TANANDARIA SEASON FOUR
Beth: No, I was kidding Tan...I'll- I'll get right on it...No Tan, not the spoon...please not the spoon ~screaming~
Tananda: ~puts spoon in pocket and starts to chase Beth~ I hate it when they run.
Taryn(to Beth Ann): NO! Beth Ann! ruuuuuuuuuuuuun! I'll cover you!
Tananda: (runs up) Have you seen Beth around here?
Taryn (sees the spoon): Uh.. she went that way (points)
Tananda: Thanks Taryn! ~Keeps running~ Damn, she's fast!
Beth: you'll never catch me nyah nyah nyah nyah!
Taryn: Psst... Tananda. I heard her in The Turn Down the Sun thread a minute ago. Might want to check it out!
Taryn: Hurry Beth! hide in the Turn Down the Sun thread! She'll never find you there!
Beth: Thanks Taryn, you're a true friend.
Taryn: Don't thank me now. thank me later.
(runs out of Sun thread closely followed by Tananda. After some fancy footwork she evades Tan and hides in the sheep's fluff)
Beth: Scarlett, what are you doing here? Why do you have Tananda's forkpitch? Ahhhhh!
(Beth takes off running again)
Scarlett: Come quick Tananda, I've found her!
Tananda- Oh Be-th! I know youre in here!
(Not seen)Beth- Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. How would you know?
Tananda- Taryn told me.
(Not seen)Beth- Damnit!
(We see the outside of the Tanandaria cave of bad fan fiction. We hear the voices of unseen people coming from the inside.)
Beth: No, no, please no!
Mahna: Im sorry Beth, it has to be done.
Scarlett: Shes right you know.
Tananda: This is the Tanandaria cave of BAD fan fiction, you have no place here.
Beth: (whimpering) Ill be good, I promise. How about if I have Monique dye her hair fuchsia? Or have unexplained guest appearances by Tananda the ever-friendly pizza delivery girl stalker? I know, Ill put Kevo in the next chapter please dont kick me out. Pleeeeeeaaase!
(As she wails the last word she is thrown out of the cave by Qwerty and Taryn. She begins pounding on the door.)
Beth: Let me back in! I dont like the outside world, its cold and there are bugs and everybodys (Beth shudders) normal. Please guys are you listening to me?
(We hear a wolf howl)
Beth: Guys this isn't funny.
(A bat flies overhead)
Tananda- Skeeve! Fetch me my throne!
Scarlett- Uh...Tananda? Skeeve is dead. We just prop him up for show.
Taryn- Ewwwwwwwwwww. Nasty.
~Tananda sprays Skeeve with an air freshener~
The entire Tanandaria cast is sitting around a table, talking about the lack of new episodes.
Scarlett looks up from a note she was writing, only to find that everyone else has become an ostrich.
"Huh?" She's seriously freaked out.
"We roam suburbia!" The black and purple one says.
"Come with us to roam!" The blue one said.
"But I'm a person!" She said, not understanding why they couldn't tell.
"But we're *wild*!" A green one points out.
"Good point! Sure, let's go!"
A blue haired penguin waddles over. "Crap, this is a weird place. Can I go?"
A purple ostrich throws a net over the penguin. "No way, Rog-é. You're going to roam suburbia with us." The penguin bites Scarlett, making her scream.
"What?" Brandon asks, looking between a printout of the 3 J's and a photo of him, Greystar, and Wyvern, muttering "We're not all *that* similar."
"What do you mean?" She looks around, obviously not in the conference room.
"I was listing all the differences between me and Jeffy and you fell asleep."
"Really? Because that sounds..." She looks over his shoulder at the emu waving its wing at her. "What the..."
"Come with me, Scarlett." The emu laughs.
"No!" She scowls at the bird.
"Huh?" Brandon looks up from the list he was making.
"That emu wants me to go with it." She scowls again.
"He can't see me!" The emu is gleeful. A cow and a llama join it, and the three animals begin dancing around in a circle.
"You're obviously nuts. Time for the tranq gun." Brandon takes it out and aims at her.
"What? Noooo...!" The dart whistles by her head.
"My ear!" Scarlett startled awake, a keyboard imprinted on her face and a series of random letters on the screen.
(Beth is running around the Tanandaria cave of bad fiction, jumping, and flapping her arms like a penguin trying to take flight.)
Scarlett: Whats wrong with her?
Mahna: She's still excited about all the praise her story got.
Tananda: That, and she's back on cough syrup for her cold.
