CHAPTER NINE

Jake was making yet another paper clip chain when his phone rang. “Hello? Hello? Jake Morgendorffer Consulting! Hello?” he exclaimed eagerly. On the other end, Helen replied calmly,

“Settle down, Jake! No wonder your clients are so skittish! Listen, I had an adjournment, and I was wondering if you’d like to meet me for lunch?”

Disappointed that it wasn’t a potential client, Jake answered, in a slightly disappointed tone, “Ahhh, I guess. And whattaya mean I make my clients skittish? I don’t HAVE…uh! Where do you want to meet?” he back-pedalled.

“Oh, I don’t know? The Settlement? It’s halfway between us, you know. I’ll see you there in twenty minutes, say? Great! Love you! Bye!” she concluded, hanging up before he had a chance to make a suggestion of his own.

“Gahhh! I HATE when she does that. Wait a minute! I LIKE that place! Well,” he sighed, looking at his essentially bare desk, save for the overdue rent bills and parking fees. “Since I don’t have anyone beating down my door today for consulting, what the hell.”

He arrived a few minutes early, and idly people watched, hoping to maybe bump into one of his “skittish” clients. Helen breezed in, phone welded to her ear, as usual, and they greeted each other. Sitting down, Jake asked, “So, what happened? Usually, you’re going until sunset on one of your big cases. What gives?” he tried to make I sound light, but from her scowl, he knew he’d annoyed her again.

“Nothing, Jake! It’s just that we had a little setback, when our plaintiff decided to go skydiving this week. The insurance company just HAPPENED to get some pictures of that, and trying to convince a judge that he’s still bedridden from his accident might be a little difficult now.”

“Huh? I thought you just did corporate law, Helen?” Jake asked, as something didn’t sound right to him for some reason. He really tried to understand what she did sometimes, but she could be so damn secretive sometimes…

“Yes, I know, but he’s one of Eric’s college roommates and…you know.” She replied, a little sadly. “He pulled me off the Komfy-Seat account specially for this.” Jake frowned, and she explained,

“You know, the spontaneously combusting padded toilet seat, the self-warming one? It was going to be a cake-walk, too!”

Jake made a mental note to get rid of his Komfy-Seat as soon as he got back to the office as he cleared his throat uncomfortably. He waited for her to wind up for the pitch.

“You know, Jake, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that truck you bought for Daria…

“Here it comes,” he sighed. “You know, I thought we were going to do this together, as a family. I was a little surprised you went behind my back on this.” She had a slightly hurt tone. Jake blushed.

“You know, honey? Let’s face it, if we’d all have gone down together, we’d probably still be deciding what car she was going to get, wouldn’t we?” as he began to flinch from what was sure to be an incisive and scathing critique of his decision.

She scowled again, but shrugging, said, “Sometimes, Jake, you do something right. I didn’t mean it that way. I was just hoping to have some input in the decision. You understand don’t you?”

“Uh, sure, honey. Sorry, but the guy at the dealership said that at that price, he couldn’t guarantee it’d still be there. Is there a problem with it?” he asked cautiously. “Of COURSE there’s a problem with it, other wise you wouldn’t be giving me the third degree, would you?” he thought bitterly. She fixed him with an unreadable gaze.

“No problem, dear. I was just concerned that maybe we might have a little problem with Quinn over this. You know, she’s almost ready for her driver’s license too, and I don’t want to have the same problem Rita and I had…Jake! Stop that!”

“Stop what?” he asked, confused more than ever. She glared intently, “That little tic you always get when I say her name!”

“Do not!” he challenged.

“Rita!” she exclaimed, and Jake’s eye fluttered. “Rita! Rita! Rita! See? You did it again, Jake! What do you have against my sister?” she asked, sighing.

“Nothing, Helen! It’s just that whenever you start talking about her, or, God forbid, to her, I always end up catching hell for something. Can we please talk about something else?” he begged.

“Hrmph. You’re right, we have our own little vehicle problem, don’t you think? Did you ever consider how Quinn feels about this? I DON’T want our girls to have the same argument Rita and I had when our father did that. And you did it again, Jake,” she said, coyly. He groaned, knowing he was beaten again.

“Look, Helen, you’ve always been harping on me to get more involved in the girls, right? I don’t know any of that touchy-feely girlie crap in those stupid books you make me read, but I do know she didn’t want to have a big circus when she got a car, right?”

Helen nodded slowly, realizing that he’d probably read that facet of their daughter correctly. He continued, agitation starting to creep into his voice. “Here we go again,” she sighed,

“It’s not like Quinn could care less about Daria’s car, right? Come on, Helen, she doesn’t care about that unless it involves matching it to one of her outfits, right?” he stated, praying he’d gotten that statement correct.

“And, she’s gonna want a convertible anyway, so what’s the big deal? Besides, with that tutoring job, we haven’t heard one darn peep out of her about this? Maybe if we don’t say anything, they won’t bicker like you and Rita?” he said, hopefully.

“Bicker? Rita and I don’t bicker! We…have different points of view. Yes, that’s it! Differing points of view, even if she is a conniving, lazy, suck up who Mom always liked more than me…” Helen put her fist down on the table as Jake made shushing noises.

“Helen! Ix-nay on the om-may avoites-ay, okay? Hey! I’ve never been able to do that before! I should try that again!”

“Jake! We’re making a scene!” Helen exclaimed, as she noticed the other diners exchanging odd glances at them as she blushed. “Maybe we should have them do our order as a take-out…” she muttered.

Sitting on a park bench, Jake collected her Styrofoam tray and jammed it into the overflowing trash barrel.

“Hey! That was pretty good! We should do this more often hon!” Jake exclaimed happily, sipping his drink.

“What part? The food absorbing that horrible plastic taste from the containers, or the skulking out of the restaurant in shame?” she asked, massaging the bridge of her nose.

“Ahh, Helen, Look, have we EVER managed to go to a restaurant without either the kids embarrassing us, you constantly on your phone, or me getting worked up about my dad? Besides, we haven’t had a picnic together, just the two of us since Daria was born…”

“MY PHONE!!! Dear God! I must have left it at the restaurant! Jake, come on, we have to get back there! There may be…” she stopped, as he produced it from his jacket pocket with a sly grin on his face.

“You wanted to talk, right? I took the liberty when you started with Rita,” he chuckled. She snatched it from his hand, and furiously pounded the buttons. Perplexed, she looked up at him, as he showed her the battery, which he promptly pitched into the nearby duck pond.

“God, you have NO idea how many times I wanted to do that,” he said blithely. Open- mouthed, Helen looked as if she were about to dive after it. Fixing him with a steely gaze, she demanded,

“Okay, mister! You want to talk, we’re going to talk! I want to know what gave you the right to go out and get her that truck, WITHOUT telling me! We’re supposed to be a team, remember? We should have BOTH been there to make the decisions, not…”

“Ahhh, can it, Helen! If we both were in on this, she’d be going to Raft on her bicycle this fall!” he countered savagely. “I wanted to do this for her, dammit! I never got a car from my crummy father, the cheap bastard. I didn’t need a damn car because I was locked up on a damn military school! I never got to see what the look of surprise was when I got something like that, and I deserved it, YOU HEAR ME, OLD MAN??? I DESERVED IT!!!!” he shook his clenched fist at the sky.

“Jake! Your heart!” Helen exclaimed, putting her hand on his arm. He grimly shrugged it off, and continued, in a subdued voice, “We both know I’m a failure as a dad, admit it. When I should have been there for my girls, I was slaving away for eighteen hours a day at that dead-end job while you were finishing school and raising them, and when I had the chance to get ahead, what do I do? I start a doomed business, that’s sucking me dry while I run around in little circles! Helen, I just wanted to give her something she needed without it turning into one of our usual fiascos. Am I wrong here?”

She pondered his words for a moment, before replying softly, “I’m sorry, Jake. It’s just that…I felt that I should have been there, too. And, I started a thinking about that silly little fight Rita and I have going over those cars, after all this time…”

Jake looked sheepish. “Sorry about your phone. So, you’re all right about this car thing?” he asked, as she slipped off her pumps and ran her toes through the grass.

“Oh, that? No, there’s no problem there. I keep a couple extra in my car, just in case, and let’s face it, I’m not exactly thrilled to be trying to cadge a settlement for one of Eric’s idiot friends anyway. Promise me one thing?” she asked lazily.

“Sure! Anything at all!” he said, relief at not being in trouble showing on his face.

“When it’s time to take Quinn car shopping, let ME do it, okay? And, never, ever, steal my phone again, honey, m’kay?” she purred, laying her head against his chest. Jake wisely chose to remain silent after that.

CHAPTER TEN

Quinn dreaded the one o’clock hour now, as it was the time she’d assigned herself to tutor Kevin. She watched the hands go past, and at fifteen past, decided to call his house.

Karen Thompson answered the phone. “Oh. It’s you again. Kevin’s not here right now, him and his father are out doing something.” Quinn bit her lip.

“Mrs. Thompson? It’s important that he comes over for his lessons on time. Mr DeMartino said…” Karen cut her off sharply, barking,

“Listen, missy! I don’t care what that twit says! And I don’t care about your little “schedule” you have! Kevin will do what he wants, and when he wants, and he’ll come by when he has time, do you hear me? I’m warning you, if he…” Quinn yelled into the phone,

“Dammit, Mrs. Thompson! I’m having a hard time as it is trying to get Kevin to even pay attention to me without you helping him ignore me. Do you know he’ll never finish this program they gave me if he keeps doing this? That’s it! From now on, I will be at your house at nine o’clock every morning, so it doesn’t interfere with his stupid football stuff, understand?” She heard the phone click down, and she cursed.

“Dammit! That’s a good way to get them on your side, Quinn! Wait a minute, no one does that to me! I’m going to give her a piece of my mind!” she fumed. She headed for the door, then, paused, thinking. She ran back upstairs and returned with the books, thinking, “So he thinks he can blow off his lessons today, does he? And they think all I’m in this for is to make him my boyfriend? I’ll show all three of them!”

Karen answered the door, and scowled fiercely when she saw Quinn standing there. “You! Listen, I don’t…” Quinn cut her off.

“That’s right! You don’t! You didn’t make Kevin bother with doing anything but football, football, football, and anything else he happened to learn was an accident! Lady, I’m not leaving here until Kevin get his lesson today, even if I have to yell it up to his window! He’s going to fail the summer program, and then what? If he goes back to Lawndale for another year, he isn’t going to be able to play football anymore! And don’t tell me it’s all “fixed”, either! I happen to know something you don’t!” She fibbed a bit on her last sentence, but as furious as she was, it just came out.

Karen’s eyes widened, and she clenched her fists, making Quinn step back a bit. “What? Li told us it was all arranged! Who told you this? Dammit, Doug and I paid…” She clamped down on her last word.

“So, that’s why neither of you care if he does this or not,” Quinn replied evenly. “Let me ask you something, Mrs. Thompson. Are you going to do things like this for the rest of his life? Do you really think he’s going to be some big football player after all of this? He can barely remember his plays as it is. I know, because I’ve dated a lot of the guys on the team. He can throw the ball, sure, and he’s pretty good at it, but he’ll never be a professional, you know.” Quinn was stunned herself at how calmly the words fell from her lips. She could see the hate and rage in Karen Thompson’s eyes.

“Sure, eventually he’ll get a chance at Lawndale State, yeah, but what’s that mean? I don’t know football, but I do know which schools have the best teams, and he’ll NEVER be on one of those, that’s for sure. Nobody from Lawndale State has EVER went pro, do you know that? One of the guys I know told me once, when he heard where Kevin was going. The team there isn’t even good enough to be, what do you call it, ranked? They only play the other junior colleges, and you know he won’t be even good enough to be anything but a back-up.”

Mouth agape at the teen’s assessment of her son’s chances, Karen turned away. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Thompson,” Quinn added softly. “My mom told me that you and Ms. Li had probably worked some kind of deal out, either to slip him through the door, or to let him play again at Lawndale. Jeffy was pissed off when he heard that, because he wants to be the QB next year, and when he heard Kevin was coming back, he complained to me. He wanted me to make sure he passed him, so that wouldn’t happen.”

Karen motioned for her to come inside. “Quinn. I want you to look at these,” as she pointed to the awards and trophies in the living room. “See this? It’s Kevin’s first trophy, when he was in Pee Wee football, and here are his plaques and awards ever since then. Over there are his Dad’s. The only thing that isn’t there is the State Championship trophy. Kevin’s father was cheated out of that by two things, me, and a stupid police officer who couldn’t understand what a ticket for underage drinking would mean. He was barred from playing in the Big Game because of it, and he’s been waiting for eighteen years to get another chance.” She sat down on a slightly mud-stained couch, and continued.

“Everything he’s done for Kevin was for that one Big Game. The camps, the coaches, everything! Listen, girl, I’m not stupid. I know my son isn’t the brightest student, but I love his father, and I felt guilty about being part of his failure. I only wanted to try to give him a little of that back. As for the nasty things I said about you wanting to get closer to Kevin? I’m sorry, it’s just that when he started seeing that Brittany, I was watching his father and I all over again. I actually WANTED him to do this year over again, with her gone, so he wouldn’t have to repeat what his dad went through, do you see?” Quinn nodded, as her story became clearer. Karen indicated a chair across from her, and Quinn took a seat.

“As I said before, I’m not stupid. I’ve known Kevin isn’t that swift, at least in the book learning department, but we thought that if we focused on what he was good at, he might make it anyway. When we were told he’d have to make up the year again, we were furious, but I knew at least he wouldn’t have to put off his dreams…his father’s dream…to raise a child. We know he isn’t going to be a pro, but if we could give him this, a little glory now…” she trailed off. Quinn shook her head.

“Wow. No offense, ma’am, but I thought I was shallow. Both of you were willing to throw away the rest of his life for a stupid trophy? And you knew he wouldn’t be able to take it any further than that? Now I know why Ms. Li wanted my sister to do this. She’d appreciate how sick and sad this really is, you know?” she said quietly. “But why won’t you even let me try to at least teach him something, even if he still has to re-do the year?”

Karen gave her a knowing gaze. “For the same reason we wanted your sister to tutor him this summer. He wouldn’t be trying to go out with her every moment he was there, and he might have actually learned something then. You, he would only want…well, I’m sure you know what a teen-age boy would want with someone like you,” she smiled tightly. Quinn blushed.

“So that’s why you’re trying so hard to get me to quit, right?” she asked. Karen nodded.

“I think you really didn’t have any designs on my son, Quinn. I took the liberty of asking around about you, but Kevin seems to think that every girl in that school is his for the taking, the little pirate. I wanted your sister for this, because Kevin could care less about her. I found out what went on when they had that science project together. Really! You actually baked him a cake?” she teased, as Quinn blushed harder.

“I’m not like that anymore, Mrs. Thompson. I wanted to do this to prove to everybody that I’m not a dummy anymore, and that I can do something other that shop and gossip. I’m not Daria, but I know I could teach Kevin something this summer. If you want, I’ll call Mr. DeMartino, and tell him I quit, if that’s what you want.” She got up to leave.

“Wait.” Karen said. “I believe you. And I think it’s noble that you wanted to help Kevin for those reasons, rather than just to be seen with the quarterback next year. If you think you can do something with him, I promise, I won’t get in your way. But, it’s not going to be easy, let me tell you! We’ve had…assistance…with his grades for a long time now, and he doesn’t really know how to…learn. You understand?” Quinn nodded, with a pensive look.

“Thank you, Mrs. Thompson. But, if he’s used to…assistance…maybe you should get a REAL tutor, instead. I’ll let Mr. DeMartino know tomorrow, and he can assign someone more experienced. I’m sorry.” She picked up her books sadly.

“That’s all right, Quinn. I’m sure you had only the best intents. I’ll tell him that you tried your best.” Karen replied, as she watched Quinn go. Two heads peeked around the corner.

“Is she gone, hon?” Doug Thompson asked, like a scolded child. She gave him a dirty look, as he and Kevin skulked into the room.

“Yes, she’s gone, you cowards. Really! I’ve never seen two men hide from a little girl like that before! I hope you’re both happy now. That girl really wanted to help you out, Kevin. You should thank her for trying, at least,” she said, sternly. Kevin kicked at the rug.

“Awww Mawww, you know all that reading gives me a headache! And, was what you said true about Brit and all, and about you and Dad, too? Am I still going to Lawndale State?” he asked. She shook her head.

“No, I wouldn’t count on it, unless your father has another trick up his sleeve. Really, Doug, I’m getting tired of making excuses for the both of you! That girl made some valid points, and I was having a hard time not agreeing with her. You’d better hope that the coach can convince the director over at the college that Kevin can make the academic minimums or he is going to stay at Lawndale next year!” Doug Thompson looked away, an embarrassed scowl on his face.

“Aww, hell, honey! I’ve tried everything I know to get him to agree to waive those stupid requirements! And, what does it matter if he doesn’t? It just means he gets another crack at winning State! That alone would guarantee him a slot, wouldn’t it?” he said, hopefully. “And what was that airhead babbling about he wouldn’t be able to play next year anyway? Li said she’d be able to convince the superintendent to let him play, right?”

She frowned, thinking hard. “I don’t know. That woman isn’t to be trusted, Doug, you should know that. What she says and does are too often different things. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s conning us again. That’s what you get for giving that devil kickbacks on the library job, you big dummy! This time, let me do the talking, understand? Kevin? Do you understand anything we just talked about?” Kevin frowned, his forehead in concentration.

“Uhhhh, I kinda lost you both after getting another chance at taking State. Wooo! I’m sure we can do it next year, if I don’t get to go to Lawndale State, right?” he grinned stupidly as Karen put her hand to her forehead.

“Kevin? Why don’t you run off to the weight room, okay, honey?” she said, dejectedly. “Your father and I need to talk about something, all right?” He nodded happily and trotted out of the room. Doug made to leave as well, until his wife snapped,

“Don’t even think about it mister! You’ve been avoiding this talk for a long time now, bub!” He held his hands out defensively.

“Babe! I told you, I’m not ready to think about that! Let’s just worry about Kevin, okay?” he pleaded. She glared at him.

“I AM worried about Kevin, you idiot! We’ve both been so focused on him and football, he can barely function in the real world. Can you see him working with you? Can you? I should have put my foot down years ago, when you paid off that middle school teacher to change his grades so he could keep playing. I’ve felt guilty about getting pregnant with him when I did, but now we have to think about his future, his REAL future, Doug!” she exclaimed, as her husband cowered. She got up and looked him in the face, poking him in the chest hard.

“I forget sometimes that if it weren’t for YOU, I wouldn’t have GOTTEN pregnant in the first place! The rest of it was your own damn fault, mister! Nobody forced you to get plastered after that game, and blaming the cops doesn’t change anything! We both know he’s never going pro, and this obsession with that damn State championship is going to mean that he’ll be stuck in some dead-end job for the rest of his life, if he can even GET a job, that is! Or, are you going to have him go to work with you? You know he doesn’t know what real work is! All he knows is football, cheerleaders, and partying, Doug, and it’s both our fault!” she sat back down, angrily.

“Babe! You can’t mean that! Come on, you know he’s All-American material! What do you think he’s gonna do? Become a freakin’ lawyer or something? He’s gonna either take State this year, or I’ll make damn sure he gets into college, if I have to mortgage the house to buy the admissions director, dammit!” he roared. She gave him a dirty look.

“And then what? What if he doesn’t make the cut? You heard what that girl said, that Lawndale State was third-rate, and has NEVER produced a single pro. If a teenager can figure that one out, why are we still trying? And now, he won’t even have this summer to catch up with the class as it is. You heard what Li said, she can’t keep changing his grades anymore, now that the Board was put on notice thanks to that stupid cola company fiasco! He HAS to bring up his grades, or he’ll never get in!” Doug slammed his fist into the wall.

“Dammit! I didn’t pay her all those damn bribes to have her do this to us now! I’ll…I’ll…Tell the police! And the Board! She’ll have to let him pass then!” he spluttered angrily. Karen shook her head angrily.

“You moron! And you’ll be admitting to bribing her? So you can both go to jail, and we’ll lose everything? Think again! Kevin has to do this for himself, for once. I’ll talk to that DeMartino tomorrow, and we’ll try to get the other Morgendorffer girl to get him going. And if that means he doesn’t go to practice and the camp, so be it! It’s the only way, Doug. We won’t be there for him forever, you know.” She folded her arms, as he paced back and forth, dejectedly.

“Dammit, babe! If he doesn’t keep up with the program, he won’t be in…” She cut him off angrily.

“I don’t care! He finishes summer school, and he gets a tutor, and that’s final, bub! I’m not dealing with another twenty years of listening to someone moan about ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda,’ mister!” she yelled, as he cringed. “Tomorrow! He starts going to his classes, and he gets another tutor!”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Jeffy arrived ten minutes before Daria’s lunch break was over. “Hey, Daria! Quinn said you needed some help with your truck?” he asked, after she crossed the street. He’d seen her leaving the bar, and said, awed, “Wow! Do you have fake ID too? For some reason, every time I try to use mine when we go out to the bars, they stop me, and the guys, but let her in. Funny, isn’t it?” She scowled at that.

“That’s too bad. Look, I just used their phone, okay? I don’t have a lot of time, so here’s the deal. I need a new battery, and someone to put it in. I have to get back to work right now, and I don’t have a lot of time or money, so, I’ll have to owe you until I get paid, all right?” she said. He frowned, thinking.

“I guess so. Look, can you sorta tell Quinn I was really helpful today? I’d really appreciate it, ya know?” he asked, hopefully. Rolling her eyes, she replied wearily,

“Look, I can say whatever to her, but I don’t think it’ll do you any good. I will give you some advice, though. You three guys are wasting your time, and before one or more of you become psycho stalkers, I recommend you find yourselves another girlfriend. Three, actually. I really appreciate you doing this, so I felt that you should know this right off the bat.” To her surprise, he shrugged nonchalantly.

“Yeah, I kinda figured that one out a while back. It’s more of a habit now, since nobody else will go out with us anymore. Ever since we started doing this with Quinn, all the other girls at school don’t want anything to do with us anymore,” he replied, with a touch of melancholy in his voice.

“I’m impressed. I’d have never thought any of you guys could think for yourselves anymore. If I wasn’t so pissed off, I might even feel bad for you guys, but all I can say is, you brought it on yourselves, you know. Still want to help me out?” she asked, realizing she may have angered him. Again, he shrugged.

“Sure, Daria. It’s not like I have anything better to do today. With Kevin coming back as QB next year, I don’t really feel like going to practice anymore.

“What? He can’t do that! If he has to make up the year, isn’t he barred from playing?” she asked, surprised. He snorted with laughter, as he replied.

“Jeez, Daria, for a brain, you sure don’t know a lot of things! Kevin’s dad made a deal with Ms. Li and the coach to let him play next year, if he doesn’t make it to college. He’s only doing the summer school thing to make it look like he’ll be eligible. Mr. Thompson said that, one way or another, he’s gonna bring home the State Championship if he it’s the last thing he does. I figured, since Kev’s been getting by so long ‘cause of his old man, it’s a done deal. I was hoping to have a chance at the position, but coach says all he can promise me is back-up.” Daria stepped back, amazed.

“And I thought I was cynical. Why don’t you complain the Superintendent? Granted, he wasn’t all that much help when I went to him before, but at least we weren’t walking billboards for the whole year, so he was somewhat effective. Didn’t anybody think about what if Lawndale DID win, and they found out Kevin was really ineligible? They’d take it away for sure. Not that I really care, either way, but it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the team, would it?” she asked.

“Come on, this is Lawndale! They’ve been doing it this way forever, Daria. I figure I might get a little playing time sooner or later, especially since I found out that Sandi and Tiffany are planning on taking Kevin away from Quinn next year,” he murmured, as he poked around beneath her hood.

“What? And what does that have to do with what’s going on with Kevin’s situation? And, not that it’s any of my business, but I highly doubt Quinn would tolerate Kevin very long. If she isn’t the center of the universe, she isn’t happy. You, of all people, should know that! Look, this is the first time I’ve ever heard anything rational come out of any of you three’s mouths. It almost gives me hope that you guys might turn out normal. If it’s anything, you guys won’t have much to worry about from Kevin next year. You may have to deal with college guys, but not him.” She looked at her watch, and cursed.

“Look, Jeffy, I have to get back to work. Thanks again for coming out and doing this for me, and I’ll let her know how helpful you were. Okay?” He smiled, sincerely.

“Nahh, don’t worry about it. She’ll probably ignore you, anyway. I’ll need your key, to see if it works, okay? Where do you work, so I can give it back, Daria? This shouldn’t take too long.” He replied bashfully. She half smiled, and told him. As she turned to leave, he cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Uh, Daria? Maybe I’ll see you around sometime? You know, if you don’t mind, that is.”

She stopped to look back at him, a faint blush creeping unbidden to her cheeks. “Uh. Yeah, maybe you will, Jeffy. I gotta go now!” she fled up the stairs, thinking,

“Was he just asking if he could see me just now? Or is he squinting again, hoping to see Quinn?” as she thought back to Quinn’s last flirtation with intelligence. “Nahh, I’m just stressed out over my truck! Yeah, that’s it!”

She walked through the door, and saw Bubbles sitting at her desk, a smug grin on her face. “So, that’s your fella, huh? He’s cute!” she giggled. Daria blanched.

“No! I mean, no, he’s just a friend of mine…I mean, he’s afriend of my sister…never mind! I’ve gotta get back to work!” she stammered, as she dashed back to her tiny office. Rocky came out of his office, a curious look on his face, as he asked, “What was all tha about, toots?” She smirked back at him.

“Oh, she’s still a young kid, you know how they are about their boyfriends and all!” she tittered. From down the hall, they heard Daria’s voice call out, “He’s not my damn boyfriend!” and they both laughed.

Daria was engrossed in her work, as she continued to wade through the disorganized mess that had been left there, when there was a knock on her door. “Come in!” she hollered, not looking up.

Jeffy cleared his throat. “Uhhh, Daria? It’s all done. I was able to get a battery for real cheap. Here.” He held out her key. She rose from the pile and took it, trying not to look him in the face.

“How much do I owe you?” she asked. He shook his head, and replied,

“Don’t worry about it. Thanks for what you said out there about the team and Kevin and all. It made me feel a lot better, you know?” he said softly. She snatched the key away, and muttered,

“Don’t worry about it? Okay, now, normally I’d just say ‘Fine, thanks, and see ya’, but I feel kind of bad about how my sister has treated you and your friends since we got her. That alone is weird enough, but I’d feel bad if I started doing it, too. I insist on paying you back, so, tell me how much, and I’ll get it to you next Friday, okay?” she said, uncomfortably.

“No, really. I can afford it. And, I’m not trying to get in tight with Quinn with this, ya know? I was wondering…” he trailed off, awkwardly. She peeked at him, seeing his blush, and thinking,

“Oh my Gawd. He’s trying to ask ME out on a date? As if this day hasn’t gotten weird enough as it is? What next?” Looking up, she asked him blandly, “Yes? What were you wondering?”

“Oh, you know. If you aren’t doing anything later, maybe…I was thinking about when you helped us get Quinn back that time, and we never did thank you for that, and maybe…you’d like to see a movie or something? You’re not bad, for a brain, you know,” he mumbled bashfully.

Mouth agape, she thought amazedly, “Yes. Armageddon approaches. One of Quinn’s three shadows is asking ME out? What do I do? What do I say. Whatever, I’d better answer him now, before he wonders why I’m standing here like an idiot with my mouth open.”

“Ahhhh, sure. Okay, whatever. If that’s what you want to do, I guess I wouldn’t mind. Ummm. I don’t know when I could though, is that a problem?” she finally managed to utter. He grinned earnestly then.

“Cool! If it’s all right with you, how about tonight?” he asked. “Over at Cinema 99, they’re showing some old cult films, with subtitles and everything! I heard you like stuff like that. Sound okay to you?” She nodded, thinking furiously,

“Not only does he have the stones to ask me out, but he actually did research too? If it weren’t so creepy, it’d be sweet. Tonight? But Jane wants me to haul equipment tonight! Wait. Last night, we ended up doing all the bull work for those idiots. Maybe this isn’t such a bad idea after all. Oh my God, what am I doing?” as she nodded, and said,

“Yes. I’d like to do that, Jeffy. I’ll warn you, though, these aren’t the sort of films that you get to throw things around at. Nor do you get to dress like the characters, either,” she said cautiously.

“I figured that out. Besides, we saw Kevin and Brittany at Rocky Horror last year. It was a little scary, you know?” he replied, as he made to leave. “So, I’ll see you around seven o’clock?” Daria nodded, unable to find the proper words at the moment. He smiled. “I’ll see you then!”

She watched him leave, as her thoughts bounced around her skull. “What was I thinking? He’s one of the idiots I hated! And now I find myself going out on a date with him? Have I completely lost my mind? I need to get some air!”

She took another look around the disaster area her office was, and headed out. Bubbles grinned at her as she passed by.

“So, need a little air, huh? He’s a cutie! Not your boyfriend, my eye! Take your time, sweetheart, I’ll cover for ya if Rocky bitches!” she snickered, making Daria blush even more furiously than before.

“Yeah. Thanks. I’ll be right back. And he isn’t my boyfriend, dammit!” she managed to blurt out as she rushed out the door. She got outside just in time to see his car pull away, and she cursed again. “Dammit! I should’ve told him no! I should have just said I had something else to do tonight! Why can’t I think straight now?” she exclaimed aloud.

“Should have told WHO no, amiga? Or has working for Rocky already made you start talking to yourself again?” Jane’s voice came from behind her. Started, she jumped and exclaimed,

“Dammit, Jane! Didn’t anybody ever tell you not to do that to people? Gahhh! I almost peed my pants!” Daria snapped. Jane stepped back, grinning,

“Whoa, easy girl! Sorry about that! And seeing as you aren’t wearing any pants, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. By the way, you look pretty good. Are you feeling all right?” she smirked. Daria scowled, then relaxed a bit.

“Sorry. It’s been a weird day. First, I had to get the janitor to let me in. Then, Rocky had a ‘business’ call, and I had an extra-long lunch. And right after that, some jerk stole my battery, and I had to call Quinn from that skuzzy tavern to get Jeffy to get me a new one…What’s that look for?” she asked, seeing Jane’s grin grow wider and wider.

“I was curious when I saw Jeffy fiddling around with your car when I pulled up. And I was really curious when he came back outside with a shit-eating grin, but seeing how you look, I think I know why,” she replied wryly. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you quite so…fashionable. Taking pointers from your sister, hmmm?”

“No! I mean…, When I got home, I didn’t have anything that wasn’t soaked with sweat, or didn’t smell like a bar, so I had to borrow something. It was either this or nothing.” Daria said, defensively. Jane yawned and stretched, before saying off-handedly,

“If you say so. So, someone lifted your battery, huh? It happens a lot around here. Guess I should have warned you. By the way, thanks again for doing that last night. I just got back from dropping Trent off at the impound lot to get the Tank. The only problem is, after they finish bailing her out, they won’t have enough to gas her up for tonight, so I was wondering…” Daria frowned.

“Jane. I’m beat. I still have to do laundry. And I probably have to help Quinn figure out how to teach Kevin something more than block letters tonight, and….” She trailed off, unsure of what to say next.

“And what? Come on, Daria, we need you! I promise, tonight I’ll make the guys do their fair share, okay? If you don’t, we’ll have to jam everything in Trent’s car, and the last time that happened, Max and Nick almost died of carbon monoxide poisoning from riding in the trunk! Please?” Jane begged.

“I’m sorry, Jane. I can’t, not tonight, anyway. I’ve…I’ve got a ….Oh, dammit! I’ve got a date!” she stammered out, finally. Jane snickered again.

“Yes, yes, I know you’re skeptical, but I swear they’ll do their part…Wait! You’re serious, aren’t you! Decided to make up with Tom, eh? Wait, aren’t they supposed to be at the lake around now? Daria! You little vixen you! Did you meet somebody? Please tell me it isn’t Rocky, or I’ll have to have you committed, for your own good. So, come on, dish!” she exclaimed. Daria looked away, blushing.

“I can’t tell. Really. It’s nothing, okay? Just forget it. I’ll cancel, if you really want me to do this, okay?” Jane shook her head firmly.

“Oh no, you don’t! Don’t worry about the band tonight, amiga, they’ve been able to get to their gigs long before you came along. Come on! You can tell me! Ted? Please! Tell me, dammit! I’m curious as hell now.” Jane pleaded as Daria looked away. Her eyes widened as it dawned on her.

“No way! Jeffy? Daria! He’s a year younger than you, and he’s hopelessly infatuated with Quinn! You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m not. We talked about Quinn and her tutoring job while he was fixing my truck, and in exchange for buying me a new battery, he offered to take me to a movie. Weird, huh? He actually is capable of coherent speech, believe it or not, and after he told me why he’s still hanging around with her, I felt kinda sorry for him. What are you looking at now?” Daria asked, seeing Jane’s strange look.

“Nothing. Just wondering who you are and what you’re doing with my friend. Daria, that was, dare I say it, nice of you. You know, Quinn’s going to flip when she finds out you’re poaching her slaves, you know.”

Daria shrugged. “I doubt she’ll even notice. Ever since she landed that tutoring gig, she hasn’t left the house, except to hit the school, the library, and to hunt down Kevin when he blows her off. The really sad thing about it is, all her work is pointless. Jeffy told me how Li and the coach are going to fudge the books again to pass him anyway. And, you may not believe this either, but ever since they started puppy-dogging my sister, they haven’t had a normal date. He must have been desperate.” Jane stepped, and gave her an appraising look.

“Hmmmm. I don’t know, Daria. He might not have been thinking about Quinn when he saw you earlier. But I guess you never thought of that, huh?” Daria scowled.

“I doubt that. Quinn’s image is seared into their brains by now. Even if they could, they’ll always have the after effects of her. Why do you say that?” Jane simply pointed at their reflection in the window behind them. Daria’s eyes widened, as she realized how she looked.

“Oh. I see now. Great. Now what the hell do I do, Jane?” she asked, as she regarded her reflection. Jane smirked again.

“I’d say, go on that date. Don’t worry, amiga, I won’t tease you about it. Too much, anyway, you cradle-robber you,” she cracked.

“Thanks, Jane. As if my day hasn’t gone to hell as it is, it’s nice to know I can count on my friends. I’d better be getting back to work before Rocky notices me gone. By the way, what are you doing here? I thought you needed to rest up for tonight?”

“Remember? I had to help get the Tank? Besides, I need to check on when I have to give the guys back to Rocky, before I book them again. How goes the job, anyway?” she asked, as they climbed the stairs. Daria puffed out her cheeks.

