TANANDARIA SEASON EIGHT
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Scene one:
(On a snow covered mountain top)
Qwerty: (evil Seymour laugh) I killed them all.
Taryn: You @##$$#@ %$%#^ I’ll &&^%$%$ @@##%$ you into next #^$$@& Tuesday! (Taryn tackles Qwerty and starts choking him)
Qwerty: Aggg! This isn’t in the script! Help me somebody! Help!
(Everyone looks over at Seymour/Qwerty and Kimahri/Taryn then shrug and start talking amongst themselves.)
Scarlett: Tell me again why did I almost married this guy?
Beth: It’s a long story.
Qwerty: (incredulous) Aren’t you all going to help me?
Tananda: Nope, you’re evil.
Beth: Besides you’ll be back in two levels anyway. (Her eyes cloud over) stupid Seymour. I hate those battles.
Taryn: Kill half of my species will ya? Well, take some of this and this and that. (She lets go of Qwerty’s neck and starts hitting him.) Kevo, where are you? I’ve got somebody for you to maul.
(Qwerty sighs resigned to his fate. Tananda, Scarlett, Beth, Kristin, Brandon, and Ranger start playing cards.)
Scene two:
real scene:
(Beth and Scarlett are standing waist deep in water in the middle of a lake underneath the brightly shining moon and stars. Beth looks around uneasily. Scarlett laughs.)
Scarlett: (winking) Hey Beth.
Beth: Oh jeez. (She looks heavenward) Why me? (She looks back at Scarlett) Why don’t we just shake hands or something?
Scarlett: (heaving a sigh of relief even though she was joking about the situation) That is fine with me.
(They solemnly shake hands.)
Scene Three:
(Beth/Tidus is in the desert passed out she come to and looks up at the sky. A large shadow passes over her. Something that big can only be the ultimate evil, Sin. Camera pans up and shows the monstrous beast, it is a giant flying penguin. Beth bites her lip to try to keep from laughing.)
Beth: D..d..d.Hahahahaa! (She starts rolling around on the sand laughing her head off)
Scene Four:

(Everyone is standing on a large platform/ledge/balcony thing. Beth is standing near the edge, Scarlett is a little ways behind her, and the rest of the group is hanging back. Beth is shimmering around the edges, fading away.)
Scarlett: (perfect acting job complete with tears in her eyes) I won’t let you go. (She runs into Beth and knocks her over)
Beth: Ow, Scarlett, you’re supposed to wait until I’m not solid anymore.
Scarlett: Sorry.
Scene four take two:
(Same place, same scene)
Scarlett: I won’t let you go
(Scarlett runs through Beth and falls over harder than she intended hitting her mouth on the floor)
Scarlett: I bith my pongue.
Beth: What?
Scarlett: I bith my pongue wheb I bell. New ith bleeing.
Beth: What? Oops I have to go now.
Tananda: What about the… (Sees Beth has already faded away)…goodbye hug. Oh well, tough break ‘Yuna’.
Scene five:
(A large stadium filled with people. Scarlett is in the middle on a stage making a speech.)
Scarlett: …the people…and the friends we have lost.
(Pan to the crowd. Beth has arrived late and is trying to climb over everyone in the front balcony level row for a seat.)
Beth: Excuse me. Pardon me. Coming through.
Scarlett: the dreams that have faded.
(Beth looses her balance and falls off the balcony and onto the stage)
Scarlett: let us never forget them…what in the world?
Beth(who, cartoon style, is unhurt) : (sheepishly) Hi!
Scarlett: You’re here? And not…dead...or gone or whatever it is you were supposed to be?
Beth: Yeppers. I got bored so I decided to come back and watch the filming of the final scene. I love Yuna’s speech. What why is everyone looking at me like that? Oh, I have spinach in my teeth don’t I? What?
Director: (tiredly) Cut!
Beth: So that’s a wrap?
(The director starts crying)
_______________