Qwerty: And she's tired.
Taryn: And she's also taking little pink pills.
Tananda: Pink pills? Where?
Taryn: Not your kind of pink pills Tan, antibiotic pills. (Tananda still looks blank) Medicine.
Beth: (bouncing on her head with her tongue sticking out) BBBBEEEEEEETHOOOOOOO!
Scarlett: Now that's just too much.
"Do you guys mind if I join in?" A mysterious voice in the shadows asked.
Mahna looked over to the door. "Not at all."
"It's not often that we get requests." Taryn mused.
"We've gotten...two." Scarlett said. "And they never came back."
Beth turned around. "Fine. Join in. Pick a freaking letter, Tananda!"
"It's too hard. Err, E?"
"No. No E." Beth drew an eye on the stick figure and an E next to Q,Z,S,C,K,W,M,F, and Sometimes Y "Game over. I win."
"What was the word?" Mysterious Voice asked again.
Beth grinned. "Tanandaria. Welcome."
We see Elizabeth sitting in an old barbershop chair in the Tanandaria cave of bad fiction. She's surrounded by Tananda, Scarlett, Mahna, Taryn, and Beth (via satellite)
Tananda: (examining Elizabeths hair) hmmm... Gold! No, beige! No wait... WHITE! No... Thats not good either.
Scarlett: I know! Let's just mix all these together and see what happens!
Taryn: Sounds good to me.
Beth: no! You can't do that. The results could burn her sc... (The TV on which she's seen goes off)
Mahna: She never lets us have any fun anyway. (She throws away the remote) Now! Lets do this thing!
Mahna: Taryn? What are you doing? The box says to slowly pour the...
Taryn: Don't worry! I know *exactly* what I'm doing. Let's see hear... (She mixes several colors together) Whoa! (It starts to bubble over)
Tananda: Cool! Do it again! Do it again!
Taryn: Every one? I think it would be best if you stop breathing now...
Elizabeth: What's going on up there? And why is my head burning so bad?
Tananda: Be... Mahna! Mental tape her mouth shut!
Elizabeth: Wait! I don't want to join any... (Mahna dives and tapes her mouth shut
1 hour later
Tananda: See Elizabeth? that wasn't so bad was it?
Elizabeth: MY... HAIR! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR!
Taryn: Well, they said I had Artistic license...
Elizabeth: IT'S FREAKING FIRE COLORED! YOU PUT *FLAMES* IN MY HAIR!
Scarlett: Hee hee... the flames move when she talks.
Mahna: *whispers to Scarlett* Are they going to tell her about that bald spot in the back?
Scarlett: Well, if they didn't tell you about yours, I dou.... oops.
Mahna: Tananda, what is she talking about?
Tananda: You heard her Scarlett! Tell her how you cut her hair in the back!
Scarlett: ME? It was Ma stupid scapegoat rule... Taeleyn! That's it!
Taryn: Y'alls lies suck. Just tell her that aliens abducted her. Even that's more believable.
Tananda: Aliens? Where? They said that my mission wasn't over until the year 457-2.
Taryn: okay everyone! Tananda has said the secret word of the day! You know what that means! The Hokey Pokey!
The scene changes to all the characters passed out on the Tanandaria cave of bad fiction floor. They wake up from their bad dream.
All: AHHH! GET THAT ELMO AWAY FROM ME! I...oh...
Taryn: dream... just... a dream.
Scarlett: I told you Taryn! You can't mix them together like that then sniff it!
Taryn: It wasn't *my* fault Tananda dared us to!
Tananda: Brandon told me to!
Mahna: Wait! Wheres Elizabeth?
Taryn: she's right...there? (The chair has been vacated)
Tananda: alright, you know the drill! I'll get the butterfly nets. Mahna: You get the spy gear. Scarlett: You drive since Beth's grounded. Taryn: stand around and say something sarcastic. We got us a....
Taryn: Ah! Stupid dream sequences! Stupid writers!
Tananda: We *are* awake now right? Elizabeths hair is in flames, Beth's TV is unplugged... I think we're okay. This is real... right?
Scarlett: Well, we would know if you'd just stop slipping us those damn blue pills.
Mahna: Whoa... look at my hand... it's so beautiful.
Taryn: Great. We have a girl in a broken TV, stoned girl, a deranged smiley, and neon hair. This will definitely get us respect at the PPMB.
Tananda: Isn't this usually the part where we all start singing a song we magically know the words to?
Scarlett: NOO! You got her started!