“Lord, I’ve never thought I could ever see any place as disgusting as that office! I finally managed to clean up the computer, and I can even tell you where most of the individual files are now, though. I’m still dreading the day I meet Tinkles, however. But, I figure by next week, it should be reduced to merely chaos, as opposed to outright bedlam.” As the entered the office, Bubbles was on the phone, and Rocky was standing behind her.

“About time! Jane! If you’re done with the band, I have another gig at the Zon tonight. Bloody Tongue just broke up again, and there isn’t anybody else available. Sorry about that, but I’ll give you a cut, since I know they owe you,” he said gruffly. Pointing at Daria, he added,

“And, if you’re done gossiping, I need you to find me Tinkle’s records. He’s coming up with his probation officer to prove he’s still got a job. And, the photographer is gonna need his chair back for a shoot tonight, so, while you’re both here, drag it back to his studio, okay?” He went back into his office, and Bubbles set down the handset.

“Hello, ladies. He forgot to add ‘Oh, and unless you want to burn out your eyeballs, you’re probably going to want to leave the lights off’ while you do it. He’s setting up for another porn shoot, so try not to get too upset. It’s ‘that kind’, Jane.” She smirked evilly.

As they walked away, Daria asked, “What did she mean, ‘that kind’, Jane? Aren’t they all that bad?” Jane laughed out loud.

“It’s probably a bondage set. Don’t worry about, it’s no worse than your average “B” horror flick. Didn’t you figure out what that chair you’re using is meant for?” Daria blanched.

“Ewwwww! Do you mean? Oh my God, Jane! I didn’t think…never mind. I’m just gonna chalk this day up as one of the weirder ones I’ve had. However, I do plan on taking the longest, hottest shower of my life after this. I should have figured out that’s what all the attachment points were for,” she moaned, as they dragged the chair back where it had come from.

CHAPTER TWELVE

There was a young man setting up lights and diffusers at the far end of the room. “Jane! That looks like…” Daria hissed as he turned around. The red hair, freckles and lecherous smile revealed it to be,

“Upchuck! What the hell are YOU doing here?” Jane demanded. He gave them an exaggerated bow as he replied lustily,

“Ladies! What an unexpected pleasure!” he drawled, as he looked them over. “Pray tell me, you two fair maidens wouldn’t by any chance be our subjects this evening, would you?” he asked. Dumbfounded, Daria spluttered,

“How did you get in here? I haven’t seen anybody pass my office all day? Jane? What in hell is going on?”

Upchuck interrupted her before she could say more, as he smoothly explained,

“Oh, that’s easy. The photographer I work for has a key to the back exit, so the models can come in and out by the back door. I needed to bring some of the larger equipment up for him, and rather than bumping through Mr. Salvatore’s office, I used that way.”

Jane asked, her voice tight with disbelief, “Don’t tell me, let me guess. You’re his new assistant, aren’t you? I knew he’d end up hiring another sleazeball, but it had to be you, wouldn’t it?” He feigned a hurt look, as he tightened a nut on a diffuser stand.

“Dear Jane, everybody needs a job, don’t they? When I heard that one of the premiere photographers in the state was looking for summer help, I knew I just had to apply! Besides, after I showed him my portfolio, he was quite eager to take me on as his assistant. As I asked before, you wouldn’t happen to be the models tonight, would you? Daria?” he asked breathily, as he looked her up and down. Involuntarily, she covered her breasts, as she glared icily back at him.

“In your dreams, Upchuck. I work in the front office, and I swear, you give me the least bit of crap, I’ll hand you your ass in a basket!” She turned on her heel and stormed out. Jane stood there, shaking her head.

“I hope he knows you’re going to scare his models away if you act like that, Upchuck. I’d be careful if I were you. He doesn’t like when people cost him money,” she warned. He dropped the suave voice as he replied defensively,

“Hey! I plan on becoming a photographer when I get out of college, you know! Do you think I’m that stupid to get myself blacklisted this early? Besides, I’m only setting up for him. He doesn’t want me here during the shoot,: he said, a note of dejection in his voice.

Jane rolled her eyes. “But, I’ll bet you’re going to help developing the shots, aren’t you? Well, I hope you enjoy yourself, and, if I were you, I’d take what she said very seriously. She’s had a bad day, and you may live to regret annoying her any further.”

He motioned around him, helplessly, “And you think I didn’t? You try hauling all this crap up those back stairs, lady! And then, come back in the small hours to haul it back out again. I’m just glad I don’t have to take the heavy stuff, too. Oh, and thanks for bringing back the chair, too. I was looking for it.” She snorted disdainfully as she stomped out after her friend, leaving him there.

She was back in her office, pulling up a large cardboard box full of paper, to serve as a chair when Jane came in. “Is there anything ELSE you neglected to tell me about this place, Jane?” she demanded.

“I swear! I had no clue he was working here, too! The photographer only uses the studio back here for his porn shoots, and believe me, I’m nowhere near this place when that happens! Here, do you need a hand?” she offered.

“No! I need a damn chair! And eight hours of solid rest, and if this keeps up, the same tranquilizers my dad takes! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to dig out that file for Rocky, okay?” she snarled. Jane frowned, but said nothing as she walked out. Daria looked up, and called out,

“Jane? Jane? I’m sorry!” She peeked her head out the door. Jane was standing there, a hurt look on her face.

“Look, I’ve told you what kind of day this has been. I apologize. Want ti grab a slice after I leave this madhouse?”

Jane gave her a half-smile as she shook her head. “No, because I have to start loading up the band’s stuff for tonight, AND make sure they’re awake enough to play, and you’ve got a date, remember?” Daria smacked her forehead.

“Oh crap! I forgot! Look, give me a call tomorrow? Maybe I’ll have my head screwed on right by then, okay?” she replied.

Jane laughed, “Okay. Apology accepted. Have fun tonight, amiga and tell me how it went, capisce? See ya!” as she strolled away, humming a tune.

Daria slumped onto her rude chair, eyes closed, as she thought, “I should have never wondered if it could get any worse! The truck, I could deal with. Making a deal with Quinn, no problem. Jeffy? I can handle him. But Upchuck shooting porn twenty feet away? Please!”

She turned back to the tasks at hand, and retrieved the documents Rocky wanted. Handing them over to Bubbles, she asked, “Hey, I know it’s only my second day, but would it be possible for me to take off early? I had to help the band last night, and I’m wiped out, and you know about my truck, right?”

Bubbles smiled, and nodded. “Don’t worry, hon. I’ll ask him. You’ve got quite a bit accomplished, seeing you found this so quickly. Usually, it’d take Morty three days to do that! Go ahead, and don’t worry about getting in tomorrow. I’ll let the janitor know you’re coming at nine. Have a good night!”

As she parked in front of the house, she noticed that her parents weren’t home yet. Grateful that she wasn’t going to be subjected to yet another quiz, she slipped off the shoes and wearily went upstairs. Quinn’s door was open, and she peeked inside.

Sprawled on her bed, Quinn was gazing intently at her laptop. Books and papers were scattered on the bed and floor, and Daria was amazed to see her sister wearing her hated glasses. She looked up.

“Daria! There you are! Did Jeffy manage to fix your truck?” she asked, tiredly. Nodding, Daria replied, “Yeah. Thanks again. Did Mom and Dad say when they were coming home?”

“No, but there was a call for you. Funny, but it was from Jeffy. He said something about him coming over tonight?” she asked, owlish with her glasses halfway down her nose. Daria rolled her eyes.

“Yeah. It’s the strangest thing. I offered to pay for the battery, and in exchange, he wants to take me to see a movie. I hope you don’t mind.”

“At the moment, no. Just make sure you return him the way you found him, okay? Oh, and I took the liberty of leaving a few outfits you may find useful, if you plan on working in that office. They’re on your bed. Don’t bother returning them, they’re out of date anyway, but I figured you wouldn’t mind. You can keep that, too, since it fits you better than it does me. We’ll discuss hair and makeup later. I have a lesson plan to finish. Bye!” she concluded cheerfully. At a loss for words, Daria merely turned and shuffled to her bedroom.

Quinn had obviously used her borrowing of an outfit as an opportunity to unload a good portion of her old clothes, as Daria discovered. “Sheesh! What the hell am I gonna do with all this crap?” she wondered, as she slumped onto her bed. Glancing at her clock, she groaned. “There’s no way in hell I’m going to do a load of laundry before he gets here. Why didn’t I just tell him no?”

Cursing softly, she quickly selected something that closely approximated her normal attire, and unceremoniously kicked the rest into her closet. Checking her boots, she was relieved to find they had dried out enough to wear, and she dug out her shoeshine kit, and quickly brushed off the salt deposits and did a hurried polish job. “Hmmm. Quinn didn’t see fit to part with any pants, I see. Well, it looks like you’ll have to do for now,” she mused to the green mini dress she held in her hand. “Whatever. It’s not like there’ll be a repeat performance. I could probably show up in a bathrobe and it might end it before it started.”

Slipping out of the borrowed dress, she made a mad dash to the shower, rather than finding something to cover her, and soon was standing gratefully beneath the showerhead, as the hot water poured over her aching body. Stealing one of Quinn’s extra-fluffy bath sheets, she padded back to her room to get dressed. “Hopefully, he isn’t going to be too enthusiastic about this. After all, he is one of Quinn’s admitted stalkers. What the hell, he’s harmless, no matter what. I’ll just get this over with, and I’m pretty sure I’ll never have to worry about it again,” she silently reassured herself.

Downstairs, she heard first her father, and then her mother come in, and the familiar sounds of their muted bickering drifted up as she slipped into the little green dress.

Remembering her earlier experiences with her appearance, she sighed, and rooted around in the back of her closet, before carefully pulling out the cheap wall mirror that “happened” to find its way into her room. “Eh. At least I don’t look like a hooker now,” she thought, as she looked at her reflection.

She was pulling her boots on, when there was a soft rapping at her door. “Come in,” she said, blandly. Quinn peeked in, and made an appreciative sound.

“Not bad. Not what I would have chosen, but…I wanted to ask you when you could help me with setting something up for Kevin. Remember our deal?” Daria grunted, as she finished tying her laces.

“I wish you’d have said something earlier, so I could’ve had an excuse not to go out. I’ll be honest, by the time I get back, I’ll be too wiped out from lack of sleep to be much help. How about tomorrow, when I get home?”

Quinn frowned a bit, but shrugged. “That’d be nice. If it even matters, that is. I suppose I should tell you now, but first I want you to know, I’m not the one who’s quitting!” she pouted, and Daria remembered her conversation with Jeffy. “Quinn, I under-“

“Wait! Let me finish, okay? I was waiting for Kevin to come over, right? And when he didn’t, I called, and his mom like, totally blew me off, so I went over there to wait for him to get home…” She then proceeded to recount her confrontation with Karen Thompson, and the probable status of her tutoring job. Daria nodded, understandingly.

“I know, Quinn. When Jeffy was fixing my truck, he gave me roughly the same story, too. Look, even though I’ll never admit it in public, I know you tried your best. Hell, if you’d have had his folk’s sincere support, you might have accomplished more than me, as long as you wore a mini-skirt, that is. Face it, Kevin and his parents represent everything that’s bad about high school sports. I’m sorry you had to learn it the way you did, but unlike him, you actually learned something.” She paused for a moment to let Quinn absorb what she said. “And, thanks for helping me today. The dress, sending Jeffy to fix my truck, and, I guess, the donation, although I suspect you have an ulterior motive for that. I mean it. Thanks.”

From downstairs, Helen called out, “Girls! Dinner’s ready!” and they both exchanged worn looks. “You know, I really hate lasagna.” Quinn muttered. Daria snorted, “Yeah, but if I play my cards right, I just may be able to wrangle dinner out of somebody. You don’t mind, do you?”

Shrugging, “Whatever you want to make him do. He asked you, remember? That automatically makes my opinion…unavoidable?” Quinn groped for the word. Daria chuckled. “Null and void, but in your case, you said the right thing. I promise not to scar him too much, okay? Just do me a favor, huh?”

“Sure. I guess. What?”

“If Mom and Dad start to ask too many questions, tell ‘em he’s doing some kind of extra credit work for his summer break, okay? I really don’t feel like playing twenty-one questions when I get home.” Quinn nodded, as they headed downstairs.

“Daria! Look at you! What’s going on?” Helen exclaimed, as they walked into the kitchen. Jake, buried in the newspaper, peered over the top, and his eyes bugged out.

“Oh my God!!! Helen! Did they do the personality switch again???” he exclaimed. Daria and Quinn gave him an odd look. Helen grinned awkwardly at them.

“I’ll explain later, girls,” as she gave a nervous little laugh. “What’s the occasion, dear? I thought you and Tom broke up?” Daria gave her a weary look.

“No, Mom. I, uh, sorta met someone else. Don’t get your knickers in a bunch, it’s just a casual thing.” She winced, knowing that no matter how she put it, whatever she said would be taken entirely wrong. She was right.

“Casual? Daria, I hope you don’t mean…” Helen gasped. Quinn saved her, by quickly interjecting, “Mu-om! Don’t take it the wrong way! It’s just someone from school! I know him, and he’s a nice guy. Leave her alone, already! She’s had a bad enough day as it is, with her truck…ooops!” Jake heard what she said, and snapped his paper down.

“What happened to your truck?” he demanded. “Daria? I didn’t see any damage! What’d you do?” Rolling her eyes, Daria explained calmly,

“Relax, Dad. It was nothing, really. Some jerk ripped off my battery. It’s fixed already.” Helen’s exclaimed fearfully,

“I knew it! Daria, I don’t like you working in that neighborhood, and for that…man! I’d really appreciate it if you’d find another job, honey. Please?” Daria thought sullenly,

“Well, at least she forgot about the date thing. And I’m definitely finding new employment if Upchuck’s going to be working there too. And here I am talking to myself, again…”

“They just took the battery? Whew! And you got it fixed, all by yourself? Good girl!” Jake said, earnestly.

“Well, Dad, I did try to call you first, but you weren’t in your office, and you, Mom, but, amazingly, your cell phone was off. One of Quinn’s little friends got me a new one for me. I’ll just have to keep a closer eye on it when I’m working. I’ll see if my boss will let me park in my office.” Helen and Jake both took notice at that.

“You have your own office, and you’ve only been there two days? Well, I must say, even if he is a somewhat objectionable employer, he must know when he has a good employee!” Helen bubbled. “Yeah! Good job, kiddo! This’ll look great on your resume, hon!” Jake added.

“Thanks, I think. Actually, ‘office’ is probably giving it credit. It’s more like a clerical storeroom, but everybody there calls it an office, so…” she shrugged. The doorbell rang.

“Wonder who that is?” Jake mused, as he got up. Opening the door, he recognized Jeffy.

“Hey dude! Wassupppp?” he greeted him. Jeffy just gave him a strange look, and asked,

“Hey. Mr. Morgendorffer. Is…Daria here?” he said, a bit nervously. Jake wrinkled his forehead. “Wait a minute! Aren’t you one of those fellas who hang around with Quinn? Wait! I remember! You helped me catch that damn squirrel! Come on in!”

“Thanks, Mr. Morgendorffer, but me and Daria are, kinda, going out tonight, if that’s okay with you, sir.” Jeffy said respectfully. Jake’s eyebrow raised a full inch.

“Daria? Huh? Come on in, I’m confused now. Aren’t you seeing my OTHER daughter? Quinn! Daria! Will someone explain this to me?” he pleaded. Daria came out, and slipped around him, closing the door behind her. “Sorry about that. Before we go, did you want to see Quinn first? I mean…”

“Nahh, it’s all right. I’m sure I’ll see her around again. Are you ready?” he replied. She nodded wearily.

“I guess so. Look, I’ll warn you now, I’m not the most entertaining of people, on my best days, and honestly, after today, I’m totally beat. If you want, we can do this some other time.” She hoped he’d take the hint, but he gave her a friendly smile.

“Well, I was kind of hoping to do something besides hang out with the guys, waiting for Quinn to call on the hotline.” Seeing her odd look, he said, bashfully, “I’ll explain later, okay? Pizza first?”

“I guess, seeing the other option is microwave lasagna. Yeah. Just one question, though,” she asked, as they walked to his car.

“Okay. What do you want to know?”

“Why did you want to go out with me again? I remember what you said about what happened to your social life since you discovered Quinn, but didn’t you try to meet girls from, say, another school?” she asked, as she sat down. He thought about it for a moment.

“Yeah, but Oakwood is the closest, and since I’m on the team, it’s kind of a no-no, unless you’re like, the QB, or something. And, to be honest, Quinn has taken up all of my time until now. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No. I don’t mind. I’m still feeling really funny about this whole thing. I mean, I only really dated one guy while I was at Lawndale, and he didn’t even go there. Oh, and Ted, but somehow, I never felt that counted, since I spent more time explaining how the real world worked to him before he wandered away. It’s just weird, that’s all,” she replied calmly.

“ I don’t know. You seem kind of cool, even if you are a brain and all. I remember when you taught the English class, and when you helped us out with Quinn. And, even though you didn’t really like us guys, you still acted decent towards us. Oh, sorry about the ‘brain’ thing. I didn’t mean it that way.” She gave him a little smirk.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve been called that so long, it doesn’t even register anymore. You’re sure you’re not doing this in a backhanded attempt to wriggle your way closer to Quinn, are you? If you are, this isn’t going to help matters any.”

“No, really! I just wanted to go out with somebody who didn’t expect me to like, do a bunch of stuff I didn’t want to do, and then turn around and date all the richer guys, or the guys with hot cars. It gets old real fast, you know? You don’t seem that way at all.” He replied quietly. Daria frowned sadly.

“Well, I’m glad you finally came to the realization about my sister. I can’t apologize for her, but she’s starting to become a little more human lately. Maybe this year, she’ll realize how bad she’s treated all three of you guys, but other than that, I can’t say.”

He just smiled and drove on, not replying until they got to Pizza King. The restaurant was almost empty on the warm, humid night, and the air conditioning was a welcome sensation. “So, want to split a pie, or just a slice. We have almost an hour before the movie starts,” Jeffy remarked.

“Just a slice. It’s a little too warm to try to process half a pie right now. Besides, if I do that, I’ll pass out long before the movie starts. Is that going to be a problem?”

“No, I understand. It’ll be nice to have a normal slice of pizza without someone going ‘Ewwwww, cheese? That’s disgusting!’ all the time,” he replied, laughing.

“Hmmm. Maybe he isn’t so bad, for being one of the zombies Quinn collected. Maybe I’m just too tired to complain anymore, but this is kind of nice.” she thought, as Artie took their order. He raised his eyebrows when he recognized them both, but thankfully said nothing. Returning with their slices and drinks, Jeffy asked her,

“So, what do you do over there? I thought you’d be working a library or bookstore, you know, where, uh, a brain would be…I mean…” he gulped bashfully. She made a pained look.

“Jeffy, relax. I’ve been called ‘brain’ since second grade. It beats ‘Egghead’, anyway. And I took the job because it was better than some demeaning make work at the mall, O’Neill’s day camp, or tutoring Kevin. What?” she asked, seeing him make a face.

“Huh? Oh, nothing. It’s just that ‘tutoring Kevin doesn’t make sense. It’s a…a…, what’s that word again? Oxy-something?” he asked.

“Oxymoron. And that’s why I didn’t take the job, figuring it was either a way for Li to pay me back for all the grief I caused her, or there was some scam going on. Probably both, knowing her,” she sighed,

“Thanks! It’s just that, when we heard that Quinn was going to teach Kevin this summer, all the guys on the team were wondering how she was going to do it. He’s not too smart, you know,” he replied.

“Jeffy, a houseplant could teach Kevin as much as Quinn. No, wait, I take that back. It’s not that Quinn couldn’t teach something to somebody, but he actively resists learning at any level. How did you guys ever teach him to remember plays, and things like that?” Daria asked.

“You’d have to ask Mack that. We just followed what he told us to do. Mack has been helping Kevin since junior high, with everything from remembering plays to helping with his homework. He had to threaten to quit the team before the coach would let him stop.” Daria’s eyes widened at that statement.

“No wonder Mack is so ticked at him all the time. Jeffy, you know him better than I or Quinn will ever hope to. In your average Lawndale student-type opinion, what do you think Kevin’s chances are of getting into college, honestly.” He looked around nervously, before answering, in a conspiratorial voice,

“Okay, now, you know I don’t want anybody to hear this, but Kevin’s the biggest dope I’ve ever met! The only way he’ll get to college is if he like, got a job as a janitor or something. He’s an okay player, but he’s screwed up so many times, HE’S the reason we didn’t make it to State this year,” he said bitterly. “I know, I’m just mad that he’s going to be QB this year, instead of me, or one of the other guys, but he’ll just do what he’s done ever since he’s been at Lawndale. If his dad didn’t have all those old guys on the alumni on his side…”

She nodded, her fatigue evaporating as she began to see what was going on. “And now, my sister is going to be held responsible if he doesn’t make it to Lawndale State if she can’t drill anything into his thick skull. How do you feel about that, Jeffy? About Quinn, I mean?”

“Awwww, I don’t know. I mean, at first, I was ticked when I heard about it, you know? I figured she was just making sure she was the most popular girl, again. Then, I felt good, because I wasn’t going to have to follow her around anymore. I’ll let Joey and Jamie do that from now on. I wanted to be QB this year!” he said. Daria shrugged.

“Well, I’m all for going for what you want in life, no matter how stupid, and hearing how not only you, but Quinn are being set up for a rotten year does make me a little angry, if not for you two, but for the obviously blatant perversion of the system.”

“Huh?” was all he managed to blurt out. She rolled her eyes, and explained,

“Sorry. I forgot whom I was talking to. Let me put it this way, what Ms. Li is doing sucks, and although I could really care less about, it still sucks what she’s doing. If I were in the slightest a crusader, I’d definitely rally to your cause, but, unfortunately, I decided long ago that moral outrage is worse than complacent anonymity.” He still ahd a confused look,

“I’m gonna go with, ‘Huh?’, again. Look, Daria, I don’t care anymore about not being QB. And Quinn can take care of herself, since every other freakin’ guy in the county is ready and willing to take my position. Whatever. Hey, are you done? The movie’s will be starting soon,” he remarked, checking his watch.

“So soon? I was actually enjoying the conversation, as odd as that sounds. Well, okay, I guess. I warn you, I’ll probably be asleep before long, though. And, uh, no funny stuff, okay?” she warned. Jeffy rolled his eyes.

“Oh, come on! Geez, Daria, can’t a guy ask a girl out without her thinking he wants her to, you know…Just think of it as a payback for being an okay substitute teacher, or for bringing Quinn back from, you know, braininess. Ooop! Sorry about that…” he backpedaled awkwardly.

“Don’t worry. The chance of Quinn truly becoming a brain is about equal to me becoming a supermodel. Let me ask you a question. Do you think she’ll be able to get through to Kevin? Honest answer, if you please,” Daria asked, as he drove on.

“Honestly? I don’t know. Unless she can make it football-related, she’s out of luck. Maybe if she wrote the lessons on her body and tried to teach nude…Oh gosh! I’m sorry!” he spluttered, seeing her scathing glare.

“It’s not that. It’s the fact that, that may be the only way she could. Forget I asked, and we’ll just have a nice, normal, evening out, like I’m not a brain, and you’re not one of my sister’s zombie slaves, okay?” He grinned at that.

“Deal! You know, I hope these aren’t the kind of films where you have to, you know, bring stuff to get into ‘em?”

“ Nahh. The worst you’ll have to deal with are subtitles. I’ll try to keep you up to speed, at least until I pass out from exhaustion,” she replied, yawning. Jeffy frowned, and in a low voice, asked,

“You know, Daria, if you’re really that tired, maybe I should take you home? After all we did go out for a little while. If you like, we could do the movie thing some other time?” For the first time that evening, she looked at him with a truly warm smile.

“You know, Jeffy, ever since you came over to help me with my truck this afternoon, you’ve been really nice, and I’ve been waiting for the façade to crumble at some point, but right there, you just proved to me that you are more than a mindless jock, hellbent on getting in good with my sister. Thank you.” She leaned over and brushed his cheek with a kiss.

“Yes, I’d like to go home, if you don’t mind. And, I’d like to try this again sometime, too. At least before I leave for school. Don’t worry about getting dates this year, either. As long as you treat whoever you’re going out with the way you did with me tonight, you’ll do all right,” she replied, tiredly. He nodded and grinned.

“Thanks, Daria. Even though it was kinda short, this has to be the best date I’ve ever had, you know?”

“Stop it! You know you can’t have a good time with a brain. Law of the teenager, and all.” She said blushing, as he made a U-turn, and headed back to her house. As they did, she noticed a rusty Jaguar sedan coming up the other way, and as they passed, she and Tom’s eyes met for a moment. She could almost sense the sadness and loss in that millisecond before they passed by. She quickly looked behind, to see if he’d turned to follow, only to see the Jag’s taillights keep going into the distance. “Crap!” she hissed.

“What? What’s wrong, Daria?” Jeffy asked. She turned back, and shook her head sadly. “Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all, I’m just tired.”

The rest of the trip back to her house was made in silence. Pulling up, Jeffy asked, “So, uh, Daria, when do you think we can, you know, do this again?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ll let you know, soon. Maybe this weekend?” she replied. He grinned again. “Cool! Hey, you get some sleep, okay? And, thanks again for coming out with me, I really enjoyed it! Good night!”

She smiled back weakly, and, seeing Quinn’s silhouette in the window, did something she’d never have considered before, as she leaned over, and gave him a full on the lips kiss, before giving him a tired smirk.

“Good night, Jeffy. See ya soon,” before turning on her heel and walking away, as he stared after her with a look of wonder. “Uhhhh, Yeah! Soon! Wow…”

He watched her as she wearily made her way to the front door, as what may have been the first time in his young life that a deep thought crossed his mind. The evening air seemed more alive, the lights a bit brighter, and he took a deep cleansing breath as he smiled to himself.

A short distance up the street, a battered Jaguar pulled up, lights off, and parked discreetly a few houses away. The driver watched as the girl walked inside, and he sighed deeply, shaking his head, before resting it on the steering wheel despondently…

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Linda Griffin picked up the telephone, only to be rewarded with Sandi’s angry, “Muh-ther! Puh-leez! I’m busy!” before returning to her conversation. Fuming, Linda stomped up to her daughter’s room and barged in.

Sandi whirled around, the phone still propped on her shoulder, papers and lists scattered about her bed.

“Mother! How dare you!” she exclaimed imperiously.

“How dare I? Young lady, need I remind you who pays the *bills* around here? Hang that phone up this instant!” Linda snarled. “And just *what* are you *doing*? Don’t tell me *you* are foolish enough to do that so-called *tutoring*, too?”

Sandi rolled her eyes, and sighed dramatically. “Of course not, Mother. I’m simply insuring Quinn fails in her pathetic attempt at hogging all the popularity at school next year,” she replied nonchalantly. Intrigued by her daughter’s task, Linda leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, and a questioning look upon her face.

“Do tell, Sandi. Maybe I can give you a few pointers, dear,” she purred, pleased at her offspring’s dedication to maintaining her position of dominance in the hierarchy of school. “I’ve been known to do what’s been needed in that department!” she sneered, laughing. Sandi smirked as she hung up the phone.

“Why, *thanks*, Mom. My plan is to make sure that Kevin is far too busy going to parties and other affairs to bother with Quinn’s silly little tutoring. I already have invitations arranged for every party in the entire county until school starts again,” she said, with a smug grin. Nodding appreciatively, Linda replied,

“Excellent start, dear. But have you considered a more, shall we say, direct approach? Why don’t you simply make a play for him yourself? After all, I did overhear from Doug Thompson that Kevin and that Brittany wench are no longer an item. You could do worse than having a star quarterback on your arm, and a notch on your lipstick case by going steady with him,” she said lightly. Sandi made a face.

“Ewww! Mother, as interesting as that *sounds*, Kevin Thompson is simply not someone I’d choose to be a steady boyfriend! I mean, really! Even if he does win the State Championship this year, so what? He’s still an idiotic jock, and will probably never do more than that, ever! No, merely seeing Quinn fail will be reward enough, Mother. When this is all over, the entire school will see her for what she’s chosen to become: a brain. Once that happens, I’ll be the most popular girl in the Senior class, where I rightfully belong!” Sandi concluded triumphantly. Linda nodded in satisfaction, beaming at her daughter.

“Well done! I can see I haven’t failed with you! As for your brothers…Oh well, we’ll just blame your father for them, right?” she laughed, bending over to give Sandi a maternal peck on the cheek.

“I know. Say, would it be possible for you to arrange for a camera crew to record some of the festivities? I’m sure that a permanent record of Quinn’s failure will come in handy when we have our reunions, you know?” Sandi asked, a smug look on her face. Linda tapped her cheek thoughtfully.

“Hmmm. I like that idea, but I’d have to do some arranging with the programming director. Why don’t I get you a new video camera instead? It would be easier that way, dear.” Linda added.

“I suppose so. Well, if that’s all, Mother, I have some shopping to do if I’m to thoroughly humiliate Quinn. Would you believe she hasn’t set foot in the mall since she started this stupid tutoring thing?” she replied, incredulously. “I mean, it’s almost like she’s making this too easy for me, being almost three weeks behind the latest trends! At this rate, she’ll never catch up with me!”

“Oh, Sandi! I’m so proud of you! I’ll tell your father to get you that camera before the weekend, and if you wish, I can have him take the boys with him if you need the house for any of these parties. Just make sure no one throws up in the garden again, okay?” she said, patting Sandi on the head as she breezed out the door.

“Of course, Mother. Oh, and thanks for the camera and use of the house! You’ll be the first to see Quinn’s expression once I get it on tape!” Sandi purred dangerously.

She waited until her mother had descended the stairs before calling out,

“Okay, Tiffany, you can come out now.” The closet door opened, and Tiffany stepped out.

“Whyyy did you make meee sit in the closettt againnnn?” she asked, a curious look on her face. Sandi rolled her eyes, as she explained,

“Duhhh! My mother knows better than to discuss the imminent destruction of another student’s popularity when there’s a witness present! Besides, you know she tends to talk louder and slower when you’re here.” She narrowed her eyes, and an evil grin crackle across her face.

“Say, Tiff. You know, she may come back at any moment! Maybe you should stay in there a little while longer, okay?” Sandi asked, innocently. Tiffany looked pensive for a second, then shrugged,

“Oookayy, Sandiii. I still don’t know whyyy, though,” as she stepped back inside and closed the door behind her. Sandi swiftly padded over to the door and dropped the latch in place, laughing silently to herself.

“There! Now that I don’t have anymore distractions, I can get back to work!”

She picked up the phone again, and dialed yet another number, “Hello, Skyler? It’s me, Sandi. Sandi! You know, Kuh-winn’s friend!” she snarled in exasperation. “Yessss! Now you know who I am? Good! I was just wondering if you’d like to…Yes, she’ll be there…Good! The party will be over at my house the sixth, the fourteenth, and the twenty-sixth of this month, and further dates to be announced later! Yes, she’ll be there then, too,” Sandi sighed, as she checked off his name on her list.

Tiffany called out from her closet, “Sannnndi? I like, reeeeally need to gooo to the bathroom. Cannn I come out nowww?” Sandi rolled her eyes, and unlatched the door.

“Come on! I’m done anyway! We have to get over to the mall before four o’clock if we’re going to be ready in time for tonight!”

“Buuut Sandi, we’ve already been to the mall todayyy. Whyyy do we have to go nowww?” Tiffany asked, a slightly weary expression on her face. “Besides, myyy dad? He’s like, really freaking over all the charges I’m like, ringing uppp lately. Do weee have to buyy like, new outfits for every party we go toooo?” Sandi’s eyes blazed with a righteous fury, as she snarled angrily,

“YES! We have to BE the most up-to date, the trendiest, the best-dressed girls in school if we’re to resurrect the Fashion Club to its former, exalted glory! THIS time, I intend it to be correct, and nobody is going to *stand* in my way! I’M supposed to be the most popular girl at Lawndale, dammit! Not some upstart that just breezes into town, and overnight, I end up being just “Oh, you’re Quinn’s friend,”, and that ends NOW! When you have an opportunity like this land in your lap, you have to grab it, and hold on! Now, get your damn purse, and let’s go before there’s a line at the accessory counter!”

Tiffany looked at her, her complacent nature worn away from the days spent listening to Sandi bristle, fume, scheme, and plot over this turn of events. “Geez, Sanndi. You’re like, freaking out over this Quinn thing tooo much. Annnd I thought weee broke up the Club lassst month?” She saw Sandi’s malevolent glare, but paid it no heed. She was tired of this, and wanted to relax for a change. Grabbing her handbag, she shook her head, as she headed out the door,

“Sannndi, I gotta go. I’mm tired of doing thisss. I’mm going home nowww,” she stated simply, as she closed the door behind her. Standing there, stunned, Sandi struggled for words,

“Wha? Wait! You can’t…! Dammit! Fine! Go! I don’t need you, anyway! You’ll regret it, when I’M the most popular girl again at Lawndale! You’ll seeee! You’ll seeeeeeee!” she shrieked at the closed door. In the next room, Sam and Chris were interrupted in mid-tussle by her high-pitched shriek.

“What’s HER problem?” Chris mused, firmly held in a headlock by his brother. Sam, paused in mid-noogie, shrugged, “Ahhh, she’s probably just having that women thing again. Looks like we’ll be going camping with Dad soon, I bet!”

“Cool! But isn’t she been on it for a looooong time now? Like, since she’s been thirteen?” Chris gasped, as he twisted free of the hold. Sam swept his legs out from under him, and pinned his little brother again, in a sloppy half-Nelson, before replying, “Yeah! But it’s still cool, ‘cause it sucks being here, farthead! Now gimme back my video game, or you’re gonna be breathing through your butt-hole!” as they resumed mauling each other.

Sandi angrily grabbed her purse, and stormed out of the house at a quick walk. She caught a glimpse of Tiffany turning the corner, looking at her oddly. Ignoring that, she stormed down the sidewalk, mumbling to herself wildly.

As she passed the Rowe house, Stacy say her coming.

“Eeep! She looks pissed! I hope she doesn’t come here to yell at me again!” she thought for a moment, then she stiffened, “And so what if she does? It’s not like it’s MY fault she’s all worked up about this? I hope she does come and complain to me, I have a few things to say myself!”

She emerged from her hiding place behind the tree in her front yard, and strode confidently to the sidewalk. Sandi saw her, and was about to lay into her until she saw the strange determined look on Stacy’s face.

“Hi, Sandi. What’s the rush?” she asked, crossing her arms casually. “Haven’t seen you around for the last few days. What’s new?”

