the corner, as a matter of fact. Tell you what, close your eyes and I’ll lead you there,” he urged.

 

   “No offense Dad, but not for a million dollars. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open, ESPECIALLY concerning family members.”

 

   “Awwww, Come on, honey, just this once? For your old man?” Jake pouted. She sighed mightily, and squeezed her eyes shut as she extended her hand. “Yeah! That’s the spirit, hon!”

 

   “Just as long as you don’t go near any open manhole covers, Dad, I’ll be happy too.”

 

  He led her around the corner a short way before saying, “Okay, Daria, you can open your eyes now.” She blinked a few times, and saw where they were.

 

    “Happy Herb’s? Dad, I barely know enough about bookkeeping to take the job at the agency. I don’t know anything about used cars, and I can’t imagine why Happy Herb would need a consultant…” her mouth hung open on that last word as Jake dangled a key in front of her eyes as he leaned against the hood of a compact pick up truck.

 

   “Surprise! I figured if we all went looking for a car for you, either your mother or Quinn would forget that we were there for you, and not them, so I sort of decided to just go ahead and get something I thought you’d like,” he said, solicitously, as she stood there, slack-jawed.

 

   Daria was uncharacteristically speechless as she walked around the vehicle, a hand to her mouth as she took it all in. It was a few years old, but seemed to be in fairly decent shape, and painted forest green. She peered inside, and Jake handed her the key.

 

   “Go ahead and take a look. Herb said if you don’t like it, he’d let you trade it for another one in the same price range, if you want.”

 

   “Dad! No! I mean…it’s perfect! How did you know that I wanted something I couldn’t be asked to give rides in? And just the color alone will drive Quinn nuts!” She actually grinned and blushed at that, but Jake just chuckled.

 

   “Let me tell you a little secret about your old man, sweetheart. I’m not as clueless as you think. Sure, I do carry on about some things now and then, but every once in a while I do know what’s going on with my little girl. And you’re right, the color WILL drive Quinn nuts, now that you mention it.” She barely heard him as she settled into the seat and rested her hands on the wheel, acquainting herself with the dashboard controls.

 

    “Tell you what, hon. I’ll just go and get the plates and paperwork from Happy Herb, and you can spend the rest of the day getting to know her, okay?” Jake grinned.

 

    Daria turned abruptly and asked, “Dad! How did you manage to keep this from Mom? You had to, or she would have let it slip earlier.”

 

   “Ahhh, I had a little money squirreled away. Wonder why they call it that? I’d have called it something else, but that’s probably cause I hate squirrels and all…” Jake babbled familiarly until Daria’s fixed gaze made him stop.

 

   “Dad, I know your consulting business is tanking, and I can’t accept this. Mom will crucify you when she finds out you kept her out of the loop. You know how she is. Dad, ordinarily, I’d have accepted something like this just to see that happen, but even I’m not that cynical anymore,” she said seriously, all the mirth draining from her face.

 

   “Now just hold on there, Daria! No one can tell me what I can or can’t give my daughter for a graduation present. I know damn well that your mother was finagling with Rita for Erin’s damn car, and I also knew that you’d have hated anything that snooty and pretentious! As for my business, well, yeah, you’re right, it’s tanking, but that doesn’t mean I’m broke, hon. After Quinn goes to college, well, yeah, THEN I’ll be broke, but until then, if I feel like doing something, I’m damn well gonna do it! And I FELT like getting you something I KNOW you’d like, dammit!” Jake gulped at that, but Daria’s wry grin and slow shake of the head let him know he didn’t upset her.

 

   “Dad, promise me you’ll never tell anyone what I’m about to do, okay?” she asked.

 

  “Uhhh, sure, hon. What do you mean?” he replied, perplexed. With a quick glance around, Daria Morgendorffer gave her father a bone crushing public hug, with an almost authentic squeal of joy thrown in for effect.

 

   Driving by, Brittany Taylor glimpsed the spectacle and humphed to herself. “I didn’t know Daria had a thing for older men! No wonder she never dated in school!” as she failed to recall what Daria’s father looked like, in a stereotypical blonde moment. She grinned as she patted the plane tickets in her jacket. She wondered if Mr. Hefner was as nice as that photographer she’d met after dumping Kevin.

 

 

 

And Then There Was One…

 

A Daria Fan Fiction

Written By RedlegRick

 

 

CHAPTER FIVE

 

 

Quinn had taken great pains to be prepared for the first day of work, going through no less than five different outfits, and seriously considering borrowing one of Daria’s before settling on an ensemble she felt would convey her new role as a serious educator.

 

   She smoothed a wrinkle in her mid-length soft coral summer dress before slipping on a pair of flat-heel sandals as she critically regarded her reflection in her mirrors. Hair done up in a loose bun, not too much skin showing, and just the bare minimum of make-up to accentuate the muted tones of her attire, she still felt something was…missing.

 

    She frowned as she turned away, debating the merits of accessories versus practicality versus Kevin’s all too apparent distraction by shiny things when her gaze rested on the pair of reading glasses on her night stand.

 

    Picking them up, she had a thoughtful look on her face. “Gawd, if Sandi and the others knew I even HAD a pair…” Her face brightened as she dug through the drawer, coming up with a tooled silver chain, which she affixed to the earpieces. A few moments later, she was nodding in silent appreciation at her reflection.

 

   “Quinn, you rock! Even as a geek, you still have it all together!” she assured herself silently, as the doorbell chimed.

      By the time she got to the door, Kevin was already starting back down the walkway towards his Jeep. “Kevin! Where are you going?” she demanded.

