"What a night." Xander complained as he wiped slime off his jacket. "I could really use a drink."
"Consider it done Xan-man, consider it done." Faith said as she
took a sharp right and screeched the small car into the parking lot of
a pub called the Warsaw.
The two of them had been working together on Cleveland's Hellmouth for
a couple months now, and were just getting into a good working
groove. Faith figured a couple brewskies might help that along.
She had more of a groove in mind than just co-working, however.
One eyed or not, Xan was still one prime piece of real estate that had
been off the market for far far too long, thanks to those damned
bringers taking out demon-girl.
Her own real estate was back on the market again thanks to Wood's
relocation to work on the merry old council. Not that she blamed
him. She just didn't do the long distance thing very well, so
they'd agreed to end it as friends.
The inside of the tavern was almost cliche for a local bar. Music
spilled out of a much ignored jukebox, and several groups of working
class stiffs were scattered around the bar's numerous tables.
There was at least a foot of buttcrack showing at the bar, and several
empty pitchers and beer mugs sat on a tray on one end.
Xander, she noted, seemed to relax in the informal surroundings and she
reminded herself of his construction/bluecollar days with a shrug
before leading him to an empty table with a good view of the
exits. They ordered a pitcher of draft and were settling in when
her demon senses kicked in... about half a second before Xan leaned in
to murmer what sounded like 'harpsichord' in her ear followed by a nod
towards the main entrance.
With a pretense of stretching she took a look at the newcomers to the
bar. A heavyset blonde who could give makeup tips to Tammy Faye
was giving a trio of men a hard time. She had a baby balanced on
one shoulder of the wildest colored dress Faith had ever
seen. Beside her stood a tall broad balding man who looked to be
balancing his emotions between amused, indulgent, and embarrassed,
while she railed at the three seated men.
Xander's breath shot a tingle down her spine as he whispered in her
ear, "Is it me or does the one with glasses put you to mind of
Dilbert?"
"Dill-who?" She asked shifting in her seat to keep the people in view without being obvious about staring.
"Never mind." He said putting an arm behind her to make his position look more like romancing than plotting.
"So what's this harpsichord thing you mentioned, and why are we afraid
of a musical instrument?" Faith asked taking a sip of beer.
"The woman isn't a woman, she's a Harpycorral demon." He corrected, as if that explained everything.
"Yeah, ok, now how do I kill it?" She asked subtly checking her weapons while reaching for a handful of peanuts.
"We don't. They're a fully functional and non murderous part of
society." Xander said, before taking a drink of his own beer.
"Ok, I know you're Mr. Watcherman now, but how the hell do you know
what kinda demon that is, and all about how we shouldn't kill
it?" Faith asked, more than a little concerned about pod
people. Everyone knew books and Xander just didn't get along,
unless it was as a really hard pillow.
"Easy. Me demon magnet. She female demon. After
Willow did her freaky deaky 'my will be done' spell and turned me into
a demon magnet I realized if it looks for male humans to mate with,
odds were at some point I'd run across it, and eventually attract
it. So I made with the books and read up on demons who cross mate
with humans. That there is a grade C prime number one hit on the
'beings Xander must never date' list."
"Grade C?" Faith asked, confused, but highly amused.
"Grade A is kill then mate. Gotta hate the necrophilia.
Grade B is mate then kill, which my friend you almost qualified for at
one point." The warm grin he shot her took any sting out of his
words before he continued. "Grade C is mate
then make the rest of your life a living hell, which I'd bet Deadboy
would rate the Buffster." Xander finished.
"So, is the tall guy standing with her, her mate?" Faith shifted
a little, pressing back into Xander's outstretched arm, ostensably to
get a better view, but in reality just enjoying the feel of his arm
around her.
"Nah, here's the weird thing. They enjoy making their mate
suffer, in a totally non-kinky kinda way. They never even have
sex with the poor shmuck who's unlucky enough to be their one and
only. Apparently, they decided the fact that daddy despises mommy
messed up the kids. Gotta say I agree with that sentiment.
Props to Tony for 'helping' me see eye to eye with a demon, huh?"
"Anywho," he continued after a short pained frown, "they prefer to
procreate with someone else in the mate's family line, they get a close
match in DNA to their mate, and another thing to annoy them with in the
bargain."
"So, you're saying blondie is the demoness, the kid is half demon, tall
goofy and balding is the sperm donor... so who's the mate?"
"My guess would be Dilbert."
"So tell me again, why aren't I slaying her?" Faith asked.
"I'd wager she's no more than half harpycorral, which means her kid is
probably only a quarter demon, and needs it's mommy around.
Besides they're no more evil than tax collectors or lawyers, and unless
they work for Wolfram & Hart, we don't slay those, so why slay her?"
"What about her poor mate. Can't we do something?"
"You can't really chose your relatives, as we both know, and she's
already family to the guy. Besides, they mate for life.
Odds are anywhere on the planet he goes, she'd follow, just to screw
with his life."
Xander downed his beer, dropped a couple bucks on the table, then
pulled her to her feet. "Come on, lets get going. I call
dibs on the first shower; I need to wash off the rest of this slime."
Faith smirked as they headed towards the door, "Xan, the only way
you're getting in that shower first, is if you climb in with me, cause
I got way more slime in my hair than you do."
Chills ran up her spine in all the right ways, when he muttered, "Sounds like a plan." as they walked towards the car.