“Hrmph. Nothing, Stacy. Merely doing my best to ensure that the natural order is preserved, unlike SOME people I know!” she hissed, unsure of how to deal with a suddenly spined Stacy. “I suppose you’ll be expecting an invitation to all the parties I’ve arranged for the summer. I’m sure I can *fit* you in somewhere, if you insist, she added haughtily. Stacy giggled nervously.

“Thanks, Sandi, but Brett has already asked me to go to the next couple parties already. Thanks for the offer, but it’s not needed. Besides, none of these parties are YOURS to invite people to, right?” From the sudden fiery look, Stacy knew she’d landed a hit.

“ Look, we all know what you’re doing Sandi, and it’s kinda pathetic, don’t you think? When it comes down to it, doesn’t it seem silly what you’re doing? I mean, no matter what you do, Quinn will still be the most popular girl at school anyway. I’ve figured that out already, and I’m okay with that. She’s having a hard enough time this summer with Kevin, and I’d think a friend would try to help out, or at least not make it any harder for her, right?” she said, feeling her confidence grow with every syllable as Sandi’s eyes grew wide as saucers.

“Pathetic? Pathetic??? I’ll show you pathetic!!! Pathetic is lowering one’s self to the level of a brain for the sake of ensuring her position as the girlfriend of the QB? And do you know who’s going to be the ones who suffer the most? Those people who are most closely associated with her! Me! And, you guys, too!” she fairly shrieked, making Stacy take an involuntary step backward.

“S-Sandi? Maybe you s-should go lie d-down, or something!” Stacy’s confidence wavered. “You’ve been at this t-too long, you know?” Sandi whirled around and stormed away, as Stacy cowered behind her tree again.

Watching her leave, Stacy almost jumped out of her skin when Tiffany tapped her on the shoulder. “EEEEEEP!!! Oh GEEZ! Don’t DO that, Tiff!” she gasped. “Hey! Aren’t you hanging around with Sandi now? Why aren’t you walking with her?”

Tiffany shrugged. “I wasss, but Sandi’s like, getting scaryyy, or something. She like, totally freaked me out a little while agggoooo,” she drawled out. “Do you know what she’s soo worked up abouttt?”

“Well, duh, she’s been going nuts ever since Quinn got that job teaching Kevin. Did you see what she just did?” Stacy replied. “I mean, at first it was sorta cool seeing her get all bent over this, but I’m starting to get worried. What should we do?”

“Huh? Why should weee do anything? It’s not, like, our problem. Let them worrk it outt. Besides, I’m tired of listening to Sandi talk about ittt.”

Stacy frowned. “Well, even though the Club is gone, they still are our friends, you know. We should do something!” she wailed, almost breaking into tears. Tiffany screwed her forehead into an expression almost resembling thought.

“Why don’t we ask Quinn’s sister? Now that she’s not her ‘cousin’ anymore, maybe she’ll help us.”

“Tiff! That’s it! She’ll know what to do! After all, she was the one who made Quinn stop being a brain before, maybe she can help us again! You’re brilliant, Tiff!”

“And don’t forget cute, too. By the way, what was that girl’s name again?” Tiffany asked. Stacy draped an arm over her shoulder, smiling.

“Tiff, as for that brilliant part, don’t worry about it. But you ARE cute! Let’s get this problem solved!” she giggled.

Daria had finally had enough time to wash her normal clothes, and the next day, arrived attired as she always did. Bubbles hardly batted an eye as she walked past, and began her continuing battle with making sense of the mess Morty had left her. Rocky came to her office door and spoke.

“Hey! I wanted to tell ya, you’ve done a pretty good job fixing this place up. Now, I need you to start doing what I really need you for, and that’s keeping track of my records and expenses. Here,” he extended a thick folder to her. “These are all the active records for my acts, the pay scales, and the codes I use for some of the records I need to keep for the taxman. I keep my personal set in my office, and all you have to do is keep those numbers looking logical. I’ll let you know if there’s any problems with ‘em, but something tells me I don’t need to worry about you ripping me off. Oh, and don’t worry about the photographer and his assistant. Jane told me about that Ruttheimer fella, and I told Vinnie that he needs to stay out of the offices during the day from now on.”

“Thanks, but that’s not necessary, Mr. Salvatore. I can take care of Upchuck just fine on my own. As a matter of fact, the way I’d like to do it would make a great photo shoot,” she deadpanned, opening the sheaf of papers on her desk. “The only concern I have is this Tinkles I keep hearing about. Jane says he’s a little, uh, “excitable”, especially when he thinks he’s been shortchanged. I’m not easily scared, but the thought of someone in greasepaint chasing me around is a little unnerving.”

Rocky chuckled. “Ahhh, I’ll have a little talk with him, when he comes in. His probation officer isn’t too happy about him working with kids, on account of his temper. If he does get his dander up, I’ll put him in his place. Despite vicious rumors to the contrary, I AM a legitimate businessman, and I don’t have time for stupid crap like that. I want the bands and dancer’s accounts on my desk before you leave tonight, okay? And if Janey comes in, tell her I need to talk to her. Thanks.”

She nodded, and began to dig through the files to find the sections he requested. “Hmmm, I guess this means I really have to perform like I was an employee now. Wow! I didn’t know how many of the local bands he manages!” she thought, flipping through page after page of records of dates, times and places. She looked at the Spiral’s file, and was surprised at how many gigs they actually played, and how much they had taken in, just in the last year.

“If Trent and those guys really made all this, they shouldn’t be scraping by like they are. Oh, wait. They’re rock musicians. Wonder how much they blow on partying, versus how much they have left over.”

Periodically, she would peek out the newly cleaned window to check on her truck, leery of having it broken into again. The phone on her desk rang. “Hello? Lawndale Talent Agency,” she said mechanically.

“Yo! Daria! How goes the daily grind, amiga?” Jane’s cheery voice replied. “Okay, but I have real work for a change, now that I’ve purged the last of the filth Morty left me. I still get a slew of frankly obscene e-mails, but before the summer’s over, they should get the hint that he’s gone. Oh, Rocky needs to talk with you, too. Want me to transfer you over?”

“No! He’s probably gonna want to use the band again, and those clowns haven’t paid me back yet! I swear, Daria, I need to figure out a way to get their paychecks signed over to me, if I want that money back!” she said, with a touch of bitterness. Daria raised her eyebrows at that.

“Jane? Did you know…” she trailed off, unsure of how to reveal what she’d discovered, “Uhhh, never mind. It’s not important.” There was an uncomfortable silence on the line.

“Daria? What were you about to tell me? If it’s something about the Spiral, I deserve to know. I’ve put a lot of sweat equity into that band, and if it has anything to do with why I haven’t been paid back, I want to know! Come on, I thought you were my friend!”

“Geez, Jane. In the last twenty seconds you’ve put my honesty, integrity, friendship, AND my employment in jeopardy. Okay, I’ll make a copy of their payouts for the last couple of months. If Trent makes a stink, deny with your last breath you got it from me, okay? Even though I still feel a little creeped out by this job, I feel weird revealing what obviously is privileged information. I may yet have an ethic or two left, no matter how much was burnt out at Lawndale.”

“Heh. Leave it to you to call it that way. Hey, I’m sorry, but you see where I’m coming from here. If I didn’t exploit every avenues available, those guys would conveniently forget about my contributions, especially the financial ones. I still have to save some cash for school, right?” Jane replied awkwardly.

“Jane? Did you steer me into this job to find this out for you?” Daria asked simply. “Not that I mind, now that I have it somewhat under control, but I would like to know when I’m being used shamelessly. It’ll help for when it happens after I graduate from college, you know?” Daria asked, trying to mollify the question somewhat.

“Of course I did! That, and the fact that Cousin Rocky would never have hired me for just that reason, you know? He’s already having troubles with Bubbles working there. Did you know she’s married to his wife’s brother?”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that one out when I had to field calls the other day. Look, Jane, I got a lot to do today. I’ll stop by after work and we can talk more, okay? Rocky did say he wanted to talk to you. Sounded important, too. Still wanna duck him?” Daria asked.

Jane sighed. “Okay. I suppose I need to let him have the band back for awhile, anyway. These last couple gigs haven’t paid off for me like I though they would, anyway. I’ll see you later, then.”

“Yeah. Okay, hold on, I’m still not the best at doing this.” She managed to successfully transfer her over, and returned to her work. What Jane said bothered her. “I can’t believe Trent would do that to her. He doesn’t seem THAT self-centered, but I guess I couldn’t see that before,” she mused, as she finished up the totals for the band side.

She decided to work through lunch, not willing to risk another episode like the day before. Munching on her sandwich, she couldn’t shake the thought of Trent taking advantage of his sister like that.

She plowed through the files, shaking her head at the amount of money the strippers made. “Geez! Maybe lap dancing isn’t such a bad gig after all! Each of these girls are making over fifty an hour for basically sitting in someone’s lap for five minutes. Maybe Brittany knew what she was doing when she decide to become a cheerleader.”

For a moment, she envisioned herself doing that. “Gahhh! I’m still not comfortable kissing a guy yet, much less grinding around on some fat guys lap in a G-string! Cool thoughts, find my happy place…” she exclaimed aloud. Bubbles peeked around the corner.

“What’s that, hon? Hope you’re not talking to yourself yet!” she asked, holding a can of soda casually.

“EEEEP! Oh! Sorry, Bubbles. I thought you and rocky were still at lunch. Yeah, I was sort of discussing some of these things with myself. Can you believe how much the strippers make?” Daria asked, in a disbelieving tone.

“More than that, sweets. That’s what I first did after I got out of high school. Yeah, it is kind of stupid how much they make, but you’d be surprised how fast that kind of money gets spent. Costumes, makeup, ‘party supplies’, all that adds up. Add that to the hassle of dealing with those losers, and having to hire a car and driver so none of ‘em follow ya home, and there ain’t a lot left at the end of the day.” She sighed, with a thoughtful look on her face.

“So, how did you end up working in the office?” Daria asked, not wanting to bridge what Jane had told her earlier. Bubbles laughed softly, replying,

“I ended up marrying one of the ‘escorts’ Rocky arranged for protection. He’s an okay guy, but he didn’t want his wife shaking for strangers anymore. Rock offered me a receptionist gig, more as a favor, since my ol’man is his wife’s brother. It works out, sort of. I at least make an honest paycheck, and Rocky’s okay to work for. Sometimes REALLY okay to work for, if you know what I mean,” she winked. “But I wouldn’t mind seeing the money I used to, you know?”

“Oh boy. More than I needed to know, Bubbles. So, where is our Fearless Leader? You two seem to, uh, do lunch together a lot,” Daria remarked, mentally kicking herself as soon as the words came out. Bubbles laughed aloud at that.

“Yeah, I know. Rock seems to think it’s a big secret, but just about everybody who works around here knows its goin’ on. Hell, my old man knows, but he doesn’t mind, ‘cause he’s shtupping some little girl on the side. The only one who gets bent anymore is his wife, and she knows better than to really rock the boat, or her gravy train comes to an end. She’d divorce him, but she knows he’ll set it up so it looks like he doesn’t make a penny off this. Like I said before, keep it to yourself, okay hon?” Bubbles said morosely.

Daria mulled this over for a moment. “Doesn’t this all seem so cheap and dirty to you? You seem like you’re an okay person, Bubbles, so why do you keep doing this? From what little I know about you, you could do this job, not me. Why didn’t you take this?”

Bubbles thought for a moment. “Well, to be honest, I didn’t want to really work. I’m too much a party girl at heart. And, the math is too hard for me. Besides, I get a lot of time to do the things I want to do during the day. You don’t keep looking this way working a ‘real’ job, you know!” she winked. Daria frowned at that.

“You know how that sounds to someone like me, don’t you?” she replied, a touch of anger in her voice. Bubbles fixed her with a direct gaze.

“Then, why don’t you see if you can dance for your dimes? Hell, it’s not that hard, and you have a pretty decent body. If this doesn’t appeal to you, I’m pretty sure Rock wouldn’t mind letting you give it a whirl, you know.”

Daria spluttered for a second, “Excuse me? I doubt anyone would pay to see me stumble around in heels and pasties, no matter HOW drunk they were. I could see my sister doing something like this, or even Jane. But there’s be no way I could ever get up the courage to prance around like that in front of strangers. You know, I WILL need a long shower for you even suggesting the idea.”

Bubbles shook her head, and began to do a simple dance step, exaggerating her body movements, as she began to loosen her clothing. “Sheesh, Daria, it’s just like getting undressed for bed, only set to music. Like I said, you don’t even need to be particularly graceful, or talented. Hell, the slower you are, the more you get from some of the guys. It’s just like this, a little bump here, a grind there, look at their foreheads so they think you’re looking in their eyes, make sure everybody gets an eyeful. Nothing to it, and you can leave with a couple hundred in your pocket.” She didn’t remove anything, but did some slow gyrations and turns, basically performing poses that Daria had seen in Quinn’s fashion magazines.

“Gahhh! Stop! Look, I appreciate your ringing endorsement of the career, but I plan on being a writer someday, and I don’t think any publisher will take me too seriously if they find out I was doing this a couple weeks after graduating high school! Besides, my mom and dad would crucify me!” she pleaded.

“And what if you DON’T make it as a writer? I planned on being an actress, you know? Drama classes, modeling, acting, photos, workshops, the whole nine yards. Two years in college, and then the grants ran out. Found out that I didn’t fit in with what they were looking for as a ‘serious’ actress. No Broadway, not even summer stock would take me. I had to use what I was given, rather than what I learned. A roof over your head, and food in your belly beats professional integrity any day, but I suppose you’ll have to learn that the hard way, huh?” she smiled sadly.

“You were in college? I thought…” Daria mumbled embarrassedly.

“That since I was a blonde with big tits, and a handle like Bubbles, I didn’t have anything upstairs? I hate that stereotype, you know? For years, I dyed my hair brown just so people would take me seriously, you know?” she replied, rearranging her clothes after she stopped her impromptu performance. “No one could believe I memorized all of Shakespeare, Tennesee Williams, Shaw, looking the way I do. Most of the directors were more than happy to have drag queens take the juicy roles, you know? I was offered little bit parts here and there. I needed to stay alive, so I chose to do this. I’m neither proud nor ashamed of the choices I made, hon.”

Daria fell silent, feeling her cheeks flush with shame at her assumptions of the woman. “I’m sorry. It’s just…” Bubbles waved it off, continuing,

“Don’t let it bug you. I’ve been dealing with it since I was twelve, you know? It used to bother me, but my pop always told me to turn a liability into an asset. I think I did pretty well, in the end.”

The sound of the front door opening, and Rocky’s gruff voice calling for her, and Bubbles smiled. “You’re a smart girl, and a pretty one, no matter what you think. Don’t let either stand in your way, hon. That’s all I meant to say. I gotta go, for our ‘Fearless Leader’ obviously needs some ‘reassurance’, as they say!” Bubbles added softly, leaving Daria feeling all the more confused and embarrassed.

“Yeah. I see, I think. Thanks, and tell Rocky I have the band’s files ready, okay?” was all she managed to blurt out as Bubbles strode away.

For the rest of the day, she was in a daze, as she mulled over what the woman had sad to her, forgetting to even check her truck every few minutes. She heard no more from either, as they cocooned themselves in his office, and she had no reason nor desire to bother them, slipping the completed file under the door as she left.

She didn’t notice it until she was almost to the door of her truck that all four of her wheels were gone. “SON OF A…Dammit! Not again!” she wailed. Her little truck was crudely propped up on cinder blocks, and looking inside, where the shards of broken glass littered the interior, she saw her cheap stereo missing as well. “And I suppose…” she lifted the hood, verifying that not only was her new battery gone, but most of the upper parts of her engine.

“I suppose this is some kind of sick joke, God. You’re either trying to tell me to quit, or I wasn’t meant to have this truck after all.”

As she opened the door to go back inside, Rocky and Bubbles were coming out. “What’s with the long face, kid? You look like someone shot your dog or something?” he asked. She pointed over at her truck angrily.

“Once again, someone’s picked over my truck! Dammit! I can’t afford to replace all of that stuff! And my folks are gonna have a fit when they hear about this happening again!” she exclaimed, in a voice that was very close to tears.

“Huh! I thought I put out the word to the local boys to leave your ride alone, too! Damn, must be some new crew working the neighborhood or something.” Rocky muttered angrily, as he and Bubbles led her back into the office.

“I’d hate like hell to lose you so soon over this, Daria. I’ll tell you what, I have some connections in the used auto parts business, and I can try to get your truck fixed up, if you don’t want to let the folks know,” he offered, as she started to dial her number.

She set down the handset, and asked, “What’s the catch? I mean, as it is, I owe Jeffy for a new battery already, and I still have to make good on that date with him I ended up bowing out of, and now, I’ll be in debt to you for this. On the other hand, if I tell my folks, they’ll force me to either go back to the nut stand, or that creepy summer camp I told you about.”

Bubbles coughed, and gave a surreptitious jiggle of her bosoms. “Oh God, no. Not that.” She muttered, thinking, “And if they found out I even toyed with the idea of being a stripper, they’d lock me in my room until I was thirty! Either that, or keel over in laughter at the idea.”

“The offer’s good, hon. And I ain’t suggesting anything, uh, ‘uncomfortable’ for you, being Janey’s friend and all. I’d like it a lot better if you kept working for me, please?” he asked, trying to sound as honest as he could. She rubbed her forehead.

“Oh crap! What the hell do I do now? I don’t know squat about cars, but I’m pretty sure it’ll take me the rest of the summer to pay him back, no matter what kind of deal he can get. Unless…” She looked at Bubbles, who had an impish grin on her face. “I don’t believe I’m about to do this…”

“Uhhh, sure, Mr. Salvatore. That would be really nice of you. Uh, Bubbles? Do you think you could give me a ride home? I have a couple questions to ask you, too,” she said numbly. “I’ll figure out something to tell my parents. Not sure what, but anything is better than O’Neill’s sing-alongs…”

“If you want, kiddo! Gimme your keys, and I’ll have one of my boys come by with a hook. Don’t worry, in a couple days, she’ll be good as new! And I promise, I won’t rake you for it either. And after this, I’m gonna have a little talk with some of the people who’re SUPPOSED to make sure nothing happens around my building, if you know what I mean!” he growled, clearly vexed at the turn of events.

“Yeah. Sure, thanks. Uh, Bubbles? Can we get this over with as painlessly as possible? I have to meet Jane later, too. Thanks again, Mr. Salvatore. I promise, I’ll get you paid back as soon as I can. Whether it kills me or not…”

Bubbles took her by the arm, laughing, “Don’t worry, hon! Only the hair will hurt, I promise. Although, until you get used to ‘em, the shoes will too…” Rocky gave them a puzzled look.

“Huh? Is there something I’m missing here?” he asked. Bubbles gave him a reassuring pat on the head.

“Oh, Rocky, you’ll see! Come on, hon! It isn’t often I have a legit excuse to stay out after work, but tonight is one of ‘em. Rocky? If Stupid calls looking for me, tell him I’m getting a new girl fitted out, okay?”

“Huh? But I didn’t hire any new dancers, did I? Oh well, I’ll tell him anyway, sine ya gotta take Daria home. See you both in the morning, ladies!” he said, still confused.

As they walked to Bubbles car, Daria muttered, “I should be insulted, but I suppose it’s better he didn’t figure it out right away, I guess. Please tell me I’m doing the right thing, okay?”

“Daria, you’re just doing what needs to be done at the moment. Don’t let it worry you, if it’s too much, you can always quit. Besides, you look like you’re seriously overdue for a real makeover. I’m sure that young fella who was here yesterday would sure appreciate it, don’t you think?” she giggled. Daria groaned.

“And I keep saying to you, he isn’t my boyfriend, dammit! If you must know, he’s actually one of these three guys who’ve been puppy-dogging after my sister since we moved here! He helped me get my truck running yesterday, and uh, he is kind of nice, for a drone, that is, and oh my God, listen to me prattle. Is it too late to change my mind now?”

“No, but knowing Rocky, no matter how good a deal he can get on your truck, you’ll still be owing him by the time you have to leave for school. Relax, I’ll give you some pointers, and set you up with some easy gigs, all right? Not all the dancers have to “go all the way” you know. Some of the little burgs around here don’t allow full nudity, and the girls with seniority don’t like working the bars out there. A little prettying up, some duds, and most of those pig farmers are happy as…well, a pig in mud.” Bubbles reassured her.

She guided her to a slightly older model convertible. “See this baby? She only took me two months to make enough to own her free and clear, and that was only doing partial gigs! There’s a couple of girls who paid off their college loans before their four years were up doing lap dances, you know.”

“And all it cost them was their dignity and just a teeny chunk of their souls, right? I agreed to try this out, Bubbles, but I’m not the kind to get converted overnight. I assume a “partial” means you’re not completely buck naked, right?” Bubbles nodded, smiling.

“You catch on quick! Here’s a little secret, hon. A lot of guys, and I do mean a lot, are less turned on by total nudity than when you leave a little to the imagination, if you get my drift.”

“Oh great. Why do I get the feeling it’s going to become an X-rated costume party? Where are we going, if I dare ask? I hope it’s not the mall, because if my sister, or any of her brain-dead friends see me picking up what I think we are, I may as well put up a billboard announcing my decent into hell.” Daria remarked glumly.

“Oh, don’t worry about THAT, sweets! We’re going to where all the professional dancers get their stuff! Before we get there, let me ask you something, about your footwear…” Daria interrupted her.

“Other than the shoes I had on yesterday, these and sneakers are all I have. I’ll be honest with you, I have never worn heels higher than what you see now, nor have I ever been motivated to do so before. Is that going to be a problem?”

“Hmmm. It is if you wanna make money at this. Guys aren’t interested in you unless you’re wearing something painful and impractical. If it’s anything, you won’t have to wear ‘em all the time. What size are you?” Bubbles asked, as she maneuvered the car deftly out of the lot.

“Uhhh, I wear a six and-a-half B. Why?” she asked, gripping the dashboard tightly as Bubbles smoothly accelerated to a nerve-wracking velocity.

“Oh, nothing. I might have been able to let you borrow a few pairs of my old ones, but you’ll have to get your own. It’s better that way, I guess.” Daria made a face.

“Ewwww. I could never figure out how anybody could swap clothes and shoes like Quinn and her friends can. It just seems so…dirty.”

Bubbles laughed. “Yeah, but it does save a lot of money at first. Before we do this, I’m gonna need you to promise you’ll pay me back, okay? My husband doesn’t mind when I buy nasty clothes, but he gets sniffy if they’re on someone else’s back, especially if he can’t have everything that comes with it. He’s a jerk, really, but that’s how it goes.”

“Oh boy. I’m getting in deeper and deeper by the minute, aren’t I?” Daria moaned. “First, Jeffy, for that battery. Then it’s Rocky, for fixing the rest of the truck, and now you, for this hair-brained scheme to make me an exotic dancer. Examine my head closely, Bubbles. Have I suffered a severe head injury in the last hour or so? What I should be doing now is run screaming into the night, you know?”

Bubbles giggled again. “Oh please! It’s not like I’m gonna put you on a street corner or something! Look, I was where you are now, once. Yeah, you can probably get a bunch of money from your folks for school, but after that, you’re on your own for the rest. Working at the campus bookstore or whatever you can find for work after classes isn’t going to begin to cover all the nonsense expenses you’re gonna have, dummy! If it makes you feel better, we’ll consider this a gift, okay? A little starter set, in case you decide to give it a try, okay?”

“I guess. What still boggles me is that I agreed to go along with this. What I don’t get is why. I haven’t worked here a week yet, and here you are, offering to get me set up as a freakin’ dancer. I thought you were still pissed at me when I walked in on you and Rocky?” Daria asked, as the woman pulled into the parking lot of a nondescript store.

“Hmmmm. I dunno. Maybe I have a cruel streak when it comes to anyone who comes into the office? Seriously, though, I know when there’s a diamond in the rough, and anyone who can deal with the full-blown weirdness of what goes on in that place should be able to handle anything. Besides, it gives me a reason to go shopping myself!” she tittered.

Relieved that she was probably only an excuse for the blonde to indulge herself, Daria resigned herself to the experience. “Thanks. That will make it a lot easier to deal with. Just as long as I get home at a reasonable time tonight, I don’t care. This is it?” she remarked, as Bubbles parked the car.

“Yep. It’s kinda low key on the outside, but wait’ll you check it out! There’s stuff I know you’ve never seen before! Just keep quiet, and follow my lead, okay?”

Daria nodded, and followed her inside. True to her word, the interior appointments were, in a word, dazzling. “Oh Gawd! No wonder they don’t advertise this place. They’d have every Fundamentalist for a hundred miles gathering to burn this place down. Even Quinn would freak if she saw this stuff,” she mused silently, as she gazed at the tiny outfits barely dangling from the mannequins. “Some of this stuff would burn Upchuck’s eyes out,” as she examined a leather outfit that would leave a Barbie doll feeling exposed.

“Bubbles!” a thin effeminate male voice fairly shrieked out. “Ohmigawd! It has been ages! What brings you to my humble den of iniquity, darling?” Daria scanned through the racks of sequined outfits and bizarre accessories to locate the source of the voice. A short man, no taller than herself, came bouncing up, entirely too energetic for her liking.

“Felix, I’d like you to meet Daria. She will be needing a few items from your beginner’s collection,” the tall blonde replied, as she returned the little man’s friendly hug.

He stepped back, and regarded her with a practiced eye and a frown. “Oh goodness! I can’t work miracles, darling! Or is this a joke?”

“No joke, Felix. If you can outfit an ex-linebacker with Cher regalia, you can do anything. Besides, once you see her out of these togs, you’ll know I’m not pulling your leg.” Bubbles responded calmly, as Daria’s face reddened.

“No freakin’ way! I’ll go so far as let you pick out one of these postage stamps, but there’s no damn way I’m giving anybody a free show!” she exclaimed. Rolling her heavily made-up eyes, Bubbles reassured her,

“Oh, come on. Only the blind, deaf and dumb would think Felix is a threat. You’re safer with him than you are with me.” Both Daria and Felix raised eyebrows at that statement. “Bad choice of words. He’ll need to see your true dimensions if he’s gonna get you the right equipment, hon. Just calm down, close your eyes, and think about Christmas.”

Felix sniffed a bit, and said, more to himself than either of the women, “Well, she at least has the right attitude for the job, anyway. Gawd! Where’s Rocky trying to recruit from, the Salvation Army? Or the real one, looking at those clodhoppers! Come, come! Off with it! Let’s get this over with now, before Will and Grace comes on!” he said fawningly.

“Hey! I happen to like these clothes, dammit! Bubbles, remind me why I’m doing this again!” Daria moaned.

“So you won’t be indebted to him until it’s time to leave for school, kiddo. Relax, it’s no worse than getting fitted for any other kind of clothes. Quicker, too.” She pointed to a curtained doorway. “If you want, I’ll come with you. Felix just needs some quick measurements so the customers don’t get more than they pay for, okay? And then everything else is strictly off the rack. Oh, and Felix, she’s gonna need some new hooves, too. Whatever’s on sale, please.”

“There goes the last shred of my dignity, and at half off, too. It’s too bad Quinn isn’t here, she’d be loving every second of this,” she muttered, as Bubbles and the small man led the way to the fitting room. True to her word, he quickly and efficiently took her body measurements, writing them on the back of his hand. “Don’t get dressed yet, dear, we’ll need to see how a couple of these things look, and teach you how they work,” he sniffed, as he breezed out of the room like a debutante.

“Bubbles! I thought you were gonna just point at stuff and hand it to me, dammit!” Daria hissed, feeling awkward and vulnerable as she stood before the woman, naked as the day she was born. “This is a stupid idea! I’ll just work it off doing the office work, okay? There’s no way in hell I’m gonna be able to do this in front of guys! What the hell was I thinking?” she moaned, as the little man came back in with what appeared to be several handkerchiefs.

“Okay, sweetheart! What I have here is what I like to call the Virgin Collection. It’s a few of my less expensive creations that newbies like yourself can find useful if you’re just starting out. Here, I’ll let Bubbles show you how to put on the basics, before I can trim these up so they fit right!” he chirped, as he handed her a small bag of accessories.

Pulling an item out, Daria made a face. “Ewwww. So THIS is what a pastie looks like. How the hell do they stay on?” Bubbles smirked, as she held up a tube of theatrical adhesive.

“Glue? Okay, that’s it! I am so out of here!” Daria whined.

“Oh, calm down! You DO want your truck fixed, right?” Bubbles commanded. Daria sighed and examined the tiny bottle. “It’s not very strong, but it’ll hold the damn things on well enough for your purposes. Now, we need to figure out a good color scheme for you. Most of the beginners make the mistake of grabbing whatever looks bright and sparkly, but makes ‘em look like dummies under the rotten lighting they have to work under. What’s your favorite color? No, wait, that’s too easy. Black, right?”

She was rewarded with a scowl. “Not unless you have something darker.”

Felix returned with an armful of outfits and several shoeboxes. “These are what I was pushing last month, darling! I’ll make you a deal, everything at cost, if you take them all! I didn’t have too many shoes in her size, but there are a couple pairs of boots she looks like she’ll tolerate.” Dumping the whole pile on a table, he gave them both a disingenuous smile. “Ladies! I will leave you to your…affairs!” he tittered, as he left.

“That man is so…creepy.” Daria muttered, as she watched Bubbles flip through the pile of skimpy outfits. “You know, I could just beg my dad to pay for the repairs. It would be less undignified to let them know I’m still unprepared for the real world.”

“Oh, little Daria, it’s far too late for that,” Bubbles giggled evilly. “Please humor me. I never get a chance to come here anymore, hon, it’s always a blast for me, and if you just relax, maybe you can enjoy yourself too.” She had a pleading look in her eyes, and Daria sighed in resignation.

“Aw, hell. I guess I can, this once. I have a question, though. Have you ever tried to twist Jane’s arm into doing this? She’d make a better ‘dancer’ than I would, you know. I mean, she’s taller, thinner, and let’s face it, in a hell of a lot better shape than I am. And, since she’s an ‘artist’, something like this would be more up her alley, so to speak.”

“And what makes you think I haven’t tried already? Rocky has flat out refused to allow it, because she IS his cousin, you know. The photographer who uses the studio in back? He’s her dad, you know. Whenever he needs cash to go on his jaunts, he does a quick porno shoot for some fast cash. He’s the biggest reason she isn’t standing here right now.” Bubbles explained, handing her a shred of shiny latex.

Taking it, Daria turned it over in her hands. “What do I do with this? Wrap it around my head or wrist? Even Quinn wouldn’t think this was a proper garment, Bubbles.”

Bubbles motioned for her to discard her remaining clothing, sports bra and panties. “Off with them! Oooo! Not a bad li’l rack there, hon! Couldn’t see it under that thing, you know? Here, you put it on like so…” she draped it around her body, pulling it together at the sides. “And there you are! Hmmm, you’re definitely going to need a better shave job before you go on, but I suppose there’s only so much we can do in a couple hours, huh?”

Daria blushed. “Shave? You mean…down there? Hell, I’ve only just…Aw dammit! I barely remember to shave my damn legs, and now I gotta…” Bubbles held up a tube of depilatory cream, eyes averted and lips pursed as if whistling. “Great. Now that we’ve broached this subject, I suppose it’ll be hair and nails next.”

“Not yet. Before then, I’ll need to show you some basic, easy moves. Nothing complex, but you’re probably going to need to learn how to walk in the shoes first. Take those boats off, and lets see how you do in these,” she said, pulling out a pair of glittery platform shoes from a box.

A little while later, Daria was teetering on the high shoes, trying not to fall over. “If I can’t cut it as a dancer, I’ll probably have a shot at a basketball scholarship with these. You don’t suppose I could just stand in one place, do you? And does the health plan cover nosebleeds?”

“Enough of the wisecracks, kid. Come on, just take a few steps, and see how you do. I’ll catch you if you fall.” Bubbles ordered. Hesitatingly, she took a tiny shuffle forward. “Don’t drag them, you’ll catch on something. Pick ‘em up a little, and try to walk normally.”

“Bubbles, I’m almost seven inches taller than I am normally! There’s no way I’m gonna be able to take a ‘normal’ step. This is hopeless, and you know it! I’m getting out of this crap right now, and I’ll deal with whatever comes from the truck fiasco.”

“Give it a chance, Daria. You have a pretty nice little bod there, and when I’m done with you, even your own mother won’t recognize you, which is probably the real reason you’re giving me so much crap over this, isn’t it? Think about it, you could make all the spending money you’d need for a few hours a week being someone else. Didn’t you like dressing up when you were a kid? That’s all this is, really.”

“When I was a kid, Bubbles, I spent all my time reading. The only time I dressed up was for Halloween, and then it was for the candy. If the want, I can still do a mean ghost, as long as I don’t need to wear these stupid things.” Daria replied, taking another cautious step with her arms outstretched against the expected fall.

“Hmmm. Ghosts, no. Witches and vampires, yes. You’re gonna need to practice in those things for a few days before I can even begin to show you the moves you’ll need. You never did any cheerleading, I suppose.” Her vigorous head shake confirmed it. “Well, slip out of those before you break something, and let’s get you tricked out with a couple outfits for the moment.”

Daria happily stepped out of the ridiculous affairs, and the taller blonde woman selected several outfits for her. “You would look good doing the Goth thing, I think. Sparkles aren’t your thing, are they? And, you’re gonna need your ears pierced, and whatever else you dare to, okay? Here,” she began handing the chosen items to her, and they left the fitting room. Felix was waiting by the cash register.

“That was quick! I suppose you’ll be wanting the business discount on top of the rest, right darling?” he sighed melodramatically. She smiled warmly.

“Oh, Felix! Stop with the poor shopkeeper routine. You know Rocky makes sure all the girls go to you for their stuff, and we both know your ‘cost’ is next to nothing, since you make it all here! Put it on the agency account, and I’ll make sure I slip in a little bonus fee for your trouble.” He pouted a bit, but nodded, and bagged up the items.

Sitting back in the car, Daria wiped a bead of sweat from her brow. “God, I’m glad that’s over! Now all I need to do is explain to my folks why you’re dropping me off at home, instead of driving my new truck. I’ll admit, this was a good way to completely forget all about that. Any suggestions, since you seem to be the font of knowledge tonight?”

Bubbles frowned. “Hmmm. I never had to make an excuse like that before. Maybe you could say it was stolen? Or broke down in some far away place? That’s worked with the old man before,” she suggested. Daria shook her head.