 

   “Uhhhh, Nowhere, babe! I didn’t think anyone was home! I thought I’d head on over to the weight room and get started early, you know. Uhhh, you aren’t Daria, are you?” he asked, as he realized he wasn’t too sure of who he was talking to.

 

   Quinn scowled, “I guess it’s a good thing I DIDN’T borrow that outfit after all!” she fumed. “No, Kevin, it’s me, Quinn. Didn’t you recognize me?” she snarled.

 

   “Ohhhh. Heh. Yeah, I knew it was you all along! Soooo, what are we gonna do first? Do you still have the Pigskin Channel? And I never did get to taste that chocolate cake, you know,” he grinned sheepishly as he plopped down on the sofa.

 

    “Well, mister, first, we’re not watching TV. Second, you’re not here to eat, and third, I’m not your ‘Babe’.” Quinn announced firmly. “Weren’t you supposed to bring your books, Kevin?”

 

   “Oh, yeahhh. I KNEW there was something I forgot. Tell ya what, I’ll bring ‘em tomorrow, okay? I got an idea! Since I don’t have my books, why don’t we go hang out somewhere until it’s time for practice? Hey! There’s a two-for-one special over at Burger Trough today! I told some of the guys I’d be meeting them…”

    He stopped when he realized Quinn was staring at him as sternly as Ms. Barch, arms crossed and toe tapping.

 

   “Kevin! We’re not on a date! You’re here to be tutored and I’m the tutorer, or whatever. Now listen! If you want to pass the graduation test, you’re going to have to remember to bring your books from now on. Fortunately, Mr. DeMartino said you always seem to forget them as it is, so he gave me an extra set, just in case,” she said with an evil grin.

 

    “Awwww! Come on, Quinn! That’s not fair! I thought you were supposed to help me get a bye on this so I can play for Lawndale State! It’s not MY fault they flunked me, my dad says they just won’t listen to reason, that’s all. Besides, what am I gonna need with knowing all that junk anyway? I’m the QB!” he whined.

 

   Quinn just shook her head disgustedly as she asked him. “Kevin, I know you WERE the QB, but I guess Ms. Li didn’t tell you that if you have to make up next year, you won’t be allowed to play on the team, did she?”

 

   “What? Not on the team? Hey, my dad told me if that I didn’t pass that stupid test this summer, all it’d mean is I’d get another chance at the State Championship! Who told you that!” he demanded furiously.

 

   “Everyone, you big lunkhead! Mr. DeMartino especially kept telling me that when he was showing me what I have to teach you. Ms. Li mentioned it a lot, too, although she didn’t giggle as much, but she said the same thing. So, if you want to keep playing football, you’d better start listening. Here.” She handed him a textbook, and he quite audibly groaned.

 

 

 

   

  Meanwhile, across town in the Lawndale Talent Agency’s parking lot, Daria lingered for a few minutes admiring her new truck before going inside the decrepit building. “Watch. The first day I have the damn thing, someone’ll rip it off,” the decidedly unhappy though came unbidden.

 

  She pushed open the door and Bubbles looked up from her nails, and gave her a plastic smile. “Hi! Rocky is running late today, so he told me to get ya all set up, honey,” she said between gum cracks.

   

  Daria followed her back down the dingy little hall to a tiny office with grimy windows, a battered desk, and an equally battered computer. Other than that and a large file cabinet, the room held nothing but cardboard boxes, assorted litter, and a few nude calendars.

  

    “No chair?” she asked, peering around the room.

 

   Bubbles giggled. “Nawww. When Tinkles went after Morty, it got trashed when he threw it at him as he ran away. If you want, you can borrow a chair from the photo studio down the hall. There’s some real classy stuff in there, hon, so be careful, okay?” Bubbles cracked her gum again, as if to punctuate her sentence. Sighing, Daria headed in the direction she indicated.

 

    Opening the door, she realized immediately just what kind of photography went on in that studio as she looked over all the props and furniture strewn about haphazardly.

 

  “I guess I forgot to ask for no amusing surprises today, God,” as she recoiled from a chair that had a rather large, obscene plastic device standing erect from the seat, before finally settling on a chair that’s only objectionable qualities were the attachment points on the back and legs that she could just imagine were used for. “Well, at least there won’t be anything poking me in the behind while I work.”

 

    Dragging it back into the tiny office was a chore, and she took a little while to familiarize herself with the contents of the room. Looking out the filthy window, she was relieved that she had an unobstructed view of the parking lot and her new truck. Mollified at that, she poked through the mess on the desk before turning on the computer.

 

    Racing forms, an ashtray filled to overflowing with cigarette butts, half-filled cups of coffee and what looked like a vintage chili-dog rankled her nose, and she took some time to find a trash can to dispose of the offending items. As she did, she heard Rocky’s booming voice greeting Bubbles.

 

    Satisfied that she could now begin to do some work, she headed to his office.

 

    “All set up, kiddo?” he boomed warmly, as he prepared a well-worn espresso machine. “Sorry I didn’t get that hole properly cleaned out before ya got here, but Morty had a funny way of keeping records. If I were you, I’d be real careful about what ya throw out, as he had a bad habit of writing down important stuff on whatever was handy. Want a cup?” he offered, as the machine hissed and gurgled as it generated a steaming cup of evil black fluid. “I’m kinda addicted to this stuff, and I find it easier to do business on this than Scotch. If ya ever want, feel free anytime, but all I ask is ya clean up after, okay?”