Mahna: Oh sit right back and you'll hear a tale....
Tanandaria: The Halloween Spook-tacular
(The Unserious Four walk down the street in costumes. Tananda is a witch, Beth is Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, Scarlett is a medieval princess, and Mahna Mahna is a purple M&M, and lags a few steps behind the rest.)
Beth: Dont you think were a little old for trick or treating?
Tananda: As long as theres free candy involved, were not too old for anything.
Mahna: Slow down, guys! I cant walk that fast in this costume!
Scarlett: Its your own fault for picking it.
Mahna: Oh, its always my fault.
Tananda: Yeah, but this time it really is your fault.
Mahna: But my Internet names initials are M and M! I thought itd be clever!
Beth: Quiet, everyone heres the first house.
(They come to the first door, and ring the doorbell. A woman answers the door.)
The Four: Trick or Treat!!!
Woman: (suspiciously) Arent you girls a little old for treat or treating?
(Suddenly, Beth is inspired)
Beth: (in a cute little girls voice) Actuawwy, we're only six years old. We have that one disease that that nice man had in that movie "Jack" that makes us wook oldah.
Tananda: (joins in, in the same voice) But evewybody thinks we're teenagews!
Scarlett: (the same, sadly) Doctah says we'll be dead by the time we're teenagews.
Mahna: (starts fake crying) Wah! We just want some candy!
Woman: (touched) Oh no! Dont cry! Here! Heres some candy for each of you!
The Four: Thank you, lady!
(She closes the door, and they walk out her drive and onto the street again.)
Tananda: (laughs) Oh that was mean, but still funny! Whatd you all get?
Scarlett: I got some Snickers!
Beth: I got Milk Duds!
Mahna: I got Skittles!
Tananda: I got Twix!
Charlie Brown: I got a rock.
(They all look at Charlie Brown, who is wearing his patented multi-holed ghost costume.)
Beth: Good grief, it's a Peanuts cameo.
Tananda: Every year that Great Pumpkin rises from the most sincere pumpkin patch! Come on, ladies! This could be our year!
Mahna: We don't have a pumpkin patch.
Scarlett: And if we did have one, it sure as heck wouldn't be sincere.
(The studio audience boos)
Mahna: Oh, how convenient. Another audience full of ghosts.
(They look closer at the audience, who are all white and levitating off the ground.)
Scarlett: Wow. They really are ghosts.
(Mahna, Beth, Scarlett, and Tananda start freaking out. Charlie Brown mumbles something about calling his agent to get better guest spots.)
Tananda: (whispers to Beth) I couldn't hear him. Who's he gonna call?
Beth: (shrugs) Ghostbusters?
(Outside in front of an impressive looking building. A camera crew is setting up, with one man in front of the camera. He is in his late 30's with dark brown hair that shows signs of receding in the front. He is slightly overweight, and seems friendly. He is dressed in black except for a white coat like a doctor would wear. The sleeves don't seem to fit quite right, however.)
Man: (To girl holding clipboard) Are you sure you don't have this in a larger size?
Girl: Sorry, biggest they had.
Man: (Frowning) I guess it'll have to do.
Director: You ready, Thomas?
Director: Okay, quiet on the set!
(The crew gets ready. The director points. Thomas, holding a clipboard, looks into the camera)
Thomas: Hello. Here at the Institute for the Study of Unserious Children, great strides are being made every day in...
Girl With Green Hair (GWGH): Hi, have you seen Kevo?
Thomas: Huh? Look, we're shooting a commercial here.
GWGH: Oh, sorry. Have you seen Kevo?
Thomas: Sorry, I haven't met anyone with that name.
GWGH: Okay. Sorry to bother you. (Leaves)
Thomas (looking at director): You want me to just start over?
Director: Whenever you're ready.
Thomas (Deep breath): Hello. Here at the Institute for the Study of Unserious Children, great strides are being made every day in...
Girl With Blue Hair (GWBH): Hey, have you seen Kevo?
Thomas (frowning): Excuse me? No, I haven't seen anyone named Kevo. What does he look like?
GWBH: He's a drugged-up smiley.
Thomas (slowly): A smiley? Like off of the Internet?
Thomas: No, I haven't seen any smilies running around. (Looks around) You hear that?
kkkkkeeeeeEEEEEVVVVVVOOOOOO!!! (A yellow object comes flying into the scene, striking Thomas in the chest. Both go flying)
Thomas (sitting up): Ouch. Was that....
GWBH: That was Kevo. I think he likes you.