(Woot’s sister, who shall hereby be known as Shrieks, is lying in bed. Woot comes in.)
Woot: Ok, I found someone who can take over my baby-sitting job for me. You’d better be nice to her, too. She’s coming from several states over.
Shrieks: (with distaste) One of your internet friends?
Woot: Yeppers.
Shrieks: (frowning) She’ll read me weird fanfic stories.
Woot: Maybe she won’t.
(The new baby-sitter comes in the door.)
Woot: Hey Taryn.
Taryn: Hey! (to Shrieks) Look, kid! I brought the latest installment of “Tanandaria“! (holds up a couple sheets of computer paper)
(Shrieks sighs)
Woot: Well, I’m gone. Have fun! (leaves)
Shrieks: (tries to look at the story) Another fanfic. Does it have any talking animals in it?
Woot: Nope, it’s better! It’s got stalkers, and girls with multicolored hair, cartoon stars, movie references…
Shrieks: Eh, I’ll try to stay awake.
(Taryn glares at the little kid and begins to read.)
Taryn: “The Princess Stalker” by M.M… Tananda, Beth, Scarlett, and Mahna lived in a large cavern in Mahetrlanda called the “Cave of Bad Fiction”. Their favorite pastimes were writing weird stories, spamming, and stalking. One day…
*****
(inside the Cave of Bad Fiction)
(Tananda, Beth, Scarlett, and Mahna are hanging out in a room full of sofas with, surprisingly, Daria gagged and tied to a chair.)
Beth: Hey, Tananda, you want to go out for lunch later?
Tananda: I would, but you know I’ve got real life stuff, an underground city to maintain, a cartoon character’s kidnapping to keep under wraps and Mahna to frame for it. I’m swamped.
Mahna: You know, no one will believe you when you say I did it.
Scarlett: Yeah. It’s inconceivable.
Tananda: (shrugs) Why don’t you all find someone to test out Taryn’s tortur--
*****
Shrieks: (interrupting) Hold it! Hold it! What is this! This is a Mary Sue, isn’t it?
Taryn: (mocking) Oh aren’t you smart. (regular voice) Shut it, kid. This is good stuff.
*****
Tananda: (shrugs) Why don’t you all find someone to test out Taryn’s torture machine?
Beth: The lowest “Guidance Counselor” level or the highest “Degrassi Marathon” level?
Tananda: Go with your gut.
(Daria’s eyes widen as she starts to squirm and give muffled cries.)
Tananda: Relax, oh Sarcastic One. We wouldn’t test it on you.
Scarlett: Yeah, that’d be inconceivable. (to Beth) Get one of the minions.
(Suddenly at that moment, Glenn Eichler runs in.)
Glenn: I’ll save you Daria!
(Before the IUF can stop him, he rushes over and un-gags Daria.)
Scarlett: Inconceivable!
Daria: I knew you’d come! My contract requires it.
Glenn: Stalkers can’t stop producers; they can only delay them for a little while.
Beth: Wait! (to Mahna) He has five fingers on his right hand.
Glenn: Uh… yeah.
Mahna: (gasps, then walks slowly up to him, grabbing a spare pitchfork lying on the floor) Hello. My name is Mahna Mahna Mahna. You killed my favorite show. Prepare to die.
Glenn: Eep! (runs away)
Mahna: (runs after him) Come back so I can kill you sportsmanlike!!
Scarlett: (shakes her head) Inconceivable! (runs after the both of them)
Beth: (to Tananda) She keeps using that word. I think it does not mean what she thinks it means. (runs away also)
Tananda: Wait! Glenn! You wanna produce our show??!! (runs away too)
(Daria is suddenly alone, until Tom comes into the room.)
Daria: Tom? What are you doing here?
Tom: Glenn just had to rescue me from some ‘Pit of Despair’ thing.
Daria: Well?
Tom: Well, what?
Daria: Untie me.
Tom: As you wish. (He does so.)
Daria: You do know what that’s supposed to mean, right?
Tom: Yeah.
Daria: Oh. Then ‘as you wish’ too.
(They kiss)
*****
Taryn: Since the invention of the kiss, there had been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This wasn’t one of them, but Tananda and Mahna thought it was pretty cool. The End.
Shrieks: Hmm. That wasn’t so bad.
Taryn: Told ya.
Shrieks: Taryn? Maybe you could come over and read it to me tomorrow?
Taryn: What do I look like… Books-on-Tape? (jots down on piece of paper) Here’s the site. Read it yourself.
Shrieks: Goodnight then.
Taryn: Goodnight. (turns out the lights and leaves)
_______________