 

  “Thanks, Mr. Salvatore, I think I need one already. Can I ask what you want me to do first?” Daria asked, accepting the tiny cup and saucer he offered. “I already borrowed a chair from where your secretary said.”

 

    “Heh heh heh! I guess she didn’t warn ya about THAT room, did she? Ehhh, don’t worry about it. The photographer is out of town anyway, so it shouldn’t be a problem until I can get ya a decent chair. As to what ya have to do, that might be a problem, ‘cause I’m not too sure just what Morty was doing in that office. One of the reasons he’s not here anymore, hon.” He chuckled to himself as he sat down to sip his coffee.

 

   “Sir, no offense, but, if you don’t know what I’m supposed to do, where am I supposed to start? Does your secretary know?” she asked, not really wanting to find out how much ‘Bubbles’ really knew.

 

  As if to validate her thoughts, Rocky laughed harshly, “Bubbles? Oh no, she wouldn’t know a thing about that. All she does is answer the phone and look good while she does it. My sister-in-law, in case you’re wondering if I’m as dirty an old man as it looks on your face,” he grinned as Daria blushed.

 

   “Tell ya what. Since Morty left that place a total hole, why don’t you take the rest of the day and set it up the way YOU want it, okay? Just as long as you can get to work on the books by tomorrow, alright?” he replied, lighting a thick cigar.

 

   Backing away, Daria managed a quick “Okay,” before fleeing back to the tiny office. ‘Bubbles’ gave her a vacant little smile as she walked past, and Daria stopped to ask, “Hey, everyone seems to call you ‘Bubbles’, but I don’t want to annoy you. What’s your real name?”

   

   The blonde gave her an empty smile and replied, “Actually, it’s ‘Agnes’, but I hate that, so I just use my nickname around here. With some of Rocky’s clients, you might wanna do the same too, sugar,” she winked knowingly.

 

   “Huh! Well, I guess if you don’t mind, it’s okay with me. Can I ask you another question, ‘Bubbles’?”

 

   “Go ahead, sugar. I’m all ears,” came her reply, as she resumed doing her nails.

 

  “All rightie then, first, what’s the deal with Morty and Tinkles, and do you have any idea about what I’m supposed to do?” she asked helplessly.

 

    Bubbles tittered, then, peeking back at Rocky’s office, motioned Daria out into the dingy hallway leading back to Daria’s new office.

 

   “You’re just gonna love this! Okay, here’s the dish: For years, Morty was skimming a little off of the top of all the performer’s paychecks to cover his gambling debts and whatnot. Well, one day, Tinkles figures out he’s been shorted out and comes in and tries to get it out of Morty’s hide. One thing leads to another, and next thing ya know, Morty’s running for his life with Tinkles right behind him waving his chair.” She stopped to snap her gum for emphasis as Daria gingerly retrieved some of the papers she’d earlier thrown away.

 

    “So then what happened?” Daria asked, as she dropped the offending documents back on the desk and peered at the computer screen.

 

  “That pretty much was it, except for all the rest of the acts cheering him on. It took Rocky a lot of promises to keep ‘em all on board after that, so, if I was you, I’d be real careful about making sure the checks are written out right.”

 

    Daria flinched at that. “I’m gonna have to wite the checks? But I’m only eighteen! I thought he’d be doing that!” she said, referring to Rocky. Bubbles tittered.

 

   “Oh no, Rocky doesn’t sign anything around here! He has some issues with the Feds, but you didn’t hear that from me, right? Rocky probably told you I was just eye candy for his office, but I got ears, hon. I’ll give you the file you need to make the payroll when you get this dump straightened out, okay? Just don’t tell him I know what’s going on or else I might have to do more than answer phones,” she warned, wagging a manicured finger at her.

 

  “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me. Just as long as I don’t have to deal with Tinkles, I guess everything will be all right.” Daria replied cautiously

 

  “Oh! He was just let out of jail the other day! I forgot to tell Rocky! He’s got a kids party this afternoon and he’s gonna want his paycheck from last week. They hauled him off before he could get it, so you’d better find out what he’s owed before he gets here. Well, gotta go! I’ve got a hair appointment at ten, and I have to be back home before twelve so Frankie can have his nooner. Here’s the file, sugar, and good luck” she tittered as she wobbled away on what Daria surmised to be at least six inch heels.

  

   “Great. Just great. Maybe “The O.K. To Cry Corral” wasn’t so bad after all,” she muttered to herself at Bubble’s retreating backside. Sighing, she entered the office-HER office, she silently reminded herself, and began to make sense out of the chaos within.

 

    It wasn’t until Rocky stuck his head in her door that she realized how long she’d been working. “Hey, toots, it’s lunchtime. There’s a little greasy spoon up a ways that ain’t half bad. Whoa!” he exclaimed, as he took a look around the dingy little room. “Damn! When Janey said you knew what you were doing, she meant it! I haven’t seen this place looking this neat since I rented this dump. I expect ya back in an hour.”

 

   “Thanks,” she mumbled, although he ducked out of the doorway before she could respond. “Although a long, hot shower would probably do me better, considering what I’ve had to deal with since I’ve arrived,” she said to the empty door.

 

   “And just what would that be, amiga?” Jane’s voice announced. She peeked in smirking, “I see you’ve been quite the busy little bee today. Tell ya what, take me for a spin in that swell little pick-um-up you arrived in and I’ll spring for a slice, okay?”

