TANANDARIA SEASON NINE
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Woohoo! Go Tanandaria! May it live on *forever*!
(Actually not, because that would be kind of weird...)

(We see the inside of a nice upper middle class home. An old woman in her sixties or seventies sits on the couch. Suddenly a young girl with auburn hair runs in from outside. She has a terrified look on her face, she slams the door behind her and locks it.)
Girl: Grandma, they’re back.
(We see a close up of the old woman’s face. Even though it is wrinkled and aged it is identifiable as Daria and she is scared.)
Old Daria: No, not again, I thought we got rid of them after last time.
(Daria and her grandmother cross over to the window and peek out. Four old ladies stand outside on the front stoop. They all have grey hair mixed in with neon colors in patches. The one with purple and gray hair has a walker and the one with blue and gray hair has thick glasses (possibly trifocals) hanging on a chain around her neck. The one with green and grey hair points a shaking finger at the window.)
Old Tananda: There she is!
Old Mahna Mahna: We love you Daria!
Old Scarlett: We still worship you after all these years.
Old Beth: Huh?
Old Scarlett: What?
Old Beth: No thanks, I don’t like Jell-O.
Old Scarlett: (calling to Daria) Beth wants you to play the cello.
Old Tananda: What?
Old Mahna: Huh?
(The camera cuts to back inside the house. Daria and her granddaughter are escaping out the back door. Daria sighs and glances back towards the front of the house.)
Daria: At least it’s easier to escape now.
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IUF Now: Taking pills of various colors every once in awhile.
IUF in the Senior Years: Taking twice that amount and putting them in little SMTWTFS marked boxes to help us remember to take them.
IUF Now: Stealing Jell-O from friends in hospitals.
IUF in the Senior Years: Stealing Jell-O because it's the only thing we can eat that doesn't have to be put in a blender first.
IUF Now: Blaming Mahna Mahna for stealing Background Girl #378 T-shirts and starting a Spam thread series.
IUF in the Senior Years: Blaming Mahna Mahna for Tananda's arthritis.
IUF Now: Scaring other members of the PPMB.
IUF in the Senior Years: Scaring their grandkids.
IUF Now: Using the Fashion Club as models of themselves in doctored framegrabs.
IUF in the Senior Years: Using the ladies at the Better Days Nursing Home as models of themselves in doctored framegrabs.
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(We the outside of a nice two story house. A sign that says There’s No Place Like the Home Sweet Home of Bad Fiction hangs on the door. The camera pans to inside the house where old Mahna and old Scarlett are watching the TV in the living room)
Old Mahna: I’m so glad we moved out of that dreary old cave.
Old Scarlett: Too right. It was so dank and musty.
Old Tananda(off screen): Can somebody please help me? I have one foot on the bathroom floor and one foot in the shower and I can’t remember whether I’m getting out or climbing in.
Old Scarlett: (sighs like this happens all the time) I’ll go help her.
(Scarlett gets up and starts walking up the stairs, she gets halfway up then stops and looks around confusedly.)
Old Scarlett: A little help dears, am I going up or coming down?
Old Beth (off screen): What’s all the ruckus?
(The door leading to the kitchen opens and Beth starts to come out then stops in the doorway.)
Old Beth: Am I leaving the kitchen or getting ready to go in to it?
(Mahna shakes her head and laughs.)
Mahna: Lord help me if I ever become as senile as these old biddies, knock on wood. (she raps her fist on the table) I guess I should go help them, but first I’ll get that door.
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(The inside of the Tanandaria Comfortable House of Bad Fiction. Old Beth is sitting on the living room couch talking to a woman in her forties that also has powder blue hair while a little girl with curly red hair plays with a doll on the floor.)
Woman: Have you signed those papers yet mom?
Beth: No and I’m not going to.
Woman: Mother…
Beth: What’s wrong with Chelsie Daria?
Woman: (sighs) I told you already mother her middle name is Grace.
Beth: Chelsie Grace Daria, that’s nice.
Woman: She doesn’t have Daria anywhere in her name.
Beth: Don’t confuse me Daria Jane. What was saying was…what was I saying? Ah, that’s right, what in heaven’s name is wrong with the girl’s hair. It’s …normal. I raised you better than that.
(Tananda comes down the steps.)
Tananda: Is Daria Jane here yet?
Daria Jane: Here I am Auntie Tananda.
Tananda: No! I meant my Daria Jane. (to Beth) I guess it wasn’t a good idea to name all of our children Daria Jane especially the boys.
Beth: Taryn’s little girl is named Jane Daria.
Tananda: Bah! Always trying to prove we were separate people that one. I was so glad when the doctor was able to have her surgically removed from me.
(There’s a knock at the door, a real one. Tananda opens it. On the stoop is Woot in a red and white striped wheelchair.)
Woot: Don’t just stand there, invite me and my candy cane throne in.
Chelsie: That’s not a candy cane throne, that’s a wheelchair.
Woot: So it is. So it is. Here have a candy cane.
(Chelsie walks over to Woot who wheels into the house.)
Chelsie: Can I have two candy canes?
Woot: If you have too many candy canes the same thing will happen to you that happened to me.
Chelsie: I’ll need a wheelchair?
Woot: No, this. (She pulls out her teeth and shows them to Chelsie.)
Chelsie: Aaaaahhh! (she screams and runs out of the room)
Woot: (laughs and pops her teeth back in) I’ve still got it.
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Tanandaria even further in the future
(We see a black and hunter green urn sitting on a counter. Four urns are sitting a small distance away from it, one pink, one green, one blue, and one purple.)
Green urn: ….
Blue urn:…
Daria urn:..
Purple urn: …
The End