Scene One:
(The bridge outside the Djose Temple courtyard. Mahna/Paine and Tananda/Rikku are off to one side, Kristin dressed in Yuna’s costume is leaning against the other side of the footbridge and Greystar/Gippal is standing in front of her. He steps in even closer and gives Kristin/Yuna an appraising, predatory, Upchuck-like look.)
Greystar: I could certainly get used to having you around.
Kristin: (smiles and winks at him) I could certainly get used to being around.
Greystar: Want to go for cheese fries?
Director: Cut! That’s not how the scene goes.
(Scarlett comes running onto the set.)
Scarlett: What are you doing in my costume?
Kristin: I was tired off just being in the background and not having any of my own scenes. I thought becoming one of the main characters was the best way to remedy that.
Beth (who is dressed in her regular clothes): There’s a scene with Lulu coming up soon, give Scarlett back her costume.
Kristin: (sighs) Fine.
(Kristin and Scarlett walk off to change costumes and everyone goes to reset the scene)
Scene one take two:
Greystar: I could certainly get used to having you around.
Mahna: coughJailbaitcough
Greystar: Damn minors.
Take three:
Greystar: I could certainly get used to having you around.
(Scarlett leans back when Greystar moves in closer and she is backed against the edge of the bridge just like the scene calls for. She leans back to far though, loses her balance, and falls into the water.)
Scarlett: Ah! That’s cold!
Take Four:
Greystar: I could certainly get used to having you around.
(Scarlett leans back a little.)
Scarlett: Please don’t.
(There’s a slight pause.)
Tananda: That was it! That was how the scene was supposed to go! We did it! We finally got a scene right!
Mahna: We did didn’t we? And it was the one scene that I was in! I must be a good luck charm!
(Tananda, Mahna, Greystar, and Scarlett start dancing around. The director looks up from what he has been doing.)
Director: And… action!
(The Tanandaria cast members look at one another and burst into tears.)



Scene two:
(A small mountain near the town in Besaid. Kristin now dressed as Lulu, Scarlett, Tananda, and Mahna are standing around. Kristin smiles fondly at Scarlett)
Kristin: I guess now that I’m not there watching over you, you have a chance to spread your wings.
Scarlett: I have wings? Cool! (She turns her head and looks over her shoulder trying to see wings.)
Kristin: It’s an expression.
Tananda: Is your character really supposed to be pregnant?
Kristin: Um…yeah. Almost nine months along.
Tananda: Then how come she hasn’t gained any weight? Did you get the right costume?
Kristin: This was the only Lulu costume there.
Mahna: And why are you wearing the same outfit as you did in FFX? Everyone else got new threads.
Scarlett: It’s almost like they just reused the model for Lulu that they had for the last game.
(There’s a long pause.)
Everyone: Nah.
Scene three:
(Later on, the same mountaintop, Kristin, Scarlett, and Mahna are having a conversation. Tananda wanders off a ways and starts doing a strange hopping dance similar to the Rikku victory dance.)
Mahna: What are you doing?
Tananda: (scared face) I don’t know. All of the sudden I felt all cheery and bubbly and I had to start dancing.
(Everyone’s eyes go wide.)
Tananda: What? What’s happening to me?
Scarlett: You spent to long pretending to be Rikku, her personality has rubbed off on you.
Tananda: You mean…
Mahna: Yes… you have bouncity bounce.
(Tananda sinks to her knees)
Tananda: Noooooooo!
Scarlett: We have to be careful from now on I’ll be on the look out if either of you start being all grumpy and sarcastic…
(Mahna and Kristin just look at her.)
Scarlett: Oh, right, sorry.
_______________

Thanksgiving the First (11 PM MST [Mahetrlanda Standard Time] Thanksgiving Eve)
"Blessings on this meal." Ranger finally finished the nondenominational grace. "Now let's go around the table and say what we're thankful for."
"I'll start." Angel said, raising her hand. "I'm thankful for the glow-in-the-dark arrows in the hallway with my name on them and all the Post-Its telling me nice things when I'm going the right way."
"I'm grateful for The Bethmobile," Beth continued, "because it allowed me to drive before I even knew how." She sniffed. "It's one of my...best friends."
Ranger patted her back. "I'm thankful for the KevoSafe headwear line, for obvious reasons." He looked at Taryn. "Uh, where is the little thing now?" He touched his exposed teal hair.
Taryn shrugged, then stopped. "Shh." "KkkkkeeeeeeeeVVVvvvvOOOOOOO" could be heard coming closer.
"No!" Ranger shrieked, diving under the table, pulling the tablecloth down with him. Kevo bounced in, knocking stuff everywhere and generally making a mess.
"Huh. Ducking under the table. I wonder who had that bet." Mahna mused, watching the ruckus.
"I'm wondering why no one noticed *she* only brought the different Thanksgiving Stalker Snacks." Tananda said, gesturing to Scarlett.
"Well it was just a *little* short notice, what with getting the call about it twenty minutes ago." She checked a sheet of paper. "I'll go tell Pink-Hater that he won." She stood up only to have Kevo knock into her face. "Then again, maybe not." She said as she fell, Taryn and Tananda laughing at her before realizing they were doing the same thing again.
_______________