 

   “Dammit, Jane, you of all people should know I have a low startle factor. You wouldn’t believe what this guy had on his computer, not to mention scattered around this rectum. Let me grab my backpack and I’ll tell you on the way.” she replied tiredly.

 

    A short time later, they were sitting in their usual booth at Pizza King, Daria with an exasperated look on her face, Jane barely able to contain her laughter. “So THAT’S why he spent so much time in there!” she giggled maliciously.

 

   “If it wasn’t for ‘Bubbles’ showing me where the disinfectant was stored, I’d have quit an hour after I showed up. Just how long have you been dealing with those people, Jane?” Daria asked as she lifted the slice to her mouth.

 

   “Ever since Spiral got their first paying gig. Actually, Rocky is one of my Dad’s cousins, though it wasn’t until then I knew that some of my family were in The Family, if you get my drift.”

   “Fuhgeddaboudit,” Daria smirked tiredly. “ To be honest, Rocky seems to be sort of okay, in a weird way. He didn’t bother me, even when I screamed when I found Morty’s stash of magazines. I can probably get quite a bit for them if I show them to Upchuck.”

 

   “That is, if he doesn’t have ‘em already, you mean.” Jane chuckled, checking her watch. “Damn, we’d better go if you wanna get back on time.”

 

   “Since when have you become the perfect little worker, Jane? I’d have thought that now, since school is over, you’d be doing your Trent impersonation until at least sundown. Don’t the guys have a gig tonight?”

 

    “That’s precisely WHY I’ve become a corporate whore, thank you very much. Remember? They owe me money, and I’m just insuring they have the means to pay me back, so, I’m making damn sure that everything’s gonna be ready for them tonight.”

 

   “Sorry I’m not able to help you out with the set-ups, Jane, but I didn’t realize you had to do them so early. I thought you were going to do this after I got out.” Daria said, reproachfully.

 

   “Ahhh, don’t worry about it. I conned Jesse’s little brother into helping me. All I had to do was promise him I’d talk with Trent about getting him in the line-up.” Jane grinned maliciously.

 

   “How much does he know about filing? Because I  sure as hell could use some help there. Jane, you wouldn’t believe how this guy had all the records stored. All those liquor boxes he was using as furniture had the necessary stuff I needed, while both file cabinets held his gambling files, and some porn that’d peel your eyeballs.”

 

    “Yeah, that’d be Marty, all right. I could always make a quick buck off of him by doing some free-forms at my Life Drawing classes. As I’m sure you’re aware, he likes ‘em ‘bursty’” Jane snickered as Daria blushed.

 

   “I’ve already had to tell myself this is only a temporary job about every ten minutes, Jane, please don’t make it every five. And please don’t get me started on ‘Bubbles’! I mean, she WAS sort of okay this morning, but other than that, she’s like Quinn on steroids. I had to answer the phones while she was at her hair appointment, and that damn gum…”

 

   “Now you know why I decided to haul amps and stoned musicians around, amiga, it means I’m nowhere near ‘Cousin Rocky’.” Jane said, looking bemused. “So, has he convinced you he’s with the Mob yet?”

 

   “I kinda figured he’s a wannabe, with all the dork-fest acts he seems to manage. Good Lord, Tinkles The Clown? At least the name’s amusing, but I really wish you’d have told me just how that job became available. I really don’t want to find myself running for my life from a madman in big shoes and a red nose.”

 

    “Yeah, and just imagine what it’d be like stuffed in the trunk of one of those teeny little cars. Relax, Daria, he’s better now that the judge ordered him back on his medication. They say he’s actually amusing for a change.”

 

   “Well, I’ll deal with that if it happens, but I’m in way over my head there. I’ve never done anything like this before, and I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I’ll screw something up bad, and then what happens? Maybe I’d better tell him it’s too much for me to handle right now.” Daria grumbled, looking at her watch. “Crap, I’ve got to get back. Do you need me to drop you off anywhere?”

 

     “That’s okay, Daria. I was just gonna head home and get some sleep before the gig tonight, so you don’t have to bother. And, hey, don’t be so hard on yourself over that job. It’s really not that hard, considering how much both Rock and Mort screwed around and still managed to stay in business.” Jane reassured her.

 

 “As I said before, I’m still not sure I’m cut out for this. What happens if the Feds come through and audit? I’ll be the one with the penthouse at the Graybar Hilton.” Daria replied, getting up and grabbing her backpack.

 

    “And don’t be so paranoid, Daria. Rocky just likes playing a mobster. He basically just needed someone to clean that office out and answer phones while he bangs Bubbles.” Jane smirked.

 

   “Why does that not surprise me? Okay, I’ll try to stick it out. As long as I remember that all I basically am is an office cleaner now, I feel so much better. I’ll call you later, Jane, I’ve got an ulcer to start.”

 

    “Only if you cave in and start drinking that sludge he passes of as espresso. Later, office wench,” Jane replied as she left the restaurant.

 

   Daria made it back to the office almost on time, but was relieved to find Bubbles away from her desk. Rocky’s door was closed, and from the noises behind, was going to remain that way for a while.

 

   “Ewwww. I suppose there’s some cosmic reason that wherever I go, there will always be a Kevin and Brittany around me, won’t there? As long as she doesn’t squeal-.” Her soliloquy was terminated by a delighted shriek followed by a hoarse yell. The phone rang, startling Daria

 

   “EEEEEP!” She made a move to grab the phone just as Bubbles came bursting out. Literally. Daria got an eyeful as the secretary backpedaled so quickly she fell.

 

  From the office, Rocky yelled, “Well? Don’t just stand there, answer it!”