“No. My mom will want to see the police report, and if I don’t have one, she’ll call them herself. She’s a lawyer, by the way. My dad would insist on driving out to wherever the truck is supposedly ‘broken-down’ and attempting to fix it himself. If I tell them what really happened, they’d make me quit the job so fast it’d be like I never worked there at all, and I’ll be practically sent to O’Neill’s playground for neurotics as a prisoner. No, I need to come up with something they won’t ask questions about.”

“Well, didn’t you use the truck to haul Spiral’s equipment the other night? You could use that one as an excuse again. I remember you complaining that you were out all night with them.” Bubbles suggested. Daria bit her lip, as she mulled that over.

“Yeah, and I caught hell for it the next day. If I use that one again, I’ll have headaches for the next month. But there’s just one little problem with that idea, and that’s explaining why my truck and I are not in the same location. I got pretty damn lucky getting that as a graduation present, and my folks aren’t above taking it away if it looks like I’m being stupid with it.”

Bubbles drove on silently, thinking hard, when she said slyly, “Not if you didn’t come home without it, they wouldn’t. If you just call them, and say you had to do the band thing again, they wouldn’t know the difference, right? I know Rocky, and with his connections, you’ll probably have it back by the end of work tomorrow. All you have to do is stay away from home until then.”

Daria looked at her like she grew another head. “Are you out of your mind? They would go berserk if I did that. Besides, I’m pretty beat as it is, and frankly, wouldn’t know what to do with myself for the rest of the night. I could probably squat over at Jane’s, but then, I’d be trusting the both of them not inadvertently dropping dime on me, since he’s not gigging tonight, if I recall correctly.” She rubbed her eyes tiredly, as if the effort of thought were wearisome now. “It’s a good idea, and even though I’d have hell to pay, could work, but I’m just not the type to work all day and stay out all night. That’s Quinn’s gig”

“Well,” Bubbles said carefully, “You COULD use this as an excuse for your first lesson, you know. I know the sites where we run all the new girls first, the ones I told you about earlier? And we could just let you see what to expect. If you want to, of course,” she let the sentence hang in the air.

“If they found out I was at a strip club, entertaining the thought, no matter how remote, of becoming a dancer, they would mew me up in a convent or something, Bubbles. And if they knew I was convinced into doing it by someone with your nickname, too.” Daria retorted. Bubbles laughed again, a delighted chortle.

“I don’t believe you! Let’s see, you’re eighteen years old, right? You have to pay rent already, if I caught the gist of why you accepted the job, and you’re gonna be heading to college in three months, and you’re worried about what your folks are going to do if you stay out overnight? I didn’t say to just go off without telling them, but you are allowed to do things like this now, you know.”

“Well,” Daria struggled to come up with a retort. “They do have some say over the hours I can come and go since it is their house and all, but I see your point. But I don’t want to spend the night out, Bubbles. I like sleeping a minimum of ten to twelve hours if I can get away with it, understand? What would I do all night, besides what you suggested? I can only handle so much coffee, and I do need to be somewhat conscious for work tomorrow, you know.”

“Don’t worry about work tomorrow, hon. Rocky wasn’t expecting you to finish both of those files in one day, so you can sleep it off in the office. I can, *cough* keep him occupied for the day, you know…” she grinned.

“Okay, okay! You’ve convinced me. I’ll need to make a couple calls. Would it be okay for Jane to tag along with us? My utter humiliation just wouldn’t be complete without her supplying the color commentary.” Daria replied, peering into the sack of clothing Bubbles had purchased.

“Why not? Hell, I’ve been dying for a girls night out for a long time! Ever since I got hitched, my husband has been a real prick about me going out.”

“And how’s he feel about, uh, you and Rocky? Or does he know?” Daria asked, mentally cursing herself again. Bubbles waved dismissively.

“He really doesn’t care about that, as long as I don’t complain about him porking his secretary. Rocky’s wife knows, so he does too, but since we’re all living like it’s freakin’ Peyton Place, it’s all relative, I guess.”

Not wanting to continue on that thread, Daria refrained from commenting, as Bubbles pulled over at a convenience store. First, she called her house. “Hello, Quinn? Can I talk to Mom?”

“Hey, Daria. Uhh, she’s still busy with something from work. Do you want Dad? Where are you? Weren’t you supposed to be home awhile ago?” she asked, trying to interpret the background noises. Daria cupped the phone tightly.

“Yeah, but I had something important come up again. Did Jane call?”

“No, she didn’t. What’s so important? I’ll bet you’re seeing Jeffy, aren’t you?” Quinn said, a faint titter in her voice. Daria winced.

“No, dammit! It’s something else entirely. Look, Quinn, I’ll be blunt with you. I’m going to be out all night, and won’t be able to come home until tomorrow night. I don’t care what you do or say, but do what you can to keep both of them from freaking out when I don’t make it in tonight, okay?”

“What’s in it for me? That is, over and above what you already owe me for letting you use Jeffy, that is. I also seem to recall someone offering to assist me with Kevin’s lesson plan, too!” Quinn reminded her.

Daria squeezed her eyes shut, as the total absurdity of the situation hit her fully. She had become the one who was about to get involved in something completely mindless, while her sister stayed home, nose buried in a book, as she prepared to tutor someone.

“I guess it’s come full circle now. First, one of her boyfriends, now her lifestyle.” She sighed to herself, as Bubbles came out of the store with a pack of wine coolers. She smiled and waved. “And now, I’m headed to a strip club outside of town with an ex dancer, to research stripping in order to pay for the repairs to my truck. Jane is gonna love this.” She dialed again.

Jane picked up on the fourth ring. “Yo, Lane residence,” she mumbled as she wiped her brushes.

“Jane, what are you doing right now?” Daria asked quickly.

“Not much. Where are you? I thought you were coming over after work?”

“Uhhhh, I had another problem with the truck. I’m with Bubbles, and I need you to come with me somewhere. Please.” Daria pled, in a voice that startled Jane.

“Are you all right? You sound like you’re a little stressed there, amiga. What’s up with the truck? You didn’t get into a wreck, did you?” she asked quickly.

“No, unfortunately. This is gonna be a little hard to explain. First, some jerk stole my wheels, and a bunch of stuff from my motor too. Rocky said he can get it fixed for me, but I’ll have to pay him back, and I need to keep it secret from my parents, for obvious reasons. Bubbles made me an… ‘interesting’ offer, and I really, really need you here with me. Please?” Daria replied quickly, the words tumbling out before Jane could process them. She exclaimed,

“Whoa, whoa! Too much information! Your truck was broken into, I got that, and Rocky offering to fix it, I can see, but what’s this about Bubbles making you an…Oh. My. God. She’s talked you into…” Jane almost dropped the phone as she realized what her friend was saying. “Where are you? I’ll be right there! This I gotta see!”

“We’ll be by in a couple minutes. And you sound waaaaaay too excited about this. Oh yeah, Bubbles say to dress for clubbing, whatever the hell that means. We’ll see you in a few,” she said, waving to the aforementioned, who was beeping the horn. “Please, don’t make this any worse than it’s gonna be! Bye.”

Jane stood there, stunned at what she thought she’d just heard. “This is gonna be good!” she tittered, and tossed the brushes down, and dove into her closet.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Quinn put her conversation with Daria from her mind as she continued to go over the lesson plan, trying to figure out a way to make the droll subjects offered more “fun”, in the hopes that Kevin might retain enough interest to continue to show up.

“Arghhh! How the hell am I supposed to make this stuff exciting? There is simply no way to make ANYTHING that happened in the 1840’s fun! Think, Quinn, Think!” she moaned, crumbling the handbook she’d picked up, and hurling it away. It bounced off her bedpost, and landed in her open closet, next to her pink knee boots.

“Geez, I haven’t even cared about this stuff since I started this stupid tutoring thingie! Maybe I can’t do this, after all.” She mused, as she bent down to pick the paper back up. “Hey, I don’t have to kill myself. Maybe a little therapy is in order. Yeah…”

She scooped up the books and papers from her bed, and piled them in the corner. “Hmmm. No time to hit the mall, but I have a bunch of stuff that still needs to be arranged,” she thought idly, pulling the boots out and tossed them on the bed. “I haven’t worn you guys since Easter, come to think of it. Let’s see what I can come up with…” she said to the footwear silently.

For the next few hours, Quinn was lost in her own little world, free of lesson plans, books, words, or rational thought, as she put on her own little modeling show. The pink boots were more or less a feature, as they seemed to have driven her out of her funk.

“Gawd, I look so hot in these! I wish Stacy could come over, but she’s got that new job at Cuter Computer. If I was teaching in these things, that idiot would really pay attention then…” with a start, she cut off her idle thought stream. “I am such an airhead! Of course he isn’t paying attention. If I dress up like Daria, I become invisible, or something, to him! Why didn’t I see that before?”

Quinn grinned broadly, as she knew just what she had to do before turning in for the night. She dove into her huge closet, and rooted about, pulling bags and boxes out pell-mell, until she found the items she needed. The pink boots were soon joined by the others she had purchased, all the exact same style, but different colors, from black to white, and blue and yellow. The only hue not present was the silver she really wanted, for Halloween. “Mom would freak is she saw all these at once,” she reminded herself, so she kept out only three, pink, black, and white, before assembling the necessaries for those.

She was happily planning her ensemble for the next day when there was a knock on the door. Helen asked,

“Quinn? Did your sister call? It’s almost eight o’clock, and I’m getting a little worried.”

“Oh, crap! I forgot to tell you, Mom. Daria had to work late again, something about one of the bands. She said not to wait up, she’ll be late!” Quinn exclaimed, hurriedly stashing the excess couture back in her closet. Helen opened the door.

“Muh-om! Don’t I have any privacy?” she exclaimed indignantly.

“Only when I don’t think you’re not telling me the whole truth. Spill it, missy.” Helen demanded, a stern look on her face. “Is Daria hauling that band’s stuff out again in her new truck? She showed up the next day looking awful! That’s not a good way to demonstrate a good work ethic in anybody’s book, and I’ll be damned if I stand by and let her waste it on her first real job!”

Quinn gulped, knowing she would probably end up saying too much anyway.” Uhhhh, that’s all she said, Mom, I swear! And you’re not the only one who’s inconvenienced by this either, she was supposed to help ME with…oh, crap.” She could see her mother’s eyebrow rise, and when she folded her arms, with that look, it was as if truth serum were mainlined in her veins.

“Out with it! She was acting funny yesterday, and when I saw her go out with one of your little friends, I knew something was up. Quinn, I’m not leaving until I get some answers, dammit! Where is Daria? Who is she with? There was a call from a payphone a short time ago, and I want to know what is going on!” Helen demanded, in high umbrage.

Quinn gulped, as she tried to explain, “B-but, Muh-oMM! She just told me she was going out tonight! I don’t know where, just that she was. Say, didn’t you want her to start getting out more?”

Helen scowled. “Not like this! I wanted…Oh, hell! I suppose she’s old enough to look out for herself, but she’s still going to hear about this! And you! Does your room always look like this? Argh!” as she turned awa y and stomped off.

“Works every time,” Quinn chuckled to herself. “I do wonder what she’s doing, though? Probably something dull and brainy, I’ll bet,” as she resumed her preparations for the next day.

Helen stomped back downstairs. Jake was snoozing on the couch, the newspaper covering his face.

“Jake! Wake up! Do you have any idea what your daughter is doing right now?” she bellowed, slapping the papers away.

“Huh? What? I’m up! Where the hell am I? Helen! Dammit, don’t DO that!” he yelped, sitting bolt upright. “What about my daughter? Which one? And why is it they become MY daughters when they’re in trouble, but when they do something good, they become yours?” he complained sleepily.

“Never mind! I’m sorry, Jake, it’s just that Daria went out without telling us anything about it.” Helen huffed, plopping down next to him. He shook his head to clear the cobwebs.

“But, I thought you wanted her to get out more, didn’t you?” he said cautiously. She sighed in resignation.

“I know. Quinn pointed that out earlier. But, dammit! I’m her mother! I should know more about her life. I mean, we completely blew it when she was with that boy Tom, and somehow I feel it was our fault. Jake? Have you ever thought that?”

“Let’s see now. Was he the one who knew what squirrels liked, or the other one? I seem to recall seeing one of them recently…” he said quizzically. Helen sighed.

“I should yell at you for that, but it wouldn’t help. My God, are we THAT out of touch with our kids that we drive away their friends? Don’t try to answer, Jake. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“Okay! Look hon, isn’t it normal for parents to feel lost and out of touch with their kids at this age? I mean, were you that close to either of your folks when you were eighteen? Weren’t you plotting the revolution then?” he said, a little twinkle in his eye. She gave him a dirty look.

“I suppose. We already know what happened to you, so save yourself a little hypertension, honey. Maybe I am overreacting, but it’s still my job to worry, right?” Helen snuggled in closer, sounding a little lost and afraid. Jake gave her a gentle squeeze.

“It is. But, she needs to spread her wings a little, doesn’t she? And, she has a ride of her own now, so we won’t have to worry about her hitchhiking or anything, right? Relax, and just let the good vibes flow. Remember how we used to relax when you got all wound up in class?” he said lasciviously. She grinned wickedly.

“Race you to the bedroom! Winner calls the game!” she laughed, leaping up and dashing away. Jake smiled. “Works every time!” as he got up to join her.

Quinn shivered disgustedly as she heard their door close and lock, and their muffled giggling. “Parents!” she exclaimed. Her cellphone went off, and she checked the number. “Stacy! Thank God it’s someone sane! What’s up?” she exclaimed in relief.

There was a short pause before Stacy replied, “Oh, not a lot. How is the tutoring going, Quinn? I’ve missed seeing you.”

“Oh, that? I took the night off to figure out what I was doing wrong, and you know what? It was everything! I think I have it down now, and I don’t have to become my sister to do it either! Say, aren’t you still at work?” Quinn asked, eyeing the clock.

“Yeah, but it’s kinda slow this afternoon. I ran into Tiff earlier today, and we got to talking, you know?”

“No, Stace, I wouldn’t. I hope it still isn’t about this job still. I mean, hey, I can do something different, right? And who is to say what someone can or can’t do, you know?” Quinn replied defensively. There was a long pause before Stacy replied.

“No! It wasn’t that at all, I swear! It’s really about Sandi. See, earlier, Tiffany was over at her house, and she was starting to get really crazy, like she used to get the day before seasonal clearances, or if she woke up with a zit, but lots worse. Tiff said she locked her in the closet for a while, and started to scare her, so she left.”

Quinn raised an eyebrow at that. Sandi could get carried away with things sometimes, but anything that could scare Tiffany Blum-Deckler was beyond the pale. “No! What’d she say then? Sandi, I mean! I didn’t know she was this upset about the whole stupid thing! I should call her, shouldn’t I, Stace?”

“Gee Quinn, I don’t know. The last time I saw her, she was heading to the mall, and Tiff said she was going to a party somewhere tonight. Uhhh, Quinn? Tiffany also told me that Sandi is planning on making sure Kevin is invited to every party in town this summer! She wants to make sure you fail teaching him, so she can be most popular in school this year.” Quinn scowled at that.

“Oh, is she? Look, I figured that Kevin was going to be the party fool he always was, and he’s probably on the permanent invite list anyway. I can handle that. But I need to talk with Sandi before this gets out of control, you know, Stace?”

“Yeah! So, uh, will you be around tomorrow? Tiff and I were wondering if we could come over for a little while, okay?”

“Sure! Kevin isn’t due until two, anyway, so if you want to, we can have lunch, okay?” Quinn replied, still thinking hard. Stacy groaned, “Aww poopy! I have to go! I have a customer. See you later, Quinn. Bye!” as she quickly hung up.

She let the phone dangle from her hand as she pondered the information she just received. “So, you’re planning on sabotaging my job, eh, Sandi? We’ll just see about that!” Quinn thought angrily, as she resumed folding her clothes and putting them away.

“It looks like I’m going to have to clip Kevin’s wings again, aren’t I?” she said to her pink boots. “It’s a little warm for you, but I think you’re exactly right for the job I have in mind tonight,” she chuckled to herself evilly, as she bent to rummage through one of her dresser drawers. She pulled out a small leather handbag, older than the majority of her other things, and seemingly hefty. She unzipped it, and inspected its contents, her catlike smile broadening. “Oh yes, Mr. Thompson. You will do as you’re told from her on out…”

In their room, Helen lay back on the bed, feeling fantastic, as Jake slept. She could almost swear she heard diabolical laughter coming from Quinn’s room, but chalked it up to the full throttle “relaxation” she’d just had…

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Jane had put the finishing touches on her outfit when the doorbell rang. She clopped down the stairs quickly, and swung the door open wide. Daria’s eye grew wide when she saw her.

“Jane! What the hell are you wearing? When I asked if you’d come with me to this, I didn’t expect you to be dressed like a…”

“A stripper? No, amiga, this ain’t stripper wear. It’s just my Goth clubber mystery outfit that I’ve never had a chance to wear since we met, Daria. Bubbles already tried to get me to dance, but Rocky went apeshit when he found out. That doesn’t, however, stop me from going clubbing with her when she gets a wild hair, though. Come on in, I don’t wanna give the neighbors too much of a free show,” she laughed, ushering them in.

Bubbles made a “tsk, tsk” as she stepped inside. “Damn, Jane, this house really needs some major work! Where’s your brother?” she asked, handing her one of the wine coolers.

Popping it open and taking a long drink, Jane replied, “Ehhhh, he’s out with Monique tonight. She’s playing the Zen, and he’s running the Harpies board, as a favor for some little tiff they had. You gotta tell me how you talked her into this!” Bubbles grinned lopsidedly as she shook her blonde curls.

“That’ll have to wait until I help Daria get dressed.” Turning to her, she asked, “Are you ready? I showed you a few little tricks so they won’t fall off while you’re moving around. Think you can handle doing it yourself?”

“God no, but since I seem not to have a choice, if I want my damn truck fixed, I’d better be a fast learner. Jane? There aren’t any other siblings around here? I especially don’t want to run into Wind tonight.” Daria replied forlornly. Jane gave her a friendly chuck on the shoulder.

“Lighten up! She might’ve given you the hard line on when she was a dancer, but this is gonna be more an excuse for her to go out, and not have her husband get too bent out of shape, if she can claim she’s teaching a new dancer, right, Bubbles?”

The blonde woman rolled her eyes theatrically. “Yeas and no, Janey, dear. Yes, I’m taking shameless advantage of this in order to go out and have a little fun, but I am going to show your friend here some of the things she may choose to learn if she decides to try this out.” She emphasized the words with her fingers. “Dar, if you decide not to, that’s okay. You can even keep the threads, if you want. I know I was giving you fits back there with some of the descriptions, but this is going to be one of the most entertaining classes you’ll ever take, if you let it.”

Daria mulled that over, and shrugged. “All right. If Jane here is gung-ho for it, I’m game, seeing as you finally gave me the caveats I was waiting to hear. So, Jane, where can I change? Your room, or…?”

“Take Penny’s. There’s a full length mirror behind the door, and I would imagine there might be a shoulder bag or something for your stuff, in the closet. Here, you want one?” she pulled a wine cooler out of the carton in Bubbles’ hands. Daria frowned, then, took it.

“Hell, why not? Just stop me if I suddenly want to try out cocaine or cigars, okay? I’ll be back down in a little while.”

Jane waited until the door closed before turning to Bubbles. “I am flabbergasted. Now, what’s this about her ‘getting her truck back’? I thought Jeffy fixed it yesterday?”

Bubbles pulled her closer, and explained everything that led to their arrival at her doorstep, getting to where Daria had been calling her up, when they heard the door upstairs open.

Walking slowly and carefully in the unfamiliar footwear, Daria came downstairs, a cross look on her face. “You better damn well be right about those teeny little snaps holding this thing together, or I swear, I’ll get both of you!” She had on a pair of platform heels, far higher than anything Quinn would wear, fishnet hose, and a wet-look rubber bodice dress, just barely covering her where it counted.

“If I felt exposed wearing this back in the store, imagine what I feel now, dammit! I’m almost afraid to take a deep breath in this thing, Bubbles. How the hell am I supposed to walk or sit?” Daria moaned, tottering over to them, holding the just opened bottle in one hand. Bubbles looked on, approvingly, ‘til she reached Daria’s face.

“Hmmm. How well can you see without these?” she asked. Daria shrugged,

“Not very damn well. Don’t tell me there aren’t any nearsighted strippers in the world,” she challenged. Bubbles replied sternly.

“Look, hon, it’s not that you don’t look okay with ‘em, I was just suggesting that, if you don’t want anybody to recognize you, that’s the easiest way I can think of. I guess you can just slip them on when the lights go down so I can show you the basic moves, though.”

Jane piped up, “Wait! Don’t you still have those contact lenses? Oh, wait, that’s right. They’re at your house, aren’t they?” Daria gave her a wayward look, as she said,

“Well, no, not really. You remember when I had the problem with them? Well, I got a new pair, but I never wore them. I just kept them in my backpack, in case my glasses were broken.” She sighed, and looked up the stairs. “They’re up there. Give me a second to get up these stairs and I’ll put ‘em in.” Jane gave her a dismissive wave.

“Don’t worry about it! I’ll go and get your pack, seeing as how steady you are on those stilts! Bubbles, you should know better than to try to inflict those damn things on my friend, you know. I hope you got her something a little more humane, you wench.” She laughed, as she hurried upstairs.

“Well, yeah, I did. Why didn’t you grab those little boots Felix threw in for free? They looked a bit like your old ones, and I’m sure they have to be more comfortable than those.” Bubbles asked.

“I felt like I was betraying them. Besides, you said I needed the practice, right? Voila, I’m practicing.” Daria replied, propping herself against the arm of the couch.

“Oh no you don’t! Look, Daria, if you haven’t worn heels before, you have to work into them slowly, or your gonna hurt yourself. Jane! Look in that bag for the gray shoebox, please! There’s a pair of mid-calf boots that look like her Docs, okay? Now get those off, hon, if you wore those for more than an hour, you’ll be crippled for a week!” Bubbles ordered. Daria complied, gratefully slipping off the outrageous footwear.

Jane came bounding downstairs, holding the aforementioned boots, and her pack. Bubbles asked her, “Do you have some hairspray, too? I need to make her look a little better if we’re going to fit in.” Jane nodded.

“Gotcha covered already. Here ya go,” as she tossed a can in her direction. “Thanks! Now, Daria, get those eyes in before we make your hair nicer.”

“What the hell’s wrong with my hair? I haven’t avoided my little sister’s attempts at makeovers all this time just to get one at the hands of both of you, dammit!” Daria snorted obstinately.

“De-snit yourself, girl. I’m just gonna fix it a little bit so you look different, all right? You wouldn’t want anybody knowing what you’re doing there, do you? I didn’t think so. Get those in so I can fix you up, girl!”

Daria dug through her pack, coming up with a small case. She quickly washed her hands and inserted the contact lenses, blinking uncomfortably as she emerged from the bathroom.

“Okay, now I’ll have the “my eyes are killing me” look down pat tonight, Bubbles. Take it easy on that crap, okay? Remember I have to wash that crap out before I get home tomorrow, and I know what happens when someone sleeps with that garbage still in their hair. Quinn once came downstairs with a pair of her underwear glued to the back of her head.” Daria asked, as the woman directed her to a kitchen chair.

“Got it. This’ll just take a minute, or two…” Shortly, after much hair pulling and coughing on Daria’s part, Bubbles pronounced her finished.

“Ta da! Go take a look, hon! No one will suspect it’s you, should they see you tonight.”

“That’s great. How will the talent scouts know where to find me then? Let’s see what kind of freak I look like now,” she muttered, going back into the bathroom. Regarding her reflection, she grunted, “Hmmm. Not too freakish, I have to admit. And it does make me look like a refugee from an Eighties metal video, which is the last thing my admiring throng would expect.”

Seeing Jane peek around the corner, she called out, “So, admiring throng, what do you think? Retro or what? And I’m curious, too. Just what kind of hairspray is this? My hair feels like a DEVO wig, Jane.”

“Hairspray? I don’t have enough money for beauty products AND art supplies, amiga. That there is picture sealer that’s making you look purty, Daria.” Jane replied. “If the dancing gig doesn’t work out, you could always go into used car sales, or become a Mormon missionary.”

“I have WHAT in my hair? I’m gonna kill you both!” Daria exclaimed, as she felt the stiffness of her treeses. Both Bubbles and Jane laughed.

“Relax, Daria. Sealer and hairspray are almost the same thing. All you have to do is wash it real good tonight,” Jane reassured her. “It’s never hurt my hair, and I’ve been doing it for years. You didn’t think this ‘do held itself in place all by itself, did you?”

Bubbles clapped her hands to get their attention. “All right, girls, we’re burning moonlight! Daria, get those boots on, and let’s get going! We aren’t gonna be all night out there, so the sooner we’re gone, the better!”

Jane helped Daria lace up her new boots, and soon, the three were in Bubbles car, putting Lawndale behind them at high speed.

“Geez, Bubbles! Could you at least keep it below Warp One? Just where s this place, anyway?” Daria gasped, clutching the seatbacks in terror. Jane had called shotgun, and was fiddling with her lipstick again, blithely unconcerned about their velocity.

“Calm down, Daria. I’ve driven like this since I was in my teens, and never had more’n a ticket or two. We’re going to a place called DV8’s, out past the county line in Swedestown. It’s a nice little dance club with a private lounge that has dancers. It’s all ages, so don’t worry about the age thing, and if I tell the manager you two are new dancers, he’ll let you in the lounge to observe. Nothing more than that, and we’re not going to party ‘til dawn, if that’s what you’re worried about.” The older woman explained calmly. Jane smirked knowingly.

“Just as long as you claiming me to be another dancer doesn’t get back to Rocky, that is. What she said, Daria. Calm down, sit back, and prepare for a new experience in your otherwise humdrum life. Let me know if that seat starts to get uncomfortable, and we’ll switch.”

Daria had been jammed into the jump seat of Bubbles’ Vexxer, her knees to her chin thanks to the raised heels of the patent leather short boots she wore. “No thanks, it reminds me of being in the womb again. Bubbles? You aren’t, uh…planning on drinking heavily tonight, are you? If you want to, I’d be happy to drive home…”

Bubbles laughed. “At that place? No way! Relax, honey, I got those coolers so I wouldn’t have to. One of the first things you need to know is that if you get bombed when you’re out, you run a real chance of waking up with someone you didn’t expect to. Don’t even accept a glass of water from any of these bozos, if you’re smart. Take what you have with you everywhere, all the common sense crap, and you’ll do all right.”

Jane added, “And when you see how much they charge for sodas, you’ll keep your glass all night. I keep filling mine up from the tap in the ladies room, and tell the idiots it’s straight vodka. Here,” she said, handing back several plastic chips. “Free drinks. The last time I was out here, I had some businessman getting me these things all night until he passed out.”

Daria took them, and slipped them into her bodice top. Her pack was too large to take along, so she just had her license and money tucked there, wrapped in a rubber band.

“Not to self: Steal one of Quinn’s teeny purses, should I ever suffer the brain damage that caused me to consent to this,” she thought, watching the darkened scenery blur past the windows. Presently, the car slowed and pulled into a strip mall parking lot.

“Unclench your hands, Daria. We’re here!” Jane announced. “See? That wasn’t so bad now, was it? All you have to do now is make it through a night here!” she chuckled.

“Jane, how many times have you been here, and why didn’t you tell me before? Maybe I’d have liked to see this place before.”

“Err, it wouldn’t have been…appropriate at the time. Y’see, I was here with…someone we both know…” Jane replied haltingly. Daria nodded in understanding.

“Gotcha. Sorry I asked,” she walked a little more confidently in the lower heeled boots, but still was clearly uncomfortable in them. “Oof! I’ll be glad to find some place to freakin’ sit down. It’s only been a minute or so, and these things are killing me already!”

Bubbles laughed again. “You’re out of luck, unless you can convince some of the club brats to let you horn in. Any available booth and chair is claimed by now. Maybe you’ll be able to grab a seat in the lounge, but I have to make some arrangements first. Just keep moving until the throbbing ends. Or, you can’t take it anymore! Whichever comes first!”

“Freakin’ wonderful.” She muttered, s they approached the club. Set in the end space of a cookie-cutter strip mall, the garish neon sign brazenly proclaimed the name “DV8” in four foot high letters, as the thud and blunder of industrial dance music pounded through the painted over front windows. A small knot of people milled about the front door, smoking, as Bubbles escorted them to the doorman, a tall, heavily muscled jock-type.

Wordlessly, he held out his hand for their ID’s. Bubbles didn’t bother, Jane had hers out and shown, as Daria blushed furiously, digging in her bosom for the suddenly elusive bundle she’d tucked in there. Finally, she snagged it and pulled it free, sending a shower of free drink chips everywhere. “Dammit! I was hoping to avoid bending over tonight!” she cursed, as she awkwardly squatted to scoop them up as her companions walked inside.

“Dammit! Wait up!” she hollered at their retreating backsides, as the thundering pre-recorded bass line drowned her words out. A heavy hand seized her by the arm, and she whirled, dropping her tokens again.

The fashionably dressed young man was grinning drunkenly as he mouthed something to her, but more than a Hey and Baby she couldn’t understand. Leaving the chips, she twisted out of his grip and fled after Jane and Bubbles, thinking furiously, “There is no freaking way I’ll ever be able to handle this! Dammit, where are they?”

She jumped out of her skin as another hand touched her shoulder. Jane shouted, “Hey! What happened to you? When we turned around, you were gone! You gotta watch yourself in this place!” Daria could only nod as Jane dragged her up to the bar.

Bubbles was leaning over it, talking to a heavy-set man with a beard, who gave them both an appraising look before nodding to her. She turned and bent so they could hear. “Okay! It’s all set up. The lounge is through those doors over there. Put these wristbands on, and you won’t get hassled, unless you try to order booze! I’ll be there in a little while, okay? Don’t get into trouble, you two!” she hollered over the din.

Jane took the plastic bands and nodded, handing one to Daria. As they put them on, the fashionable drunk came up behind her and patted her on the rump.

“Hey, sweetheart! You dropped these! What’s your name!” he fairly shouted in her ear. Daria’s eyes flashed in fury, but Jane merely took the chips, and gave him a dangerous look. “Thanks! I was looking for these! Here…” she pressed one in his outstretched hand, in lieu of the greeting handshake he was hoping for. Before he could say anything more, she seized Daria’s arm and dragged her to the lounge entrance.

The bouncer seated by the door saw their wristbands, and lifted the rope barrier to let them through. The drunken youth attempted to follow, but a large hand in his chest stopped him. The girls heard his protestations over the roar as they fled into the darkened interior of the room.

“Jesus! This place is a freaking asylum, Jane! I’m not here ten minutes, and already I have some moron following me around like a damn lost puppy! As soon as Bubbles gets back here, I want to get out. It’s too much for my head!” Daria lamented, as her friend steered her to a, unoccupied booth near the back wall.

“Take it easy, amiga! The hard part’s over now. Take a load off, and I’ll grab us some sodas, okay? It’s a lot mellower in here, and nobody will mess with you.” Jane said, dropping her little handbag down. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere!”

Watching her friend disappear into the darkness, she cursed silently, “Oh sure! As soon as someone says, “Don’t go anywhere”, I have to pee, dammit! She better be back quick!” A waitress, almost dressed in an outfit like the ones Bubbles had shown her, approached, but she waved her away. It seemed like forever until Jane returned with two glasses and set them down.

“About damn time!” she snarled. “Where’s the ladies’ room? I’m gonna bust!” Jane pointed to a door not far away, and Daria staggered towards it, ignoring the looks from the predominantly male patrons she passed.

“Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! How the hell do I let people talk me into stupid things like this? I’m supposed to be a freakin’ brain! I, of all people, should know better!” she exclaimed aloud, once the door closed behind her. Fumbling with the unfamiliar attire, she relieved herself, and then spent a few more minutes making sure she had everything important re-attached.

Blinking as her eyes adjusted to the gloominess of the lounge again, she spied Bubbles sitting next to Jane, and wobbled back to join them.

Smiling, the blonde raised her glass. “Congratulations! You haven’t blown your cool yet! Sit down, and I’ll bring you up to speed on what you need to do next!”

“Oh no! This is it, dammit! There is no way in hell I could ever get used to this bedlam, Bubbles! I appreciate you trying, but I really want to go home now. I’ll figure out some other way to pay Rocky back, even if it means selling Quinn for medical experiments,” she moaned, sagging into the cushions. Jane draped her arm over her shoulder, and spoke into her ear.

“Dammit, Daria, Can you at least try to have an open mind about this? We’ve never done anything like this together before, and I want to show you there’s more than pizza and bad foreign films to entertain us! We’re gonna be college students in one of the partyingest cities on the East Coast, and you’re not gonna spend the next four years hiding in your room. Now sit back, calm down, and just listen to the nice lady who went to a hell of a lot of trouble to try to help you out!”

Scowling, she crossed her arms over her chest, but nodded acceptance. “Oh, what the hell! Okay, we’re here. I’m dressed like a hooker, am now sitting in a topless bar, and have no way to leave until you two decide to let me. Damn! This would make a great lead in to a bad porn novel, don’t you think? What’s next, you bitches?”

Bubbles tittered delightedly. “That’s the spirit! All you have to do now is sit back, relax, watch the girls as they go through their routines, and get over yourself. I’ll talk you through what they’re doing and why, and all you two need to do is keep quiet and behave. We’ll catch a couple sets, maybe hit the dance floor so Jane and I can shake our bad asses while you watch, and then we’re out of here! Trust me, nothing will go wrong!”

She was about to comment on what usually happened when someone said that, but the woman shushed her as she began to point out what the young woman on stage was doing.

Daria sat quietly as the woman detailed everything the dancer did, from her arrival on stage, gauging the audience for big tippers, average Joes, and the outright weirdoes, to the proper method to collect tips and finally the exit from the stage.

“And that pretty much covers what you’d have to do if you want to try this. There’s some legal crap you need to know, but that’s always posted in the dressing room anyway. After that, it’s just common sense about not dating customers, drunk on the job, blah, blah, blah. Any questions?”

“Yeah. What if you’re a total clutz in shoes like this? Bubbles, you had to have seen me stumbling around when we got here,” Daria remarked, taking a sip of her soda. She made a face at its odd taste, but ignored it. “I could barely make it from the car to the door without falling over. I know I couldn’t begin to do what that little gymnast just did!”

“So? Some girls are natural dancers, some aren’t. The ones who can work the poles do make better tips, but you don’t have to be a professional to do this. With a little practice, and some time spent getting used to getting around in those, you’ll be at least passable. Believe me, I’ve seen girls with two left feet do pretty well. If you aren’t comfortable spinning around the pole, you can work the floor, or run a gimmick, like costumes or props. It really doesn’t take a lot to make these clowns happy, just as long as there’s a nearly naked girl moving around in front of them.” Bubbles shrugged.