A Tanandaria Thanksgiving

(All the Tanandaria cast is sitting around a big table with lots of food on it. At the moment, they're all bowing their heads for grace.)
Tananda: And thank you for hair dye, puppies, the first and second Daria movies, glue sticks, clown fish, folders....
(30 minutes later)
Tananda: ...and daisies and computers and fanfic and imaginations and caves and minions and newbies and...
(10 minutes later: the cast is now thoroughly out of patience.)
Tananda: ... and rings and Jell-O and pumpkins and--
Scarlett: --how about "Thanks for everything"?
Tananda: Nuh-uh. I'm not giving thanks for Upchuck and cavities and zits and guns and...
Beth: "Thank you for some things" then.
Tananda: Kay.
(All look up in relief, and begin to grab food.)
Mahna: Mm! It all looks great!
Angelinhel: Something's missing, though.
(They all look, and it is clear that something is indeed missing, but no one can tell what.)
Greystar: Mahna, what did you do?
Mahna: Nothing! At least nothing I can remember...
Kristen: The turkey! That's what's missing!
(It is.)
Scarlett: Hey, it was the Newbies' job to get the turkey. (She turns to them.) What happened?
Savethepenguins: Well you said you wanted to have a turkey for Thanksgiving.
Beth: Yeah?
Woot: So, we are! (She points to a corner, in which a turkey sits with a plate in front of it and a napkin around its neck.)
Turkey: Gobble!
Beth: (deadpan) We're having a turkey over for Thanksgiving.
Tananda: That's not what we meant, guys.
Scarlett: (sighs) Oh well. I'll go find some veggie burgers or something. (goes to the kitchen)
Taryn: (to the turkey) Well, looks like you've been pardoned. Have a seat.
(The turkey wobbles over to take a place in between Taryn and Mahna.)
Mahna: Aw, but I wanted turkey...
Turkey: (offended) Gobble!
Mahna: Sorry. Happy Thanksgiving little guy.
Turkey: Gobble!!
_______________

Tanandaria Thanksgiving
~a loooooong empty table is sitting in Tunnel B, section B, Corridor 'Holidays', area 1, room 32.
The only people we see are the IUF, and Taryn~
Tananda- Where is everyone? I told them all to be here!
Scarlett- Maybe they got lost.
Mahna Mahna- How do you get lost in the Tanandaria Cave Of Bad Fiction?
Beth- I don't know, but it's probably your fault!
Tananda- Actually, it's Scarlett’s fault. She's the one who passed out the invitations!
Scarlett- Did not! That was your job!
Beth- You guys didn't pass out the invites?
Mahna- Oops. My fault. Now, where is Taryn with that food?
Tananda- I'll go get he-
Taryn (off screen)- AHHHHHHHH! NO, KEVO, NO!
~a bouncing turkey comes flying out of the kitchen~
From Inside of Turkey- KEEEEEEEEEEVOOOOOOOOOO
Taryn (running into the dining room)- I turned away for one second to make some apple pie, and THIS happens!
Scarlett- Look at him go. Corn, anyone?
~everyone takes a corn and watches the hopping turkey~
_______________

*Woot sits at her room in the cave of bad fiction waiting for the Tanandaria gang to show up*
Woot: where r they? *looks at watch* They should have been here a couple of minutes ago.....
*knock knock*
Woot: coming!! *opens the door to see Mahna* Hey Mahna, where is everyone else?
Everyone else: RIGHT HERE!!!!
Woot: good u all made it! *smiles happily letting everyone in*
Taryn: You think we would have missed it? NEVER I say! NEVER!!!
Mahna:You think I would have missed coming to my best friend's room for Thanksgiving?
Taryn: NEVER I say! NEVER!!!
Woot: thx u guys.
Tananda: No problem...now...where's the food?
Woot: already set out onthe table in the next room. Eat up, i made plenty for everyone!
*all move to the next room where a feast has been set out on the table*
Beth: Wow....did you make this all by yourself?
Woot: yep....where do u think i was all yesterday? Locked up in my room? Well...technically i was.....cookin. ^.^
Scarlett: Oh! Cool! Let’s eat!
Woot: B4 we eat, it is a tradition of mine to say thx to a certain person. I'll go first. Mahna, I'm thankful that you’re my friend, that you've stuck with me through everything, from crappy homework assignments to the day I broke from stress. I am truly thankful!