 

    “H-hello? Lawndale Talent Agency? Who? Ohhh…Uh, Mr. Salvatore? It’s your wife…” she said sheepishly, face red.

 

  He uttered a low curse and picked up his phone as Bubbles picked up her clothes and tiptoed out. “You didn’t see nothing!!!” she hissed angrily as she passed Daria, angrily slamming the little bathroom door. Standing there, still holding the phone, she could hear Rocky arguing with a harsh female voice.

 

   He looked up momentarily, and barked, “Hey! I’m not payin’ you to gawk! Put that down and get to work!” In a flash she dropped the handset in its cradle and sprinted for her office.

 

   Six hours later, she was laying on her bed, massaging her temples, when the phone rang and Quinn called out, “Dar-ee-yahhh! It’s your friend! Hurry up! I’m expecting a call soon!”

 

    Sighing, she reluctantly got up and retrieved the phone Quinn had tossed on the floor in front of her door. “Hello?”

 

     “Hey! I thought you were gonna call me when you got home. Are you gonna come out and see the band? You know, keep an eye on the talent? Besides, we need your truck. The Tank got impounded today, and the guys won’t have enough to bail it out until after this gig.”

 

  “Dammit, Jane, I’ve had a hell of a day! First I have to wade through that diseased mess that guy left me, then I walk in on those two going at it, followed by an afternoon spent lying to bill collectors and having people yell at me in general. I fielded three death threats about the pony rides and petting zoo, two clowns were drunk when they showed up, and the wrong kind of strippers were sent to a birthday party.”

 

   “Daria, please! I need these guys to pay me back, and now they need this gig to get the Tank back. Please?” Jane begged.

 

   “Ahhhhh, hell. All right, let me get changed and I’ll be right over. When do they start?” she asked, defeatedly.

 

  “They don’t go on until eleven, but we have to get the stuff over there now, and it’s about twenty miles out of town, so, could you hurry? See you when you get here amiga, and thanks!” Jane cheerily replied before hanging up.

 

 “Dammit!” she cursed, as she began to dress. She grabbed her usual attire, but, realizing that no matter what, she was going to be moving stuff whether she liked it or not, put on jeans and a T-shirt instead and hurried out.

 

   Helen had been consternated at first over Jake’s surprise gift, and slightly disappointed that he didn’t tell her, but that had been somewhat mollified by her delight that he could do something so nice for their girls.  Quinn just gave her dirty looks, but was too busy with Kevin to do more than sniff, “And I suppose you’re gonna be listening to that Waylon T. Nelson and hang around with cowboys, is that it?” before stalking away fuming.

 

   “Daria! Where are you going, sweetie?” Helen called from the sofa, where she and Jake were sitting, watching TV.

 

  “Out. Have to haul something for Jane. I forgot that not having a back seat means more than not having people ask you for rides. I’ll be late, so don’t wait up. Bye,” she replied as she fumbled with her keys.

 

   “Don’t you think that’s a little irresponsible of you, honey?” Helen cooed. “You DO have to be at work in the morning, don’t you?”

 

   “Yeah, Mom’s right, Daria. You know, I didn’t get that truck for you so you could be everyone’s moving service, sweetie.” Jake added, a note of concern in his voice.

 

   Daria sighed mightily. “Believe me, I’d like nothing more than stay home tonight, but Jane said the Tank was impounded and if they don’t get set up tonight, they won’t get paid. And something tells me that, if this gets back to my new boss, it’ll somehow become a bigger problem for me than just a little missed sleep. I believe it’s called ‘thinking outside the box’ in certain circles.”

 

   “Box? Daria, you’re not going to do that thing with the fridge box again, are you, kiddo?” Jake asked worriedly.

 

   Helen laid a hand on his arm as she said sternly, “All right, Daria. You ARE an adult now, and it does make sense, in a way. Just remember that that truck is for you to go to college with, and if you wear it out helping your friends, we might not be so quick to replace it,” she warned.

 

   Ignoring the urge to point out that she didn’t have any part in getting her truck, Daria just mumbled a hasty, “Sure. Right, I understand. See ya,” as she fled outside.

 

    Pulling up in front of Jane’s house, she saw the band’s equipment stacked on the lawn, and all the guys waiting patiently. “I got here as quick as I could,” she said to Jane as the five began to stack cases and instruments in the bed with surprising speed.

 

    “Yeah! Say, this would go a lot quicker if you grabbed something too, amiga. Here, give me a hand with this,” Jane replied distractedly, indicating the mixing board. Before she had a chance to protest, Trent brushed past, arms full of cables, said calmly,

 

   “Thanks Daria, you’re a lifesaver. I don’t know what we’d do if we lost the Tank. We owe you.”

 

   “Yeah. Right. Whatever. Jane, please tell me we’re not all going to try to fit in this little truck tonight, right?”

 

   “Don’t worry, the Trentmobile is still running, or walking, as the case may be. I already warned the guys not to assume we can fit in this little thing.” Jane assured her as she gingerly set a drum case in the bed. “One thing though, I’ll have to drive Trent’s car, since all four of these knuckleheads let their licenses expire. Trent will ride with you, since you don’t know where this place is.”

 

   Daria gulped, and just the faintest blush crept into her cheeks. “Trent? Ride with me? I’m sure I can find this place on my own, Jane.”

 

   “Oh come on, Daria, I thought you were over that already? Besides, this bar is a pain to find, and we already have too much stuff in the car already. It’ll be fun, and you’ll finally get some ‘quality’ time with Trent free of any preconceived notions.” Jane grinned.