Jane said into Daria’s ear, “Didn’t you once take ballet? Even if you weren’t that good, it has to be something, right?”

“Yeah, but me and the floor became a little too familiar, and anyway, that was years ago! You aren’t in cahoots with this woman, are you Jane? Or is this some secret fantasy of yours to see my half-naked and humiliated on stage in front of drunken strangers?”

“Oh, stop being so damn melodramatic, Daria. Bubbles’ just using this as a shameless excuse to get out and spend someone else’s money. She’s probably counting on you freaking out and giving all that crap back so she can exchange it for stuff she wants. She tried with me a while back, but I kept some of it. Think of it as a cash-free bonus early, since you have to keep the undies anyway. And as for your supposed lack of grace, I say bullshit to you. I’ve seen the way you move, and it probably kills Quinn how graceful you really are, even in your clodhoppers. A week in heels, and the Ford Agency would be knocking on your door.” Jane reprimanded scathingly. Daria blushed slightly.

“Gee, thanks. I know I told you I took some ballet, but that was years ago, when I was ten. I took a bad fall at the final presentation, and was so humiliated I never wanted to see toe shoes again. I couldn’t go en pointe or jete if my life depended on it, Jane. That girl was doing stuff I could never touch, even if I had kept up with my training. Besides, it was seriously cutting into my TV time, you know?” Daria replied. She pondered her words for a moment, then asked, “So, you really think I could do this? I mean, you wouldn’t have a problem with your friend taking off her clothes in front of strange men for cash? I mean, it’s something I’ve only contemplated once, and then, only to freak out my parents.”

Jane thought about what she said, as the music pounded on in the background. She shrugged. “Hey, it would be extremely out of character for you, yeah, but it wouldn’t change who you were deep down, unless you let it, right? It is a, easy way to make money, and if Rocky wasn’t such an ethical weasel, I’d be doing exactly that right now. Do you realize how many offers I’ve had when I was out with the band? My folks wouldn’t notice, much less mind, but Rock has some crazy moral thread that keeps him from letting me even try. I say go for it, if only to get your truck back, Daria. I’ll support you no matter what.”

The lights had gone down again as the next dancer took the stage. Bubbles had let them discuss the matter without interruption, and waited until Daria replied to Jane’s statement. Daria looked thoughtful in the darkness as she watched the girl do her routine. She thought back to when she took dance. “Yeah, I’d love to see my old teacher’s face if she knew what I was planning to do with my training,” she mused, with a smirk on her face. She decided what to do.

“Bubbles? Jane? I think I’ve come to a conclusion about this whole weird deal. Okay, I will agree to learn how to be an exotic dancer, Bubbles, on one condition,” she said firmly, over the throb of the dancer’s music.

“You will? That does come as a surprise, hon. I heard what Jane said, and she wasn’t far off the mark. But what’s the condition?” the blonde asked, leaning in close to hear.

“Yes. I will, only if Jane can do this with me. I’m gonna need all the support I can get, and she’s the only person I can trust in something like this. You’ll just have to tell Rocky he needs to deal with it. If he doesn’t agree, the deal’s off, and I’ll pay him back the old fashioned way.” Bubbles looked apprehensive then.

“Geez, Daria, I don’t know if he’ll go for that! I know why he was set against it when she was still a minor, obviously, but he’s been absolutely anal if I even mention it. Jane? What do you think?”

“I say, the hell with him! If my amiga wants me with her while she’s shaking her money maker, hell, what else can I say? Besides, I really would like to get some more of those funky threads for school, if ya know what I mean!” she grinned. “Besides, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt me, right? We can do this quietly, I suppose, can’t we?”

Bubbles looked pensive, as she thought about what to do. “Well, yes, we can do this. I was going to teach Daria at the office, in the photo studio, but we can do it somewhere else. But if you want to gig, there’s gonna be a problem there. He wants to know everything there is about the dancers, so he doesn’t get in trouble like before.”

“Like before? What do you mean?” Daria asked, unconsciously pulling her dress down, as it insisted on riding up on her. Jane frowned as Bubbles recounted,

“It was about a year ago, when this high school drop out showed up with a fake ID. She was a runaway from out of state, and Rocky didn’t run a background. The usual BS followed, and he paid out a buttload of fines. From then on, he wants to know everything he can about them, so that’s never repeated.”

“Yeah, but that’s only if he doesn’t know that the information he’s reading is a clever counterfeit plated there by his new bookkeeper, that is,” Daria smirked. “Face it, Jane. Trent and the band are never going to pay you back before January, believe me. If you see a tenth of that, you’ll be lucky. Bubbles? Exactly how much can you get per night, honestly?”

“Hard to say. Here, where it’s topless only, maybe fifty an hour, plus tips. A hundred or more for full nudity, and if you have the stones, the fetish shows at the casinos can net you five to a thousand. It all depends on what you have, and how you play it, really,” she replied in a businesslike manner. Daria and Jane looked at each other.

“Whatever. I’m game, if you are, Jane. When do we start?” Daria said resolutely. Looking at both of them, with a mildly surprised look, Bubbles made a resigned gesture.

“Well, tonight is out, that’s for sure. I need to get home soon, and you two need to get some rest as well. Like I said earlier, this was just a little field trip, of sorts. How about this weekend? We can get together somewhere, and I can show you the real moves then?”

“It’s a deal! Are you still gonna wade through that zoo out there, or can we go now?” Daria asked, checking her watch.

“Well, that was part of the plan. Tell you what, we’ll just take a little look-see at the crowd, and then we’ll blow this pop stand, okay?” Bubbles said, draining her cocktail. Jane did the same, wincing a bit, and Daria, not wanting to leave a full soda behind, followed suit. She almost gagged, as the weird tasting cola burned her throat.

“Gahhh! They really need to clean the lines on those pop-guns! That stuff reeked!” She stuck her tongue out as she felt beads of sweat break out.

“Nothing wrong with the lines, amiga. You just powered down a double shot of rum and coke! Dancer’s Special, or so the bartender told me. He saw us come in, and figured we’re were legal. Funny, huh?” Jane smirked evilly.

“What? Gahdammit, Jane! I’ve never drunk anything stronger than beer in my life! The closest I’ve come to hard liquor is the residue from my parent’s glasses. Bleah!” Daria exclaimed.

“You’re welcome! Come on! Let’s see what they have in the meat market!” Jane cackled gleefully over the throbbing beat of the music. Daria scowled fiercely, as she demanded.

“And just how the hell did we get the “Dancer’s Special”? We’re not dancer’s yet, Jane, if ever! Didn’t he card you?” Jane held up her wristband, as she bobbed in tome to the beat, still grinning maniacally.

“Bubs didn’t tell ya, did she? The dancers get a special wristband when they come in, so the goons know to keep an extra special eye on them. She has alumni privileges here!”

Slapping her forehead, Daria thought, “I shoulda known something like this was gonna happen! Ah, crap. One drink isn’t gonna kill me, is it?” as she followed Jane and Bubbles, conga-line style through the swelling crowd outside the lounge.

Across the hallway, the larger main room was jammed with people, mostly college age or younger, as opposed to the somewhat older crowd in the lounge. Large screens played computer animations that constantly writhed and changed hypnotically in time to the music. The jarring bass line was essentially the same, but the patrons didn’t seem to mind nor care as they bounced mindlessly to the music. Strobe lights, lasers, and the usual host of special effects were competing in a frenzy of sound and light, as the three women made their way to a less densely populated riser towards the back of the room.

“Jesus!” Daria screamed at Jane. “This is too freaking much for me! My teeth are coming loose!” Jane, arms over her head as she danced in place grinning idioticall, nodded, and replied,

“Yeah! It’s freakin’ cool, isn’t it? Whoooooooo!” Seeing that intelligent conversation with her friend would be pointless in a place louder than the flight deck of an aircraft carrier, Daria tried to keep an eye on Bubbles, as the older woman was dancing with two guys not much older than herself. She felt a warmth inside, and the ringing pulsing throb became less annoying.

“Damn! That stuff must be working already. I hope Bubbles’ isn’t planning on getting hammered. We’re what? Almost twenty miles from home, if I remember where Swedetown is, from the last time I went here with the band.” She had a vision of Trent seeing her here, and she suppressed a giggle, imagining the look on his face if he ever saw her dressed as she was.

Looking over at Jane, she imagine he wouldn’t be too happy in her get up, a silvery-gray mini-skirt over her black tights, halter top, and a pair of clunky heeled ankle boots. “Then again, what would he be doing in a place like this? This music would drive him insane!”

She laughed aloud, and to her surprise, found herself bobbing and weaving a bit herself. “Oh damn! Now I’m starting to become like these drones!” Jane waved at her, as she pranced joyously, with no less than three guys pretending she was dancing with them.

Daria broke off her unintentional rhythmic motions, and looked around for someplace to sit. “These things are murdering my feet, dammit! I wish I’d taken my old boots, now,” she mused, spying an unoccupied seat near the wall.

She staggered to it, and plopped down gratefully, scanning the crowd to keep an eye on her companions, finding herself still moving a little, even as she sat back and relaxed. A dark haired, lithe youth shimmied his way in front of her, and for a moment her heart skipped a beat. “Trent?” she gasped.

The young man smiled, and moved closer through the chaotically lit room, and Daria realized he only looked a bit like him. “Hey!” he screamed over the din, “What’s your name?” Feigning deafness, she screamed back, “What? Over there,” pointing to the exit leading to the topless lounge , her lavender wristband glowing in the blacklights. One of the bouncers saw it, and peered intently at the pair.

The boy was still dancing in place frenetically, trying to impress her with his moves, as Daria looked away. “Hey! You’re pretty cute! Wanna do a roll? Huh? Hey!” he kept repeating over and over, beads of sweat punning freely down his face.

“Huh? I don’t understand you!” she screamed back. “Roll? No! I already ate!” she screamed again, thoroughly confused. He made a strange face, then pulled something from his pocket, and held it to her.

Looking in his cupped hand, Daria recoiled as she saw the thick bluish tablets. Anger on her face, she waved him away, screaming, “No! I don’t! Get out of here!” Perplexed, he tried to grab her hand, and push the tablets in it, hollering, “No, really! They’re okay! I had ‘em tested! Come on, let’s party!” The bouncer saw him do this, and waved to a colleague, and exchanged hand signals, as they closed in.

Daria pushed his hand away, and he had a confused look on his face. “What? Everybody does it! Come on, I’ll pay ya! Let’s go! I have plenty more!” as he clearly wasn’t getting the hint. Suddenly, a pair of large hands fell on him, and he was wrestled into an armblock. Another pair of hands fell on Daria, and she screamed involuntarily. The first bouncer waved frantically, barking something, and the hands released her.

“Hey! Are you all right? Was this asshole bothering you?” the first bouncer asked loudly. Stunned, she nodded her head, and he made a gesture. The other bouncers dragged the writhing young man away, and the first one gave her a polite nod, and sincere smile as he leaned in close.

“Sorry about that! When I saw you trying to shoo him away, I couldn’t get over here in time. What was he trying to give to you?” She shook her hands, an overwhelmed look on her face.

“I don’t know! He just came up and showed me that crap! Oh, thanks!” He smiled warmly, and held out his hand. “Name’s Mike! I haven’t seen you dancing before. New?”

Daria regarded the heavily muscled man before her. Over six feet, she figured, and built like a superhero from the comics, with a well-trimmed mustache and chin beard the only hair on his shaved head. She could see heavy tattoos on his arms and chest beneath the black T-shirt that looked as if it would burst if he took a deep breath. She caught herself staring at him open-mouthed.

“Excuse me? Uhhhh, yeah! I’m new! Uhhhh, I’m…” she pondered if she should use her real name. “…Quinn! Yeah! Hey, thanks, uh, Mike! I gotta go!” she stammered, as she got up from the stool and tottered onto the dance floor. He shook his head, grinning, as he high-fived another bouncer.

It was unavoidable to move in time with the mass of flesh on the floor as she crowd-surfed her way to where Jane was dancing. Pointing at her with an ear-to-ear grin, Jane shrieked delightedly,

“I saw the whole thing! He’s kinda cute, in a side of beef kinda way! What’s up?” She kept bopping up and down in the small knot of males who’d half surrounded her, and a few girls as well. Daria couldn’t have stopped if she wanted to, as she bulled her way closer, feeling more than one hand brushing her rear as she did so.

“Dammit! Stop!” she screamed, slapping blindly at her rear. “Jane! That guy tried to give me some drugs! Can you believe it? I thought it was Trent!” She had to time her bounces so she could look her in the face without getting sick.

“That sucks! Guess that’s why they hauled him away, huh? Forget it! He’s gone! Whoooo!” she screamed again, clearly having a blast. Mentally shrugging, Daria looked around for Bubbles, still bobbing in time with the crowd. “This is killing my feeeeeeeeet!!!” she screamed, and the people around her echoed her.

Finally,she saw the older blonde on the other side of the room, gyrating provocatively before a handsome young man, and Daria shook her head and laughed inwardly.

“Yeah, Bubbles! Just a little “look-see”, huh?” when she saw the large framed male come storming down from the risers and confront her.

He was taller than half the bouncers, and carried himself in a way that announced he was the kind of man that tolerated no trouble at all. She could see the grim, angry look on his face as he pushed his way through the crowd, and began to yell at her. None of the bouncers seemed to want to see, Daria noticed, and she began to get nervous.

“Now what the hell is going on? Who is that guy, and what’s he saying to Bubbles?” She grabbed Jane by the arm, and turned her in that direction, pointing. Jane’s eyes widened, and she screamed, “We gotta go, Daria!”

They pushed their way through the crowd as Bubbles appeared to be screaming back at him, before turning on her heel and storming away. “Bubbles! Wait!” Daria shrieked, as she and Jane valiantly struggled against the mass of flesh in their way. Finally climbing up off the dance floor, Bubbles and the large man weren’t in sight, and the girls scanned the crowd desperately. “Where the hell did they go?” Jane yelled.

“How the hell would I know? Let’s get to the parking lot, she might have gone there!” Daria replied.

They burst out of the club gasping in the cool night air just in time to see the Vexxer burn rubber out of the parking lot, closely followed by a luxury sedan, also laying a patch of rubber. Looking at each other in horror, they echoed the words, “Now what do we do?”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“Okay, amiga, let’s calm down, and think this out rationally,” Jane said, as they stood there. “Bubbles had to have a good reason to do what she did. You got a better look at that guy than I did, right?”

“Yeah. He was really tall, with his hair tied back like Steven Seagal. Heavy looking, too. Do you think she’ll come back?” Daria asked, hopefully. Jane made a face.

“Naw. She’ll probably remember when she shows up for work and you aren’t there. If anything, you’ll be able to use this as leverage with her. Well! Standing here feeling sorry for ourselves isn’t gonna help, now is it? What time is it?”

Daria shrugged. “I left my watch at your house, along with all the rest of my things. All I have is…” She patted her bodice, then her eyes widened, and she frantically dug inside. Jane snickered,

“Easy there, girl! Don’t wanna be giving the guys her a free show!” Daria looked up, face ashen, as she replied,

“Dammit, Jane! My money and ID are gone! They must have fell out when we were bouncing around like lunatics!” Her buzz was completely gone now, and she looked close to tears.

“Whoa, Daria. Take it easy, now. It’s not the end of the world, you know. I’m sure they’ll find it when they clean up tomorrow, though you can kiss your cash goodbye, you should get your license back.” Jane reassured her. Daria gave her a direct look.

“I know that! What I’m saying is, how the hell are we gonna get home now? I was gonna call a cab!” she yelled, her fists clenched in rage. Jane said calmingly.

“Daria. Relax, I’ve been in situations like this before, believe me. I’ll call the Zen, and see if I can talk to Trent, or one of the guys. If he can’t come himself, I’m sure he’ll be able to send somebody over, okay? Come on, let’s find a phone.” Daria gave her a dirty look, but nodded agreement. “Oh, and by the way, amiga, has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful when you’re angry?” she chuckled.

“Very funny, Lane. Yeah, that makes sense, I suppose. Man! I didn’t realize it got this cool at night!” she remarked.

“Yeah, well, you don’t normally go out dressed in less than you normally wear to bed either. I’m regretting not bringing a jacket myself.” Jane added.

They showed their wristbands to the doorman, and plunged back into the sonic maelstrom inside. Jane grabbed her hand, and they snaked their way to the lounge. The bouncer stopped them at the entrance, until Jane spoke into his ear, and he let them in.

Once inside, Daria hissed furiously, “Dammit! I didn’t want to come back in here! Isn’t there a phone somewhere else?”

“Yeah, in the main room. Good luck at hearing yourself on that one, much less anyone else. I’m sure they have something we can use without screaming.”

“Whatever. Lets just get this over with, so I can get out of these shoes!” Daria replied tiredly.

“Amen to that!” Jane added, giving her a weary smile. “I’ve only worn these things twice myself, and I can feel a blister happening already.” She directed her attention to the phone, an oversized table phone securely chained to the end of the bar.

Daria kept an eye on what was going on around them, as she started to feel the little buzz she’d gotten earlier creep back. One of the bartenders set down two drinks by them. “These are from Mike,” he said curtly, pointing to the entranceway. She looked to see the muscular bouncer standing there with a smile on his face. Daria blushed slightly, and gave him an embarrassed wave.

“Ooh La La! Rowf! Damn, Daria, for someone who isn’t all that interested in guys, you seem to attract the cutest ones, I notice. Go over there and talk to him! If anything, he’ll keep you busy enough for me to find one, dammit!” Jane laughed, giving her a wink.

Taking a sip, “Yep, it’s alcoholic, all right,”, she steeled herself to go over and thank him.

“Hey! Thought you’d left, Quinn,” he grinned. She gave him an odd look, until she remembered her ruse earlier.

“Uhhh Yeah, Mike. We had a little problem. It seems our ride took off without us, and we’re trying to get home before dawn.” He looked concerned.

“Uh uh. That’s not good for dancers, not around here, anyways. These pig farmers would think the wrong things, especially the cops! I can get you a cab, if you need” he offered. Daria sighed, as she explained,

“That’d be real nice, Mike, except that I lost my money out on the floor, and my genius friend here neglected to take a penny with her at all, so, the point is moot. Thanks again, anyway, for taking care of that guy, and these,” she said awkwardly, trying not to look him in the face. He gave her a bashful grin.

“Yeah, well, uh, it is kinda my job and all. So tell me, when are you gonna be dancing here? I’ve never seen you before, and since you showed up with Bubbles, you two must be new.” Daria gulped.

“Uhhhh, gee, I’m not really sure, uh, Mike. I was supposed to find out tonight, but since we got abandoned here, that’s going to have to wait.” She shrugged helplessly.

“That’s cool. Hey, sorry about you losing your ID and all, I’ll make sure the cleaning crew keeps an eye out for it. What’s your last name, Quinn?” Jane raised an eyebrow, as Daria stammered,

“Uh, actually, “Quinn” is my stage name. It’ll read Daria Morgendorffer. How am I going to know if you find it? Do I just call, or what?” He grinned crookedly.

“I understand. Tell you what, I’ll leave a note for them to call the agency and leave a message. It happens all the time, usually after the ladies play out their set and hit the bar. The manager will take care of it, don’t worry!” He cocked his head as he pressed the earphone in tighter. “Whoops! I gotta go! See you sometime?” She nodded awkwardly as he darted back to the main room. Jane was looking at her in amazement.

“Wow. If I weren’t here, I would never have believed it. That guy is seriously interested in you, woman! You better damn sure get that boy’s number, or I’ll do it for you!” she said forcefully.

“Jane, please! He was just doing us a favor, okay? Just because he wanted my name and number doesn’t necessarily mean…Oh, crap. He is, isn’t he? Dammit, you can take him away if you want, Jane. I owe you one boyfriend anyway, and frankly, I don’t have time for this. Between Jeffy and…” she put her hand to her mouth. Jane whistled low.

“Jeffy? Woman, you do have a wild side, don’t you? First, it’s Tom, now you’re stealing Quinn’s drones. Maybe this little excursion to the wild side isn’t the wisest thing for you to do after all.”

“Stop it, Jane! I just let him take me for a slice after he put the new battery in, that’s all. And this guy will probably forget my name by morning anyway, so I don’t see what the big deal is. Now, did you manage to get us a ride out of here?” Jane nodded.

“Yeah. I managed to get hold of the manager at the Zon. Trent had split already, but Max was still there, and he has the Tank. He says he’ll be out here in an hour or so.”

“That’s a relief! Even if that monstrosity does smell funny. I hope he’s not drunk, Jane. He is a dork, but I’d hate for him to get pulled over or worse coming to get us.” Daria said, with concern in her voice.

Jane made a dismissive gesture, “Nah, Max doesn’t drink. He knows he gets out of control when he does. The worst we’ll have to deal with is him keeping his eyes on the road coming back,” she giggled, indicating her outfit.

“After everything else, that’s nothing. So now what do we do until he gets here? There is no way in hell I’m going back into that zoo, Jane. I really need to sit down and get these damn things off. I’d have done it already, but the floor feels like flypaper here.” Daria replied, taking another cautious sip of her drink.

“Yeah. I would too, but for the same reason. Hey, they think we’re dancers, right? They’ve already served us two drinks since we’ve been here, so why don’t we just kick back and watch chicks get naked? You can tell Bubbles tomorrow you stayed here and studied.” Jane laughed.

“I’m all for the kicking back part. As for calling this “study”, the jury is still out. And for God’s sake, don’t try to hook me up that Mike dude, please? I’m going to need therapy after this week.” Daria replied, as they went off in search of an unoccupied seat.

The booth they’d gotten earlier was taken by a gaggle of college boys, but they found a small table in the back and sat.

“Seems to be mellowing out a bit,” Jane remarked, noticing the ear-splitting drone from the next room had abated somewhat. A passing waitress heard, and said in passing, “Yeah, We’re gonna be closing in about an hour, ladies. You want to make last call?” she said, eyeing their nearly full drinks. Jane pounded hers, and handed her the glass.

“Yep. Rum and coke, please! Here,” she added, pulling out a chip. Daria shrugged, and did likewise, managing to keep from gagging.

“When in Rome, right? Besides, if Max is gonna be driving us home, I’ll probably need it.”

A clearly intoxicated man staggered up, and dragged over an unoccupied chair to their little table. “Howdy! My namesh Shteve! Pleasedtameetcha! I…I wanna tell you two..two..that I think I jusht fell in lusht witsch ya both!” he managed to blurt out, as they recoiled in disgust.

“Oh God, Jane. Is this what we’ll have to deal with if we do this? Everytime I think it’s not gonna be so bad, along come something that makes it seem so stupid!” She pushed him away, his breath nearly visible.

“Amiga, I don’t think WE need to worry about it, for if I’m not mistaken, here comes your knight in shining armor again.” There was a black-shirted blur as Mike and another bouncer swiftly pulled “Steve” away, startling Daria. They watched as the two burly men led the feebly protesting man through the doorway.

“Aw crap, Jane! If he has to keep doing things like that for me all night, I’ll be owing him something I’m not quite ready to pay with.”

“Yeah, but ya gotta admit, if you could pick a first time, that ain’t such a bad way to go!” Jane smirked. “Let’s face it, Daria, all the guys you’ve went out with put together probably don’t equal him is size, let alone ability. Oh, excuse me, “Quinn”, “ she tittered.

“I’ll get you for this, Jane. You and your Bubbles too!” she exclaimed, feeling the warm feeling return. Her smirk returned, and everything seemed calmer to her. “Oh God, Jane. I think I’m getting drunk. Maybe I will give him a “reward”, after all.”

“Man, I am a bad influence, ain’t I? Here come our drinks, amiga. Go easy on this one, okay? We still need some functioning brain cells to deal with Max, you know.” Jane smirked, as Daria took a healthy swallow.

“Gotcha. Don’t worry, I’ll probably regret these in the morning, but they’re immensely helpful right now, Jane. Say, if you’re gonna try this out too, what name are you gonna use?”

“Hmmm. Never thought about that. How about ‘Daria’? There’s a unique and exotic name if I ever heard one,” Jane grinned. “Or maybe ‘Jayne’, and pronounce the ‘Y’. I’ll think of something, if I do. It’s fun to talk about, but you’re really gonna do it?”

Daria nodded. “Yeah, I think I really am. I’ll admit, it’s been a weird night, but it has been sort of entertaining, is a sick kind of way. I mean, where else could I see this many people get lumped up for merely talking to me, right? I’ll have a butt-load of material for whatever warped book I end up writing someday, and I get my truck fixed. If Bubbles wasn’t blowing smoke up my rear about what I can make, I should even have a healthy roll for college. Or the cabin in Montana, if this blows up in my face.”

The girl on stage was not as athletic as the first one they had seen, but she made up for it with her outfit, a red rubber number, which was disappearing as she pranced around the stage cracking a whip. Jane turned to her, and said,

“There’s your gimmick right there. See, she hasn’t done anything with that pole, and is armed, to boot. No pun intended.” Jane fingered Daria’s black rubber dress. “ Hell, you’re halfway there now. All ya need is some torture implements and a soundtrack, and you’re all set!” Daria rolled her eyes, and noticed something.

“You mean, like that stuff?” She pointed to a long cabinet behind the bar, it’s doors made of metal grating, where the shadowy forms of various whips, restraints, and some unidentifiable objects rested. “I was meaning to ask, but isn’t the name of this place a play on words? ‘DV8’s’? Deviates? I thought there was a weird vibe here.”

“Yeah, it started as that, back when they still booked bands. It kinda changed over the years, though. As you can see, there’s more people here tonight than show up in a week at the Zen, not to mention the fact that they have a separate lounge for depraved hussies like ourselves. They still have fetish nights every week, if I remember right, so that’s probably what that crap is for. Does that not creep you out?” Jane teased.

“Not really, as long as it’s never used on me. Maybe I will do that shtick she is, as I notice she isn’t getting too naked at the moment, and it looks like she’s almost done,” Daria remarked, as the dancer’s music ended. She slowly and gracefully strutted over to where the tips had been tossed on stage, and did the obligatory sinuous collection routine in front of each patron that had tipped, as the audience applauded.

“Damn! That doesn’t look hard at all, does it, Jane? You know, if we do go through with this all the way, we’ll have to thank Gibson for the covert cheerleading classes, you know?” Daria said dryly. Jane nodded agreement,

“Yeah, it does seem like the freshly dead could figure this out, huh? So, how many outfits did Bubbles get for you? That was a pretty big bag you guys came in with.” Jane asked, as she took a sip from her drink.

“Yeah, she did, didn’t she? I don’t think all of those are for me, to be honest. That fruity little guy was showing her stuff I didn’t try on. All I really have is this, and three more black outfits, plus some shoes, and the pasties and glue, too.” Daria replied.

“Why am I not surprised? Hey, at least you’ll be ready for Halloween, anyway. Well, I suppose we should go outside and wait for Max, since it appears that the lounge is closing,” Jane remarked. Daria blinked a few times, as she looked around at the emptying lounge.

“Wow! Where did the time go? I could have sworn we just sat down just a little while ago!”

“That stuff has a nasty tendency to mess with your time sense, toots. Let’s do it!” Jane added, draining her drink.

Doing the same, and pulling a face, Daria got up and followed her out, a little more unsteadily than ever.

“Whooo! Yeah, I am definitely feeling it now, Jane. That moron had better get here soon, because my eyes are really starting to bother me now. I also wish we had our jackets, too, ‘cause it’s probably gonna be even chillier now, too.”

“Huh! That gives me an idea. Wait here for a second, okay? I’ll be right back.” Jane said, an idea forming in her head, She walked up to the bartender, and spoke to him. He nodded, and went into a back room momentarily, before returning with a pair of leather jackets. Jane nodded, and accepted them.

“What the hell did you say to him?” Daria asked, as she took the one Jane handed her.

“Ahhh, people leave crap like this behind at bars and clubs all the time. All you have to do is give the guys a general description, and nine times out of ten, they’ll have something that fits it. Plus, I think our outfits might’ve helped a bit,” she grinned.

The emerged into the cool air outside, as the crowd gradually started to file out. “Jane? You said Max would be here in about an hour, right? And he was driving the Tank, correct?” Daria asked.

“Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“Didn’t you say the Tank was impounded the other day for an expired inspection?”

“Yeah. But the guys were supposed to have gotten it all fixed.” Jane replied calmly, as Daria pointed.

“Then why do I see it on the back of a police tow truck?”

Jane’s jaw dropped, and she emitted a string of expletives that would make a sailor blush. “Those idiots! I let them keep my cut so this wouldn’t happen again! Dammit!”

“So, now what do we do to get home? Do you think Trent is reachable in any way?” Daria suggested hopefully

“No! When I called the Zen, he and ‘Nique already split for the night, and when that happens, it’s not until dawn before they finish splitting up and making nice again. Do you think you could talk Quinn into loaning you one of her boy toys again?” Daria scowled at that.

“At two in the morning? The only person in the house who gets calls then is my mom, and the last thing I want to do is explain this right now. I’d call Jeffy, but I don’t have his number, and unless cash falls from the sky, we’re pretty much stuck with a twenty mile hike in high heels,” she replied peevishly. “Oh yes, Jane. You and Bubbles are so going to get it when this is all over.”

“Wait a minute, amiga. Before you pull the righteous revenge routine, why don’t you ask that large fella who seems to like you in there?” Jane cooed seductively.

“Don’t even think it! In no way, shape or form, am I going to attempt to use my body to garner favors, Jane. I have scruples, you know!”

“Yeah, those and five inch platform heels that were never intended to be worn for more than a few hours on stage. Face it, Daria, we’re screwed unless you sell yourself shamelessly to get us a ride home.” Jane teased.

“Why do I have to do it? Can’t you con one of these fools into doing it?”

“Yeah, but you need the practice. Come on! Your little sister could do this in her sleep, Daria. All you have to do is a little impersonation, and we’ll be home free! Come on, please?” Jane pleaded.

“You really can’t do it, can you?” Daria asked, looking at her friend. “ Even with all the things you’ve done with Trent and the band, and all the crazy things you do, you can’t do it can you? Tell me this, Jane. Are you a virgin?” The question was delivered in a flat, calm tone, and Jane’s eyes flashed.

“What? What does that have to do with us getting a ride home? Look, all you gotta do is bat your eyes and act like Quinn for a couple minutes, and we’re sure to get a ride.” She replied dodgily. Daria crossed her arms, and asked again,

“Well, are you or aren’t you? If you were so confident about yourself, you could walk up to any of the guys here and do just what you asked me to do. Go ahead, show me how it’s done, because I don’t have the first freakin’ clue. Just because Quinn’s my sister doesn’t mean I know how to wrap guys around my little finger any more than she knows about Classical Literature, Jane, so get the hell off my back.” Daria replied crossly. Jane looked chastened, replying softly

“Hey, I’m sorry. I thought you might have gotten into the swing of things for a change. I didn’t mean anything by it, but I thought you might get a kick out of being able to use your body shamelessly for a change, especially since we could really use some help now? It was innocent fun, Daria, can’t you lighten up, just for once?”

The silence was awkward and overwhelming, as both girls mulled over what the other had said. Finally Daria said, resignedly,

“Aww hell, I know that. And the last thing I want to do is argue with the only familiar face I know for twenty miles, especially dressed like a damn hooker.”

“That’s the spirit! So, still up to asking him, like a nice girl, if he can give us a ride home?” Jane added, with a relieved chuckle.

“I’ll try, but if it gets…potentially intimate…I won’t guarantee anything. It looks like they’ve pretty well flushed that toilet out, so let’s see if we can corner him.” Daria sighed, slipping the thin leather jacket Jane had acquired. “Damn! Whoever left this behind is either: rich, stupid, or both! I don’t know crap about fashion, but this is nice,” she remarked offhandedly.

“Probably drunk off her ass is more like it. I learned that trick from Trent a long time ago. Hey look! There he is! Now go turn on that nearly non-existent charm of yours, girl, and get us a chariot ride home!” Jane exclaimed, pointing at a knot of black shirted toughs clustered about a side door, talking.

“All right. Here goes nothing,” she gulped, straightening her dress and running fher fingers through her hair.

“Good Luck, amiga!” Jane encouraged. Daria straightened up, and strode forward as confidently as she could, trying desperately not to fall on her face in her heels.

“Uhhh, hi! Mike?” she almost whispered, tapping him on the shoulder. He turned quickly, a cross look on his face that instantly melted into a smile.

“Hey! I though you left already! What’s up? Uh…Quinn, right?” he asked, shushing his buddies as they snickered lasciviously.

“Uh, yeah, ‘Quinn’. Say, we had a little…problem. You see, our ride kind of left us here, and we…me and my friend, that is…were wondering if we could…ask for a ride home…please?” she stammered out in a higher pitch than normal, afraid she’d run out of oxygen speaking.

He looked a bit apprehensive for a moment, then nodded, “Well, I suppose I could, but the club kinda frowns on staff dating dancers. There’s been trouble before, but since you’re new, the managers might not remember you. You and your friend, you say?”

“Yeah. I promise, we won’t be any trouble at all, and I can pay you for gas when I get paid, I swear,” she replied, a little more confidently. He nodded again.

“Ehh, that’s okay. I figure I’ll see you again sometime, and it’s something to do. Would you and your friend like to grab some breakfast with us first?” he offered.

She was about to decline, but her stomach heard it, and noisily reminded her that she’d skipped dinner to go shopping with Bubbles.

“You don’t know how much, Mike, but, like I said, we’re both cash-free tonight, unless by some miracle someone turned in my cash and license,” replied bashfully. His face brightened, as he held up a finger.

“That reminds me! Wait here!” he said, as he quickly ducked back into the club. She turned back to where Jane stood, and shrugged. The other bouncers chuckled quietly as they continued their conversation, occasionally one peeking at her.

“I feel like a side of beef at the lion house in this get up,” she thought, blushing. Jane strolled over, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hey, amiga! So, what’d he say? Do we have a ride, or are we doing the long march?” she asked, giving the knot of bouncers a little wink.

“I’m not sure yet. He wants to know if we want to stop for breakfast first. What do you think?”

“Free eats? Is the Bear Catholic? Do Popes shit in the woods? Of course ‘we’ want to stop for breakfast, Daria! It’s a great way to get to know someone better when you see just how sloppy they eat in public. Just say yes, and take it from there!” she snickered.

“Aren’t you the one who was trying to hook me up with your brother once? Are you trying to get me in an uncomfortable position with this guy?”

“Maybe. After all, you DO owe me one stolen boyfriend, you remember? Joking, joking!” Jane added, seeing the crusty glare at her crack. “Ooo look, here he comes!”

Mike emerged from the doorway with a card in his hand. “Sorry your money isn’t included. The bartender said a girl dropped this in front of him and disappeared. You got lucky! A lot of times a valid ID is worth its weight in gold nowadays. If you were twenty-one and up, you’d have never seen this again, ‘Daria’.” he winked, as she blushed harder.

“Don’t sweat it, ‘Quinn’. When you’ve dealt with as many strippers as I have, fake names are the norm! So, you two ready to go?” She blushed even harder when he said the word ‘stripper’.

“Ahhh, yeah. I was hoping to keep my real identity a secret. You do know I have to kill you now, right?” she said calmly. He looked at her with a wry smirk.

“Hmmm! I’d look forward to the attempt, anyway, but I can hear a stack of pancakes calling my name right now. You wouldn’t mind waiting until after breakfast, would you? A man deserves to die on a full stomach, you know?” he grinned. She tried to hide her own grin, nodding.

“I suppose so. Oh, Mike? This is my best friend, Jane. Jane is one of the people who are also scheduled for an early demise for my present situation, so you’ll have to take a number.” Jane stuck out a hand, smiling,

“Hi! Pleased to meet ya, and before you make an ass of yourself, she available! You’re welcome, amiga!” she said quickly, skipping just out of kicking distance.

“Dammit, Jane! Do you want people to think I’m an Indian? Just for that, you get to watch as Bubbles gets it first!” Daria warned. Mike laughed delightedly.

“Okay, okay, I get the picture, ladies! Come on, you two. There’s a pretty nice truck stop between here and Lawndale. And, it’s my treat, okay? I’m pretty sure I’ll see you again soon, right?” he said suggestively.

“Dammit! Between Bubbles, Jane, and you now, I’m going to look like I have a sunburn!” she muttered, as the muscular young man led them to a customized 4X4.

“Good Lord! I’m gonna need a ladder to get in that thing!” Daria exclaimed. Without replying, he opened the door, and smoothly lifted her onto the seat, followed by a smirking Jane.

“I see why you fixed this thing up like this!” Jane tittered, a little drunkenly.

Daria just shook her head, and slid over to make room. Mike appeared on the other side, and she recoiled as he brushed against her leg.

“Yeah. That, and I get to see what everybody is doing as they drive. Plus, I get to spend three times as much for gas and repairs as anybody else. I’ve had this beast since I was in school, and don’t have the heart to get rid of her,” he said offhandedly, starting the engine and putting it in gear.

“I know how it is to get attached to a vehicle, I guess. It can make people do things they’re not quite ready to deal with in order to keep them,” she replied pointedly, staring Jane in the eye.

Returning it with a wicked smirk, Jane remarked, “Yeah, but sometimes people also need a boot in the rear to get out and do different things, in order to get what they need, too.”

Mike blinked, as he carefully maneuvered the vehicle out of the parking lot. “Am I missing something here?” he asked, seeing the two girls locked eye to eye. Daria replied evenly,

“No, not really, Mike. I’m just a little overwhelmed by this week, and what I’m finding myself doing lately, largely at the urging of my partner-in-crime here. Don’t mind us, and if it gets too messy, I’ll spring to remove the bloodstains from your seats.” He raised his eyebrows at that.

“Oh, don’t let her scare you! She’s more a fan of blunt trauma, than anything else, Mike. Though that is, if she can catch me when I run away!” Jane snickered.

“I wouldn’t have to, ‘amiga’, seeing that I know where you live, right?” Daria mock-snarled back. “Maybe we should lay off before we scare this poor man, Jane. After all, he is supposed to take us home, right?”

Jane laughed, and Daria looked at him with her ‘Mona Lisa’ smile. He gulped theatrically, but chuckled, “It’s all right, ladies. I can take whatever you can dish out, as long as my mommy can still identify my corpse later, okay?”

“I like this boy!” Jane chirped, “So, potential victim, where are we going? And like my overly honest friend here said before, we’re both flat-ass broke until Friday.”

He thought for a moment, then said, “Well, if I have to take you two back to Lawndale, we should find someplace that’s between her and there, right? There are a couple nice places on the way. We’ll find one.”

“Sounds like a well thought out plan. How do we know you aren’t some kind of sex-crazed stripper-baiting serial killer, and we’ve innocently walked into your clutches?” Daria asked, in a deadpan tone that belied her now very real concern.

“How do I know you two aren’t nightclub bouncer-baiting sex-crazed female serial killers, whom I’ve just let into my truck, hmmmm?” he answered back, without skipping a beat. Daria gave him a slightly sour look as Jane rolled her eyes in exasperation.

“Sounds fair to me. Tell you what, we won’t lure you to a ghastly, lonely death on some backwoods road, if you don’t try to do the same to us. Deal?”

He laughed. “Deal. You two are just a barrel of laughs, you know that?”

“Comes with the territory, big fella. You try to feel serene and confident wearing something a Barbie doll would catch cold in, getting a ride home from a total stranger,” she smirked.

“You got a point there, pretty lady. But seriously, do you think I could get a ride anywhere dressed like you two are? I mean, besides in a cop car, that is.” Daria gave him a little smile as he concentrated on the road. He glanced over at her, returning it. Jane made a point of looking away, a dizzy grin creeping over her face. The rest of the drive was fairly quiet, the radio softly playing country music as they made their way back towards Lawndale. Finally, Daria spoke up.

“Hey! Mike! Stop at that place, we’ve been there before. I want to see if someone’s still working there.”

“Ugh! Are you sure? I’ve eaten there before, and it took three days before I could even think about eggs again!” he said disbelievingly.

“Hey, it’s cheap and greasy, what more could you ask for?” Jane chimed in, shaking the cobwebs out of her head. “And, we get to see truckers drool for a reason, instead of incipient brain damage from the coffee they serve here!”

Sure enough, all eyes were on the three young people walking in, two scantily clad young women and a heavily muscled tough. “Seat yourselves, I’ll be with ya in a minute,” the tired looking waitress said, grinding out her cigarette. “Ya want coffee?”

“Yeah, and menus, too!” Jane said, seeing Daria’s grimace as the woman wiped her hands on an old dish towel before grabbing their cups. “Remember, amiga, cast-iron stomachs, right? We have an image to uphold now!”

“What’s that? The ability to will away nausea?” she groaned. Seeing Mike’s frown, she perked up, as much as she’d ever be able to, “But I guess that slime will kill anything, right?”

“Woo, I picked a couple of tough ones, I have. My momma told me ‘bout girls like you!” he winked, as they went to a booth. Daria had a moment of panic as he sat next to her, until she saw Jane’s “warning” face, and she managed a weak half smile.

“Uhhh, so, I guess now that we aren’t moving, it’s time for the small talk, right?” she managed to get out. “Soooo, how did you become a bouncer, Mike?”

“Easy. I was big, and I liked to hang out at the clubs, so it more or less came to me naturally. And how did you two become str-exotic dancers?” he asked, catching himself.

They both blushed at that. Daria looked slightly queasy, so Jane jumped at it. “Well, we’re not exactly str-exotic dancers just yet, you see. See, Daria here got herself in a little pickle with her truck and…”

For the next half-hour, until their food arrived, the burly man sat there, listening to the sordid tale unfold, as Jane explained how it came to pass they ended up passing themselves off as dancers.

“…And that, in a nutshell, is what happened. More or less, that is. Daria? Do you have any barbed or witty comments to add?” Jane concluded, taking a swallow of her now-cold coffee.

“Nope. Like you just said, in a nutshell. A pretty freakin’ big nutshell, but that’s it. Now all I…We…have to do is actually get the cajones up and do it. And somehow manage to get away with it without my parents, or her brother or cousin finding out.” Daria added, picking at the sad-looking meal half-eaten before her.

Mike sat back, nodding his head slightly. “Well, I’ve heard of stupider reasons women start dancing for, so, that doesn’t seem too farfetched. You mean to say that neither one of you have actually been up on stage yet, at all? Why’d Bubbles make all the noise that you did? She was making that you two were gonna be the next big thing on the shaker circuit.”

“What? She didn’t really say that, did she? Christ! Mike, you can tell I’ve barely ever walked in shoes like this, let alone attempted anything with a semblance of rhythm or grace!” Daria exclaimed, as Jane chuckled sadly. “What’s so damn funny, Lane? Whether you like it or not, you’re doing this crap with me too!”

“Calm down. I know I’m in on this little gig, so don’t get your tits all a-flutter. It’s just that now, because of her big mouth, both of us are gonna have to actually learn more than a couple shuffle steps and take our clothes off. Those dance lessons you took, they didn’t do anything with upright poles, did they?”

“No, but if I have to spin around one like a freakin’ chimp, you’re getting one where the sun don’t shine, woman. What the hell are we gonna do, Jane?”

“Easy. When you get to work in the morning, you corner Bubbles and tell her that since she left us stranded there, she’s responsible for our first night’s wages. I’m sure this nice boy will vouch for the private dance we did for him in order to get us here, right?” jane smiled sweetly at Mike.

He coughed, and blushed himself, “Ahhhh, I guess I could do that. But, doesn’t that mean I get to actually see you two dance for me? Or at least fake it?” he grinned wryly. Unbeknownst to the three, two sets of ears in the back of the restaurant caught their conversation as well. Andrea leaned out of the high backed booth, with a look of amazement on her heavily made-up face.

“Damn. You were right. The Apocalypse is upon us now. And here I thought you were blowing smoke up my ass all this time,” she said slowly, to the person on the other end of her leash. “Charles, I’m gonna warn you once, that you are to never tell anyone what you’re about to see. Take a peek at that now,” she commanded.

“As you command, O Dread Mistress of Darkness!” he said sarcastically, as he leaned his now totally unrecognizably face out, and his eyes almost popped out of his head. “RrrOWR! Have you been giving them fashion tips, my dear?” he asked, as she dragged his head back in.

“No, but I am curious as hell why they’re dressed like that. And you are gonna stay right here, like a good boy until I get back, understand? Or, it’s the basement for you again, me bucko! The damp corner, too,” she said, offhandedly, as she dropped the leash and got up.

“Tempting, my pet. But, I shall do as you bid, for I don’t need the hassles at work. She’s already quite peeved that I’m employed at the same place she is, and I don’t want to look for another job just yet. But, you can still do the basement thing, if you wish!” he leered, as she gave him a peck on his blackened lips.

“That’s what I love about you, Charles. You’re a total perverted freak. I like that in a man. I’ll be back,” she said, casually strolling towards their booth.

Jane’s eyes widened, as Andrea strolled up through the dimly lit diner. “Well, well, well. What have we here?” Andrea chuckled slowly. “I thought you gave up the Goth thing freshman year, Jane? And who’s your friend? Oh. Gasp. Goodness, can that really be Daria? I feel faint,” she teased morbidly, sitting down next to Jane, as Daria tried to compress herself beneath the table. Mike’s wry grin spread ear-to-ear.

“Oooh, who’s this? Friend of yours, or did you two get yourselves a pimp already?” Jane gave her a warning look, and she changed her tone. “Okay, Daria, I’m sorry, you can come out now. I promise not to tease you anymore.”

“Oh my God,” Daria said weakly. “I was hoping nobody I knew would see me like this. Hi, Andrea. Good to see you too. This is Mike, and he’s not our pimp.”

“No! He’s our love slave!” Jane chirped innocently. “Seriously, though, he’s just giving us a ride home.”

“Where from? Last I heard, they kinda frown on attire like that at the library,” Andrea replied, as she appraised the burly young man seated across from her. “Though, if you were, I gotta get me a card there!” she purred.

“Down girl, he’s ours! We were at DV8, if you must know. Conducting research.”

“Jane, dammit, no!” Daria hissed, a dangerous look on her face. Jane patted her hand gently.

“Calm down. Of all the people you knew at school, who do you think would mind the least seeing you like this? She won’t tell, will you, Andrea?”

Smiling beneath her pale facepaint, crinkling the intricate design around her eyes, she replied, “Hey, you didn’t tell anyone my deep, dark, secret, did you? No. Now, dish, dammit, or I’ll let Puppy-Boy take your pictures and post them on the Internet!”

“Puppy-Boy? Who the hell is that?” Daria asked, confused. Andrea hooked a thumb in the direction she’d come from.

“Charles. Or, as you two insist on calling him, Upchuck. By the way, lay off him at work, will ya? He was just as upset finding you there as you were, and he’s promised me he’ll behave in the future, okay?” Andrea asked, calmly.

“My God, you’re still going out with him? I’ve heard of masochism before, but…” Jane exclaimed.

“You too. He’s not half bad, and the other half is just fine with me. Besides, I’ve already warned him of the consequences of screwing up, and you’ll notice he hasn’t stuck his head out of the booth, have you?” Andrea said, defensively.

“This night is getting weirder and weirder by the minute!” Daria whined. “What next, Kevin coming in drag? Jodie and Mack in Klan robes? Andrea, you wouldn’t believe it if I told you anyway.”

“Try me. Oh, and by the way, that outfit looks good on you. I never knew you had ti…”

“Stop! Okay, dammit, I’ll tell, I’ll tell! But you gotta swear never to tell anybody, especially Up- Charles, okay?” Daria sighed.

The sun was beginning to show ruddy on the horizon when she was done, and Mike’s eyes were closed, and his massive arms behind his head. “…And that’s it. Mike’s not our love slave, either, no matter how many times Jane keeps saying he is, dammit!” Daria concluded, clearly annoyed.

“Awww, amiga, but he luuuuuuuuvs you, can’t ya tell? Otherwise, why would a total stranger suffer through that story again?” Jane smirked. Daria looked at the clock and swore.

“Dammit! We’ve gotta get out of here if I’m gonna get any sleep before work!” she groaned. “I have your word, then?” she asked Andrea, sitting across from her, open-mouthed.

“You’re right,. I don’t believe it. But, seeing those outfits, and knowing where Charles works, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. You have my word, I’ll never tell a soul, living or dead. And, I’ve gotta get back to the booth and wake him up, because I’ve gotta get to my weenie job tomorrow too. See ya around,” she winked and left.

Looking at the snoozing man next to her, Daria remarked, “Do you think that story killed him? He hasn’t moved in twenty minutes, Jane.” At that, his eyes opened slightly, and he smiled.

“Naw. Just resting my eyes a bit. Let me get the tab settled, and I’ll get you two home, then. Or, is it now that you two reveal that you’re secretly vampires, and just want a bedtime snack before you turn in?”

“That all depends on how fast you get us back to our crypts, dear boy,” Jane smirked. “We’ll just be a minute to freshen up. You know, powder our noses, straighten out stockings, sharpen our fillet knives…”

“Jane! Dammit!” Dara exclaimed. “Sorry. Her medication must be wearing off. We’ll be back…” she added, as they awkwardly and painfully walked into the ladies room.

“What the hell was all that for? Do you want to scare him off?” Daria snarled, as soon as the door closed.

“No, do you? Come on, you’ve been flip-flopping between decent and unbearable all freaking night. Personally, I’d be surprised if he was still out there when we got out, myself. Granted, I know you’re in one hell of an awkward position, but look what it’s gotten you. I know you aren’t boy-crazy like Quinn, but this one seems pretty damn all right, if I know men. And he likes you, too. Why are you trying to screw yourself, Daria?” Jane asked, hopping up on the sink and pulling off one of her shoes, rubbing her foot carefully.

“I don’t know. And, yeah, he does seem pretty okay. A bit masochistic, if he’s putting up with my bi-polar exhibition, but I didn’t come out to meet guys, I came out because stupid Bubbles talked me into this stupid idea of exotic dancing, and you helped her, for God’s sake! Hell, if I wasn’t so damn sleep-deprived this week, I’d have laughed in both of your faces at the thought, but now look at me!” She looked in the mirror, her hair slightly akimbo, the trace of make-up she’d allowed long gone, and the abbreviated rubber dress was riding up again.

“Jane, I’ll make a promise to you now. If that Mike is still out there waiting for us, I will, A: Ask him for his phone number, and B: give him a thank you kiss for getting us home. You will not make any smart comments about prostitutes, vampires, or skin rashes, until after he’s left the neighborhood. Do we have a deal?”

“Deal, amiga. All it took was a few hours of concentrated harassment. You must be slipping.” Jane replied, slipping her shoe back on as Daria splashed water on her face.

Mike was waiting for them by the cash register when they emerged, a tired smile playing across his broad face. “Ready? I don’t see any make-up, and I can’t tell if your stockings are straight, so I guess I’d better watch out for the knives, huh?” he quipped.

Jane snorted, as Daria took a quick glance at the booth Andrea and Charles were seated at. She recognized her, but did a double-take at his appearance.

“Damn! She’s made him look like the Crow. Oh well, whatever floats their boat.” She muttered, as he led them outside.

The ride to Jane’s house was quiet, Jane watching the road, as Daria slept lightly, falling against his shoulder in her slumber. “Okay, Mike, turn left here, and it’s the third house down. Daria! Wake up! We’re baaaaaaack…” Jane announced, shaking her.

With a jerk, she snapped erect, “Huh? What? I’m up! Oh, shit, you scared the hell out of me!” she exclaimed, realizing who she’d been sleeping on. “Uhhh, thanks, Mike. I really appreciate this. Well, I guess we’ll be seeing you.” Jane glared, whispering fiercely,

“Daria! That promise? Remember? I’ll meet you inside…” she said as she gingerly hopped out of the truck’s cab.

“Damn.” She took a deep breath, and turned, brushing his lips with a quick kiss. “Uh, Mike? Do you think…Aw hell…Could I get your phone number? It’s…So I can repay you for all this…Okay?” she stammered out, once again, a blush creeping into her cheeks. He nodded, a tired smile on his face as he reached over his visor and pulled out a notepad. Scribbling quickly, he handed it to her, saying,

“Normally, I’d ask for yours in return, but, after what you said about your folks…”

She frowned, and taking his pen, wrote her number on half the sheet and tore it off.

“If you didn’t mention them, I would never have given this to you,” she said, resolutely. “ Besides scaring them to death, it’ll also keep my mom from attempting to fix me up with the idiot progeny of some of her partners at her law firm. God, I don’t believe I’m doing this! Call me…” she said, and kissed him once more, still just a brush against the lips, but she felt an electric tingle this time.

She hopped out of the truck, and looked back inside. He gave a smile and wave as he drove off, and she turned to join Jane. Sitting on the front stoop, she could see two figures, and an occasional reddish glow appear and disappear. Jane was standing in front of them, scolding,

“Dammit, Trent, how many times have I told you and Jesse not to do that crap out front?” Trent looked up, with heavily lidded eyes.

“Hey, Janey. Hey D…WHOA!!!” he exclaimed, as she came into view. He sat up, eyes wide.

“Nice to see you too, Trent. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have to get out of these ridiculous clothes and get some sleep. Oh, by the way, the Tank broke down over in Swedeville, and Max will probably need a ride home tomorrow. I need to borrow your car tomorrow to take Daria to work, and don’t say no, I’m not in the mood to hear it!” Jane continued, as she clomped past the two stunned young men. “HeyTrentnicetoseeya gottagogoodnight,” Daria muttered quickly, as she shuffled past him after Jane.

Both were silent until after the girls had slammed the door behind them, when Jesse asked, “Was that Jane?” Trent just smacked his forehead, and took another hit from the roach in his hand.

“Yeah, Jess, that was Jane. Looks like my little sister’s getting all grown up, huh?” he muttered, staring off into space. Jesse nodded, and added, “Yeah.”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Helen rose before dawn after a sleepless night, as she worried about her daughter. “Dammit, Daria! Why do you insist on growing up?” she thought, pouring her first cup of coffee of the day. She looked at the clock and sighed. “Eric should be calling shortly. If he doesn’t lay off the ‘espresso’, he’s going to end up back in rehab!”

She checked her phone for the umpteenth time, hoping to see a phone number she didn’t recognize. “And, I’m gonna kill Jake for buying her that truck! I know he meant well, but he could have at least told me about it. I suppose that’s what I get for telling him to be more involved with the girls,” she said aloud.

“What’s that, honey?” Jake asked, sleepily. “Talking to yourself again? Heh, I do that all the time lately!” he mumbled, as he shuffled towards the coffee pot.

“Nothing, Jake. It’s just that I’m worried about Daria. First that job working for that…that sleazeball, the truck, and now, she’s staying out all night! What’s happening to our little girl?”

“Her and Quinn have switched personalities?” Jake quipped. “Aw hell, honey, she’s a big girl now, and I’m sure she isn’t doing anything stupid, now would she?”

“I’m sure of that, but she’s spent so much time by herself until now, that I’m afraid she might be a little too vulnerable out there, you know?” Helen said morosely. “I mean, Quinn, I could understand, but, Daria…”

“Helen, for years you’ve been harping at me to let ‘em grow up! And now you’re doing exactly what you grip about to me! Cripes! And we wonder if their gonna be weirder than us!” Jake exclaimed defensively.

“Jake! Be quiet, Quinn’s still sleeping! And that’s another reason I’m so worked up! I know she’s trying, but trying to teach that boy is like trying to teach a stone to talk! I afraid that when she realizes she’s set herself up for failure, she’ll never try again. Tell me Jake, am I just being a worry wart?”

“Aw heck, honey, you’re just being their mom. Daria isn’t going to do anything crazy, and Quinn will teach that Kevin fella what he needs! I remember him from a while back! He seems like he’s a pretty sharp dude. What’s to worry?” he replied.

“Jake, that boy has been socially promoted since the sixth grade because of his father’s connections. I took the liberty of having Marianne look up his files the other day, and it’s anyone’s guess how he can function as it is. Every administrator from middle school on up to Ms. Li have probably been bribed to keep passing him so he could play football. The only reason he isn’t heading on to Lawndale State was that awful soda franchise fiasco back in January.” Helen said flatly. “If it weren’t for my caseload, I’d be looking very hard into some of the practices that go on in this school district, but I’m afraid of what I’ll find.” She sighed, and her phone rang.

“Eric? If you don’t mind, I’m having an important conversation right now, and I’m ready for the appearances today. I will talk when I get to the office, okay?” she said tiredly, before hanging up.

“And, on top of it all, my boss is heading for another chemically-induced breakdown, right in the middle of a huge case, and I’m just not ready for another marathon session with the senior partners again.” She set her cup down, and laid her head in her arms. Jake got up and gently patted her.

“Honey, it’ll be all right. If it’s anything, business is picking up for me! Maybe you can take a little rest? We haven’t had a vacation since that camping trip, remember?”

“Please don’t remind me! Whenever the subject comes up around the office, Eric keeps asking if I know where those berries are! Something bad is coming down the pike, and I don’t know what it is yet. Before I forget, I did want to say one more thing about that truck, honey.” He looked slightly cross.

“But we already did! Helen, I know you’re still peeved about that, but it’s done! If it makes you feel better, you can get Quinn’s car, okay?” Helen smiled, and patted him on the hand.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that, since she’s gotten it, she’s been gone a lot more often. I know I wanted her to get out more, but this is getting ridiculous! She’s never just stayed out overnight before, without being almost forced to, and now, even with that job of hers, all of a sudden, she’s been gone almost every night! First, she’s hauling equipment, then she’s going out with one of Quinn’s little friends, and now she’s not even bothering to go home! I don’t want her to get any bad habits before she starts college, but it seems that that truck has started something, and I don’t like it!” she exclaimed, vehemently. Jake had a perplexed look.

“And what do you want me to do about it? Take it away? We both promised ourselves we’d never be like that to our kids, Helen! I can’t, and I won’t, dammit! She’s earned it, and by damn she’s gonna keep it!” he snarled.

“Calm down, Jake! I didn’t say anything like that! I was just thinking that, maybe, it might not be such a bad thing if that truck should, oh, I don’t know, “break down” or something? Nothing serious, but just long enough for her to get a handle on her lifestyle choices lately, if you know what I mean,” she winked conspiratorily.

“Ohhhhh, I see! Huh! I get what you’re saying, Helen, and maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for it to “need” fixing. It would save it for when she does go, right?” he agreed. She nodded, glad that for once, he hadn’t dug in his heels obstinately over the matter.

“I’ve got to go, Jake. I’ll probably be late, so, I’m going to leave it up to you to figure out what might “go wrong” with the truck, and we can alternate driving her in to work, okay?”

“Sure thing, hon!” he replied cheerily. “ I can just “accidently” take out something like the distributor or something, just like in that movie!” She smiled cautiously, as she warned,

“Jake, don’t destroy it! It’s a nice little truck, and she’ll need it for school! Just something silly, that we can keep stalling on fixing it! I don’t want to find it disassembled in the driveway until September, okay? Bye, honey!”

He waved as she left, thinking, “How did she know I was going to do that? Now, let’s see, what can I do to make the truck stop running…” he mused, picking up the newspaper. “Hey! There’s a new comic strip! All right!” as he headed back to the table.

Upstairs, Quinn was just rousing herself. “Guh-odd! What a long night! My eyes are killing me! I don’t know HOW Daria can stand to look at that for hours and hours! Ohh!” she grumbled, shuffling into the bathroom. She peeked in Daria’s room. “Huh? I didn’t think she really would stay out ALL night! I wonder if she saw Jeffy…Nahhh.”

She felt a momentary pang of something akin to jealousy that her sister was seeing one of “her” followers, but dismissed that thought, as she began her morning ablutions.

Her father was sitting behind his paper, as usual. “Hi, Daddy!” she said, with a faux cheeriness. “Where’s Mom? She doesn’t usually go in this early? Oh, and you remember what I said about Daria staying at that friend of hers last night, right? Cause she still did, no matter what anyone might say, okay?” she babbled quickly. Jake merely grunted, and flipped the pages of the paper.

She poured herself a bowl of cereal and sat down. A mischievous look appeared on her face. “So, Daddy, I haven’t mentioned how nice it was that you got Daria that truck, did I? ‘Cause it really was, you know? And I was just wondering, if you were thinking about getting me one, like, instead of surprising me, if you would, say, consult with me first about…” He interrupted her, never dropping his paper.

“Sure, Quinn, whatever. Ask your mother, okay? Yours is her present, okay?” he said, distractedly. She grinned, and gave a hand pump. “YES!!!” she shouted in her head.

“Okay, Daddy. I’m going to the mall for some things, okay? Can I have some money?” He nodded, “Sure, Quinn, whatever. Daddy’s busy, kitten, we’ll talk later, okay?” came his distracted reply. She sighed, and tried a new tack.

“Daddy? I’ve decided not to go to college, and like, become a nude model. Is that okay?” she said off handedly.

“Sure thing, honey. Whatever you want, but I’m busy here, so just tell your mom later, okay?”

“It’s official now. I’ve become Daria,” she thought sadly. “How did this happen? I need to talk to her! This isn’t right!” She climbed the stairs again, feeling tired all of a sudden.

“Oh great! Now I’m gonna start sleeping all day, just like her! What’s next? Big, thick glasses?”

Seeing her own glasses neatly folded on her nightstand didn’t help matters any, and she shoved them in her drawer. Glancing at her clock, she sighed again. “Five hours until the lunkhead gets here. Why do I even bother? I could just do his assignments, say he did, and it would be so much easier! Dammit! I need some advice, and Daria’s been ducking me ever since she’s gotten that damn truck!”

Fuming, she hurriedly dressed, and pounded down the stairs. “Bye, Daddy, I’ll be back!” she hollered in the general direction of the kitchen, and hurried down the walk.

She had to pass Stacy’s house on the way to the bus stop, and slowed to see if she was up yet. Seeing her laying out in her yard, Quinn yelled,

“Stacy! Hey! Are you busy today?” Her friend lifted her head, and peered down her sunglasses.

“Oh! Hi, Quinn! Not really, just trying to make my tan even. Can you see if it’s darker on this side, or this one?” she asked, indicating her flanks. Quinn gave her a quick, appraising look, before replying,

“Honestly, Stace? They’re just about even to me. Look, we can discuss tans later, okay? Do you have the keys to your mom’s car? I have to get to Daria’s work. I have a…question for her.”

“Sure I do, but, why didn’t you just call her?” Stacy asked, sitting up on her lounge chair. “Doesn’t she like, answer phones there, and stuff?”

“Well, yeah, but I need to ask her something in person. Please, Stacy?” she begged.

“Sure, Quinn! Maybe after, we can go to the mall or something?” she asked hopefully. “We haven’t done any normal things since you started doing this, you know?”

Quinn pondered her request, and was going to refuse, until her idea came back to her. “Sure! I do need to pick up a few things, now that you mention it!” To which, she added mentally, “But the things I’m gonna need to pick up might scare you!”

Stacy grinned and giggled, and motioned for Quinn to join her as she padded into her house. “Help me pick out an outfit, okay, Quinn? It’s been a long time!” she asked, opening her bedroom door.

“Stace, that sounds like a lot of fun, but I really need to get this over with Daria as soon as I can, okay? Next time, for sure, though! And we can’t blow the whole afternoon at the mall, either, since I have to be home for the lunkhead’s lessons. Sorry,” she replied sheepishly.

Stacy frowned, but then brightened, saying, “That’s okay! I understand how busy you have to be with that, you know? Just give me a minute, and I’ll throw something on, okay?”

Quinn nodded, and sat on her bed, idly leafing through a magazine lying open. “Wow! Skirt lengths went from short to long to back to short again in how long?” she exclaimed, incredulously. “How long have I been out of the loop again? What, a week? Two? I have got to get this silly thing over with!” she thought, still amazed. Stacy stepped out of her closet, dressed similarly to Quinn, in tight flared jeans, ankle boots, and a mid-riff T-shirt. Her only concession to individuality was the shirt was blue, rather than pink, and her boots were black.

“Let’s go! My mom said I could have the car until two, so we’d better hurry! What’d you need to ask your sister, anyway?”

“You wouldn’t understand, Stacy. It’s about my job, actually. She was supposed to help me, but she’s been out almost every night since she got that job! It’ll only be a couple minutes, though, and then we can go shopping!” Quinn replied, feeling a surge of vitality as she mentioned the word “shopping”.

“Oh, I think I understand better than you’d believe, Quinn. And, it’s good we have a chance to talk, too! I have some important news for you about Sandi!” she said, breathlessly.

“I already know more than I care about that, Stacy! That’s part of the reason I need to get to the mall. I have some catching up to do!” she lied. “Let’s get out of here, so I can catch her before she gets too busy to talk!”

“That sounds great, Quinn, but I did promise my mom I’d pick up some dry cleaning first, if that’s okay with you?”

“I guess so. Besides,” she said, checking her wristwatch. “Daria won’t be at work for another hour or so, anyway. Want to grab some muffins?”

“Yeah! That sounds great! Gee, Quinn, it’s so nice to have you back to normal again!” she bubbled. Frowning, Quinn asked,

“What do you mean, ‘back to normal’? I’m normal! As normal as I ever was! Do I look like a brain, or something?” she asked, the slightest edge of hysteria creeping into her voice. “Guh-od, Stacy! Is it that freakin’ hard for everybody to deal with me freakin’ tutoring Kevin? It’s bad enough Sandi is totally freaking over this, my parents seem to think I can’t do it either, and all my friends think I’ve gone cuckoo over this. Do you think I’m crazy too, Stacy? “ she demanded, her fists clenched.

“Eeeep!, Uh, n-no Quinn! I-it’s j-just that p-popular people don’t normally do things like this,” Stacy stammered out, seeing the slightly mad look in her friend’s eyes.

“Popular people don’t, huh? Well, I’ll show ‘em what ‘popular’ people can do with that idea! Dammit, I just wanted to show my family that I wasn’t a dummy anymore, Stacy! Sure, I’m not an egghead like Daria, but I know a lot of stuff now, and I thought I could help! God! She was right when she said there were two different standards for popular people, wasn’t she?” Quinn trailed off, looking away. Stacy gulped, and asked meekly,

“W-who, Quinn? Different standards? I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“It’s like this, Stacy. Remember when I wrote that stupid essay, and the school went nuts over it?” She nodded, and Quinn made a sour face. “It wasn’t the essay, or what it had to say that everyone was so worked up about, it was who wrote it. Compared to the others, it was crap! I showed it to that David, to convince him I had brains, and he almost laughed in my face. No one cared about what I had to say, they just wanted a piece of me, because I’m cute and popular!”

“What’s wrong with that, Quinn? Isn’t that the most important thing?” Stacy asked, seeing her calm down somewhat. Quinn had a sad look.

“It’s not that at all. Sure, it’s nice to be popular, yeah, and I wouldn’t change it for a thing, but, like he told me, all everyone sees is the outside me. I’m not always gonna be cute, Stace, I’ve seen my Mom’s high school pictures, and you wouldn’t believe how cute she was back then. But she knew it wouldn’t last, so she went and got smart, and now she’s a lawyer. If I don’t get smart, what’ll I be? If you need visuals, I can show you my gram’s pictures. They’re not pretty.”

Stacy leaned back against her wall, still processing what she had said. “Oh God, Quinn, I didn’t know! I’ve never thought about…you know…the getting old thingie. Now I’m thinking about what MY gramma looks like. Oh no, Quinn! I’m nowhere near as smart as you! What am I gonna do?” Tears began to well up, and Quinn sighed.

“Take it easy, Stace. It’s not like we’re gonna wake up tomorrow and be all old and stuff. I’m just saying that, maybe we need to think more about getting somewhere looking good, than looking good and going nowhere. I don’t wanna be like those sad old ladies in the bars. You know, the ones you can tell were really hot once, but know are all saggy and wrinkly, and stuff? I had a dream I became one of those people, and it was worse than the color-blindness one, you know?”

Stacy wiped her eyes and sniffled. “So, this means we won’t turn out like that? Really? That’s a relief! But, what if I, I mean, we, can’t do it? Does that mean we’re doomed to be like that someday?”

“I didn’t say it’s gonna be easy, but we can do more than just bully the other girls around by looking so hot all the time. We should be able to do it with our brains, as well.” Quinn added. She looked at the clock, and said, gently.

“Stacy? I’m sorry if I like, bummed you, or something, but I just had to get this off of my chest. This doesn’t mean we have to dress all weird and gloomy, either. The way I see it, we can be smart AND fashionable, too! That way, the other kids will have all the more reason to look to us as role models at Lawndale, right?” Stacy sniffed once more, but smiled.

“You really mean it? Quinn, you’re the best!” Stacy gushed. “Well, if we’re gonna do this, we’d better go now, so I can get the car back! This is gonna be so much fun!”

They got into the car, a minivan, and took off. Stacy was driving carefully, as Quinn fumed silently. “Geez! I can drive the best out of all four of us, but thanks to my mom, I’m not allowed to get my license until the school year starts!” she thought, as her friend slowly negotiated the side streets to the coffee shop.