 

   “I hate you. All right, Trent rides with me, but if I have to wake him up more than three times, you will pay, Lane,” she warned. Jane just grunted in reply as she tossed a tarp over the equipment, followed by ropes to secure it. In a surprisingly short period of time, the band had packed up and was ready to roll.

 

   “Well, I guess this is it. How are you fixed for gas?” Jane asked, as she tightened the tarp down a bit more.

 

   “I’ll be okay, I filled the tank yesterday and really haven’t gone anywhere.” Daria replied uncertainly as Trent slipped in the passenger seat and slumped back comfortably.

 

   “That’s great! Do you think you can spot me twenty for Trent’s bomber? I had to use the last of my cash keeping the lights on today. I’ll pay you back when they do.” Jane said sheepishly.

 

   Daria grumbled inarticulately as she dug in her pocket and handed over a rumpled bill. “Oh yes, Jane. You WILL pay for this.”  She climbed into her truck and started it up. “I’ll follow you guys. That way I won’t be needing to constantly wake someone up” she grumbled, less at Jane than an already slumbering Trent. Jane grinned weakly.

 

   “Sorry. Just introduce him to your elbow periodically. He won’t mind after a while, trust me. Daria, I’m really sorry I had to ask you to do this, and I promise it won’t happen again, I swear!”

 

   “Only if I get it in writing,” Daria grumbled. “Don’t worry about it, Jane. I’m not THAT mad, and to be honest, it has been a while since I’ve seen the band play. Besides, I can probably slip this past Rocky and get paid for doing this as well, right?”

 

   “That’s the spirit! And if Rocky bitches, I’ll vouch for you doing this, amiga. Now we better get going, or we WILL be late. Okay, you clowns! Let’s get going!” Jane bellowed to the other band members lounging on the car.

 

  Daria started her truck, and waited for Trent to rouse, to no avail. It was still a source of wonder for her that the man was able to sleep through almost anything. Almost anything, until he woke up, startled at the vicious jab in his ribs.

 

   “Whoaaa! Geez, ‘Nique, I didn’t….Oh, hey Daria. Sorry about that. Hey, did I thank you for helping us out tonight? I really appreciate it, you know…Say, where’s Janey? I thought she was riding with us?” he managed to get out as Daria pulled away from the curb, following Jane in the Trentmobile.

 

    “She’s driving your car tonight. And I’m gonna need you to stay awake for me, okay? I’ve never been to this place before, and I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to keep up with Jane,” she replied, with a hint of annoyance. He raised his eyebrows at that, but remained silent.

 

   She took a quick glance at him, neither angry nor pleased. Just tired, and slightly miffed at her task. “Sorry. I just don’t want to get lost tonight, that’s all.”

 

    “Mmm-hmmm,” he replied, straighteneing in his seat. “Well, I guess I’d better stay awake then, huh?” He coughed, then, peered behind, checking on the band’s gear. “Looks like everything’s okay back there, huh, Daria?

 

  “If you say so. Say, just how did you guys let your licenses lapse at the same time, anyway?” she asked offhandedly.

 

   “Huh? My license’s expired? That’s funny, I actually remember renewing it a little while ago. Yeah, I did. Why’d you think it was?”

 

  Daria glared at him for a moment, then returned to watching the road. “Huh? Oh, no reason. No reason at all. I just thought that it might have had something to do with the Tank, that’s all,” she gulped as she realized her voice had risen almost a full octave. “Damn you, Jane. You should know better,” she thought bitterly. Without thinking, she looked at him sitting beside her, and just for a second… His snores brought her back to reality in a heartbeat. “ Oh Trent, you’ll never know what you missed,” she growled, as she redirected her attention to following Jane and the rest of the band out of town.

 

 

 

And Then There Was One…

 

A Daria Fan Fiction

Written By RedlegRick

 

CHAPTER SIX

 

 

   Quinn had never known before just how glad she could be to see someone leave, but as soon as Kevin strolled out the front door, she almost wept with relief. The afternoon had been a nightmare from the start, with Kevin alternating between surly moron, to clumsy lecher. It was only the fortuitous arrival of her father, or she may have had to hurt him badly if he kept on the way he was.

 

  “Oh God, Stacy, he was awful! And when my dad came home it just got worse! He invited Kevin to come watch that horrible football channel, and from then on, he was like a kid! I ended up throwing him out, and I almost called Ms. Li and quit!” she ranted into her phone.

 

   Stacy’s voice was confused, as usual, “ So why didn’t you? I mean, it’s not like you’re a REAL teacher. U-unless that’s what you want to be, that is.”

 

  “Guh-hod, Stacy! After today, I’m pretty sure that’ll be the LAST thing I want to do. Unless it had something to do with fashion or dating, that is. I wonder if there is a course for that?” Quinn mused, with a faraway look.

 

   “I don’t know, Quinn. Are you SURE you’re, uh, sister, doesn’t want to do this instead? She IS a ‘brain’, you know. I bet that if you asked her really nice…” Quinn cut her off angrily.

 

  “Ask her? No way! Look, Stace, I already said I’d do it, and that’s that! And forget about Daria being ‘nice’ about this whole thing, either. She hates his guts, and what’s more, my mom offered to match what they would have paid her! Can you believe it?”

 

  “You mean you can get PAID to tutor someone?” was all Stacy could stammer out. Quinn frowned, a nasty little habit she seemed to be picking up rather quickly, and was about to lay into her when her mother knocked on her door. “Listen, Stace, I’ve gotta go. I have something I need to do right now, okay? I’ll call you later. No, it isn’t anything you said. No! It’s nothing bad, I promise! I’ll call you! Bye!”