Getting out, Quinn muttered, “Finally!” as she got out. “What was that, Quinn?” Stacy asked, pocketing her keys.

“Oh, nothing! C’mon! I’m starving!” Quinn lied, as they walked into the crowded café. Finding a couple empty stools, they sat down.

“So, Quinn, what’s so important that you have to go all the way to your sister’s work?”

“Well, it’s trying to figure out a way to keep the lunkhead’s attention long enough for me to teach him anything. I know why Mr. DeMartino’s eye keeps popping out when he’s teaching now! Kevin can’t seem to absorb anything, unless it has something to do with football, beer or girls, Stacy. And he just can’t stop calling me ‘babe’, either! That’s the hardest part, but I think I’ve found a way to use it against him.” She grinned wickedly.

“Oooooh! I know that look of yours! So, what plans do you have for “The Lunkhead”?” Stcay tittered.

“Well, when I started, I sorta tried to look like Daria, thinking that maybe if I looked more like a brain, I’d teach like one, right?” Quinn shook her head in emphasis. “Wrong answer! All he could do was ask if he could watch ‘The Pigskin Channel’, what we had to eat, and when we were gonna get to the ‘juicy parts’, whatever he meant by that. So, last night, I had an idea. If he wants a little show, he’ll get one! All he has to do is pay attention, and do his homework, and the show gets a little better day by day! Today, he gets to see that cute little mini-dress I got last month, and I’ll drop a little hint that there’s more of where that came from. Smart, huh?”

“Hmmmm. I don’t know, Quinn. What if he wants to, you know…” Stacy made a face. “You know…that. I mean, you know what I mean. And since Brittany is avoiding him lately, he’s kind of looking, you know?”

Quinn snorted. “Stacy! Puh-lease! Like I’d let that…jock…anywhere near me! There’s no way I’d allow anyone who wears their uniform to bed date me, let alone…you know.” She paused to take a bite of her muffin before continuing, “He’s cute, in a dumb, muscular kind of way, but I need someone with a little more depth,” she explained, unconsciously paraphrasing David Sorenson. “Besides, sooner or later, he’ll bump into one of the new cheerleaders, and next thing you know, we’ll all be seeing Brittany, the sequel! I don’t have a thing to worry about there!”

Stacy mulled that over, before remarking, “That sounds good, Quinn, but what are you going to do about Sandi? Tiff told me that she’s been working overtime getting herself invited to every party for the next two months, just so she can lure Kevin away from studying with you! You know how Sandi can get…”

“Oh yes, I know how she can get, but I’m not worried about it. I think that after Kevin gets the idea about what he’ll be missing out on will keep him on track with my program. If I had one, that is! That’s what I need to talk with Daria about, Stace. She’s never around anymore, so I don’t have a choice but to corner her there! We had a deal, and she’s welching on me!” Quinn said, as she explained what happened with Daria’s truck and Jeffy’s sudden interest. Stacy was giggling as she asked,

“Really? Jeffy? But aren’t they sorta your boyfriends? Aren’t you jealous, Quinn?”

“Over those guys? Puh-lease! There okay, I suppose, but I don’t see it going anywhere with them, you know? I mean, all this time, I’ve been trying to tell them that no matter what they do, none of them are ever going to go steady with me. I give Jeffy credit for figuring that one out, and hey, if he wants to go out with my sister, what’s wrong with that? He’s a lot more interesting than that Tom she was going with, that’s for sure!”

“You mean, all this time you had them doing all those things for you, all you were doing was trying to drive them off? I don’t understand that one bit!”

“Yeah, weird, isn’t it? The more I’d do things to make them give up, the harder they’d all try! They still keep a phone line open just in case I call, do you know that? It was funny before, but lately, they’ve been kinda creeping me out, you know? Like, are they going to keep doing this forever or something, Stace. Let me ask you something now. How would you feel if I asked you to ask one of those guys out this year? They all need to see someone new, or they’ll all go nuts. Would you?”

Stacy mulled that over for a second, before replying, “I don’t know, Quinn. I mean, I’m not sure if they’d want to go out with me. I’ve only seen those guys a couple time since school let out, and they don’t seem to have anything on their minds but you. How would I get their attention?”

“I already thought of that, Stacy. Remember when I came over to your house that one time, and you wanted to dress like me? You know, the hair coloring deal?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that night, Quinn. I don’t know what I was thinking,” Stacy replied, blushing. “So, what’s your plan for doing this?”

“Well, actually, that IS the plan. They want to date Quinn, right? Well, what if they had someone just LIKE ‘Quinn’ to choose from? I mean, look at yourself right now. All you’d need to look like me is a new hairdo, and you would look more like my sister than she does! What do you say?” Quinn said carefully. Stacy looked thoughtful.

“Well, I never thought of it that way, you know? I suppose I could do my hair like yours, at least for a little while. But lately, I’m starting to like being me, if you know what I mean. It’d be fun to try once or twice, though. Do you really think it’d work?”

“Yes! By now, Joey and Jamie have simply GOT to understand that it’s never going to happen. Nobody could be that stupid, after all the times I’ve rubbed it in their faces,” Quinn said confidently. “Right now, to them, all you are is ‘Quinn’s friend’, just like Daria is ‘Quinn’s sister/cousin/au pair, whatever. But, if you start looking like me, even a little bit, maybe they’ll open their eyes, and leave me alone. Please?”

“Wow. You’re serious, aren’t you, Quinn? I don’t believe it! I would have never thought that anyone wouldn’t want to have three guys doing whatever they wanted! Is it that bad?” Stacy asked, a perplexed look on her face.

“God, yes! I mean, at first it was like, really cool and all, but after a while, I couldn’t turn around without those three being nearby. Yeah, I took advantage of it, but, after that stupid ‘going steady’ thing, I knew that I could never be with just one. The last couple weeks, I’ve been purposely trying to drive them all nuts with stupid things, just so they’ll give up and find themselves other girlfriends. So far, only Jeffy seems to have gotten the hint, though that may have something to do with that dinner over at my house, and my Dad.” Quinn reflected quietly.

Stacy just nodded, and they finished their muffins and paid their bill. Back in the car, Stacy remarked,

“So, if you’re getting rid of the guys, are you planning on seeing anyone else? What about Skyler?” she asked, making small talk.

“I dunno. He got kind of freaked every time we went out, and the J’s were somewhere close by. I guess it’s the same with a lot of the guys in school, I think. Stacy? I don’t want to talk about this anymore, okay? With all the brain stuff I’ve been doing, my head is really starting to hurt.” Quinn said quietly, massaging the bridge of her nose.

Not knowing exactly where it was, they slowly cruised down the street, until Quinn pointed, “Stacy! There it is! Stay here, this’ll only take a minute, okay?”

Looking around at the seedy neighborhood, Stacy gulped.

“No way! I’m going in with you!” as she hurriedly unbuckled herself to follow her friend inside. The front door was open, and they gazed at the directory inside.

“Ewwwwww! Your sister works here? This place is so….icky!”

“Tell me about it! Ugh! This place doesn’t need a decorator, it needs to be demolished!” Quinn assented, pointing at the directory. “Here it is. Come on, Stace, the quicker we get this over with, the sooner we get to the mall!”

They climbed the stairs, and wandered down the dingy, poorly lit hall, until they came to a door marked “Lawndale Talent Agency”, from which they could smell coffee brewing, and the sound of a gruff male voice talking on the phone.

“Yeah, Therald, Whatever you can do to get that damn thing fixed, okay? I feel kinda responsible for the kid’s truck getting ripped, and if you happen to find out who was working this street yesterday, gimme a call, they owe me a bunch of money! Yeah, we can make a deal for it.”

Quinn and Stacy walked in quietly, and sat in the impromptu ‘waiting room’ in front of Bubble’s empty desk, as he continued talking, oblivious to their presence.

“Two dancers for you barbeque? You gat a deal! And, don’t go top dollar on the parts, man, it is an old truck, and she’s just working for the summer. I don’t wanna have to run this kid down later for the repairs. Yeah. Uh huh. Okay! I’ll have Bubbles run her over to pick it up at five! Thanks, Therald, you’re a pal! Later!”

He hung up the phone, and took a sip from his tiny, stained cup, before lighting a cigar.

“Hello? Sir? Are you Mr. Salvatore?” Quinn asked, her face screwing up in distaste as she smelled the pungent aroma waft out.

“Gahhh! Jesus! You two shoulda knocked! Come on in, you must be Heather and Bonnie, right? Call me Rocky!” he beamed, after recovering from his jolt.

“Uhhh, we’re Quinn and Stacy, sir. Is Daria here?” Quinn replied, as they both cautiously entered his cluttered office.

“Quinn and Stacy? Huh, you’re gonna have to change those names, ‘cause I already got two Quinns, and a Stacy, too. Not a problem, my assistant has a list of names we don’t have somewhere in her desk, if she freakin’ feels like coming in. Sit down, sit down! I don’t bite! Well, nibble a little, but otherwise…” he grinned at them lecherously, before settling down to business.

“Awright, girls, before we do anything else, I’m gonna need to see ID from both of ya. You two look really young. Nothing personal, but hey, the laws the law, right?”

They looked at him curiously. “Uhhh, Mr. Salvatore? We’re not here for a job. I’m here to ask my sister a question. I’m Quinn Morgendorffer, and this is my friend, Stacy. Is she here?” Rocky did a spit take, before replying,

“You’re her sister? Whoa! She didn’t say she had a sister! No, Daria isn’t here yet, nor is my assistant. You two are sure you don’t want to be dancers?” he said, hopefully.

Stacy’s eyes lit up. “You mean, you can be paid to dance? I love dancing! Wow, Quinn, how come we’ve never heard about this before?” she asked excitedly. Rolling her eyes, Quinn leaned over, and whispered in her ear. Stacy’s expression changed from childish exuberance to horrified disgust in an instant.

“Ewwwww! No way! I can’t believe you thought….Ohhh!” she exclaimed, at a loss for words, as she crossed her legs and arms tightly, as if guarding herself.

Rocky laughed, “I’m sorry, girls! I have a couple of new dancers who are supposed to be here already. Simple mistake. But if either of you ever change your mind…” he handed them a business card that appeared in his pudgy hand. “…My door is always open. I pay the best rates in the county, and I have contract at the best clubs, too!”

“Thanks, but no. Is Daria going to be here soon? It’s kind of important I talk with her, okay?” Quinn asked, giving him a pleading look. “I didn’t see her truck out front. Does she park there, or in the back?”

“Eh, she’s not parking anywhere until her truck’s fixed, hon. She’s SUPPOSED to be getting picked up by Bubbles, but…” he cursed softly, as he remembered that Daria’s truck repairs was supposed to be kept quiet. “Aw damn! Uh, Quinn, right? Your sister asked me to keep this under my hat, so’s your parents wouldn’t get upset.”

“What? What’s wrong with her truck now? I had a friend fix her battery the other day! What happened?” she demanded. Rocky cringed as the young woman fixed her gaze on him.

“Aw, hell. If you promise to keep it quiet, I’ll tell ya, okay?” he grunted. Quinn nodded. “Okay, the other day, someone hit her truck in my lot. Well, not ‘hit’ it, exactly, but they stole her wheels and some of her engine parts and stereo. There’s some guys around here who are real good at that!” he explained, shrugging.

“Is that why she didn’t come home last night? Where is she?” Quinn demanded again, feeling a strange rush come over her. “What’s going on?” she added, the cold feeling not subsiding.

He ground out his cigar, and explained, “Well, it’s like this, see? After she saw her truck, I offered to have it fixed, so she wouldn’t tell your folks. She said that if they found out what happened here, they’d force her to quit, and I haven’t had a decent bookkeeper her in a while. I didn’t want to lose her so soon, you understand?” he poured another cup of espresso, and continued, “So, after I had the truck towed to one of my associate’s garages, Bub-my assistant offered to take her to her friend’s house for the night, and pick her up for work this morning. Or should have, since neither of them are here, and there’s no answer at my assistant’s house. You wouldn’t have heard anything, would you?”

Quinn mulled over what he said, as Stacy looked more and more uncomfortable. “No, I didn’t hear anything after she called from here. Would you mind if we waited a while?”

He scratched his head, and shrugged. “Okay, I suppose. Say, you wouldn’t have her knack for keeping books, would you? If she’s going to college this fall, I’m gonna need a new bookkeeper, and I wouldn’t mind keeping it in the family, you know.”

“Thanks, but Daria’s the brain. I’m just…I’ll think about it,” Quinn replied, realizing he was making her an honest offer. “Yes, I’ll definitely think about it, Mr. Salvatore,” she said, mentally going over what she might need to learn to do what her sister did here.

He smiled warmly, and offered, “You two can wait outside, or in her office down the hall to the left. First door on the left, okay? Either of youse ladies like a cup of espresso? Make it myself!” he said proudly, indicating his espresso machine.

Quinn shook her head. “Caffeine? Ugh! Do you know what that does to your skin? No thanks. We’ll be in her office, sir. Thanks again!” she said, giving her voice a dose of faux cheeriness she didn’t really feel. He nodded, getting up and showing them the way.

“Here it is. Please don’t mess with anything, okay? Your sister had to bust her ass gettingthis place cleaned up. Hopefully, they’ll both be here soon. Knock on my door if you need anything!” he said, ushering them in.

“Thanks! If she’s not here soon, we’ll just let ourselves out, okay?” Quinn replied. “Say, just for giggles, how much does the job pay? If I decide I want to try out for it, or something.”

He looked thoughtful for a moment, before asking, “You mean this, or dancing? I can’t really say how much I pay your sister, but it’s around ten an hour, but a dancer can easily get four or five times that much, not counting tips. Before I say anymore, I’m gonna assume you’re both underage, correct?”

Quinn and Stacy looked at each other, knowing they both had very good fake IDs, should they need them. “Uhhh, yeah. We’re gonna be seniors next year at Lawndale, so I guess the dancing thingie is out, at least for now. Thanks again for the offer, though.”

“Hey, you don’t need to be eighteen to do books, do ya? If you’re half as smart as your sis, I could still use ya here, kiddo,” he said, solicitously. “You two can wait here. Bathroom’s out in the hall, and there’s a water fountain outside, too.”

He turned and left them, returning to his office. “Wow! I didn’t know your sister had her very own office! Gee, it looks kind of…” Stacy gushed, looking around the small, still dingy, but uncluttered room.

“I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘icky’, Stace. And why wouldn’t she get her own office? She’s smart enough to get this job, isn’t she? If this is clean, I couldn’t imagine what it looked like before! If it was anything like that office, it’s no wonder she’s been so tired! Ugh! If I could have a couple of days in here, I could really make this

look good!” Quinn replied, sizing up the little office.

“Yeah! Maybe we could do that as a job, huh, Quinn? It’d be like a makeover for a room or something!” Stacy assented, gingerly sitting down on a plastic bin beside the wall.

“Yes, Stacy, it would be natural for us, wouldn’t it? Maybe we could start it even before we get out of school, too! That’s a great idea! Maybe, before we leave, we can ask that man if he’d let us fix this office up for him. Or maybe his whole office, and make it less creepy,” Quinn remarked, fingering a nudie calendar Daria hadn’t yet discarded.

The phone on Daria’s desk rang as they waited. After the seventh or eight ring, Quinn realized that Salvatore either wasn’t there, or wasn’t picking it up. “Oh, I hate this!” she exclaimed, snatching the handset up, “Hello? Uh, this is…uh, the Lawndale Talent Agency, or whatever. Hello?” she said, awkwardly.

“I have died and gone to Hell, otherwise my sister wouldn’t be answering the office phones. Quinn? What the hell are you doing there?” Daria’s voice answered irritably.

“I’m waiting for you! I came to your work because you haven’t kept your promise to help me with Kevin! Where are you?” Quinn asked petulantly.

“I’m at Jane’s, waiting for Bub-one of my co-workers to pick me up. You didn’t see a big-titted blonde doing her nails at the front desk, did you?”

“No, not that that would surprise me, seeing what kind of armpit you work in. We talked to your boss, and we’re waiting in your office for you! Who’s “Bub”, anyway?” Quinn asked.

In Jane’s kitchen, Daria sighed. “Bub is short for Bubbles, and that in itself is a long story. Where’s Rocky, and what do you mean by ‘we’? Who’s there with you?”

“Stacy drove me here. Who’s “Rocky”? The only person here is your boss, Mr. Salvatore, but he doesn’t seem to be around right now.” Quinn replied calmly. “And I found out about your truck, too, so don’t bother trying to hide it. Are you all right, Daria?” she asked, in a concerned tone. She heard her sister sigh wearily on the other end.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just exhausted from this week, that’s all. Quinn, since you’re there, could you go into my desk, and look for a number for me? There’s several numbers taped to the slider on the desk, right in front. Give me the one for Bubbles, okay?”

Daria looked over at Jane, who was still in her nightshirt and slippers. “Who are you talking to?” she asked.

“You’re not gonna believe it, but Quinn’s sitting in my office right now. Don’t ask. She’s getting me Bubble’s number. Why did I even bother getting up today?” she moaned.

Quinn spoke again. “Daria? I found a couple numbers, but no one named ‘Bubbles’. There’s a Rocco, Therald, Mike, and a bunch of business, and one for an Agnes something or other.”

“That’s it! Give it to me, please!” she responded, picking up a pencil. “Shoot.”

Quinn read off the number, and then remarked, “You know, if you don’t mind, Stace an I would love to fix up your office, you know!”

“Good Lord, no! Quinn, please, don’t touch anything until I get there! And, could you go and tell Roc-my boss that Bub-Agnes didn’t show up this morning. I’m gonna try to call her at home, and see if she’s all right.” Daria asked, tapping her pencil nervously.

“Okay, but your boss was complaining that he already tried to do just that! If you want, we could come and get you.” Quinn offered. The phone was suspiciously silent for a moment.

“I don’t know, Quinn. As it is, I already owe half of Lawndale already. I’m sorry I haven’t helped you yet, but it’s been crazy this week, and I don’t have anything else to offer you. I’ll just try to get Bub-Agnes to pick me up, okay. Thanks anyway”

“Daria! I’m offering to help you, as a sister. Besides, I know how much you owe everybody anyway, so I couldn’t ask for more than I already have. Seriously, Stace and I will pick you up, and I’ll even pay for the gas. No strings, okay?” Quinn offered, sincerely.

“Excuse me? Who are you, and what have you done with my sister? Are you serious? Fine, you can come and get me, and I’ll toss Stacy a couple bucks for gas, okay? And Quinn?”

“What?”

“Thanks. If I had to make any more deals with anybody this week, I’d scream. See you in a little while?” Daria asked, already feeling a headache starting, as Jane waved to her.

“Hey, amiga, Bubbles is here! I’ll go out and tell her to hang on a second!”

“Okay, we’ll be on our way right now! See you in a few minutes!” Quinn said.

“Wait! My ride just showed up, so stay there, and tell my boss we’re on our way” Daria said quickly, before hanging up.

Quinn set down the phone. “Change of plans, Stace. She’s got a ride. Stay here, and I’ll go tell that…boss of hers she’s coming in. Don’t worry, we’ll be done and at the mall in no time now!” she said, as she stepped out the door.

Stacy nodded quietly, as she picked up one of the magazines still stacked next to the wall. “Ewwww! ‘Bored Blonde Biker Bitches Bound, Beaten,and Blown’? Who reads this garbage?” she muttered, leafing through the dog-eared pages. “Ooooh, but I like that outfit, only I’d make it look good!” she giggled to herself. She pondered the greasy little man’s offer. At first, she’d been horrified at what Quinn had said. “Stacy! It’s not like dancing for fun! He means getting up on a stage and taking your clothes off dancing! He thinks we’re strippers!” was still echoing through her head.

“I remember Brittany telling us about her step-mother, and how her dad met her at a strip club. I wonder if that might be easier than college?” she mused silently. “After all, I do love to dance, although I don’t know about taking off my clothes for strangers!”

She giggled aloud, and flipped through a few more pages. As she glanced at the assorted pictures of blonde women posing with motorcycles, handcuffs, and assorted items she couldn’t identify, she stopped on one picture, her eyes going wide.

Quinn came bounding back into the office. “Stacy, I found Daria’s boss, and guess what? I asked him about redecorating the office, and you know what he said? He’d think about it! So, I was thinking…Stacy? What’s the matter? Are you all right?”

Stacy was sagged against the wall, with a look of shock and horror on her face, the pornographic magazine open on her lap, a shaking hand on a picture of two women, one a brunette, the other a blonde, in an obviously staged photo of one holding a whip as the other knelt at her feet, a pleading look on her face. Quinn seized the book, and looked closely at the picture. She could see a definite resemblance, although the picture was clearly at least ten years old, from the hairstyles and clothing. She looked at Stacy and said quietly, “God, Stacy, I’m so sorry,” as her friend sat her weeping’

Her lips trembling, she could barely utter the word. “M-mom?”.

Chapter Eighteen

Quinn didn’t know what to say, as Stacy sobbed deeply, while looking at the picture. “C’mon, Stace, it isn’t the end of the world, right? I mean, just look at how old this is,” she said, easing the magazine from her hands and examining the cover.

“Look, it was made in nineteen eighty one! You weren’t even alive back then! And, you can hardly tell it’s her, especially with this hair-do! Uhhh! What were they thinking back then? Stacy? Answer me, please?”

“How would you feel if it was your mom, Quinn? Huh? What would YOU feel if you saw your mom naked in a book, doing all kinds of weird things, huh?” she wailed, burying her head in her hands.

Quinn tried to imagine her mom in the same pose, looking again at the picture. The blonde was garbed in heavy-looking thigh-high boots and a leather outfit that covered everything but the breasts and genitals, holding a serious looking bullwhip, as the thin brunette cowered naked at her feet, wearing a dog collar and nothing else. It was obviously a posed shot, Quinn figured, from the cheesy decorative “dungeon” backdrop, looking more like a carnival fun house painting than a ‘real’ dungeon. Black and white, there was little in the way of real detail to it, and only if you knew what Mrs. Rowe looked like, would you know who it was. “And even then, that hair would throw anybody off!” Quinn said to herself. “Unless you’re her daughter, that is…”

She then pictured Helen’s face in that pose, and she shivered. “Bleah! I got your point, Stacy!”

“Stacy? Hey, it’s not much, but we’ll take this with us, okay? You can burn it in my back yard, and I swear I’ll never tell a soul I saw it, I promise!” she said softly, as her friend sobbed deeply. There was a rap at the door.

“Hello? I thought I heard someone crying,” Rocky asked, a concerned look on his face. “Is she hurt? What happened?” he asked, seeing Stacy weeping against the wall.

“Nothing! Uh, thanks for asking, she just, uh, stubbed her toe! Yeah, nothing major, she’s just got…hypersensitive nerves in her feet! She’ll be okay, won’t you, Stace?” Quinn spoke quickly. Rocky scowled, eyeing the old magazine Quinn was attempting to hide. He sighed.

“Hypersensitive toes. Right. Don’t tell me, let me guess, while you were telling me about the call from my wayward employees, she discovered a relative’s picture in one of Morty’s old magazines, right?”

From Quinn’s hard gaze, he realized he hit the mark. “Oof. Look, kiddo, I’ve been in the entertainment business for over twenty years, and it happens all the time. You have a girl, or even a guy, who hits a rough patch, and sometimes they do things they might regret the world knowing years later. Lemme see, please.” He held his hand out for the book.

Looking at it, he frowned. “Jeez! This thing is ancient. If it’s anything, miss, this is a European publication, and was mostly circulated over there. It’s sort of an unwritten rule of the smut-peddlers, to try to send the product to a market where the subjects won’t be recognized. Not to say, the images won’t end up back here, but they do make an effort. I won’t even ask to see which picture it is,” he said, handing the magazine back, “ But I can say truthfully that, as old as this is, the copyrights expired, and chances are, the originals are archived somewhere. Gah! Even I can’t abide this juvenile crap, and I work in the biz, ya know? If it makes ya feel any better, you can take this, and the rest of ‘em and trash ‘em. It’ll save me the hassle of hauling to the dumpster myself!” he grunted.

“Oh, and since you’re so good at answering phones, missy, you can do that for a couple minutes, while I go out back of the building, okay?” he added, as he walked away.

Quinn shrugged, and mumbled an “Okay” as he left.

“Oh, Quinn, what am I gonna do?” Stacy wailed again. “What if someone at school finds out? What if Sandi finds out? What if…” her lamentations were cut off by Quinn slapping her in the face. Stunned she looked up at her.

“W-what’d you do that for, Quinn? That hurt, dammit!” she snarled, tears still brimming.

“They do that in the movies. Now, get a hold of yourself, Stacy. Think logically. Your mom wasn’t ‘your mom’ back then, right? She was a girl like you or me, who, for one reason or another, decided to pose for this. It doesn’t make her a bad person now, does it? She’s still your mom, no matter what, right? Before you go all boo-hoo over one little picture, why don’t you ask yourself why she might’ve done this. Did she need to pay some bills? Did she want to go somewhere, and couldn’t afford it? Hell, maybe she wanted to, as odd as that sounds. Who are you to judge someone who you didn’t know yet?” Quinn asked, sitting down beside her.

Snifffling still, Stacy nodded reluctantly. “Yeah. I suppose you’re right about that, but she could have at least told me something, shouldn’t she? I mean, what happens if I become a super-model, and all of a sudden that picture comes up? Are there more? How could anyone do that to themselves?”

“Ask yourself that question, Stace. As for the super-model thingie, I’ve pretty much given that daydream a pass. We’ve submitted photos everywhere, been to every freakin’ fashion show and pre-sale sale in the state, hit every agency there is, and look at how many offers we’ve gotten. None. Zilch. Zipparooney. Face it, we’re considered over-the-hill now, in the fashion world, no matter how snotty and pretentious we act. I’m gonna focus on learning something that gives me a steady paycheck, rather than live in a pretty little bubble, from now on. Maybe you should think about that.” Quinn commented, quietly, as Stacy’s lip trembled still.

“How can you just give up, Quinn? Look at all the effort we put into this! We can’t just quit now! I have thousands of dollars worth of clothes I haven’t freaking worn yet because of this, dammit! I thought we were going to be a team forever, modeling, traveling, and meeting famous people. Dammit, Quinn, I planned my whole life around this! And you’re saying now, ‘just quit’? I don’t know how the hell this is supposed to make me feel better about seeing my mom’s freaking picture in a porn magazine, because its not! Why are you saying these things?”

“Hey, it got your mind off your mom for a minute, didn’t it? Calm down, Stacy, I didn’t say I was going to just, like chuck the whole fashionable life, did I? I was just trying to make a point about doing what you have to, when you have to, and knowing when what you’re doing is done, and stuff. Your mom was just doing what she had to, when she had to do it. I’m gonna do the same, and maybe, you’ll realize you have to, also. I already said, your mom isn’t bad for what she done, although that hair-do was, like, so totally wrong for her facial structure, but it’s done, and all your crying isn’t going to change that one freaking bit. That’s all I’m saying, Stace…”

There was a slow clapping from the door. “Bravo, ladies, or, more precisely, brava.” Upchuck sneered from the open doorway. Quinn’s eyes bugged out.

“Upchuck? What the hell are you doing here?” she demanded.

“You know, it’s funny how sisters are more alike than they realize, since those were her exct words, my dear. And you, my lovely, former assistant, what brings such culture ad beauty to this armpit of human debauchery?” he asked, with a flourish.

“We’re here to see Daria, Ruttheimer. What ARE you doing here?” she repeated. He shrugged, and lost the ‘elegant’ voice.

“Ahhh, actually, I’m here to pick up some of my larger equipment for my act. My dad made me move it out of the family room. Said it was scaring his guests too much, so Rocky lets me rent part of the photo studio to store it. Vinny sometimes uses it for his shoots, so I get some of it back, too. And you?” he indicated Stacy.

“Charles, I’m just giving Quinn a ride here. How long were you standing there?” she asked, suddenly sober and alert. He made an indifferent shrug.

“Just long enough to see the fair Miss Morgendorffer give you a very concise and wordy dissertation on your potential futures in the world of haute couteur. Interesting reading?” he remarked, pointing at the smut book in Quinn’s hand.

“Ahh, excellent choice! Cleverly alliterated title, a more-or-less thematically composed collage of interconnected imagery, seasoned with terse, well-chosen descriptive verbiage. A tad old, if I know my porn, but a fine example of the form if ever I saw one. You know, that whole magazine is really stills from a movie? You should come by and I’ll show it to you, ladies,” he leered. From behind him, Rocky growled,

“Ruttheimer! How many times I gotta tell you to stop scaring the girls! Hell, these two don’t even work for me, and here you are!”

“Relax, Mr. Salvatore, these ladies happen to be former classmates of mine, and I was just inquiring after their welfare, and commenting on their choice of reading materials, is all,” he replied calmly.

“And I thought I told you not to come through the damn office again, too! Aren’t you supposed to be doing a show, hmmm?” Rocky added, arms crossed over his pudgy frame.

“And that’s precisely why I’m here, O Fearless Leader. I needed to retrieve my saw-table, magic mirror, and guillotine.”

Quinn blanched. “Guillotine? What the hell kind of act are you doing, Upchuck?”

Stacy gave her a stern look, “His name is Charles, dammit! And his guillotine is part of his act, if you insist. It’s a really cool trick, too!” she added, with a grin.

“Thank you! It’s one of my favorites, too. But, alas, it just isn’t the same without a skilled assistant. As of late, I’ve been forced to request volunteers from the audience to help me perform it, rather than a trained, beautiful, and willing assistant,” he purred, as Stacy blushed faintly.

“Speaking of which, sir, have you been able to find me an assistant yet? I personally don’t have the time to hunt one down, considering my schedule performing, and assisting Vinnie at night,” Upchuck said, seriously. Rocky scratched his head.

“No. You freak the dancers out too much with your routine. The last one though she was really gonna get it with the saw-table, and your manners just creep ‘em out. Didn’t you just say SHE was your assistant before?”

“Yes, she was, for a few performances, anyway. Apparently, the pressure of other commitments drew her away. Why don’t YOU tell the nice man, Stacy?” Upchuck asked, with a casual grin.

Quinn looked at her, incredulous. “I didn’t know you did more than that one show with Up-Charles, Stacy? Why didn’t you tell us?” Stacy shrugged, and replied levelly.

“Ask Sandi. She kept teasing me so much about it, I didn’t have a choice!” she exclaimed. “If I didn’t quit, I’d have never heard the end of it from her. It was a lot of fun, though,” she smiled at Upchuck.

“So, now that the Fashion Club has been disbanded, why didn’t you go back?” Asked Quinn, sitting in Daria’s chair. “And, considering the things she’s doing now, I doubt she’d even notice!”

“Well, it’s not that. It’s because Charles is seeing Andrea, and I don’t want her to get mad at me. Or him. To be honest, I didn’t even think about what Sandi would think then, it just didn’t seem…right.”

“Well, all I can say then, is, if you like doing it, why not? Up-Charles? You said you needed an assistant, right?” Quinn asked. “And I’m sure that since you’re going steady with someone, it shouldn’t be a problem for a professional like you to keep the two separate, right?” Upchuck rubbed his chin thoughtfully, nodding.

“I don’t see why not? Only one problem, and that’s if my employer here would consent to hire a seventeen year old. What do you say about that, Rocky?” he asked, seriously. Rocky screwed his face up in thought, before replying,

“I could, but I’d need a consent letter from your folks, girl, in that case. I’ve already had my share of headaches with the law as it is. Ruttheimer, I’ll let you handle this, I have to cover for both of my good-for-nothing employees this morning, seeing as one of ‘em overslept,” he grinned ruefully, waddling back to his office.

“Well, you heard the man. Do you want to? If it helps, I can talk to Andrea, and have her tell you its okay, Stacy.” Upchuck said, the Don Juan voice gone, as he checked a paper he pulled from his pocket. “Here’s my schedule for the week, if you want to have an idea as to your hours. I only do a couple gigs this week, but next gets really heavy, and I do want to have a proper show to do.”

Stacy frowned. “But I already have a job at Cuter Computer, Charles. I could do it, if it didn’t interfere with that, not that I actually know what I’m doing there, anyway. And, I’ll have to ask my mom for…”

She choked up again, as Quinn rolled her eyes. “Oh boy, here we go again!” she muttered. Upchuck had a confused look on his face.

“Pardon my asking, but what exactly did upset her so, when I intruded on your ‘moment’, earlier?” he asked politely.

“Up-Charles…If I told you, I would have to kill you. Let’s just say she saw something upsetting, okay?” Quinn replied, an ominous note in her voice.

“Say no more! To get a competent assistant, I’d remove my own tongue! And, put it back again,” he winked at Stacy, who managed a weak laugh. “But, ladies, as much fun it is to casually banter with the both of you, I’m afraid I have to complete my task, and get my crap out of here into the Love Machine. Pity, all that back-seat space, rudely soiled by using it for cargo, and all that satin upholstery, too! I’ll get in touch with you, Stacy, if you don’t mind,” he added, as he turned to leave.

“Okay, if I can do it, I will, Charles,” she sniffed, as Quinn patted her on the back gently. “He really is nice, once you’ve told him what the boundaries are, Quinn,” she sniffled, with a sad little smile.

“If you say so, Stace. He still gives me the creeps though! Where the hell is my sister? I wanted to be done and out of here a long time ago. I could kill her for not throwing these things out!” she railed, tossing the book on her desk.

She got up to peer out the window, hoping to see her sister arrive. Instead, she saw Daria’s truck being lowered from the back of a wrecker, and Rocky talking to a natty looking man. Rocky handed the man a bundle of bills, and shook his hand before pointing to where he wanted the truck parked.

“Huh! Whatever happened to that truck must have been something!” she thought, seeing the wad of bills exchange hands. “She’s gonna be paying him back forever!”

she mused, then had an awful thought. “How’s she gonna do that only making ten an hour? That had to be more than a grand there, and she couldn’t possibly pay for that and everything else…”

Her thought was interrupted when she spied the dancer’s logbook, where the records of every gig performed was kept. An ugly thought crept into her mind, seeing that. Idly, she “accidentally” flipped it open, then, not so accidentally, rifled through the alphabetized listings of all the girls Rocky had on his payroll.

“Morgan, J, Morgen, Kristi, whew! No Morgendorffer! That’s a relief!” she exhaled. Stacy stirred from her quiet sobbing to ask,

“What’s a relief? What are you doing, Quinn? Won’t your sister be mad if she found out you were messing with her stuff?”