 

  Exasperated, she snapped her head towards her door, where Helen was peeking in. “Hi, Honey. Is everything all right?” she inquired mildly.

 

   “No! I mean, yes! I mean…Hey! Were you listening to me?” she demanded indignantly.

 

  “Well, it WAS kind of hard not too, seeing as we could hear you all the way downstairs. Your father thinks you had a bad experience with some boy, and he’s gnashing his teeth right now. Is there anything you want to tell me?” Helen asked, plopping down on her bed. Quinn gave her a sulky look, and ran her hand through her hair.

 

   “If you think I’m going to quit, you’re wrong!” she challenged, chin held high, “I just have to figure out a different way than David taught me, that’s all! But…”

 

   “Yes, Quinn?” Helen asked, looking straight at her.

 

  “Could you ask Dad NOT to talk to Kevin from now on? I know he didn’t know any better, but once he got home, I couldn’t keep Kevin’s attention on ANYTHING! All those two were doing was talking about football, and cars, and guy things. I mean, it’s hard enough trying to do this as it is.” She looked lost for a moment.

 

   “Honey, first of all, I want to tell you that I’m proud that you set yourself such a challenge, especially given the situation and individual. I also want you to know that, while I’ve always said that giving up is never an acceptable way out, there are some things that people can’t do, at least not on their first try.” Helen gave her a hug. “Quinn, what I mean to say is, if you don’t think you can do this, there’s no shame in being honest, and telling Ms. Li she needs to find someone else. I won’t think any less of you for being honest, sweetie.”

 

    For a moment, Quinn mulled that over. Pick up the phone and call. It would be that simple, and she already had the words in her head. Then, call the restaurant and see if there were any hostess jobs available…

 

    “Mom, believe me, I’d love to quit, but now it’s personal. I told Sandi and the rest of them I was doing this, and if I quit now, she’ll never let me hear the end of it! It’ll always be something like: “Gee, Quinn, if you don’t wanna do this thing or that thing, you can always just, like, quit or something. Just like when you were trying to teach Kevin, remember? And don’t get me started on what Daria’d say,” she replied, falling into her usual prattle. “I mean, not like I’d REALLY care, but I’d like, sort of care. See?”

 

   Helen looked introspective. “Well, Quinn, it IS only the first day, after all. Maybe I was a little premature in suggesting this may be too much for you after all. And Ms. Li said she could aff- GIVE you two weeks to prove yourself. Maybe tomorrow will go better for the both of you,” she smiled. Quinn’s scowl softened a bit. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll have a talk with Dad, and make sure he won’t bother you again, okay, sweetie? And, I’ll have the Pigskin Channel disconnected, too.”

 

   “Thanks, Mom! I mean, it’s not like I was really unhappy that Daddy came home,” though she wasn’t about to reveal just why, “But, Kevin is kinda easily distracted, you know? And it’s bad enough his parents don’t like me being…”

 

    Helen cut her off. “His parents don’t like you being what?” she demanded.

   “Oh nothing. They just think I’m doing this to get closer to him, that’s all. Like I’d go out with a jerk like him!” Quinn scoffed, failing to grasp her mother’s meaning. “Mrs. Thompson wanted me to teach him over at their house, but there’s no way I’d ever be seen in that icky place. Do you know his room looks like a football field? Besides, Mr. Thompson kinda creeps me out, too. I hope Kevin doesn’t end up looking like him either. Always talking about football when he was in high school and how he won the State Championship and everything.”

 

  “So, why did they let him study here?” Helen asked, angrily  “If they don’t APPROVE of you tutoring him? Maybe I should give them a call…”

 

  “Muh-ommm, no! If they think YOU don’t approve either, Ms. Li will fire me for sure! I wanna at least have a fair chance at doing this. Please?” she begged, holding Helen’s hand down on the phone.

 

   Helen sat back, a thoughtful look on her face. “Quinn, I’m happy that you are showing me you have perseverance, but when you have to deal with people like that, it’s almost always a losing proposition. Honey, I know you can do this, I really believe you can, but the Thompsons have spent most of Kevin’s life to do one thing above all else.” She spoke calmly as she patted Quinn’s hand. “ I don’t think a professional tutor could accomplish what that boy needs in the time that’s been given. It’s not that you CAN’T teach him, he he doesn’t WANT to be taught.”

 

   She had spoken as much of the truth as she promised Li about the deal she’d made. No one at Lawndale, or the district, for that matter, had any notion that Kevin would be able to make up what he’d ignored for years. As Li had said,

 “He’s virtually assured a spot at Lawndale State. Sure, it’s just a third rate junior college, but…certain people have made…certain ‘arrangements’, you see. All that boy has to do is pass one little eligibility test after getting completions in his major studies and he’ll be out of everybody’s hair.”

 

   Helen pondered what she should have said about that shining example of ethics, but she had been interrupted by a call from Eric about shopping around for some cooperative expert witnesses and didn’t feel like double-dipping from the well of hypocrisy.

 

   “Mom? Is everything all right?” asked Quinn, at her introspective silence.

 

  “What? Oh, Quinn! I’m sorry, you’re right. Ms. Li gave you two weeks to prove you can teach Kevin something meaningful and you have every right to finish what you started.” She cursed as her cell phone rang, but gave a tired smile to Quinn.