“Nothing, Stace. I was just…checking on something for her, that’s all,” she lied. “Wait a minute! If Daria is an exotic dancer, that would be mad blackmail material! Why am I being so...so…nice all of a sudden?” she thought. Idly, she looked at what the girls were making, and made a low whistle.

“Wow, Stacy, you should see what his dancers make! If you become Up-Charles assistant, and only make half, you’ll be freakin’ rich! This one here, made over a thousand bucks in one night! I can’t figure out what all this crap means, but still,” Quinn said, holding the book out to her friend.

Her distress over the revelation about her mother forgotten again, momentarily, the girl looked at the column Quinn indicated.

“Wow! You’re right, Quinn, I’d be lucky to make that all summer at the shop! She must be a really good dancer to get that!” Quinn nodded, then, another ugly thought crept in her head.

“Uh oh. What if she got this for…you know…that…” she shuddered.

“What? She’s a dancer, right? It’s not like she…Oh…I get it now…Ewwwwwww!” Stacy exclaimed, handing the book back as if it were a poisonous snake.

“Why’d you even look in that book, Quinn? Now I’m gonna be freaked out over that, too!” Stacy whined.

“Sorry, it’s just I had to find out if my sister was…Oh, never mind! I mean, come on, this is Daria I’m thinking about. She’d never…Uhhhh! That’s a scary picture to have…” she said to herself, giggling.

“Why not, Quinn? She doesn’t have a bad body, once she gets rid of those awful clothes she likes to wear. A while back, Sandi did a secret profile on her, just in case we ever needed to perform an emergency makeover. She scored pretty well, too.” Stacy explained, wiping away the last of her tears.

“What? You guys did a makeover profile on my sister without telling me?” Quinn exclaimed, the logbook forgotten. “Why? If anyone would know what Daria would need, it’s me! Dammit! Who told you guys you could? I WAS Vice-President, remember?”

Stacy shrugged. “It’s not like it was a big deal at the time. Sandi said that, since you were her sister, you might not be objective enough, and she wanted a fair appraisal for her file. It’s in the rules, I think.”

“Stacy, we never HAD a rule book for the Fashion Club. Everything was Sandi’s idea, remember?” Quinn snarled, hands on hips. “I can’t believe…She scored pretty high? That’s great! How high? I’m just curious, you see?”

“I don’t know Quinn, the makeover profiles are kinda supposed to be secret…”

“For a club that doesn’t officially exist anymore. Listen, I want to see that damn profile, Stacy, and I know you still have it, you pack-rat, you!” Quinn grinned. Stacy worked her mouth a couple times, then shrugged,

“Okay, I guess, since the Fashion Club is disbanded, it couldn’t hurt. Sandi wanted me to shred and burn all of those profiles after we broke up, for some reason. She didn’t say why, though.”

Quinn frowned. “Stace, just how many profiles do you have? Just for our class, or for the whole school? I remember doing a bunch of them myself, but there weren’t that many, were there?”

Stacy laughed. “Oh, Quinn, sometimes you are so naïve! We’ve been doing profiles on every female student since we were in junior high! Sandi even had Tiff and I scout the middle school for fashion victims, so the next members of the club would have a head start. She said it was to ensure the continuity of the club for future generations, or something. I remember she always had this really weird look in her eyes when she talked about it, too!”

“Stacy! Do you mean to say that Sandi has been keeping files on every girl in school, AND started them on the middle school and junior high girls too? That’s really creepy, you know? It sounds like something…” Quinn trailed off, searching for the word.

“…That Ms. Li would do? Yeah, I thought about that, too. That’s why I kept ‘em all myself. I haven’t gotten rid of ‘em yet, just in case we decide to start up the club again, you know?” Stacy added, finishing her sentence.

“You know something, Stace, I want to see those files. Knowing Sandi, she has something up her sleeve, and I don’t mean about makeovers, either!” Quinn said, suspiciously. “She’s got some kind of plan cooking, and I want to know what it is! Maybe if I figure it out, she’ll lay off with messing up my tutoring job!” she said, pointedly, as she checked her watch. “Dammit! Where the hell is that sister of mine? I have to be back home before lunkhead shows up, and I wanted to get to the mall!”

“Yeah, and I have to be at work in a little while too! She did say she had a ride, right?

Quinn nodded, “Yeah, her ride got there as we were talking. She better get here soon, this place is starting to creep me out again!”

She took the magazine Stacy had found, and folded it small before jamming it into her tiny backpack-purse. “We’ll burn this later!” she reassured her, and carefully replaced the dancer’s logbook where she’d found it.

“Yeah, we have a lot to do later, Quinn.” Stacy added, as they heard Rocky’s footsteps approaching the office.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

“She’ll be out in a minute!” Jane hollered to Bubbles, as she leaned on her horn. The blonde waved out the window, and hollered back,

“Tell her to hurry! I’m sorry I’m late, slept through the alarm!”

Jane made a face, and turned to Daria, who was struggling to pull her boots on.

“Dammit to hell! This freakin’ torture devices have maimed my feet! That’s it! It’s barefoot day today!” she moaned, tossing the boot away.

“Jeez, you weren’t kidding when you said you’d never worn heels before, were you? Wait a sec, I’ve got something for you…” Jane remarked, as she quickly went back upstairs

Daria was wearing her glasses again, the headache beginning to fade a bit, as well as her old skirt, and one of Jane’s T-shirts, as hers from the day before sported a rather large coffee stain at the moment.

“Here ya go!” Jane announced, handing her a pair of wedge sandals. “I know we have different sizes, but that won’t matter as much, since you’re gonna want to take ‘em off whenever you sit down.”

“Ewww. Jane, no offense, but isn’t wearing someone else’s shoes kind of like sharing their toothbrush? Thanks, but I’m still killing the both of you for this, as soon as I can walk five feet without seeing stars,” she said, slipping the shoes on and gingerly getting to her feet. She grabbed her jacket and bag, and went to the door.

“What? No kiss?” Jane quipped. “For what it’s worth, you looked great last night. The fetish look is very ‘you’.”

“And the look of pain was so realistic, you’d have thought I actually was in agony, right? No kiss for you. Lane, and when I gets home, youse gots some ‘splainin’ to do, Loosy!” she quipped back, in her best(or worst) Ricky Ricardo voice.

“I’ll take care of the outfits, Daria. If you have to return them, they’ll never know they were worn, trust me!” Jane said solemnly. Daria rolled her eyes.

“Yeah. After you’ve tried them all on, that is. I’ve seen that look before, seeing as I live with Quinn, remember? Whatever you wanna do with them, since I haven’t decided yet until I see how much my truck is gonna cost,” she said, morosely.

Outside, Bubbles leaned on the horn again, and Daria stepped onto the porch. “See ya, Jane. I’ll call you later,” as she hobbled to the sports car.

“Heya! Sorry about last night, Dar!” Bubbles said, as soon as she’d sat down.

“What happened? The last we saw of you, you were arguing with Man Mountain before abandoning us. Was that your husband?”

“Yeah. He was tipped off, and went there after he got off work. We had a pretty big blow out, followed by a fantastic ‘making-up’. It’s sorta why I overslept, you understand,” Bubbles beamed. Daria noticed a red ring around her wrist, as her hand gripped the steering wheel.

“What’s that? It looks like you got your hand caught in something,” she asked. Bubbles giggled.

“Oh, that? It was just part of the ‘making-up’ portion of the evening. I kinda got punished for being a ‘bad girl’. It was fun,” she smirked, taking another drag of her cigarette before tossing it out the window.

“Ew. Way more information than I needed to know. You do know, that as soon as my feet recover, I will be forced to kill both you and Jane for last night, don’t you?”

“Hey, you made it home, didn’t you? Lighten up, girl! I didn’t do it on purpose. If I were to, I’d have taken ya out of state. Makes it more challenging that way,” she remarked, smoothly accelerating away from Jane’s house.

“Urghh! Could you please keep it under light speed? My stomach and head are competing as to who’s causing me the most grief today. What’s Rocky gonna say when we come in? We’re almost half an hour late!” Daria moaned.

“Relax, I called him when I got up, and he’s never that busy in the morning that we can’t get away with a little lateness now and then. He’ll be more pissed that I’m not-whoops! Never mind!” she tittered.

“It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, Bubbles,” Daria replied wearily. “I’m more concerned as to how much I’m gonna owe him for the truck, and how much of my soul I have to auction off to pay for it.”

“Puh-lease! Girl! It’s not as if you’re gonna be turning tricks or something? I can guarantee you, most of those girls you saw last night would NEVER trick on a customer! It doesn’t pay, in the long run, believe me!” she said, seriously. She glanced at Daria’s outfit, shaking her head. “And where’s the little office number I picked out for you? That would’ve popped Rocky’s eyes out of his head! And, how are you gonna learn how to walk in the shoes, if you don’t wear ‘em? You can’t expect to just hop in and out of them and not expect to fall flat on your face, now?”

“Excuse me? Even if I do decide I want to go through with this, there’s no way in hell that I’d wear those things unless absolutely necessary. I couldn’t even put my boots on this morning! These are Jane’s, and as soon as I’m sitting down, off they come!” she grumbled, as Bubbles passed several cars.

“Okay, point taken. I remember you telling me you aren’t much of a ‘heel’ girl, last night. Today, you get a break, but you and Jane are coming to my house tomorrow afternoon for your first lessons, whether you’ve decided or not! I want to see how much ballet you remember, and I just want to torture Jane a little bit ‘cause she’s a snot!” the blonde woman giggled, as she pulled into the parking lot.

“That’s my truck! It’s done already? Wow. If my dad was doing this, it’d be dead for a week before he broke down and had a pro look at it.” Daria said, mildly astonished. “And what’s this ‘whether I’ve decided or not’ crap? I was going to practice my vegetable state act this weekend, Bubbles. Sorry.”

“Mmm-mmm, wrong answer, sweet-ums! You forget that you promised you’d at least do one lesson, remember? It won’t be so bad, anyway. Big screen TV…” she teased.

“Only if you spring for the pizza, and no quibbles about what we watch, okay? How long will the ‘lesson’ be? I’m not very athletic, you know.” Daria sighed, as she slowly climbed out of the low-slung sports car.

“Only about an hour or two, depending on how much you forgot. It’ll be mostly stretches and floor work, as well as a chance for me to coach you on moving around,” came the reply, as Bubbles locked the doors. “Nothing major, Daria. Just basic moves, and I basically get to tell you two war stories, really. It’ll be fun!”

“Oh great. I get to have someone teach me how to walk again. Well, after last night, I probably need to relearn some things, if my feet ever speak to me again, that is. Maybe that’ll be the only time I have to do this, huh?” she said, hopefully, as they walked in.

Five minutes later, after Rocky bawled them both out for being late, he unknowingly sealed her fate.

“Oh, and you’ve probably seen your damn truck out there. Here, it was the lowst I could get it done for. He made a copy of the damages, in case you wanna try to get it out of your insurance company. Eighteen hundred dollars, and some change, ‘cause that damn fuel injector block is so hard to find. It’s probably why yours got ripped off in the first place, the guy told me, so I’d be for getting an alarm installed, before it happens again. We’ll discuss repaying me after you start processing these work orders, and get that damn computer writing checks, before we have a freakin’ riot!” he informed her, before returning to his phone call he had been making when they arrived.

She hobbled down to her office, and opened the door. Quinn was sitting in her chair, looking at her computer, while Stacy was sitting on some boxes against the wall.

“Finally! We’ve been waiting here almost an hour, Daria! What happened?” Quinn asked petulantly.

“Out…of…my…chair…now, Quinn,” she snarled, dumping her jacket and bag on the pile of smut books in the corner.

“Yeesh! Here, take it! But I’m not leaving until you help me with Kevin!” Quinn snapped. “You promised me when I had Jeffy come and help you two days ago, and you didn’t freakin’ bother to even come home last night! I only have ten days before they fire me, Daria!”

She looked up at her sister, a cold, weary gaze, as she replied, “Look, I’ll be home tonight, and we’ll go over what you’ve tried so far, and I’ll lay out a plan that might work on that idiot. To be honest, Quinn, maybe you should call it a day. It’s not that you can’t teach someone, it’s that Kevin needs more than a freaking tutor, he needs to basically start over from third grade. The reason I didn’t take it, besides the fact I’d have killed him is, he’ll never try to pick anything up, knowing that somehow, because of his football skills, someone will let him slide. It’s an open secret on the team, you know. You two could play tiddly-winks instead of what you’re trying, and the results will be the same. Now, I’m late, my boss is pissed, I owe him a shitload of money, and Tinkles the clown is coming to get his check. I’ll see you later. Oh. Hi Stacy. Now go, before I make you help me, dammit!”

Daria pointed at the door, with a dangerous, crazed look in her eyes Quinn hadn’t seen before.

“Fine! But you’d better not flake me out today or I’ll blab to Mom about what happened to your truck!” Quinn taunted. Daria shut her eyes, and rubbed her forehead.

“Don’t worry. If I don’t get some rest tonight, I’ll implode before Sunday. I’ll get you set up before bed, okay? Now, please?” she motioned to the door. Quinn nodded, and gave a weak smile.

“Okay, Thanks! And I won’t say a word, okay? I’m sorry I said that, Daria, See you later!” she said, as they left the room. Daria noticed one of Rocky’s applications in Stacy’s hands, but shrugged it off. “I don’t even wanna know…” as she closed the shopping website Quinn had been looking at, and hitting the payroll program.

Bubbles came in with an armful of folders. “Here. The time sheets are in each one. These were left overnight, so don’t worry about them until after you get the ones you started yesterday. That’s your kid sister, eh? She’s a cutie! How old is she?”

“Don’t even go there, Bubbles. She’s only sixteen. I’ll tell you her birthday, and let you recruit her, if you insist. That is, if she doesn’t come here first. Oh, and if a Mike from DV8 calls, please put him through,” she asked. Bubbles grinned lecherously.

“Oh, I can tell you just hated it, now! ‘Mike’, huh? The only Mike I know of down there is one of the bouncers. So, what should I tell this ‘Mike’?” she teased.

“Nothing! Just…put him through to me. Please?” Daria replied, sheepishly.

“Oh, okay. Just pulling your chain, hon. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ll do that, okay?” she said, seeing Daria’s obvious discomfort.

“Thanks. And if you must know, he was the one who gave us a ride home. I promised to pay him back today, all right? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have checks to write, and Tinkles’ is right on top of the pile.”

“Okay, then. And don’t worry about Tinkles, either. He’s been taking his medication lately. Wanna do lunch later?” Bubbles asked, cocking her hip.

“Are you kidding? With all this, I’ll be lucky if I have time to call for a sub, or something. Thanks, but no. And…” Daria sighed, looking at the bill Rocky had handed her. “…It looks like I’ll be over at your house Saturday, after all.”

“It’s not the end of the world, kid. If you play your cards right, you can be paid off in three weeks, since you don’t have a nasty habit, kids, or credit card bills. And I promise, when I’m done with you, your own mother won’t recognize you on stage, honest!” she said, reassuringly.

“The day I see my mother in a strip club, I’d have more to worry about that me looking like Britney Spears on crack. But, thanks for the assurances, I’ll definitely need it in the coming weeks,” she said, in disgust.

The rest of the day crawled by, with a constant stream of performers, from dancers and musicians to clowns and comics, coming to collect their pay and receive their next assignments. Rocky was his phone fairly welded to his ear, making arrangements for the coming week, Bubbles handling the workers and passing out check, and Daria writing them on her computer, as she watched Rocky’s bank account dwindle precipitously.

Ominously, the very first check, to “Tinkles the Clown” remained unissued, and Daria was starting to become nervous that by the time he arrived, there would be nothing in the bank to draw from, and she had a nasty daydream about being chased down the street by an insane clown wielding office chairs, atop his little clown car.

“It’s a nutty, nutty world, I suppose. I gave up public humiliation and being molested by squirrels for this? I must have been mad!” she muttered, as her program started receiving reports of checks being cashed, many within minutes of being issued.

As Bubbles came back in to collect the next batch, she peered at the screen as well. “The bar across the street has one of the check-verifier thingies. That’s why they’re cashing so fast, hon,” she responded, to Daria’s unasked question. Finally, Rocky came in, and asked her,

“Okay, where’s Tinkles’ check. He just called, and I’m giving it to him personally. Here, before that gets cashed across the street, I want you to file this in that computer, or whatever you do, ‘cause I’m firing the jerk. Not to get you worried, but, if you should happen to hear gunshots, take the back way out, okay? And, if ya think about it, call the cops? Thanks!” he said, as he waddled away, yet another phone call coming through on his cordless phone.

“Three shot by clown, film at eleven,” she thought somberly, as she began to type in the information on the sheet. “This is really gonna help me sleep tonight,” as she realized that what she was inputting was basically a simple statement that Tinkles was the one responsible for the demise of the staff here. “If I run now, I can make it home before Sick, Sad, World comes on, and then hide out in the woods until school starts. I’m sure I can divert some student loan money to pay him back…”

A knock at her door brought her head up quickly. “Daria?” the muscular man asked. “Mike! Ahhhh…I though you were gonna call, or something!” she blushed, cursing silently. “If I keep doing this, I’m gonna turn red as a beet permanently Damn it!”

“Uhhh, I haven’t been paid yet myself. I swear I didn’t forget about you, really, and…”

“Relax. I didn’t come to break your kneecaps for a couple bucks. I was wondering if you might like to go out to eat after you got off,” he grinned. She sat there open-mouthed, and for the first time in her life, felt self-conscious about how she looked, in her borrowed shirt and shoes, hair still stringy from the goop she couldn’t quite get out, and glasses down on her nose.

“Ah, you see. No, wait. Uhhhh…” she babbled. Her phone rang, and she gratefully seized it. “Excuse me!” she squeaked. “Hello?” she said, not caring if Satan himself was on the other end selling real estate.

“Daria? Bubbles. I sent the big fella back there, but that other fella you know just walked up and asked if he could see you. What should I tell him?”

“I don’t freakin’ know! Just…hell, stall him, tell him I’m busy and will talk later, okay?” she snapped, her headache suddenly back with spurs. Turning to Mike with what she hoped was a calm look, she said,

“Uhh, Mike? I’d like to, but I promised my sister I’d help her with a project tonight. If you wait until I get done here, you can follow me to my bank, and I can pay you back then, okay?” she said quickly, her headache spiking like a hot iron now.

“No problem. Tell ya what, I’ll be over at the tavern across the street, okay? I can see you’re busy as hell here,” he said, rising to go.

“Okay, but don’t get stinking drunk waiting for me, okay? I’d hate to be responsible for you getting into an accident or something later, okay?”

“Thanks for your concern, but I don’t drink much. Bad for ya, I’ve found,” he winked, as he left the room. As if on cue, Bubbles returned, bearing yet more paperwork.

“Yow! For someone who claims to not be looking, you seem to be attracting ‘em like flies to honey, girl!” she tittered. “Your other fella is still waiting out there. You want I should tell him to take a hike?”

“No, I promised him I’d go out tonight, and it looks like I have to reschedule him. Good Lord! I’m starting to sound like my sister now! All I need now is Tom calling, for the transformation to be complete.” Daria moaned, taking the files from her.

“Huh. Then I guess I shouldn’t tell you about the call I got earlier. You said ‘Tom’, right? Well, I had a quick little call earlier from a guy named ‘Tom Sloane’, asking if you were available, but we were still neck deep in this crap, and I sorta forgot. Hope you’re not mad.”

Daria made a face. “How the hell did he know I was working here?” she thought, wearily. “No, Bubbles, I’m not. He’s my ex-boyfriend, and it is odd, because he’s supposed to be out of town this month. That’s all I need now, a stalker!”

Bubbles grinned, baring her teeth, “Well, if he is, it’s not as if you lack for muscle to ‘correct’ his attitude, now. If he calls again, I can always give him the run around for ya.”

“No. I don’t really see Tom as a stalker, Bubbles. If he did try to get in touch with me, it might really have been important, but, I don’t have time for any if this right now. Can you tell Jeffy that I have a minute, but he has to go soon?”

“Not a problem. Mike should be gone by now, you little wench!” she giggled, though no malice was evident, as she sashayed away.

Jeffy poked his head around the door-frame shyly a few moments later. “Hey, Daria. I didn’t know it got this busy around here! Am I in your way?” he ventured cautiously.

“No, but I only have a few minutes now. Look, I know I promised to go out with you tonight, but…” she groped for the words, as she saw his expression darken. “…but, I have to help Quinn with her lesson plan. We had a deal made before you…you know, asked me out. I had a pretty good time the other night, surprisingly, and I would like to…do it again, but I’m up to my eyeballs in work right now, on top of another long night, and I really have to get some sleep before I go insane. I’m not blowing you off, just rescheduling, if that’s okay with you?”

He had a hang-dog look as he replied. “Yeah. I suppose so. Is it okay if I call you tomorrow then?” She looked away, remembering her commitment at Bubble’s house.

“As long as it’s not too early. I have an…appointment tomorrow,” she said, grimacing. “Maybe after, we can do something, okay? Jeff, I really have to get back to work, so I need you to go now, okay? Thanks for the battery, by the way, and I’ll have the money for you later today, okay?” she concluded, awkwardly. He straightened up as he turned to leave.

“Yeah. That’s cool. I’ll be seeing you then,” he said, sadly. She watched as he left, thinking, “This is great. I go from one guy, who I dump because I’m not ready to get involved, and next thing I know, I have him, Jeffy, and a guy I met last night all chasing me around like I’m a freaking cheerleader! Dare I mention this to Jane?”

She sighed, staring at the huge pile of paperwork before her. “You could at least give me some advice!” she demanded of the pile, as she took the topmost file down, and began to work again. She had only been at work for a few minutes before a commotion erupted in the front office. Several performers dashed past her door, and she got up.

“What’s happening? This place isn’t on fire, is it?” she asked, hopefully. One of the performers, a leggy dancer, paused to gasp out. “No! It’s worse! Tinkles is here!”

Daria watched as the woman ran down the hall towards the studio in her platform heels, presumably to take advantage of the back exit there.

“I suppose I should go and see what Tinkles looks like, at least, before I run in terror from him. Note to self: Next Friday, take Dad’s shotgun to work,” she said to herself, as she made her way to the front office. Bubbles sat bolt upright at her desk, as a small framed bald man stood there, accompanied by an Oriental woman in what appeared to be a pseudo-military uniform.

“This is what everyone’s so freaked about?” she thought scornfully. “He looks harmless enough.”

The man was smoking a cigarette in a holder, and the sunglasses made his expression unreadable to a casual observer.

“Where the hell is my money, Rocky?” he spoke at Salvatore’s closed door. “I have a flight to catch, you know!” he snarled, his hand inside his jacket. “And, if you don’t mind, I’d appreciate it if you paid me in cash this time,” he added, smiling at Bubbles.

Rocky opened his door, with a scowl on his face. “Dammit, Duke, you of all people should know I never keep cash around this place! You’ll take your damn check and cash it across the street, like everybody else! And, you don’t have to freakin’ worry that it’ll bounce, the new bookkeeper ain’t a crook like your pal, Morty!”

The short, bald man, shook his head, and spoke to his companion. “You see what happens when you try to take the straight an narrow path, Honey? You get stepped on! Thank God I’m still on the masthead!”

“Sir? I believe the magazine fired you over twenty years ago,” the oriental woman replied calmly.

“Nonsense! I was merely listed on the ‘secret’ masthead, in order to preserve my anonymity when I go undercover! Happens all the time!”

The oriental woman looked at Rocky, and explained, “I’m sorry, sir, but Mr. Duke isn’t allowed in any bar within a two-hundred mile radius of Lawndale. It’s part of his probation, you understand.”

“Haven’t either of you heard of banks?” Rocky asked, his hands on his hips.

“Are you absurd?” the bald man spluttered, almost losing his holder, “Those dens of usury? I’d sooner take my wages in rubles, or drachma! I believe my contract, as renegotiated after that unfortunate misunderstanding, specifies that I be paid in cash only. Or, are you reneging on our agreement already?” he asked, in a reedy, strung-out tone.

Rocky cursed softly. “Oh hell! Anything to get you the hell out of my office, you maniac!” he turned to Daria, and handed her the check. “Go and get this damn thing cashed for him! Here’s the corporate ID, and the address is on the front. I’ll call ahead and tell ‘em you’re coming.”

“Okay, I guess, but I still have a buttload of files to enter still, Mr. Salvatore,” she replied, curious as to how the odd little man had everyone so frightened. He waved dismissively.

“You got the important stuff done, the rest can wait ‘til Monday! Go, now! And hurry!” he commanded, as the bald man grinned toothily.

“Whatever. At least I can get mine cashed before the bank closes, anyway. Okay, I’m on it,” she said, going to fetch her bag and keys. He dangled a set from his hands.

“No! Take my car, that way the manager will know you work for me! Here,” as he tossed the keys to her. Daria shrugged, and picked up the check from Bubbles. “I’ll be back in a little bit, then,” she muttered, heading out the door.

The bald man nudged his companion. “C’mon, Honey, I need to put some coins in the meter! Let’s go!”

“But, sir! We got here on the b…” he dragged her bodily from the room before she could finish the sentence.

Rocky sighed, shaking his head. “Man! I’ll be glad when he’s the hell and gone, right, Bubbles? Or at least dead, that’d work too,” he said soberly. She nodded, and they both smiled, before racing into his office and locking the door.

Daria was climbing into Rocky’s huge luxury car, as the pair came hurrying up behind her.

“You! Stop! It’s important!” the bald man called out, as they caught up with her.

“What do you want now?” she asked in annoyance. The oriental woman kept a respectful distance, but the man was uncomfortably close, and she could smell the aroma of alcohol and tobacco on his breath.

“Young lady, we need you to give us a ride to the bank with you!” he exclaimed, as the woman rolled her eyes.

“Excuse me? I thought you didn’t like banks. It’s what you said up there,” she replied caustically. “Besides, this isn’t my car, so, sorry, but the answer’s no.” as she started to get in again. He deftly slipped his hand over the ignition switch, as he smiled disarmingly.

“Oh, but Rocky said it was okay, right, Honey?” he asked.

“If you say so, sir. Please don’t scare that poor girl, sir,” she added, mechanically. “And, if you’re planning what I think you’re planning, please refrain. It’s getting harder and harder to keep getting you out of these jams, sir.”

“Honey, quiet! As I was saying, I need a lift to the bank, to, uhhh, meet with my broker about some, recreational property I’m considering,” he said, as he climbed into the back seat. Honey, shaking her head, climbed in the passenger side.

“Hey! You two can’t just…Get out of here! This isn’t my damn car!” Daria protested. Honey motioned her closer.

“Miss? I apologize, but once Mr. Duke has his mind set on something, it’s impossible to change his mind.”

“No kidding. Both of you, out of the freakin’ car now, or I’m going to get Rocky!” she threatened. Duke snorted.

“Good luck. Those two are probably at it like a couple of red-assed baboons at this very moment. See for yourself,” he said, hooking a thumb in the general direction of the building. Daria looked up at Rocky’s window, and saw Bubble’s legs in the air, and caught a faint squeal of pleasure from on high.

“Crap. Okay, the bank, and that’s it! If you want to go anywhere else, you’re on your own!” she warned, getting behind the wheel.

“Aren’t you the suspicious one?” Duke muttered, snapping open a newpaper, as he lit his cigarette.

“Excuse me, but I don’t like smoke, so could you please put that out?”

“Sorry, toots, I have a doctor’s note that allows me to smoke wherever and whenever I fe-need to. Nerves, you understand, “ he replied calmly. “And after the bank, I’ll need to stop by a pharmacy. You wouldn’t happen to know of one that isn’t too fussy about out-of-state prescriptions, do you?”

“No, no, and no. I don’t care if you have the entire agency freaked out, you little putz, but I refuse to move this car one inch until you put that damn thing out.”

“Miss? Sorry, but if Mr. Duke doesn’t get his medications hourly, he becomes…agitated. I would appreciate it very much if you would, please.” Honey asked, politely.

Daria pondered this, and growled, “Oh, hell!” and started the car. “Just the damn bank, and I’ll give you your money. No drugstore, and no ride back here, understand?”

“Perfectly. Right, sir?” she asked.

“I’ve never made deals with giant talking lizards before, and I’m not starting now! Get this car moving!”

“Miss? Apparently he’s beginning to hallucinate again, so, the faster we can get this done, the sooner he returns to normal. Well, normal for him, anyway.” Honey explained cautiously.

“And her I thought it was going to be a weirdo-free day. Fine. As long as I never see the two of you again, okay?” she replied. Then, a little concerned, she asked, “And what do you mean, he’s hallucinating again? He’s not dangerous, is he?”

“Oh, he’s relatively harmless, as long as he’s not armed. By the way, miss, have I thanked you for driving us around today?” Honey replied.

“Armed? Are you telling me that Tinkles the Clown is not only sitting behind me as I drive what may be the automobile of a low-level mobster, but he’s armed and hallucinating as well? Good Lord, this week is going to give me material for alifetime of writing, not mention a lifetime of needed therapy!” she groaned.

“Writer? Well, you should be pleased to be chauffering the one and only Duke Harris, late of the Rolling Stone! I could tell you stories, heh, heh…” came his voice from behind the paper. Honey sighed.

“Sir? I must warn the young lady that most of your stories are just that. May I remind you of your last opus? The one about the playful peyote button titled “Hee Hee Hee”? The editors weren’t pleased at all, sir.”

“And why the hell not? They know damn well when I go out after a story, I have to immerse myself in the subject, you know!” he spluttered indignantly.

“Yes, sir, but they assigned you a story on Alice Cooper, and his bid for governor of Arizona. You were sidetracked by that Indian who claimed to be a medicine man.”

“He was!”

“Pardon my skepticism, sir, but most native medicine men don’t normally practice out of budget motel rooms. If I recall, you were arrested while driving a golf cart naked at an all-girls tennis camp.”

“Honey, a writer has to go where the story is! Are we there yet, or do I have to use the cattle prods on this woman?”

“Enough!” Daria snapped. “We are at the bank. I will cash your check. I will hand it to you. The pharmacy is down the street. You will both go away from me then, and stay, far, far, away. Do you both understand?”

“Like crystal, miss.” Honey replied, as if nothing were amiss. Duke merely snapped his paper.

Daria exited the car, and went into the bank. “Hello, I’m from Lawndale Talent Agency. I have a payroll check that has to be cashed? Here’s the corporate ID, and did my boss call yet?” she asked the teller, once she got up there. The young man sighed, giving her an appraising look.

“Hmmmf. You don’t look like the usual tramps he has working for him. Lemme see,” he said rudely, taking the check and ID from here. “I have to check with the manager. Now’s the time to run, if you’re trying to scam us,” he said offhandedly.

“Excuse me? Look, mister, I’ve about had it with the weird-ass things I’ve had to put up with since I started working this damn job. Now, I have to take it from you, too? Did he call or didn’t he?” she demanded.

“Beats me. I’ll be back,” he said, as if tranquilized. She stood there fuming, until a portly manager waddled out with the check and ID.

“Miss? I’m Mr. Thomas. You claim to be one of Mr. Salvatore’s employees, correct?”

“Yes!” she said, tired and annoyed. He grimaced, looking again at the check.

“There’s a little problem with this check. It seems that there’s a small matter of an unpaid judgement against Mr., ah, Tinkles. I can cash the check, but I can’t give out any money, due to the judgement against him. If I may ask, where is he?”

“Out in my bosses’ car. Why?” she asked, not entirely surprised at what happened. The manager gulped, as he asked,

“And which car would that be, miss?”

“Huh? The big, garish white one, like the pimps and drug dealers drive. Why?”

He pointed outside. “You mean the one that’s leaving the parking lot?”

Daria went pale. “What? Nooooooo!!!! Call the police! Stop them!” as she dashed out of the bank. Honey looked out the window at her with a helpless look as Duke clumsily maneuvered the heavy car into traffic.

Running as best she could in her borrowed sandals, Daria managed to reach the rear door, and open it, as Duke accelerated away. Barely managing to throw herself into the rear seat, she yelled,

“Stop this car now! They’ve already called the cops, and you’re both going down! Now stop, dammit, before you’re in even more trouble!”

“Not as much trouble as that two-bit hood Salvatore is in, trying to fool me with one of his doxies! Keep her covered, Honey, I still need to hit the pharmacy before I kill that greasy bastard!” Duke said, his teeth clenched around the stem of his cigarette holder.

“Sir, what did I tell you about scaring the young lady? Don’t worry, miss, I’ll let you out as soon as he pulls over. This is just a side effect from the withdrawals, and I unloaded his gun, too.”

“What? You traitorous Commie slut! Lemme see!” he roared, pulling out a Luger, pointing it out the window, and pulling the trigger. The deafening report of three nine millimeter Parabellum rounds going off in the enclose space hurt Daria’s ears.

“And so, my nightmare continues,” she thought numbly, as the madman drove wildly down Main Street towards Degas. “I knew I should have told Jane no, especially after hearing the name ‘Tinkles the Clown’. I hate clowns…”

Duke, momentarily disoriented, slammed on the brakes, and threw the car into reverse. “Change of plans! Everybody out of the car!” he commanded. Honey casually got out, and held the door for Daria.

“If you please, miss. Otherwise he’ll feel obliged to hunt you down like an animal. I’ve found that any of Duke’s hostages who make themselves annoying tend to be released quickly. If you’ll follow me,” she indicated the way Duke went.

“You must be completely out of your mind! There’s no way I’m going to meekly follow that lunatic! He’s gone, and so am I! See ya!” she gasped, scrambling out of the car just in time to face Duke’s leveled pistol.

“A-ha! Just an innocent lackey for Rocky, eh? I’ll wager you had this whole fiasco planned the whole time! Well, missy, we’ll just see about that, now won’t we? Out of the car!” he ordered.

“Oh, crap. Serves me right for listening to Jane. Look, if you’re gonna kill me, at least make it a head shot, so it freaks out my sister, okay?” He laughed at that.

“That’s what I like to hear, a hostage with spunk! Come on, we have to get disguises, and I see just the place!”

“Dear God. Not Funky Doodle!” Daria moaned, as she raised her hands. As she was being marched to the consignment store, Axl was finishing up a tattoo, and stepped out on his front stoop for some fresh air.

“Roight! Now what’s this, eh? Street theatre? I thought th’ blinkin’ police put a stop to it, oi? Hey, Trent, get out ‘ere, it’s those loopy drama queens again!” he exclaimed. Trent awoke from his slumber, and sauntered to the doorway.

“Hmmm? What’s up, Axl? Hey, I thought the police shut down the street theatre troupe?”

“Oi! That’s what I bloody well said! That one looks familiar, don’t she?”