 

  Happily, Quinn trotted away, “You’ll see just how much I can teach Mr. Kevin Thompson,” she said to herself, making her way to the bedroom. She was at the head of the stairs when the doorbell rang. “I got it!” she cried.

 

   “Quinn! Are we glad to see you!” “Yeah!” “I’m gladder than they are, Quinn!” Joey, Jeffy and Jamie spouted as soon as she opened the door. “So Quinn, do you want to come out to High Hills with us? There’s a little party going on tonight, and everybody’s been wondering what you’ve been up to.” Joey asked expectantly as his compatriots looked on hopefully.

 

  She rolled her eyes. “Guh-odd! Guys! There was a party two days ago, hello?” They all looked quite cowed then. “It’s not like we’re in school, fellas. I have a job now, a VERY important job, and I can’t be running around all the time hanging out!” she said sternly.

 

  “Yeah, we know!” Jeffy chimed in. “Kevin told us all about how you’re gonna help him ace that acceptance test so he can go to Lawndale State! He’s the one that asked if you were gonna be coming tonight.” At that last sentence, something like worry began to creep into his tone. Jamie was the one who voiced all their fears.

 

   “Uhhh, Quinn? Does this mean you and Kevin are…uhhhh…seeing each other?”

 

   Fire flashed in her eyes as she snarled, “WHAT? Kevin’s out partying? He’s SUPPOSED to be reading three chapters tonight, not out at a stupid party! I’m gonna kill him! Wait here!” She stormed away, not seeing the three boys rejoicing that she didn’t seem to be involved, as far as they knew.

 

   In less time than she’d ever changed clothes, she was back downstairs after shedding her ‘teacher’ garb. Dressed in her ‘normal’ outfit, she demanded, “All right! Let’s go! I have something to say to MISTER Thompson!” They recoiled at her venom, and wordlessly piled into the car. “What else did he tell you?” she asked Jeffy, finger in his chest.

 

    “N-nothing, Quinn! Honest! You’re not mad at us, are you?” he replied meekly. She merely glared silently, which terrified the three boys all the more. They arrived at the park in short order, and Quinn regally dismounted and strode towards the silhouettes around a small bonfire.

 

   “Quinn!” “It’s Quinn!” “Quinn’s here!” she could hear the throng say as she marched straight up to Kevin, who was leaning against a trash can, filled with ice, holding a keg.

 

   “Hey babe! Glad you could make it!” he cheerily greeted her, hoisting a plastic cup jovially. Hands on her hips, she glared daggers as she said pointedly, “Kevin Thompson! Again, I AM NOT YOUR ‘BABE’! First of all, you’re SUPPOSED to be STUDYING right now, not partying! Second, I don’t care WHAT little deal you cut with Ms. Li over this, you ARE going to pass that test in three months, if it KILLS YOU! Now, you and I are going to leave, right now. We are NOT going to make out. We are not going to hang out. We ARE going to go over what I EXPECTED you to read tonight, and we’re going to do it right now.”

 

   The crowd fell silent at her outburst, and Kevin looked quite cowed for a moment. Suddenly, his face brightened, and he laughed, “Good one, Quinn! Wow! For a second there, I thought you were serious! Come on, there’s some diet soda in the back of my jeep, and there’s some vodka around here somewhere!” The crowd exhaled, and conversation began to start again. Quinn fixed him with a steely gaze, and slapped the cup out of his hand.

 

   “Did you hear a WORD I said, you big dummy? I’m not kidding! You aren’t going to pass summer school if you think you can just do what you’ve been doing all along, no matter what you’re parents and Ms. Li told you! I talked with the Superintendent today, and told him all about your little ‘deal’. He was kinda surprised to hear about it, and I don’t think he was too happy, either.” She wasn’t shouting now, and the crowd had fallen into another uneasy silence. “If you don’t pass the test I have to give you in TWO WEEKS, you can just FORGET about starting football for Lawndale State, mister. The Superintendent already called the admissions officer and told him EVERYTHING! And, if you don’t do that, you’re also going to be barred from playing for the school if you have to attend Lawndale next year. What do you think about that?” She demanded, as she thought angrily, “They’re probably going to give this jerk a bye anyway, but I can at least make him stew a little!”

 

   For a long time he stood there, slack-jawed. He looked around for support, but all the players who were there avoided his eyes. Slowly the realization of what she meant dawned on him. “You mean, even if I don’t pass summer school, I won’t get to play again?” he said in a small, frightened voice. “Ever?” Quinn nodded, a grim look on her face. “That’s no fair! I’m the QB! I HAVE to play!”

   Quinn shook her head sadly, “Kevin, You WERE the QB. All you are now is a jock who flunked, and if you ever want to play football again, you’re gonna have to do a lot of work to get there.”

 

   Angrily, he yelled, “When did you turn into a BRAIN, Quinn? Come on, my dad told me that even if I didn’t pass, all that means is I get another crack at the State Championship, that’s all! I don’t NEED to do this stupid ‘summer school’ stuff! I don’t care what you say, HE’D never lie to me! Do you hear me!”

 

   Quinn took a step back, startled, then, “Maybe not, you big dope! You don’t hear anything except what you WANT to hear.” She turned and began to walk away. “If you wanna stay and party, fine. I EXPECT you at my house at noon tomorrow, ready to start work, understand? Good!” she fumed, storming away, the three J’s following closely behind.

 

   Back in the shadows, Sandi narrowed her eyes at the exchange, a thin, cruel smile playing across her face. “Quinn, the Brain, huh?” she muttered softly. “This could become VERY interesting indeed…”